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The Big Bang Theory S06E04: "The Re-Entry Minimization"

Well, ladies and gentlemen, Howard Wolowitz has finally returned from space and his storyline has already improved. Having blasted off immediately after their wedding, Howard missed out on a proper wedding night with Bernadette who—come hell or high water or flu season—was going to have sex with her husband, dammit.

Except, well, the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, and all that plus a healthy dose of Benadryl conspired against Bernadette and her naughty nightie's intentions. I would say that it sucked to be Howard, but I don't think he was that disappointed to get out of sucking face with the snot monster.

However, it DID suck to be Howard for a few other reasons.

1. His mom is banging his dentist. I say good for Momma Wolowitz, but I understand Howard's horror and his determination to find a new dentist. "I need to find a new one now that I know where his hands have been."

2. Despite Sheldon's best efforts, Raj's new BFF, Stu, is here to stay. In fact, he moved in with Raj and they were just heading out for an evening at the Sound of Music singalong when Howard dropped in to say hi and bask in the glory of being an astronaut. He was very obviously hurt by his apparent replacement, especially since the Sound of Music singalong was his and Raj's "thing."

3. Team Sheldon/Leonard and Team Amy/Penny were too caught up in their glorious Battle of the Sexes to do any more than scream at Howard to go away when he swung by their building looking for love.

He finally ended up a diner, alone, where a waitress recognized him from TV and offered him free cheesecake... but only if he'd stop talking. Oh well, CHEESECAKE!

So let's talk about this Battle of the Sexes and how it was amazing and easily the most fun I've had watching The Big Bang Theory in a good while. What started out as a simple game of Pictionary exploded when Amy and Penny quickly dominated and Sheldon handled his game-night inferiority as well as Sheldon handles anything. The best part of the Pictionary battle was that Sheldon wasn't WRONG, per se, he just overthought everything. It happens to the best of us, man. Do you know how many rounds I've blown at my absolute favorite sport in the entire world (after hockey and marching band, of course)—bar trivia—by skipping the obvious answer in favor of the technically-correct-but-not-what-the-moderator-was-looking-for answer? It's kind of sad. But polish vs. Polish and present the noun vs. present the adjective will never get old. Never. Grammar jokes FTW.

After losing at Pictionary, Leonard and Sheldon continued to lose at Where's Waldo, spinning around in circles and doing long division, and wrestling. Sheldon proposed a game of Physics Fiesta, in which players answer physics questions in remedial Spanish, but Penny quickly put the kibosh on that. In turn, Sheldon rejected all bar games because he felt that Penny had a clear advantage. Amy seemed particularly disappointed by the decision to skip the wet T-shirt contest.

So who do you think won that pie eating contest?

1. One-liner of the night goes to Howard for his description of making out with a snot-infested Bernadette: "Well, that was quick and a little gross... now I know how she feels." However, Raj wins all of the innuendo cupcakes.

2. Has Howard actually resolved the conflict between Bernadette and his mom and moving out, or has the show just not addressed it yet?

3. What does Howard's return and Raj's newfound friendship with Stu mean for their epic bromance? Is there trouble ahead? Probably. Will they get through it? Probably. I just hope that "probably" doesn't come at the cost of sending Stu back to the comic shop, never to be seen regularly again. I like him.

4. I'd ask for your gross make-out stories, but I'm kind of afraid of what I might get, so let's just agree that we've all been there, alright?

The Big Bang Theory "The Re-Entry Minimization" Photos

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Grimm S2E06: "Over My Dead Body"

I've said it once and I'll say it again: It's hard out there for a Grimm! Especially when the Royals start targeting your friends in an effort to undermine you—this is why superheroes have secret identities, Nick. Passions were flying high this week as date night, or in Renard's case, potentially-lethal-booty-call-night, turned sour in bloody Grimm fashion.

"Over My Dead Body" began with Monroe's best wooing outfit to date. The green bowtie! The giant vest! The baggy button-down shirt underneath the giant vest! I will discuss hand-carved Cuckoo Birds with you any day, Monroe, though Rosalee has me beat when it comes to zither talk. If there has ever been a better pairing on genre TV, I'll eat my hat (or Monroe's tweed bowtie collection).

Alas, into this cozy and very geeky date burst Monroe's insanely hot and insanely insane ex-girlfriend, Angelina. It appeared that Little Miss Murderer wound up tasked with killing Monroe after she dispatched the original hit man and would-be rapist, again bringing up the disturbing, nonchalant way Grimm seems to view sexual assault. She had 24 hours to deliver Monroe's body or end up dead herself.

Over in the Portland PD side of the world we learned that Renard really has a thing for blondes as he flirted with an old "friend" and Royal lady, Mia. Mia sympathized with how her poor Captain had been treated by his family and we discovered that Renard had a plan to regain his "rightful place." Renard also found out that Mia had met with the Dragon's Tongue and he probably shouldn't trust her as far as he could spit.

Nick did some wooing of his own as he and Juliette tried to re-start their romance and jump-start Juliette's memory. Here's a tip for you, Nick: When trying to describe your years-long relationship with your ex-fiancé, do better than, "We started talking and sort of never stopped." Juliette immediately got a taste of pre-amnesia life with Nick, as he avoided talking about his secrets and ran over to Monroe's. Sexy!

Everything came to a head as Nick discovered Monroe was in danger only because they were friends. Nick, Hank, Monroe, and Miss Murder Rap hatched a plan to put Monroe under a death spell and ambush whover wanted him dead. The plan worked initially, as they saw that Mia was the Royal who paid to dispatch Monroe, but fell apart when Angelina took a bullet for him, and the episode ended with Monroe's sad Blutbad funeral for his one-time killer squeeze.

"Did you know she killed another guy tonight?" was probably the best Nick line has ever uttered, cementing what I've suspected for a long time: Nick's at his best when he's a little pissed at the world. I love David Giuntoli, but compared to the rest of Grimm's charismatic cast, he can come off as stiff or bland. He has the unenviable job of playing a straight man and serving as the audience's eyes and ears, the combination of which can make him seem lacking in the personality department. But Giuntoli shines when he gets to roll his eyes at the Wesen world, and he's genuinely funny when he gets all short-tempered in response to the craziness going on around him. As the Royals start targeting Nick and his "family," I can only hope we'll see less of straight-man Nick and more of hilariously irritated Nick.

Hank and Monroe's bonding time thankfully clarified the mechanics of who can see Wesen once and for all, and we also saw more of the downside of being a Grimm, which seems like a worse and worse job with every episode. Being friends with Nick is risky, and while murdering people seems to no longer phase Nick (is anyone else worried about just how not-bothered Nick and Hank, who are both cops, are with shooting people and covering up murders?), what does shake Nick to his core is the idea that his existence will put others in danger.

While I would prefer the show to have Nick agonize a little over his body-strewn Grimm path (again, he's supposed to be a cop), putting pressure on all of Team Grimm is an excellent way to further develop Nick's character. Let's hope we haven't seen the last of Mia or her cobra-headed hit-men hires.

Questions:

– What was Monroe like before he chilled out and started making clocks?

– Will Mia or the other Royals send someone after Rosalee next?

– Will it bother Hank that he just stone-cold shot people in the woods and then hid the murders? Cops, people, these guys are cops!

– How does the Dragon's Tongue fit into the European Royals' schemes?

– What is Renard's overall plan to get back at the Royal families, and does it involve the Grimm Key?

– Will Nick discover this season that Renard is the Royal?

– Will Juliette fall in love with Renard, and will that make us like her more?

– Finally, will Angelina's death affect the fledgling MonRosalee MonRomance and MonRelationship? Okay, that last one didn't work, but you get my drift.

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The Big Bang Theory S06E01: "The Date Night Variable"

Howard Wolowitz was living the dream when The Big Bang Theory returned for Season 6 last night: He's happily married to brainy, geeky, sexy Bernadette AND he's a freaking astronaut. Life was pretty awesome for about thirty seconds. Then his mom called. No, not even space is free of Mama Wolowitz's overbearing presence.

It's part of a sitcom's nature that though certain details may change, the core of a series must largely stay the same. They just aren't intended to serve as deep, complicated explorations of complex characters or situations. Sure, you can happen upon the occasional exception, like Scrubs, but for the most part, the fundamentals that are present in the first season stick around until the very end. Sometimes it's welcome and comforting and sometimes it's tiring and annoying. I think The Big Bang Theory currently falls somewhere in the middle.

Howard may have "won" in that he got his girl and his dream job, evolving into something more palatable than his early days as the creepiest of creeps, but he's still incapable of standing up to his mother. If anything, we learned in "The Date Night Variable" that Howard has twice the trouble to look forward to when he inevitably returns to Earth, caught between the iron wills of his mother and his wife.

When Bernadette pressed Howard to tell his mother that they were moving out of the house and getting their own place, Howard assured Bernadette that he would. When Mama Wolowitz accidentally learned their plan from Bernadette and confronted Howard about it, he evaded the subject. While Howard's life has probably undergone the most noticeable changes out of all of The Big Bang Theory's characters, he's still pretty much a giant schmuck and a wuss and by the end of "The Date Night Variable" he resolved nothing.

That same SAMENESS applies to our other couples: Amy and Sheldon and Penny and Leonard. In an attempt to smooth things over after his awful mid-coitus marriage proposal, Leonard crafted the ideal evening for Penny: sports, beer, wings, and burgers. He promised not to bring up the messy state of their relationship, and then in typical neurotic Leonard fashion, he did just that. Poor Penny. But then again, when HASN'T their relationship been ten seconds away from implosion and did she HONESTLY think that he wouldn't use the opportunity to grill her about whether or not she's still his ladyfriend? Seriously.

Amy and Sheldon celebrated their anniversary as much as Amy and Sheldon are capable of celebrating anything. Amy forced Sheldon to take her on a nice dinner date by reminding him of the stipulations set forth in their Relationship Agreement. He reluctantly took her out, but cited a loophole in the contract that allowed him to outsource his significant other obligations to Raj. Amy was understandably displeased and came THIS close to quitting Team Sheldon, but Amy is, sad though it repeatedly makes me feel for her, the most compatible woman on the show for Sheldon. Her willingness to take what she can get meant that Sheldon's half-hearted recitation of a romantic line from Spiderman was more than enough to save the relationship.

Meandering through each botched date was Raj, sad and lonely in the wake of BFF Howard's marriage and mission to space. After finding himself kicked out of Sheldon and Amy's date, Raj crashed Penny and Leonard's awkward-fest. Penny welcomed the distraction from Leonard's inquisition, but sent Raj away after he tried to facilitate the discussion that Penny had clearly intended to avoid by indulging in his company.

While his friends and their respective partners tripped over the same obstacles they've struggled with for several seasons, Raj struck out on his own. He wandered into the comic shop and shared a drink with owner Stu, bonding over their mutual love of bossanova music and beaches and... and then things got rather interesting.

Did Raj ask Stu on a date? The canon and fandom alike have theorized about Raj's sexuality from the very beginning and the occasional playful detail has been dropped into his characterization from time to time to keep the gay/not-gay debate going. From his accidental kiss with Howard in Season 4 to his admission of once "accidentally" going to a gay bar, the question has always lingered over Raj's head.

After some initial awkwardness over drinks with Stu, Raj stammered that he had to go, then paused at the last minute to ask Stu if he'd like to get dinner the next day. Stu said that he couldn't really afford to splurge on going out, to which Raj assured him that it was fine. It would be his treat. While nothing was blatantly confirmed on Raj's end, Stu's comment that he "could do worse" certainly implies that at least one of them considers date night confirmed.

What do you think?

– One-liner of the night: Bernadette's threatening, "You know that thing that I said I would do to you when you got home? You can do it to yourself."

– Leonard's painted "GO SPORTS!" across his stomach was priceless. Too bad he had to blow it by being needy and demanding. Is anyone even cheering for Leonard and Penny as a couple anymore?

– What do you hope to see happen this season?

The Big Bang Theory Photos

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Turn the beat around, ch-ch-chaaanges!—Oh, sorry. I didn't see you there. I was just breaking out in an afternoon mash-up to express my feelings about Season 2 of Up All Night. It's what I do. I also like to talk and gossip about TV, so let's move on to that.

For those of you unfamiliar with Up All Night's first season, I'll try to fumble through a super brief synopsis: Reagan (Christina Applegate) and Chris (Will Arnett) are a married couple who got pregnant before they were really ready to accept parenthood. Reagan works as a producer on an Oprah-esque talk show hosted by Ava (Maya Rudolph)—a longtime friend of Reagan's who was also not ready for Reagan and Chris to accept parenthood. Chris quit his job as a lawyer and took on the role of stay-at-home father because Reagan, frankly, is a workaholic. The show's main conflicts were: Ava's narcissism and fear/jealousy of babies; Reagan's relatively OCD, workaholic nature; Chris's adjustment to stay-at-home-dad duties; and Chris and Reagan's adorable—albeit entirely awkward—attempts to stay "young, hip and cool."

As we set our DVRs for Season 2, which premieres tonight, we might expect more of the same—but what we should be doing is preparing ourselves for some pretty big renovations. Last week I was invited to visit the Up All Night set, where I witnessed the filming of this year's Halloween episode and also sat down with show creator Emily Spivey as well as Rudolph, Arnett, and Applegate. Aside from getting a sneak peak at what I think may have been the most adorable Halloween costume of all time (more on that later), I was able to get some dirt on all of the upcoming Season 2 tweaks that could make or break the show's momentum.

Here are the biggest changes you won't will now see coming:

Season 2 will kick off just after Ava's show gets canceled, leaving both Ava and Reagan out of work. So what will this mean for Ava?

"I think it's actually a very slow freakout for Ava, which is actually kind of more fun to see. I'm looking forward to less 'show hair.' And honestly? I think the idea of self-exploration is really fun and really funny. We made her such a megalomaniac, so I think she's ripe for any territory and it'll be fun to see her invest in the idea that perhaps she might have been a little full of herself."
—Maya Rudolph

"We're just trying something. You know, we're trying to give Ava a life outside of her set. Now she gets to venture out and do more, which has been great because now she gets to have more scenes with really great people that have nothing to do with the show. Not everyone has to have the dynamic of her being the star and them being the underling, so now she's coming in contact with people who are actually challenging her."
—Christina Applegate

"It's been nice, too, because now Chris gets to have more scenes with Ava. That didn't really happen much last year because their worlds were separate, but we're kind of doing a better job of really combining those worlds."
—Will Arnett

"But isn't there always the chance her show comes back?" you ask. Unlikely:

"I think we'll see more of Chris's office as we move forward. I mean, we built it on the grave of the Ava set, uh, so.. I do think we'll get to see it more."
—Will Arnett

Which brings us to...

With Reagan out of a job, Chris will return to life as a lawyer, turning over the stay-at-home child-rearing duties to his wife. It's kind of like a role reversal re-reversal. And it will prove to be a major challenge for both Chris and Reagan.

"Chris goes through frustrations because he does feel that pull [to Amy]. He was used to being the primary caregiver, and I think that [the show] touches on that a lot. And then, you know, [it also touches on] what that does to the dynamic between Chris and Reagan as they kind of hand over the reigns to each other."
—Will Arnett

"Reagan will kind of have to, not learn how to be a mom, but learn about domestic life. She's really having to realize that the stuff Chris was doing is a lot harder and more involved than she thought. We wanted to see Reagan have to struggle a little bit, and this gave us a way to see another facet of her and give her problems she might not be able to handle well."
—Emily Spivey

I was a pretty big supporter of the progressive stay-at-home dad premise, so I'm sort of sad to watch their situation turn into something more stereotypical, but my biggest fear with this change was actually that we'd just see less of Chris. If you're starting to fear that, too, don't panic:

"No, no, no. Chris is helping Reagan navigate everything on the homefront as she realizes that it's not such a piece of cake. So you won't see less of him at all."
—Emily Spivey

Chris and Reagan have never been great at getting to know their neighbors, and part of their charm, I think, is their completely irrational 'holier-than-thou' exclusivity, but it sounds like that's about to change, too:

"Our second episode really feels like a neighborhood episode. Gene and Terry are seen a lot more because we're trying to establish the characters you'll see every week so it's not just like Chris and Reagan and guest characters. You'll see that it really feels like a community—[in Episode 2] they have a fundraiser for a dog who needs IBF treatments. But that community feeling, that's where I want things to head this season."
—Emily Spivey

However, the cast insists that Reagan and Chris haven't lost their "we're still trying way too hard to be the cool parents" edge:

"We're still trying to keep one foot in the cool zone."
—Will Arnett

"Which just makes them so dorky because, you know, 'one foot in the cool door' is just... not cool, at all."
—Christina Applegate

Thanks to the cast and crew's extensive network of hilarious TV actors, we have a lot to look forward to this season. For starters, Sean Hayes (who plays Walter, Ava's old accompanist) and Rachel Dratch!

"I would love it [if Hayes became a series regular]. His character's relationship with Ava is like a Laverne and Shirley type thing. They're both SHOW people and they just like to do things in a big way. They don't really know how to interact with mankind. They're so fun together."
—Emily Spivey

"It's really fun. Heaven in a cup!"
—Maya Rudolph

"And Rachel Dratch plays a superfan who ends up buying a ton of Ava's stuff—part of Ava's journey into normal life-dom is to get rid of her Ava Show stuff that she was sort of hoarding, in a way. But once Rachel buys the stuff, Ava reconsiders and has to convince Rachel to sell back some of that stuff."
—Emily Spivey

"Working with Rachel is the best. We haven't worked together in a long time. She has these really big blue eyes—I call them her baby blues—so when I lock eyes with her baby blues it makes us laugh. We really appreciate working together so much because we really did become a family. There really should be a support group for people who leave [SNL] because we're all dropped back into the real world and there's nothing else like it. It's like we were all abducted by aliens and there's this small group of people who know what we've been through."
—Maya Rudolph

You heard it here first, folks! And she's the MOST adorable meatball I have ever seen in my entire life, hands down.

"We pitched a billion costumes, but for some reason that was just the one we laughed the hardest at."
—Emily Spivey

Note: We weren't allowed to snap any photos of the costume, but if you mark your calendars for Episode 6, you'll be able to check it out firsthand. Until then, just take my word for it.

So there you have it! A brand-new season with a whole new outlook.

Oh, and for those of you who are only reading this in hopes that we got some information on the progress of the Arrested Development movie out of Arnett, congratulations, we did... kind of:

"Arrested. We're currently shooting, yeah. And that's kind of the only update I can give. I mean, yeah it's going great. It's going really great."
—Will Arnett

Up All Night premieres tonight at 8:30pm on NBC. Will you be watching?

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Saturday Night Live S38E01: "Seth MacFarlane / Frank Ocean"

Those inclined to grumble over SNL's quality (or lack thereof) tend to repeat a certain complaint at the beginning of every season: "They had the whole summer off and THIS was the best they could do?" The problem with that complaint is, summer break or not, the writers still only had three days to formulate this show. Simply being rested isn't enough to fully put one back into the swing of things; that'd be like forcing a high school student to take the PSATs on the first day of school. You know? If anything, season premieres are probably harder to write. Add to that the loss of three main cast members and the addition of a handful of newbies and SNL had a few hurdles to overcome in its first week back. And guess what? The episode was pretty great, all things considered! Host Seth MacFarlane proved he was more than just the billionaire producer of some of America's most grating comedies; turns out he's also pretty charming ON camera. Obviously Frank Ocean killed it. Obviously. But the overall surprise was how solid SNL seemed despite its myriad between-seasons changes. Credit where credit's due: Lorne Michaels & Co. are still in control. Let's talk about the episode!

[Apologies to international readers for these embedded clips, Hulu can be a bit of a jerk.]

A big deal was made about Fred Armisen passing the Obama impersonation torch over to actual African-American Jay Pharoah, so this sketch began with a pretty funny fake-out in which it seemed like Armisen was still doing Obama at first. But after Pharoah took the stage, it was immediately clear that his impersonation would be at least as good as Armisen's, and possibly even better in the future (should he get good material). Pharoah was probably overshadowed by Jason Sudeikis's completely inaccurate but still hilarious Mitt Romney impersonation, but all in all a solid start to SNL's political season.

He did voices. He sang. We endured. I don't love Seth MacFarlane's shows and I certainly don't love his singing career, but over the course of the night it turned out I like him as a person? I did not expect this!

[Cool new opening credits, by the way! Much better than ones from the last few seasons that featured a clip of Jason Sudeikis playing game of street hoops, which was embarrassing every time. In this one both Vanessa Bayer and Taran Killam were bumped to series regulars, and new cast members Aidy Bryant, Cecily Strong, and Tim Robinson were officially included. Just rollin' with the new.]

I liked this fake ad! I'm not mega-political (the candidate could have been anyone), but the tone and accusations just made me laugh so much.

I may never get tired of Rodger Brush, Fred Armisen's cantankerous, completely tactless jerk of a substitute TV host. "Oh, San Francisco style." Also, the competition I made up about which new kid would speak first on the air was won by Tim Robinson, who played the younger gay lover of Seth MacFarlane's character. Congratulations, Tim Robinson!

This one was topical, I guess.

I didn't understand this one. I guess just the mere presence of Korean rapper PSY or a reference to his now-ubiquitous YouTube meme is enough to count as entertaining? So why all the Lids stuff? Was it a paid promotion or something? I'm confused.

Man, this sketch went from lame to amazing SO QUICKLY. I should've known it would end up weird from how seedy the stage was, but dang was Bill Hader amazing in this. I especially loved when the camera just focused on the puppets like the bit was just a demented version of the Muppets or something. Good sketch.

Um, question. Why was John Mayer there? Don't answer that, it doesn't matter. WHY WAS JOHN MAYER THERE? Anyway, Frank Ocean is talented and this song is incredible. I was slightly distracted by the arcade games, but that was fine. This was a victory for all people with eyes and ears.

Nope.

See, it's a problem when I actively avoid certain things about pop culture but then SNL shoves them back in my face, rendering them essentially unavoidable. Oh well, at least Bobby Moynihan made me laugh.

I think this was the best thing Seth MacFarlane did all night. Just perfect. I mean, I like Ryan Lochte, but this was VERY accurate. Yeah, this was the moment when I realized that I like Seth MacFarlane as a live-action performer. "It feels so weird to be dry." Nailed it.

Ooh, showcase for the new girl! Honestly, this sassy Latina-type is a stock character that I've seen a lot of performers do, and it seems like maybe it got shoehorned in here because it made everyone laugh during her audition? Still though, it worked, and I loved Jay Pharoah's silent participation as a handsy boyfriend. Anyway, this could've gone wrong, but it was plenty fun. Nice job, Cecily Strong.

You know how when drill sergeants ask rhetorically whether they stuttered or not? Imagine if the drill sergeant actually stuttered while saying that? This sketch turned out funnier than that sounds!

If the whole reason for this sketch's existence was to put Seth MacFarlane in a Steve Harvey-esque getup, it was WORTH IT. I continue to proudly admit my fondness for Kenan Thompson, and here he was firing on all cylinders. I laughed at a lot, and then—get this—the sketch ended before I got tired of it! How often does that happen?

Here's another sketch that took a potentially annoying/tired premise and made it hilarious. Best part was definitely Nasim Pedrad going "And then my sister was like [pantomimes being dead]." Also Fred Armisen's robber. So good.

HAHA WHAT? THAT JOHN MAYER GUITAR SOLO! Have you ever seen anything grosser on television in your life? Holy moly. And then Frank Ocean playing a video game for no real reason? Honestly, just a handful of baffling decisions here, but they certainly kept me on my toes. I like this Frank Ocean character. John Mayer needs to cut it out.

Short and VERY sweet. Man did this one catch me off guard. Sometimes SNL likes to hide its weirdest bits at the very end, and I'm glad they had time to air this one. Two illiterate (Amish?) guys reading off a very long URL, one symbol at a time. My favorite letter was definitely "The river what took my son [sad pause]." This sketch was a victory lap.

You know what? I'm calling it: Season 38 is off to a great start so far. No offense to Andy Samberg or Kristen Wiig, but it's clear the show is keeping the party going. I didn't even miss the SNL Digital Short! So, yeah, congratulations, Lorne Michaels. You can keep your job I GUESS.

How did YOU think Seth MacFarlane did? And was this a good season premiere?

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Warehouse 13 S04E06: "Fractures"

If Season 3's theme was "No Friends for Claudia," then the apparent sequel to that sad epic is this season's "Lets Alienate Artie!" Brutal, man. Remind me again why anyone would want to aspire to work at the warehouse? It doesn't even seem particularly fun anymore. For the characters, I mean. I'm actually having loads of fun waiting for the figurative other shoe to drop.

Despite last week's field trip to go watch an artifact be born and despite all of the fun questions that little incident raised about the true nature of artifacts, especially their supposed evilness, the status quo was very much reinstated this week. Artie proclaimed, "Artifacts are not fair" when Zombie Jinks lamented his current situation with being all tangled up in Claudia's soul and an artifact once thought to be locked safely away came back to ruin the day for all. But especially for Artie, since that's the theme and all. Who doesn't love a theme?

Way way back in Season 1, there was "Duped," our first tangle with crazy Alice Liddell, who inconveniently possessed Myka during a trip to Las Vegas. The artifact at hand was Lewis Carroll's mirror, which spewed forth the homicidal maniac he supposedly based Alice in Wonderland on, possessing unsuspecting schmucks before being locked back inside the mirror and exiled to the warehouse's Dark Vault.

Despite supposedly being locked up in the warehouse, the mirror turned up at a thrift shop in Rapid City, Iowa where awkward girl-for-God Kristin accidentally broke it and psycho Alice learned a new trick—rather than restrict herself to one body, she realized that she could jump from body to body if she carried around a shard of the broken mirror. Armed with her shard, she took to the streets of Rapid City to find L'Etoile... the restaurant one Artie Nielsen just so happened to be enjoying his monthly date night with Dr. Vanessa.

And so began the worst date night ever.

But first, awkward misinformed scavenger-hunting with Claudia and Zombie Jinks! When Myka and Pete figured out that the artifact they were hunting was an artifact thought to have been good and hunted before, Steve and Claudia checked the Dark Vault to make sure the mirror was still there. Not only was it NOT there, but one of those pesky black diamonds had been left in its place. Artie's reluctance to involve Possibly-Eventually-Evil Claudia in the ongoing theft of artifacts came spilling out because Jinks assumed that she was already aware of the situation, what with being in charge of warehouse security and all. Oops.

Next, Jinks and Claudia had to track down a magic hookah to suck Alice's soul out of her current body and give the agents a place to stash her since her original prison was in pieces. When Claudia initiated an artifact avalanche during her ascent of Mount Donovan, Jinks was electrocuted by a javelin (I think it was a javelin? Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm going with javelin until further notice) and Claudia felt the effects. Leena, along for the hunt, spied with her magic eyes, and their auras did a little bit of trading places during all the soul confusion while Jinks got zapped. She ominously pointed out that she had only seen something similar once before and that it had ended badly.

Who here thinks Zombie Jinks will be a goner by the end of the season?

I kind of do. Look at it this way: The writers aren't going to kill Claudia.

Armed with the soul-sucking hookah, the gang met up to save Artie and Vanessa. In a dizzying display of meatsuit leapfrog, Alice went from the nameless sap in a suit, to the bellboy, to Vanessa, to Claudia. She revealed that she was given a mission by Brother Adrian to kill Vanessa and further the Brotherhood's mission to destroy his life's work. Man, Adrian went from awesome dork to raging dick in record time.

Under Alice's influence, Claudia smashed the hookah and changed her mind about killing Vanessa, turning her sights on Artie instead. Jinks took one for the team (again) and saved Artie. He also incapacitated the possessed Claudia long enough to neutralize the chunk of mirror Alice had been carrying around.

With the obvious danger gone, it was time to talk about feelings. Jinks came clean to Claudia about their unfortunate connection. She took it like a champ. Also being rather mature about her situation was Dr. Vanessa, who despite being unhappy with Artie's decision to end their relationship on grounds of mortal peril, told him to look her up again if he ever got over his big mysterious drama.

And Artie's big mysterious drama, his secrecy, and the black diamonds littering the empty places in the warehouse's inventory were the topic of conversation for a very concerned Myka, Pete, Jinks, and Claudia. I'm sure Leena will be included in that brain trust once she lets them in on the ominous threats Artie threw at Brother Adrian when he thought he was alone with the astrolabe in the Dark Vault.

THEY'RE ON TO YOU, ARTIE.

Let's be real, though—he wasn't exactly excelling at keeping his secret anyway.

– Raise your hand if you were delighted to see Claudia and Zombie Jinks being their awesome bromantic selves. (You can totally have a bromance where one half of the team is female. Yes you can. I refuse to believe otherwise.) Claudia: "Who died and made you boss of me?" Jinks: "Uh...I did."

– What would Claudia's little conqueror flag look like for the claiming of Mount Donovan? I mean, she has to have a flag, otherwise it doesn't count.

– No really, what's our Zombie Jinks end-of-season status prediction?

– So let me get this straight, Artie. Security has been compromised, even in the super-secret, ultra-locked-down Dark Vault...and you're going to continue to stash your Precious there? Okay.

– I feel like Myka and Pete have done a lot of standing around all season, participating in standard artifact hunts, but not really being included in the main season-long arc...yet. Thoughts?

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