The new fall TV season can be a dark, scary, lonely place. What's The New Normal? 666 Park Avenue doesn't show up on Google Maps! Is there anything on besides The Voice? Fear not, brave adventurer! We're here to help walk you through the obstacle course known as the 2012 Fall TV Schedule with this guide that lays out the who, what, when, where, why, and how many monkeys dressed and doctors for all the shows worth watching.
(Note: This should be used as a general guide. Schedules are subject to change, and they probably will.)
SUNDAY
Sorry, other days, but everyone knows that Sundays are the best days for television. It is known! First there's a million hours of football to start the day off; then, depending on your tastes, there's adult cartoons, fairy tales, revenge in the Hamptons, Prohibition-era gangsters, reality racing, serial killers, zombies, and people talking about zombies. If you can't find anything to watch on Sundays, you're doing something wrong.
Fox's The Cleveland Show.
7PM - 8PM
NBC
Football Night in America
The fun began 9/9 at 7pm
Guys talking about football before other guys start playing football.
CBS
60 Minutes
Season 45 premieres 9/30 at 7pm
Tick tick tick tick tick...
ABC
America's Funniest Home Videos
Season 23 premieres 10/7 at 7pm
Cats knocking over babies, people falling into cakes at kids' birthday parties, fat guys taking soccer balls to the nuts, etc. Family-friendly fun!
FOX
The Cleveland Show
Season 4 premieres 10/7 at 7:30pm
Seth MacFarlane needs a new super-sized wallet to hold his other 14 wallets, so please watch this show and buy all the DVDs, because Super Wallets ain't cheap!
ABC's Once Upon a Time will introduce the character of Mulan this season.
8PM - 9PM
ABC
Once Upon a Time
Season 2 premieres 9/30 at 8pm
One of two breakout hits for ABC returns for more live-action Disney drama, with Mulan, Princess Aurora, Sir Lancelot, and Captain Hook all joining the series' fairy-tale world. We're still waiting on Nemo the fish to book a gig.
CBS
The Amazing Race
Season 21 premieres 9/30 at 8pm
Possibly not quite as amazing as it used to be, but this season's cast includes Chippendales, goat farmers, and a lumberjack, so at least there's that.
NBC
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FOX
Season 25 premieres 9/30 at 8pm
Yes, it's still on.
FOX
Bob's Burgers
**EDITORS' PICK!** Season 3 premieres 9/30 at 8:30pm
Quietly, this show about Bob and (his family and) his burgers has become the best show on Fox's Animation Domination block.
VH1
Rehab with Dr. Drew
Season 5 premieres 9/16 at 8pm
We doubt you'll have any TV time left on Sundays for garbage shows like this one, but in the event that you do, it'll be here.
CBS's The Good Wife.
9PM - 10PM
ABC
Revenge
**EDITORS' PICK!** Season 2 premieres 9/30 at 9pm
Emily/Amanda might want to rethink the whole revenge thing if she couldn't even get it done in one long season! But seriously folks, we're super-stoked for more of primetime's most devious soap.
CBS
The Good Wife
Season 4 premieres 9/30 at 9pm
Come for one of the best ensemble casts on network television, stay for the smart and classy legal fashion!
FOX
Family Guy
Season 7 premieres 9/30 at 9pm
Please watch it. Seth MacFarlane needs to put food on the table, and he has a condition that only allows him to eat uncut diamonds.
FOX
American Dad
Season 7 premieres 9/25 at 9:30pm
Seth MacFarlane: Keeping Korean animators employed for seven straight years.
HBO
Boardwalk Empire
Season 3 premieres 9/16 at 9pm
Season 2 ended with a shocker when [spoiler] [spoilered], and [spoiler] is sure to have repercussions and lead to even more [spoiler]! [Spoiler]!
Showtime's Dexter.
Showtime
Dexter
Season 7 premieres 9/30 at 9pm
Imagine your sister walking in on you masturbating, multiply that by 100, and that's pretty much what this season of Dexter will be like.
AMC
The Walking Dead
**EDITORS' PICK!** Season 3 premieres 10/14 at 9pm
Lori better be eaten by either a zombie or Daryl this season. But even if that doesn't happen, the chatty survivors will go to prison, meet a Governor they never voted for, and learn that zombies also make good pets.
VH1
Behind the Music
New episodes premiere 9/16 at 9pm
This eight-episode 15th anniversary season will feature Train, Ne-Yo, Carrie Underwood, Nicole Scherzinger, Gym Class Heroes, Toni Braxton, T.I., and Pink.
Terry O'Quinn stars in new ABC drama 666 Park Avenue.
10PM - 11PM
ABC
666 Park Avenue
**EDITORS' PICK!** NEW! Series premiere airs 9/30 at 10pm
Hint: If you're offered a job as the manager of a luxury apartment building in New York City, and the job comes with free, kickass apartment, but you have zero qualifications, it might be too good to be true. Terry O'Quinn (Lost) stars in this supernatural soap from ABC.
CBS
The Mentalist
Season 5 premieres 9/30 at 10pm
Still Mentalising after all these years! Patrick Jane will come oh-so close to catching Red John AGAIN so DVD sales can continue for four more seasons.
HBO
Treme
Season 3 premieres 9/23 at 10pm
This David Simon drama features better music than The Wire, but that's about it. (#unfaircomparisonstothewire)
Showtime
Homeland
**EDITORS' PICK!** NEW! Season 2 premieres 9/30 at 10pm
Will they or won't they? Is she crazy or isn't she? Will he blow up the United States with a weapon of mass destruction, killing us all in a fiery explosion that evaporates skin from bone or won't he? All very important questions we hope to see answered in Homeland's second season.
TLC
Breaking Amish
Series premiere airs 9/9 at 10pm
Two guys and three gals from Amish/Mennonite communities leave home for New York City, a journey that TLC promises will involve all sorts of firsts, from using a cell phone to—according to the first few minutes of Episode 1—posing for bathing suit photos. But when do they start cooking crystal meth?
Chris Hardwick hosts AMC's Talking Dead.
11PM - 12AM
AMC
Talking Dead
Season 2 premieres 10/14 at 11pm
Wait, isn't Talking Dead the name of the first half of The Walking Dead's second season? Haha, JK. Chris Hardwick hosts this live Walking Dead after-show.
AMC
Comic Book Men
Season 2 premieres 10/14 at 11:30pm
Tim got a lot of Twitter hatemail for calling this show boring, so he's changed his mind and wants everyone to know the show is amazing if it will keep the bags of flaming dog poop off his doorstep.
What will YOU be watching this fall? Share your personal viewing schedule in the comments!
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