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The Big Bang Theory S06E16: "The Tangible Affection Proof"

Ugh, Valentine's Day, right? It sucks when you're single because it's just a big pink-and-glittery slap in the face to remind you of your lack of desirability. It sucks when you're in a relationship because of the intense pressure to wow your other half so thoroughly that he or she forgets how apathetic you are as a partner the rest of the year. And that's before you account for complicated relationships like Leonard and Penny's, where one half is getting his romantic ninja action on and the other is binge-drinking red wine like she's at a VD mixer at Delta House.

Still, change is in the air over at The Big Bang Theory, and has been since the show returned from its winter hiatus. There's always the chance that the show's current storylines are all just some experiment gone horribly wrong, but at the moment, their effects on the core characters are plentiful and generally awesome. So awesome.

But first, a bit more of the same. Enough of the same that I was ready to write off the first half of "The Tangible Affection Proof" as typical Big Bang Theory tropes jazzed up with some candy and hearts for the special occasion. Amy was stoked about the holiday while Sheldon enlisted Alex (HI ALEX!) to do his boyfriend work and buy Amy a gift. One of Penny's exes almost ruined everything. And Raj and Stu threw a singles party at the comic book store for "people who don't have dates," codespeak for "nerds." Cuz you know, nerds NEVER have dates on Valentine's Day.

Raj talked himself into an awkward hole when he pointed out that he and Stu would have "solved all their problems" if only Stu was female because they do awesome stuff like read comics and go the movies and play video games and we all know that women NEVER do those things. Ever. Under any circumstances. The payoff to Raj's storyline was pretty great, though. He's TOTALLY "that guy." You know, the one who rallies the troops to reject the holiday, preaching solidarity and positive self-worth beyond a romantic relationship, only to bail as soon as a girl agrees to get coffee with him. Typical Raj.

Typical Penny and Leonard, too, with Leonard like an eager puppy in his enthusiasm to take Penny out and Penny kind of bored and irritated by the whole thing. It must be so hard to be so desirable, Penny. Really. A nice dude is eager to buy you dinner on Valentine's Day. Your life is so hard. Though the idea that overeager Leonard could whip out another ill-timed marriage proposal was probably plenty to deflate that heart-shaped balloon floating over Penny's head.

But then The Big Bang Theory made fun of Leonard's penchant for proposing and it was glorious. And THEN, for a show that occasionally gets some flack for how it treats its women like plot points, TBBT handed the keys to the Leonard and Penny's relationship over to Penny. After an honest discussion about Penny's commitment issues, Leonard promised to never propose to her again and for a second there, I thought we had another break-up on our hands. Instead, he insisted that the next proposal must come from her. CRISIS AVERTED.

Sure, if we are so inclined to rage about how the whole system of the guy asking for the gal's hand is antiquated and sexist, we can. It's there. But at the moment, I'm not so inclined. It was such a great moment for Leonard and Penny, understanding each other on an intimate level and for once, rather than letting their insecurities tear their relationship apart, they just laughed about it. When Penny hopefully eventually gets to the point that she wants to marry Leonard, Leonard expects to be DAZZLED by the display. I'm thrilled that Penny's fake-out question, "Will you be my Valentine?" was just that—even if the line was kind of lame—because I can't wait for the eventual ACTUAL proposal episode... if TBBT sticks to its guns and goes there.

Please go there?

Across the hall, Amy and Sheldon also connected in a way that we don't often see with those two... or rather, haven't seen much of until lately. I mean, wow, when this show decides to stop screwing around and advance its characters already, it just dives right in and does it. Knowing that Amy would be putting her everything into V-Day—and I'm assuming she made sure there was a Valentine's Day clause somewhere in the relationship agreement—Sheldon assigned poor Alex to go shopping for the perfect present. Probably not the best approach, but still, good effort. At least he bothered, right? Right.

Sheldon hilariously dismissed each of Alex's gift suggestions crap, except for the awesome one he kept for himself, and faced with the dire prospect of not having a present for Amy, Sheldon actually managed to give her something sweet, personal, and very Amy-appropriate all on his own. Oh, it totally backfired for Amy because of course it did, but OMG her face when Sheldon told her he'd changed his employee paperwork to make her his emergency contact. HER FACE. The creepy oversharing about her sexual desires for Sheldon aside, all the woman really wants is to be a valued part of his life, and on some level, Sheldon got that. So much Sheldon-growth lately, you guys. I don't know what to do with it all.

But unfortunately for Amy, Sheldon is kind of a hypochondriac.

– One-liner of the night: "I know, I propose a lot." —Leonard

– I'm starting to realize that Howard and Bernadette are kind of boring now that they're married.

– Poll time! Who gave the best Valentine's Day gift?

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The Big Bang Theory S06E14: "The Cooper/Kripke Inversion"

It's been a rough season for Sheldon Cooper so far. There was the accidental sexual harassment incident and his participation in the worst cosplay adventure ever—just to name some of his more unfortunate moments. In "The Cooper/Kripke Inversion," Sheldon was forced to work on a proposal with his arch-nemesis and, to make matters worse, once he stopped handing Kripke envelopes full of blank paper and actually made an effort to collaborate with his rival, Sheldon realized that Kripke's work was better than his. Like, a lot better than his. OH THE SHAME. I love that Sheldon's angry music is the Star Wars Imperial March, but then, isn't it everyone's?

Kripke could have used Sheldon's brief and startling moment of inferiority to assert his own greatness and really rub it in his egotistical rival's face. Sheldon certainly wouldn't have passed on the opportunity had the tables been reversed. However, Sheldon still had one thing going for him that Kripke didn't: Amy. We know that they aren't doing the old bump and grind. Leonard and Penny know that. Anyone who spends five minutes in a room with Sheldon and Amy can figure it out... but Kripke didn't know. He immediately blamed Sheldon's sub-par work on sexytimes with Ms. Farrah Fowler.

I was initially worried that Sheldon would take Kripke's belief that Amy was a distraction to heart and we were going to have a break-up on our hands, but once Sheldon realized that Kripke thought it was AWESOME that Sheldon was getting "all the laid" he saw the opportunity to maintain his superiority for what it was. Also, Sheldon admitted during Penny's TMI interrogation that he's "quite fond of Amy." Awwwww.

It was nice to hear that! I often feel bad for Amy. Sometimes, it seems apparent that she doesn't get as much as she gives with regard to her and Sheldon's relationship. It's easy to get mad at Sheldon. I get mad at Sheldon. He tends to miss some of the simplest gestures and while there's a large contingency that reads his difficulties as representative of an Autism spectrum disorder, the show itself has never made this distinction. Sheldon's honest response to Penny's prying was a step toward doing so.

"Penny, all my life I have been uncomfortable with the sort of physical contact that comes easily to others: hand-shaking, hugging, prostate exams." Might want to reconsider that last one there, Dr. Cooper, "But I'm working on it."

Sometimes it seems as though The Big Bang Theory's status quo is that "Sheldon is quirky and we all must accept that"—which in turn gives Sheldon free reign to, well, act like a douche. Sheldon's honest admission to Penny and Leonard went a long way toward remediating his somewhat tarnished image—he may not always realize when he's doing/saying something wrong but he IS aware that he's flawed and he's working on improving himself. The entire tone of Amy and Sheldon's sometimes-weird relationship has changed for the better. Amy is no longer a sad, desperate woman throwing herself at a self-centered, disinterested man. They both give just as much to their relationship, they just do it in different ways.

Meanwhile, Raj and Howard sought the perfect custom action figures and Howard learned a lesson about the value of money and the importance of communicating with his spouse—especially since his spouse is Bernadette and Bernie has a temper AND access to experimental pharmaceuticals. Raj found a website that created custom vanity action figures that like so many things on the internet, looked better in the pictures. When the eagerly anticipated figurines arrived, Raj and Howard were disappointed to see that in reality, their $500 mini-mes were more like Racial Stereotype Ken Dolls.

Since Howard and Raj are super-smart, highly-educated dudes, they came up with a solution that couldn't possibly end badly: Buy a used 3-D printer for five grand and make all the mini-mes they wanted to their own specifications. Admittedly, the new and improved action figures were kind of awesome-looking. BUT (of course there's a but!) Howard didn't talk to Bernadette before taking his half of the expense out of their joint bank account. Oh boy. Somebody get him a Marriage 101 pamphlet.

Howard and Raj's adventures often provide a nice, light-hearted counter to the heavier relationship blah blah going on between Sheldon and Amy or Leonard and Penny at any given time and their mission to mold their perfect miniature selves was no exception. I was sad to see the 3-D printer go. Think of the (creepy) potential in a cast of homemade Big Bang Theory action figures. It could have been amazing!

– One-liner of the night: "My wife came with both funbags AND moneybags." Oh Howard, you're a pig.

– Bernadette was shocked and horrified that Howard actually considered ditching her for the fully-functional plastic ladyparts. I wasn't.

– Kripke's quest for the dirty details of Sheldon's sex life got a little raunchy for 8pm on CBS. I about choked when he asked if they use toys.

– Sheldon's awesome train whiteboard FTW!

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The Big Bang Theory S06E04: "The Re-Entry Minimization"

Well, ladies and gentlemen, Howard Wolowitz has finally returned from space and his storyline has already improved. Having blasted off immediately after their wedding, Howard missed out on a proper wedding night with Bernadette who—come hell or high water or flu season—was going to have sex with her husband, dammit.

Except, well, the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, and all that plus a healthy dose of Benadryl conspired against Bernadette and her naughty nightie's intentions. I would say that it sucked to be Howard, but I don't think he was that disappointed to get out of sucking face with the snot monster.

However, it DID suck to be Howard for a few other reasons.

1. His mom is banging his dentist. I say good for Momma Wolowitz, but I understand Howard's horror and his determination to find a new dentist. "I need to find a new one now that I know where his hands have been."

2. Despite Sheldon's best efforts, Raj's new BFF, Stu, is here to stay. In fact, he moved in with Raj and they were just heading out for an evening at the Sound of Music singalong when Howard dropped in to say hi and bask in the glory of being an astronaut. He was very obviously hurt by his apparent replacement, especially since the Sound of Music singalong was his and Raj's "thing."

3. Team Sheldon/Leonard and Team Amy/Penny were too caught up in their glorious Battle of the Sexes to do any more than scream at Howard to go away when he swung by their building looking for love.

He finally ended up a diner, alone, where a waitress recognized him from TV and offered him free cheesecake... but only if he'd stop talking. Oh well, CHEESECAKE!

So let's talk about this Battle of the Sexes and how it was amazing and easily the most fun I've had watching The Big Bang Theory in a good while. What started out as a simple game of Pictionary exploded when Amy and Penny quickly dominated and Sheldon handled his game-night inferiority as well as Sheldon handles anything. The best part of the Pictionary battle was that Sheldon wasn't WRONG, per se, he just overthought everything. It happens to the best of us, man. Do you know how many rounds I've blown at my absolute favorite sport in the entire world (after hockey and marching band, of course)—bar trivia—by skipping the obvious answer in favor of the technically-correct-but-not-what-the-moderator-was-looking-for answer? It's kind of sad. But polish vs. Polish and present the noun vs. present the adjective will never get old. Never. Grammar jokes FTW.

After losing at Pictionary, Leonard and Sheldon continued to lose at Where's Waldo, spinning around in circles and doing long division, and wrestling. Sheldon proposed a game of Physics Fiesta, in which players answer physics questions in remedial Spanish, but Penny quickly put the kibosh on that. In turn, Sheldon rejected all bar games because he felt that Penny had a clear advantage. Amy seemed particularly disappointed by the decision to skip the wet T-shirt contest.

So who do you think won that pie eating contest?

1. One-liner of the night goes to Howard for his description of making out with a snot-infested Bernadette: "Well, that was quick and a little gross... now I know how she feels." However, Raj wins all of the innuendo cupcakes.

2. Has Howard actually resolved the conflict between Bernadette and his mom and moving out, or has the show just not addressed it yet?

3. What does Howard's return and Raj's newfound friendship with Stu mean for their epic bromance? Is there trouble ahead? Probably. Will they get through it? Probably. I just hope that "probably" doesn't come at the cost of sending Stu back to the comic shop, never to be seen regularly again. I like him.

4. I'd ask for your gross make-out stories, but I'm kind of afraid of what I might get, so let's just agree that we've all been there, alright?

The Big Bang Theory "The Re-Entry Minimization" Photos

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The Big Bang Theory S06E03: "The Higgs Boson Observation"

The never-ending saga of Penny and Leonard continued this week, when Sheldon hired an assistant who got along swimmingly with Leonard, and Penny's green-eyed monster showed up to drag him into the bedroom. See, even though Penny is on the fence about whether or not she wants to be with Leonard, she's absolutely certain that no other woman should be allowed to even consider going near him.

The saddest part is that Alex—Sheldon's beautiful, friendly new assistant—actually seems kind of awesome. She's the bridge between Amy Farrah Fowler and Penny, like a brunette Bernadette. After being introduced to Alex, Leonard responded with "Congratulations, and may God have mercy on your soul," but to Alex's credit, she just seems to "get" Sheldon and the other scientists. She mentioned that her father is a scientist, an astronomer who hunts for aliens, and sure, that sounds a little wacky by Sheldon's high standards, but even in other fields of science there is methodology, discipline, and the occasional obsessive-compulsive character. We saw Alex handle Sheldon's quirks with grace, and she clearly thinks highly of Leonard both professionally and personally.

The arrival of Alex could've been the perfect out that Penny lacked in her attempt to break things off with Leonard last week. IT COULD HAVE BEEN BEAUTIFUL, MAN. However, even though it's easy to cast Penny's insistence on keeping Leonard to herself in a selfish or immature light, there's another approach we can take with regard to her actions.

Sheldon explained that his need for an assistant stemmed from his mission to study all of the old journals he kept as a child in search of a possibly overlooked scientific breakthrough. He was inspired by the case of the Higgs Boson, a subatomic particle also known as the "God particle," that was postulated by scientist Peter Higgs in the '60s and, at the time, thought to be hilariously wrong by his peers. More recently, scientists have come to learn that Higgs was actually quite right, and he's on his way to winning a Nobel Prize for his work. Good job. Gold star.

Penny's true feelings for Leonard can be compared to the Higgs Boson in the sense that although she previously rejected them, upon further exploration of those feelings—specifically by considering the possibility that Leonard could leave her for Alex—came to embrace and accept her true affection for the nerd next door. Maybe Penny really loves Leonard after all. However, until they manage to have a serious conversation that doesn't devolve immediately into avoidance sex, I remain unconvinced. Leonard clearly wants more out of their relationship than Penny has previously been able to give him, and they need to reach a better understanding of what they're willing to be to one another. It's not fair to either of them if Penny only indulges in the girlfriend territory when it suits her or when she feels like her territory is being threatened by another woman.

Speaking of territory, how about Amy Farrah Fowler spreading her scent all over Sheldon's office? I guess that's kind of sweet. For them.

Howard is still in space, blissfully sedated by his fellow astronauts. I hope he comes home soon, if only to give Bernadette something to do besides sit in front of a laptop every time we see her. Where are her legs? Have they gone missing?

– One-liner of the night: "Looks like something used by Tinkerbell's gynecologist." Amy Farrah Fowler on eyelash curlers, ladies and gentlemen.

– Did anyone else catch Sheldon's Downton Abbey reference? I wouldn't have initially pegged him as a fan, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.

– Which team are you on? Alex or Penny?

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The Big Bang Theory S06E02: "The Decoupling Fluctuation"

Oh, okay, so we're going to start the Penny/Leonard angst early this season? Fine. Let's treat it like a Band-Aid, just rip it right off and deal with it... and then slap another Band-Aid on there to deal with at a later date. I know how this show works.

Obviously, Penny has been having second thoughts about her relationship with Leonard since his worst proposal ever; it was only a matter of time before she was going to be forced to deal with them. In true The Big Bang Theory fashion, the most convenient way to deal with them was to avoid dealing with them. Bernadette and Amy grilled Penny about whether or not she thought she'd ever marry Leonard and she confessed that she wasn't sure what to make of her feelings toward him. Whenever she'd been in love before, it was more your typical butterflies-in-the-stomach kind of love. She theorized that maybe her love for Leonard was a new, mature, boring kind of love.

Amy and Bernadette didn't really buy that, and despite Penny's request that what happens in Ladies Night stay IN Ladies Night, Amy accidentally spilled to Sheldon—who, for the sake of homeostasis, sought to keep Penny and Leonard together. He'd had a hard week. Stu had joined the gang for a night at the movies and, according to Sheldon, made a poor substitute for Wolowitz, who was still in space basically getting hazed by his fellow astronauts. Sheldon doesn't like change. He reminds us of this all the time and he didn't disappoint when he encouraged Penny to stay with Leonard regardless of her feelings simply to maintain the balance. While he was at it he mentioned that he'd appreciate it if she could go back to using her apple-scented shampoo because coconut makes him uncomfortable.

At least he didn't tell Leonard. It was close. Oh, it was close. He danced around the subject until finally, Leonard suspected that they needed to have a talk about Sheldon's "budding sexual desires." This horrified both of them and sent Sheldon across the hall to confront Penny. It wasn't all awkwardness and neuroses, though; after laying out his entire case in Leonard's favor ("He has a perfect driving record!"), Sheldon simply asked Penny, "Please don't hurt my friend."

She said that hurting Leonard was the last thing she wanted to do, which is true, but you can care a whole lot about somebody, not want to hurt them, maybe even love them... and still not want to be in an intimate relationship with them. It happens all the time. Fitting that criteria is practically a prerequisite for admittance to the Friend Zone.

I've never been entirely convinced that Penny and Leonard NEED to be together the way so many sitcom couples are often portrayed. Leonard adores Penny, carries an eternally burning torch for her, but how much of that is tied up in the fact that she's a hot blonde chick who actually pays attention to him? A lot, probably.

In Penny's case, I think that there CAN be a less manic kind of love; one that, if not experienced before, might seem like a letdown to an individual who is accustomed to every love affair being an intense physical and emotional experience. It's no less valid than than the kind that involves butterflies and heart palpitations. However, the fact that Penny repeatedly voices disappointment and concern over her muted feelings for Leonard IS a problem, and if she isn't happy with the way he makes her feel, if she doesn't feel that she loves Leonard as much as she's capable of loving someone, then I'm not so sure that they're meant to be together right now, if ever.

Penny's love is complicated, but Leonard's is almost a fanatical sort of goddess worship that, put bluntly, is no more healthy than what Penny struggles with. Penny attempted to talk to Leonard about where their relationship stands, maybe even break up with him, but then they had sex—Penny blamed Leonard's puppy eyes.

Everybody put those Band-Aids back on, we'll return to this later. In the meantime, what do YOU think those two crazy kids should do?

– One-liner(s) of the night: Leonard on taking Sheldon to the dentist: "I told him if he didn't try to bite the hygienist, I'd take him for ice cream. ...I didn't have to take him for ice cream."

– Okay, so Stu is more Howard 2.0 than boyfriend material. It's cool. I think he fits in well (shut up, Sheldon) and I'm glad Raj has a bro to hang out with again. "Watch out ladies, a little coffee and cream is coming your way."

– I agree with everything Sheldon had to say about fish with tools on their heads.

The Big Bang Theory "The Decoupling Fluctuation" Photos

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The Big Bang Theory S06E02: "The Decoupling Function"

Oh, okay, so we're going to start the Penny/Leonard angst early this season? Fine. Let's treat it like a Band-Aid, just rip it right off and deal with it... and then slap another Band-Aid on there to deal with at a later date. I know how this show works.

Obviously, Penny has been having second thoughts about her relationship with Leonard since his worst proposal ever; it was only a matter of time before she was going to be forced to deal with them. In true The Big Bang Theory fashion, the most convenient way to deal with them was to avoid dealing with them. Bernadette and Amy grilled Penny about whether or not she thought she'd ever marry Leonard and she confessed that she wasn't sure what to make of her feelings toward him. Whenever she'd been in love before, it was more your typical butterflies-in-the-stomach kind of love. She theorized that maybe her love for Leonard was a new, mature, boring kind of love.

Amy and Bernadette didn't really buy that, and despite Penny's request that what happens in Ladies Night stay IN Ladies Night, Amy accidentally spilled to Sheldon—who, for the sake of homeostasis, sought to keep Penny and Leonard together. He'd had a hard week. Stu had joined the gang for a night at the movies and, according to Sheldon, made a poor substitute for Wolowitz, who was still in space basically getting hazed by his fellow astronauts. Sheldon doesn't like change. He reminds us of this all the time and he didn't disappoint when he encouraged Penny to stay with Leonard regardless of her feelings simply to maintain the balance. While he was at it he mentioned that he'd appreciate it if she could go back to using her apple-scented shampoo because coconut makes him uncomfortable.

At least he didn't tell Leonard. It was close. Oh, it was close. He danced around the subject until finally, Leonard suspected that they needed to have a talk about Sheldon's "budding sexual desires." This horrified both of them and sent Sheldon across the hall to confront Penny. It wasn't all awkwardness and neuroses, though; after laying out his entire case in Leonard's favor ("He has a perfect driving record!"), Sheldon simply asked Penny, "Please don't hurt my friend."

She said that hurting Leonard was the last thing she wanted to do, which is true, but you can care a whole lot about somebody, not want to hurt them, maybe even love them... and still not want to be in an intimate relationship with them. It happens all the time. Fitting that criteria is practically a prerequisite for admittance to the Friend Zone.

I've never been entirely convinced that Penny and Leonard NEED to be together the way so many sitcom couples are often portrayed. Leonard adores Penny, carries an eternally burning torch for her, but how much of that is tied up in the fact that she's a hot blonde chick who actually pays attention to him? A lot, probably.

In Penny's case, I think that there CAN be a less manic kind of love; one that, if not experienced before, might seem like a letdown to an individual who is accustomed to every love affair being an intense physical and emotional experience. It's no less valid than than the kind that involves butterflies and heart palpitations. However, the fact that Penny repeatedly voices disappointment and concern over her muted feelings for Leonard IS a problem, and if she isn't happy with the way he makes her feel, if she doesn't feel that she loves Leonard as much as she's capable of loving someone, then I'm not so sure that they're meant to be together right now, if ever.

Penny's love is complicated, but Leonard's is almost a fanatical sort of goddess worship that, put bluntly, is no more healthy than what Penny struggles with. Penny attempted to talk to Leonard about where their relationship stands, maybe even break up with him, but then they had sex—Penny blamed Leonard's puppy eyes.

Everybody put those Band-Aids back on, we'll return to this later. In the meantime, what do YOU think those two crazy kids should do?

– One-liner(s) of the night: Leonard on taking Sheldon to the dentist: "I told him if he didn't try to bite the hygienist, I'd take him for ice cream. ...I didn't have to take him for ice cream."

– Okay, so Stu is more Howard 2.0 than boyfriend material. It's cool. I think he fits in well (shut up, Sheldon) and I'm glad Raj has a bro to hang out with again. "Watch out ladies, a little coffee and cream is coming your way."

– I agree with everything Sheldon had to say about fish with tools on their heads.

The Big Bang Theory "The Decoupling Fluctuation" Photos

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What to watch on Thursday, September 27...

How's everybody feeling today, good? You know October is just around the corner, which means it's time to start thinking about Halloween costumes. Which, for me, means showcasing my incredible skills for procrastination followed by an uncanny ability to come up with and execute a costume within an eight-hour time span. Let's not do that to ourselves this year, though. Let's start thinking about costumes now! And let's use our favorite TV characters to help us get there. Who calls dibs on "Wolowitz in space?"

SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, ABC
Last Resort
In "Captain" we meet the crew on board a U.S. submarine who receive a mysterious order to fire nuclear weapons at a foreign country even though there has been no declaration of war. When the captain and his crew refuse orders, they become subject to attacks—by their own countrymen—and so seek refuge on an exotic island near where their ship has been hit. Not a bad set up for a season which will undoubtedly make you question who in the U.S. is behaving so badly and why.

SEASON 6 PREMIERE, 8pm, CBS
The Big Bang Theory
America's #1 comedy isback tonight with "The Date Night Variable." In it Wolowitz gets launched into outer-space, but for some reason still gets caught in the middle of an argument between Bernadette and his mother. Oh, bother! Also, Raj starts to catch the lonely bug after realizing that all of his friends are dating. Poor guy—get a girlfriend.

SEASON 9 PREMIERE, 9pm, ABC
Grey's Anatomy
"Going, Going, Gone" opens just after the tragic plane crash that rocked last season's big finale. While the doctors do their best to deal with the fallout from the crash, they must also confront a serious loss that will forever change the course of their lives. Ahhh, it's so emotional already!

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, CBS
Elementary
CBS's modern day take on an old story comes with an added twist: In this rendition of Sherlock Holmes, Watson is a woman (a woman played by Lucy Liu, to be exact). Recovering addict Sherlock Holmes has a knack for solving the NYPD's crimes throughout New York City, and while this pleases the feds a great deal, Holmes's father isn't so trusting of Holmes's talents—and so he hires a one Ms. Joan Watson to accompany Sherlock and make sure he doesn't fall back to addiction. When she assists the eccentric Sherlock through a home-invasion investigation, she's hooked on crime-solving. And so begins a beautiful friendship. It's elementary! Literally!

SEASON 3 FINALE, 10pm, FX
Louie
There isn't much to say about this, except for: It's the final episode of what has been a fantastic season of comedy television and as such we should all watch it. In "New Year's Eve," after coming off of his minor win from last week, Louie gets thrust into the holiday season—and they weigh very heavily on poor Louie.

PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
SNL Weekend Update Thursday, 8 p.m., NBC
The American Bible Challenge, 8 p.m., Game Show Network
The X Factor, 8 p.m., Fox
Two and a Half Men, SEASON 10 PREMIERE, 8:30 p.m., CBS
Up All Night, 8:30 p.m., NBC
Four Weddings, 9 p.m., TLC
Glee, 9 p.m., Fox
Person of Interest, 9 p.m., CBS
Project Runway, 9 p.m., Lifetime
The Next, 9 p.m., The CW
The Office, 9 p.m., NBC
The Pyramid, 9 p.m., Game Show Network
The Real Housewives of Miami, 9 p.m., Bravo
Parks and Recreation, 9:30 p.m., NBC
Bling It On, 10 p.m., TLC
House Hunters, 10 p.m., HGTV
How Do They Do It?, 10 p.m., Science
POV, 10 p.m., PBS
Rock Center With Brian Williams, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., NBC
Scandal, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., ABC
Tamar & Vince, 10 p.m., WE
Texas Car Wars, 10 p.m., Discovery
After the First 48, 10 p.m., A&E;
Very Bad Men, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
Prank My Mom, 10:30 p.m., Lifetime

LATE-NITE PICKS:
Jimmy Fallon (wait, doesn'the have his own talk show to get to?!), Neil Young, and a performance by Lupe Fiasco on Late Show With David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Liam Neeson, Lisa Lampanelli, and a performance by The Gaslight Anthem on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Selena Gomez, Lenny Venito, and a performance by Tony Bennett on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m.,ABC
Sofía Vergara, Damian Lewis, and TV host Jeff Mauro on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Anne Heche and Jennifer Carpenter on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What are you watching tonight?

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What to watch on Thursday, September 27...

How's everybody feeling today, good? You know October is just around the corner, which means it's time to start thinking about Halloween costumes. Which, for me, means showcasing my incredible skills for procrastination followed by an uncanny ability to come up with and execute a costume within an eight-hour time span. Let's not do that to ourselves this year, though. Let's start thinking about costumes now! And let's use our favorite TV characters to help us get there. Who calls dibs on "Wolowitz in space?"

SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, ABC
Last Resort
In "Captain" we meet the crew on board a U.S. submarine who receive a mysterious order to fire nuclear weapons at a foreign country even though there has been no declaration of war. When the captain and his crew refuse orders, they become subject to attacks—by their own countrymen—and so seek refuge on an exotic island near where their ship has been hit. Not a bad set up for a season which will undoubtedly make you question who in the U.S. is behaving so badly and why.

SEASON 6 PREMIERE, 8pm, CBS
The Big Bang Theory
America's #1 comedy isback tonight with "The Date Night Variable." In it Wolowitz gets launched into outer-space, but for some reason still gets caught in the middle of an argument between Bernadette and his mother. Oh, bother! Also, Raj starts to catch the lonely bug after realizing that all of his friends are dating. Poor guy—get a girlfriend.

SEASON 9 PREMIERE, 9pm, ABC
Grey's Anatomy
"Going, Going, Gone" opens just after the tragic plane crash that rocked last season's big finale. While the doctors do their best to deal with the fallout from the crash, they must also confront a serious loss that will forever change the course of their lives. Ahhh, it's so emotional already!

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, CBS
Elementary
CBS's modern day take on an old story comes with an added twist: In this rendition of Sherlock Holmes, Watson is a woman (a woman played by Lucy Liu, to be exact). Recovering addict Sherlock Holmes has a knack for solving the NYPD's crimes throughout New York City, and while this pleases the feds a great deal, Holmes's father isn't so trusting of Holmes's talents—and so he hires a one Ms. Joan Watson to accompany Sherlock and make sure he doesn't fall back to addiction. When she assists the eccentric Sherlock through a home-invasion investigation, she's hooked on crime-solving. And so begins a beautiful friendship. It's elementary! Literally!

SEASON 3 FINALE, 10pm, FX
Louie
There isn't much to say about this, except for: It's the final episode of what has been a fantastic season of comedy television and as such we should all watch it. In "New Year's Eve," after coming off of his minor win from last week, Louie gets thrust into the holiday season—and they weigh very heavily on poor Louie.

PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
SNL Weekend Update Thursday, 8 p.m., NBC
The American Bible Challenge, 8 p.m., Game Show Network
The X Factor, 8 p.m., Fox
Two and a Half Men, SEASON 10 PREMIERE, 8:30 p.m., CBS
Up All Night, 8:30 p.m., NBC
Four Weddings, 9 p.m., TLC
Glee, 9 p.m., Fox
Project Runway, 9 p.m., Lifetime
The Next, 9 p.m., The CW
The Office, 9 p.m., NBC
The Pyramid, 9 p.m., Game Show Network
The Real Housewives of Miami, 9 p.m., Bravo
Parks and Recreation, 9:30 p.m., NBC
Bling It On, 10 p.m., TLC
House Hunters, 10 p.m., HGTV
How Do They Do It?, 10 p.m., Science
POV, 10 p.m., PBS
Rock Center With Brian Williams, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., NBC
Scandal, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., ABC
Tamar & Vince, 10 p.m., WE
Texas Car Wars, 10 p.m., Discovery
After the First 48, 10 p.m., A&E;
Very Bad Men, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
Prank My Mom, 10:30 p.m., Lifetime

LATE-NITE PICKS:
Jimmy Fallon (wait, doesn'the have his own talk show to get to?!), Neil Young, and a performance by Lupe Fiasco on Late Show With David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Liam Neeson, Lisa Lampanelli, and a performance by The Gaslight Anthem on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Selena Gomez, Lenny Venito, and a performance by Tony Bennett on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m.,ABC
Sofía Vergara, Damian Lewis, and TV host Jeff Mauro on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Anne Heche and Jennifer Carpenter on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What are you watching tonight?

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