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After 22 years of Headlines, that trademark snicker, and Kardashian jokes, Jay Leno, the very disputed king of late night, will step down from his position as host of NBC's iconic The Tonight Show next spring. Leno and NBC announced the news today via press release after weeks of speculation (and weeks of NBC denying it), confirming that Leno's time as the man who puts America to bed is nearing its end.

Taking over for Leno will be the current vice president of NBC's late-night lineup, Jimmy Fallon, host of the 12:30am Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Fallon has found success by embracing what the young kids call "the power of the internet," using short-form viral videos, memes, and Twitter to transform his late-night program into a fountain of shareable, easy-to-digest tidbits for those of us who have jobs and can't stay up late enough to watch him. (For more info, read this great article by my TV writer crush Laura Bennett on how Fallon has adapted.) Fallon's approach obviously appeals to NBC, who sees this style of late-night entertainment as the future, and in the face of ABC moving the hipper Jimmy Kimmel up to 11:35pm, probably thought, "the sooner the better." 

There has been no announcement of who will replace Fallon as his follow-up, but expect something soon (SNL's Seth Meyers is the rumored frontrunner.)

Leno's departure will take place at the end of his current contract; NBC said, "We are purposefully making this change when Jay is #1, just as Jay replaced Johnny Carson when he was #1." But that's obviously B.S., because it's also time for both sides to move on. NBC and Leno have had a rocky relationship, and the good days the two shared are long gone, as evidenced by Leno's recent jabs at the network in his nightly monologue. 

The thing I find most interesting here is that this should be huge news, but late-night television isn't as important as it used to be, at least in my house. I'd rather spend the hour catching up on my DVR's backlog or watching something on Adult Swim than hearing the today's news filtered through the brains of tired hacks who are desperate to pull out a punchline of any sort. So congratulations to Jimmy Fallon and farewell (or good riddance) to Jay Leno, but I'll be watching last week's Nashville instead. Call me when Louie gets a tryout.

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What to watch on Wednesday, April 3...

8pm, The CW
Arrow
What’s this? Count Vertigo back to menace Starling City with his diabolical designer drugs? Tommy in trouble when a Verdant visitor parties ‘til she drops... dead? Can the Emerald Archer make sure the miscreants responsible get the point? Tune in to “Unfinished Business” tonight—same Arrow-time, same Arrow-channel!

8:30pm, ABC
Suburgatory
As Suburgatory nestles into its new timeslot with “Decemberfold,” George thumbs his nose at the buttoned-down strictures of the “family hour” by participating in a racy “Dads of Chatswin” calendar. Meanwhile, Lisa’s suspicions are aroused when Dalia is unusually friendly to Tessa.

MINISERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, BBC America
Spies of Warsaw
David Tennant stars as a French military attaché (not called simply, “The Attaché,” sadly) who becomes enmeshed in the diplomatic intrigues of interwar Europe in this two-part special based on Alan Furst’s novel series. Part one finds him taken aback by both an alluring Parisian lawyer and a chance discovery of German military preparations.

9pm, The CW
Supernatural
To tackle the Tablet’s second trial, Sam and Dean enlist the services of a reaper in “Taxi Driver.” Dean also realizes that he needs to track down Benny for a huge favor, so his fingers are crossed that today is the day of Benny’s daughter’s wedding.

SERIES PREMIERE, 9:30pm, ABC
How to Live With Your Parents (for the Rest of Your Life)
Straightlaced Polly (Sarah Chalke) must move back in with her flighty mom and stepdad (Elizabeth Perkins and Brad Garrett) after her divorce leaves her overwhelmed by single motherhood. Will her cautiously structured hot front and their freewheeling cold front collide into a thunderstorm of sitcom hilarity?

10pm, NBC
Chicago Fire
Severide endorses Mills’s bid to join Squad, but his colleagues aren’t quite as enthused, probably for fear of disrupting the highly delicate chemistry of their intramural 16-inch softball team. Rounding out “Ambition,” Dawson and Shay are shadowed by a paramedic candidate, Shay lends assistance to a woman facing pregnancy complications, and Casey welcomes a surprise guest.

10pm, FX
The Americans
Philip and Elizabeth are on their heels when a routine mission goes awry in “Safe House,” while the FBI is knocked back by an agent’s disappearance. Claudia, meanwhile, can’t shut up about the quirky Elvis impersonator she met in Chicago last week.

10pm, TNT
Southland
A drug dealer’s funeral incites trouble in the streets, and Lydia and Ruben’s investigation into the murder of Sgt. Hill’s son incites a quandary over police corruption. Elsewhere in “The Felix Paradox,” Ben begins to suspect the truth about Sammy and the tape, and everyone tries not to make rapping-genie jokes when an officer who looks suspiciously like Shaquille O’Neal pops up.

10pm, USA
Psych
Gus stumbles into danger while babysitting Rachel’s son in “Cirque Du Soul.” Their circus visit includes more dead bodies than one generally prefers to encounter on a circus visit, though perhaps the deceased’s orphan son will become the youthful ward and eventual crime-fighting partner of a billionaire playboy.

LATE-NITE:
– From Atlanta, Steven Yeun and Darius Rucker on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Blake Shelton on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Facebook chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Philosopher A.C. Grayling on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Rosario Dawson, Max Greenfield, and Gloriana on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Louis C.K., Rachel Maddow, and Flaming Lips on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Russell Brand, Bob Costas, and Gary Allan on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Sarah Silverman, Hugh Dancy, and Gordon Lightfoot on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC

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What to watch on Thursday, March 28...

8pm, The CW
The Vampire Diaries
This has been quite the globe-trotting season so far: First Canada, then New York, and now... small-town Pennsylvania! That’s where Elena and Rebekah go Katherine-hunting in “American Gothic,” and where they bump into Elijah for good measure. Oh, he’s not interested in Katherine or the cure or any of that meshugas—he’s just there for the best damn antiquing east of the Alleghany.

SEASON 1 FINALE, 8:30pm & 9:30pm, NBC
1600 Penn
Hannah Simone tries to bring some of that hip New Girl cred to NBC when she guest-stars as an Andorran princess in tonight’s first outing, “Bursting the Bubble.” And Larry King tries to bring some of that hip “Hey remember in the ‘90s when Larry King was a fairly huge TV pundit?” cred when he guest-stars as Larry King in the second episode and season finale, “Marry Me, Baby,” in which the legality of the president’s marriage may be revealed as less than complete. Sounds like a never-to-be-resolved cliffhanger to me! Because the show is almost certainly going to be canceled, I mean. 

SEASON 3 FINALE, 9pm & 9:30pm, Fox
Raising Hope
Either Fox is pulling one seriously goofy scheduling move here—bringing a Tuesday sitcom out of hibernation on a different night and time for its season finale—or this is by far the most elaborate theme episode Glee has ever attempted. Well, the first half-hour, “Burt Mitzvah: The Musical,” does find Burt turning to song to get in touch with his newly discovered Jewish heritage. No word on whether the second episode, “Mother’s Day,” will offer Maw-Maw the spotlight aria she’s long dreamt of when the Chances visit her childhood home.

9pm, ABC
Grey’s Anatomy
The hospital is flooded with victims of a highway gas tanker explosion, and considering the episode is called “Can’t Fight This Feeling,” it will be a huge missed opportunity if that explosion wasn’t caused by a careening speedwagon. Elsewhere, former TV doctor and new ABC employee Sarah Chalke needs Meredith and Jo to determine the source of her child’s unusual malady.

10pm, ABC
Scandal
It’s Pope & Associates to the rescue when Hollis’s daughter is kidnapped and when David needs sanctuary from the ongoing danger pursuing him. Meanwhile in “Snake in the Garden,” Olivia and Jake’s dalliance heats up, Mellie lays down the law with Fitz, and Cyrus connives to win back the president’s favor.

10pm, FX
Archer
Okay, so a spy, a valet, and the Pope walk into a bar. Well, maybe. Hey, it could be part of Archer’s plan to stop an assassination attempt on the pontiff in “The Papal Chase,” with Woodhouse in tow to act as a decoy. It’s not like it’d be the first plan of Archer’s to entail entering a bar.

10:30pm, Comedy Central
Nathan For You
Nathan’s fear of womenfolk prompts him to date 10 of them at once in what’s either a disquieting kind of shock therapy or a potentially dynamite chorus line. Also, Nathan tries to “scare up” some business for a haunted house, and yes, I’ve just been sued by the Cryptkeeper for making that pun.

11pm, AMC
Immortalized
Dave Houser and a challenger square off in a competition centered on the theme “First Love.” Um. This is... this is still a show about taxidermy, right? Animals? Corpses? Things that maybe don’t fit so snugly or, shall we say, lawfully, with facets of romantic love? AMC, you are already on a short leash after last week. Don’t press your luck.

LATE-NITE:
– Gerard Butler on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Author Denise Kiernan on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Author and pediatric endocrinologist Robert Lustig on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Kim Kardashian, Willie Geist, and Imagine Dragons on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Dwayne Johnson, Saoirse Ronan, and Kendrick Lamar on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Tyler Perry, Nick Offerman, Thom Filicia, and Blake Shelton on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC

View the original article here

What to watch on Monday, April 1...

8pm, The CW
The Carrie Diaries
Carre prepares an ideal romantic evening with Sebastian; her plans rapidly fall apart, in accordance with Tripper’s First Law of Comical Misunderstandings. Meanwhile in “A First Time for Everything,” Dorrit turns to Donna for love-life pointers, and Mouse realizes that she’s developing a bit of a thing for West, which, c’mon Mouse, the rest of us got there like two weeks ago.

8pm, Fox
Bones
“The Maiden in the Mushrooms” finds the Jeffersonian squad investigating a TV producer’s murder, while Brennan struggles to process Christine’s antisocial behavior toward a classmate. Back at the lab, Hodgins devotes all the resources at his disposal to reverse-engineering Finn’s hot sauce recipe... for SCIENCE!

9pm, Fox
The Following
In the wake of their latest colossal botch-job leaving Claire in Joe’s clutches, the FBI turns its attention to an undercover location that may be connected to the cult and promptly figures out how it can make a hash of that too. Elsewhere in “Whips and Regret,” Claire settles in at Casa de Crackpot, and Emma and Jacob grapple with the fallout of the former’s betrayal.

9pm, Syfy
Being Human
While unforeseen complications greet Kenny’s awakening, Aidan, Josh, and Sally gear up to tussle with Donna in “Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive.” According to Syfy’s promo clip, their stratagem involves her blood, hair, and nails, which suggests to me they cribbed this plan straight from Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest.

100th EPISODE, 10pm, ABC
Castle
Boy, what kind of rotten luck does a guy have to have to wind up sidelined for the 100th episode of his own show? A broken-legged Castle is none too pleased to be convalescing in the loft in “The Lives of Others,” but his interest is piqued when a murder mystery unfolds before his very eyes in the apartment across the street. All things considered, Beckett should be careful she doesn’t stumble onto a sprawling flock of creepy, homicidal birds.

10pm, A&E
Bates Motel
A stunning discovery greets Norman and Emma in “What’s Wrong With Norman,” while Dylan’s new job presents him with more than he bargained for. Both of these plotlines are probably referring to dinosaurs, right? Let’s assume it’s dinosaurs. You’d watch a show where Norman Bates befriends/rides around on a triceratops, wouldn’t you? Of course you would.

10pm, Sundance
Top of the Lake
Robin’s future with local law enforcement is endangered by a spot of violence as Episode 4 marks the midpoint of the seven-part miniseries. Refusing to abandon the case, she endeavors to gain the trust of a tight-lipped friend of Tui’s who may hold key information.

10pm, NBC
Revolution
Feeling the weight of a comrade’s sacrifice, Charlie and crew must find a way to soldier on in “Ghosts,” while a search to bolster ranks leads Miles and Nora to a lethal former militia colleague (Malik Yoba, late of Alphas). Rachel’s keeping busy herself, what with searching for a power source and trying to get back in Charlie’s good graces, all while evading Flynn.

LATE-NITE:
– From Atlanta, Seth Rogen, and Earthquake on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Thandie Newton on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Author Mary Roach on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Sigourney Weaver on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Matthew Perry, Kristen Schaal, and Goo Goo Dolls on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Shia LaBeouf, Jeff Altman, and The Band Perry on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Shaquille O’Neal and Demi Lovato on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Alec Baldwin, Emilia Clarke, Janelle Monae, DJ Jazzy Jeff, and the latest Celebrity Apprentice castoff on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Toby Keith and J.R. Martinez on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

View the original article here

What to watch on Thursday, April 4...

8pm, CBS
The Big Bang Theory
A tenure opportunity pits the fellas against one another in “The Tenure Turbulence,” in what I can only imagine is the transmedia prologue for this summer’s most hotly anticipated video game, Mortal Kombat vs. Big Bang Theory Universe ($59.99 retail for Xbox and Playstation).

8:30pm, NBC
Parks and Recreation
“Partridge” is the name of both tonight's episode and the Minnesota hamlet a young Ben Wyatt once ruled with an iron fist and grandiose dreams of Ice Palaces as far as the eye could see. The former teen mayor returns with Leslie at his side this week, while back in Pawnee, Councilman Jamm sues Ron. That is plain not going to end well for Councilman Jamm even a tiny bit.

9pm, ABC
Grey’s Anatomy
Meredith and Derek take precautions for their kids’ futures after learning some worrisome news in “She’s Killing Me,” while April fesses up to Matthew about her bedroom experience. On the medical front, one doctor fears she may be responsible for the infections afflicting multiple pre-op patients, and Grey Sloan Memorial hosts a group of Syrian doctors seeking basic surgical skills.

9pm, CBS
Person of Interest
In “Trojan Horse,” Finch goes undercover to determine whether the latest POI, a high-level tech exec, is working to sabotage her own company from the inside. Not to tell Finch how to do his job, but her feverishly updated Tumblr tribute to Enlightened might be a clue. At the NYPD, Carter is rankled when Beecher turns over incriminating information about another detective.

9pm, Fox
New Girl
For the second straight week, Fox decides that what your Thursday night could use is a dash of Tuesday comedy. Will gobs of carryover viewers from American Idol fully appreciate the magnitude of “First Date,” which sends Jess and Nick off to solidify their fitful romance with a proper courtship? Will Schmidt and Winston’s attempts to sabotage their evening quash the dreams of the internet’s legion of shippers?

9:30pm, Fox
The Mindy Project
“Pretty Man” gender-bends rom-com classic Pretty Woman, as Mindy inadvertently befriends a male prostitute right when she needs a date for Danny and Alex’s dinner party. Did someone say, “I feel like I’ve read this episode summary before?” Yes. Yes, you did. Because Fox had originally scheduled this one for Tuesday and “My Cool Christian Boyfriend” for tonight, but then flipped them on us. Because Fox is a wily trickster nemesis. This isn’t over between you and me, Fox. Not by a longshot.

9:30pm, NBC
Go On
And lookee here, the Peacock’s also getting into the “let’s toss our Tuesday comedies onto Thursday night and see what shakes out” game. In “Fast Breakup,” K-Ball’s new mascot awakens the green-eyed monster in Ryan, who’s also trying to make sense of both Lauren’s love life and a booze-sodden come-on from his secretary. Is it any wonder he wishes he could solve his problems with a giant foam head and a T-shirt cannon?

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, NBC
Hannibal
Showrunner Bryan Fuller brings you the latest spin on popular fiction’s most cultured and charismatic cannibal, played here by Mads Mikkelsen. “Apéritif” opens the series with the not-yet-notorious Dr. Lecter teaming up with an FBI agent (Hugh Dancy) to track a serial killer, though probably not the one who's laid waste the dozens of other shows that’ve occupied this timeslot in the last four years.

10pm, ABC
Scandal
“Molly, You in Danger, Girl” finds Team Olivia realizing they may have flubbed an old case. And not in a “we’ll laugh about this one day at the office holiday party” kind of way. More like a “welp, now we’re all in mortal peril” kind of way. In relationship developments, Olivia and Jake’s romance is on the upswing, while Fitz and Mellie plumb new lows.

10pm, FX
Archer
Cheryl sets off on a salubrious voyage to the Bermuda Triangle alongside her loving brother Cecil and his squeeze Tiffy (guest-stars Eugene Mirman and Kristen Schaal). There, the Tunt siblings and companion encounter mystery, adventure, and quite likely a cliffhanger ending, if the title “Sea Tunt: Part I” is to be believed.

LATE-NITE:
– From Atlanta, Charles Barkley and Macklemore & Ryan Lewis on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Guest host Ross Matthews on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Danny Boyle on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Dr. Francis S. Collins, director of the National Institutes of Health, on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Eva Longoria, Terry Crews, and a performance from Cavalia’s “Odysseo” on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Martin Short and Tyler, the Creator on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Goran Visnjic and Seth Sentry on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Melissa McCarthy, Chris Jericho, and Ryan Bingham on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC

View the original article here

What to watch on Wednesday, March 27...

SEASON 2 FINALE, 8pm & 8:30pm, NBC
Whitney
The season’s final hour kicks off with “Alex, Meet Lily,” in which Whitney drafts her beau into forging a bond with her bud, who’s in the market for a comrade of the male persuasion. “Cake, Cake, Cake,” winds up Season 2 with Whitney growing concerned when she spies her psychiatrist (Chelsea Handler) going to town on a birthday cake solo. I take the good doctor’s side on this one; extremism in consumption of cake is no vice.

8pm, The CW
Arrow
A denizen of The Glades is out for the blood of anyone he considers an enemy of the neighborhood, and Roy is next on his hit list in “Salvation.” And speaking of future-and/or-present masked archers marked for death, Malcolm tasks Moira with tracking down his own would-be assassin.

SEASON 1 FINALE, 8:30pm, ABC
The Neighbors
The Zabvronians may be recalled to their home planet when Dick receives a fateful call from his grandfather as sci-fi icons George Takei and Mark Hamill help “It Has Begun...” wrap up The Neighbors' freshman season. Before they pack their space-bags, though, the Bird-Kersees join the Weavers in Atlantic City, where Larry displays a knack for blackjack and Jackie yearns for Earth-style nuptials.

9pm, The CW
Supernatural
When the Winchesters look into a string of bumped-off vampires in “Freaks and Geeks,” they turn up a shadowy man who’s grooming the orphans of vamp victims into a slayer army. Dean suspects the man’s motives aren’t on the up-and-up. Sam mostly admires the kids’ merit badges, especially the bitchin’ one for Holy Water Scalding.

9pm, NBC
Law & Order: SVU
After accusing her cameraman of rape, a sports reporter learns she’s with child as a result. At trial, the defense employs what the synopsis calls “questionable tactics” to sway the jury, and I don’t even dare speculate on what those might be, given that the title of the episode is “Legitimate Rape.”

10pm, ABC
Nashville
“When You’re Tired of Breaking Other Hearts” finds Rayna sitting down with Katie Couric to spill her guts about her domestic and professional lives. At the rate Nashville is burning through guest stars from ABC’s news division, Season 2 will resort to Scarlett chatting up a couple of adolescent correspondents from those Disney Channel interstitials. Elsewhere this week, Juliette attempts a power play to control her album launch, while Deacon becomes smitten with his dog’s new vet.

10pm, TNT
Southland
John confronts his demons as he endeavors to save Hicks in “Heroes,” while Lydia and Ruben attempt to track down a John Doe. Meanwhile, Ben and Elena kick things up a notch, and Sammy is wracked with guilt over his lie about the tape.

100TH EPISODE, 10pm, USA
Psych
Shawn and Gus attend a clandestine party at a swanky mansion in “100 Clues,” secrecy and swankiness and being two of Shawn and Gus’s unquestioned strong suits, naturally. The host is a one-time rock star who has no memory of committing the murder he was arrested for years ago.

SEASON 28 PREMIERE, 10pm, MTV
The Real World: Portland
A new crew of seven strangers is shunted into a loft and documented as the reality TV grande dame returns. Tune in to find out whether there are still veins of social observation and/or humor about the Pacific Northwest burg’s distinctive culture that haven’t yet been mined by three seasons of Portlandia and sundry internet memes, or if the producers will just fall back on a bunch of gags about artisanal booze.

LATE-NITE:
– Seth Green and Charles Phoenix on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Past interviews include Tim McGraw, Luke Bryan, and Rascal Flatts on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Eva Mendes on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Iowa pig farmer Carl Edgar Blake II on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Kristin Chenoweth, magician Justin Willman, and Josh Groban on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Donald Trump, Gary Gulman and Wavves on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Bruce Willis, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Divine Fits on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Kathie Lee Gifford, James Purefoy, and Dido on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Don Rickles and Radha Mitchell on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

View the original article here

What to watch on Tuesday, April 2...

SEASON 1 FINALE, 9pm & 9:30pm, NBC
The New Normal
Ryan Murphy’s sitcom winds up its freshman season with back-to-back episodes. First, in “Finding Name-O,” Bryan and David’s struggles to think up a quality baby name sparks tension, while Brice’s advice leads Clay to consider pouring his heart out to Goldie. Then in the finale, “The Big Day,” Bryan and David’s determination to seal their nuptials before the baby arrives may be thwarted, since no wedding in sitcom history has ever eluded at least mild thwarting.

9:30pm, Fox
The Mindy Project
Mindy dates a man of the cloth in “My Cool Christian Boyfriend,” but when he questions her ethical bona fides, she decides to prove him wrong by joining the medical practice’s volunteer excursion to a women’s prison. Meanwhile, I question the ethical bona fides of Fox flipping this episode with the one scheduled for Thursday, "Pretty Man," at the last minute, solely to flummox viewers and writers of summary blurbs alike.

SEASON 4 FINALE, 10pm, FX
Justified
Detroit brings the fight to Raylan for a final showdown as “Ghosts” concludes the stellar fourth season. Meanwhile, Boyd and Ava try to bury a past misdeed once and for all, while Constable Bob is probably off recuperating with a hearty take-out order from KFC.

10pm, NBC
Smash
“The Parents” finds Tom’s hands full when the Bombshell cast welcomes Leigh Conroy (guest-star Bernadette Peters)—as well as her years of animosity with Ivy, dating back to a 1989 flare-up of the Tastes Great-Less Filling Wars. In developments that won’t inspire me to date myself via beer commericial references, Karen and Jimmy’s relationship is put to the test, and Derek uncovers more details about Jimmy’s past as the first chunk of “Hit List” goes public.

10pm, CBS
Golden Boy
A subway shooting may be linked to the years-ago murder of McKenzie’s brother, leading her to pursue justice for her family in “McKenzie on Fire.” Meanwhile, Owen is troubled by the prospect of retiring in two years, even though TV bylaws dictate that if this show runs long enough, he can take advantage of the George Feeny Clause governing non-retiring retiring mentors.

10pm, ABC
Body of Proof
When a rash of rabies cases in “Skin and Bones” leaves Tommy bitten by one rabid victim, Kate and Megan turn to new health commissioner Luke Perry for help with the investigation. “Could it really be zombies?” ABC’s press site asks, nudging us in the ribs assiduously and hoping we’ll all play along as if the network’s execs are “down” with the zombie zeitgeist the kids are into these days.

10pm, TBS
Cougar Town
Dear TV.com readers: We accept that the fact that we have to mention Cougar Town’s extended Breakfast Club riff, featuring inner monologues by all the Cul-de-Sac Crew, in this blurb about “The Criminal Mind.” But we think you’re crazy to make us write something about what we think happens in it. You see TV episode summaries as you want to see them, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what've we found out is that each one of us is hang-out sitcom... and a reality show competition... and a pop-culture parody... and a family drama... and a gritty cable serial. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, What to Watch Tuesday. *Pumps fist*

LATE-NITE:
– From Atlanta, Paul Rudd and Von Grey on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Busy Philipps on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Historian Jonathan Sperber on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Blake Shelton and Jim Rome on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Regis Philbin and a performance by the Broadway cast of “Cinderella” on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Bill Maher, Giancarlo Esposito, and Cold War Kids on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Tracy Morgan, Andy Cohen, Deerhunter, and B.J. Thomas on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC

View the original article here

What to watch on Tuesday, March 26...

8pm, CBS
NCIS
In “Squall,” the team investigates a killing aboard a Navy ship in the aftermath of a storm. Complicating matters: The suspect list includes an admiral who also happens to be McGee’s estranged father.

8pm, The CW
Here Comes Peter Cottontail
What fits The CW brand better than an animated rabbit voiced by Danny Kaye? How about animated rabbits voiced by Vincent Price and Casey Kasem! You’ll find all these goodies and more nestled in the colorful Easter basket that is this 1971 Rankin-Bass holiday special.

9pm, NBC
Go On
“Matchup Problems” finds Anne setting Ryan up with a recent widow—and then competing for her affections when said widow turns out to have designs on both of them. Geez, guest-star Courteney Cox, does fidelity between former sitcom spouses count for nothing anymore? These are dark times we live in. Dark, sexy times.

9pm, Fox
New Girl
The passing of a relative prompts a Miller family reunion in “Chicago,” and since Nick’s mom is Margo Martindale and his younger brother is Nick Kroll, the gang is sure to be glad they tagged along to share in the shenanigans. Jess will probably treat Mrs. Miller more gently than Keri Russell did a few weeks ago, anyway.

SEASON 4 FINALE, 9pm, Syfy
Face Off
The final three are whisked away to Vegas to design waterproof styles for the stage show Le Reve: The Dream. Then the season’s winner will be crowned, only to shock everyone with the reveal that he's Nicolas Cage posing as an ambitious professional makeup artist.

10pm, ABC
Body of Proof
Romance has its ups and its downs, as Kate experiences in “Fallen Angel.” Sometimes you meet a dashing man at a political event, partake in some invigorating flagrante delicto, and that’s that. Other times you discover that the guy is probably tied to a young girl’s murder, and you have to call on your cop friends (like Megan) to get to the bottom of things. C’est l’amour, mes amis.

10pm, TBS
Cougar Town
The cul-de-sac crew awakens to the unexpected joys of aging when an elderly couple buys Grayson’s house and joins their midst. Elsewhere in “This Old Town,” Travis searches for a Penny Can partner, and Bobby’s latest flop spurs him to rechristen his boat, possibly as the S.S. Shop Target for Great Savings on All Your Favorite Brands.

10pm, FX
Justified
Having eluded the Detroit mafia in Harlan, Raylan tries to get the Drew Thompson case back on track in “Peace of Mind.” Accomplishing that means spiriting Ellen May away from the clutches of Limehouse—before Boyd can get to her. (Also, too, it probably means shooting people.)

LATE-NITE:
– Vanessa Hudgens, Jerry Trainor, and Emily Heller on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Past interviews featuring Hayden Panettiere, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Vanessa Hudgens on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Journalist and author Michael Moss on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Cardiologist and author Eric Topol on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Keith Urban, Paula Deen, and Django Django on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Brian Williams, national grocery-bagging champion Andrew Borracchini, and Pegi Young & The Survivors on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Jeremy Piven on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Ice-T, Chris Hardwick, and Little Green Cars on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Sarah Chalke and author Lawrence Block on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

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What to watch on Thursday, February 28...

8pm, NBC
Community
Lo these past three-plus weeks, a nation has risen up and asked, pleadingly, with one voice: Wherefore art thou, Ben Chang? The bane of the study group resurfaces at Greendale in “Alternative History of the German Invasion,” which also introduces the gang to their new Europeanhistory class and their new professor, guest-star Malcolm McDowell.

8pm, ABC
Zero Hour
In “Pendulum,” Hank, Arron, and Rachel follow an FBI tip toward a link between the next clock and a famous historical personage. Which figure from history should I shoehorn in a joke about here: a) Former U.N. Secretary General Dag Hammarskjöld; b) 12th century polymath Ibn Rushd; or c) Field Marshal Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington, bester of Napoleon at Waterloo? Text your choice to WTWT. Normal messaging charges may apply.

MINISERIES FINALE, 9pm, HBO
Parade’s End
Christopher (Benedict Cumberbatch) spells a troubled commander on the front lines, even as developments at home weigh heavily on him. Upon returning to Groby, he must face Sylvia (Rebecca Hall) and her attempts to impede him from a life with Valentine.

10pm, FX
Archer
Rare is the caliber of person who can play on the same level of unbridled dickishness as one Sterling Malory Archer. But a celebrity chef—specifically one voiced by guest-star Anthony Bourdain—may just be the spy’s match, when the ISIS crew infiltrates a high-profile kitchen in “Live and Let Dine.”

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, Comedy Central
The Ben Show With Ben Hoffman
The comedian enlists the help of experts and random strangers as he sets out to achieve personal goals in this new sketch series, part of Comedy Central’s ongoing mission to fill 24 hours a day with eponymous sketch comedy shows. In the premiere, Hoffman deploys skits, songs, animation, and man-on-the-street interviews in his quest to buy a gun.

SERIES PREMIERE, 10:30pm, Comedy Central
Nathan for You
Nathan Fielder parlays his business degree and his experience on Comedy Central shows like Jon Benjamin Has A Van into a Comedy Central show where he helps small businesses. The first subjects to experience Fielder's blend of marketing and mirth are a frozen yogurt shop jazzing up its flavor selection and a pizza place hastening its delivery service.

LATE-NITE:
– Eugene Mirman on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Kate Mara on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Rachel Maddow on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– White House speechwriter Jon Favreau on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Steve Carell, Joey King, and Shooter Jennings on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Jim Parsons, California lieutenant governor Gavin Newsom, and Ziggy Marley on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Tina Fey, Bill Nighy, and Bob Mould on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– David Duchovny and Ashley Madewke on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

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What to watch on Thursday, November 8...

The Burn Notice gang is back.

If you're anything like me, you're having a really hard time adjusting to this Daylight Savings time shift! It gets dark at like noon now! To combat the feeling of impending doom, do what I do: Close all your blinds and turn the brightness on your TV all the way up and it will be like a tropical vacation with all your favorite characters. Problem solved, and you'll get a sweet tan. Or is it cancer? I forget. Let's settle the difference and call it tancer. And there's plenty of great tancer-causing TV on tonight:

8pm, ABC
Last Resort
It's "Another Fine Navy Day" for Captain Marcus Chaplin and his band of merry seamen, and I'm pretty sure the show is being sarcastic with that episode title because in it, the crew gets attacked with an unknown weapon that makes everyone crazy and stabby. The last time all my friends freaked out on each other like that, it was a mediocre day at best. Let's all tune in and try and get this show a second season, okay?

8pm, NBC
The Voice
Take a hike, comedy! The Voice airs a special live Thursday episode to announce the results of this week's playoff rounds. Will it be that one person or that other person who makes it to the Top 12? Or will it be that OTHER person? Or that OTHER OTHER person? You get the idea. Maroon 5 also performs, which automatically makes this episode a must-watch (if you're into that sort of thing).

8:20pm Eastern / 5:20pm Pacific, NFL Network
NFL Football: Colts vs. Jaguars
This matchup between the upstart rebuilding Indianapolis Colts and the absolutely dismal Jacksonville Jaguars sounds boring, but that's why mankind invented gambling. Inaccuscore prediction: Colts 243, Jaguars 3.

9pm, USA
Burn Notice
Get double the burning sensation as the USA spy drama returns for the second of Season 6 with two episodes. Nate's still murdered and Card is now a two-timer, so how will Michael and his team get revenge for being set up? Lots of bullets and explosions, probably.

9pm, The CW
Beauty and the Beast
If you needed more evidence that being a "beauty" is way better than being a "beast," listen to what happens in "Saturn Returns": Vincent, the *ahem* "beast," stops a robbery at a convenience store only to have his horribly disfigured and high-cheekboned face plastered all over the newspapers. Meanwhile in Everything is Just Great Land, Catherine, the "beauty," has to postpone her birthday plans so her sister can throw her a surprise birthday party. How about a little positive energy for the beast, C-Dub?!?

9pm, CBS
Person of Interest
Those of you who've been petitioning for a Person of Interest and Suburgatory crossover, you'll almost get it in "The High Road," in which the computer sends John Reese to one of the most dangerous places in the world... THE SUBURBS! There he'll play house with Zoe as they pretend to be typical knee-shooting neighbors. This has corny fun written all over it. Bonus: Roy from The Office guest-stars!

9:30pm, NBC
Parks and Recreation
Mike from Breaking Bad (Jonathan Banks) guest-stars as Ben's dad, who will likely be awesomely terrifying. Need I say more? Oh, alright: Jean-Ralphio returns! And probably some cute Leslie-and-Ben-are-engaged-now stuff, too.

10:30pm, FX
The League
In "Judge MacArthur," Kevin tries his hand at becoming a judge, which lands him at a charity event with perennial fantasy football waiver-wire pickup Ryan Fitzpatrick of the Buffalo Bills. The guys also compare something other than their penis size and their SO's cup sizes when they take intelligence tests.

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What to watch on Tuesday, October 30...

Happy Election Day! After nearly a solid year of campaign speeches, debates, and Colbert Report- and Daily Show-skewering, we've only got hours to go until we get the final word! So, stock up on snacks and cold beverages, because tonight could be a loooong one, depending on the outcome (and your political persuasion). Here's what's on, both election-related and otherwise.

LIVE on ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, CNN, MSNBC, PBS, CSPAN
2012 Election Coverage
It's a big night for all major news outlets, with the fun beginning at 4pm Eastern on CNN's Election Day in America with Wolf Blitzer. Later in the evening, ABC, CBS, NBC will start election coverage at 7pm Eastern, followed by CSPAN, Fox, MSNBC and PBS at 8pm Eastern. Plus, Current TV will offer a roundtable at 7pm Eastern with Jennifer Granholm, Eliot Spitzer, Cenk Uygur, and John Fugelsang. Check your local listings to confirm airtimes on your election coverage network of choice.

10pm, USA
Covert Affairs
If you need a break from the election, check out tonight's new episode of Covert Affairs, "Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps)." In it, Annie and Eyal are on this renegade mission to find an important asset who has vanished from protective custody. Meanwhile, Joan isn't too thrilled about the situation and gives Annie some serious lecturing over the phone in a scary monster-like kind of way. P.S. That last part may or may not be true, but I think we can all agree that getting lectured in general can be an unpleasant experience.

10pm, FX
Sons of Anarchy
In tonight's "Andare Pescare" (translation: go fishing), Jax continues to get closer to the truth, but there are still some obstacles in the way. Meanwhile, Gemma gets close to Clay... maybe they'll go fishing together?

10pm, Syfy
Total Blackout
In "Creatures of Darkness," contestants must transfer unknown creatures of the sea between tanks. Later, we'll see them navigate through some sort of cross-maze full of unknown surprises.

10pm, MTV
Underemployed
In "The Days of Yore," Lou and Raviva argue over money, Miles is hired on Daphne's campaign, and Sophia get's a surprise visit from her parents.

LIVE, 11pm, Comedy Central
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Live Election Night Special
Laughter may be the best medicine on election night, and this particular dose is most effective when taken live. In tonight's special "Election Night 2012: This Ends Now," Jon Stewart and regular Daily Show correspondents like Samantha Bee, Wyatt Cenac, Jason Jones, Al Madrigal, Aasif Mandvi, John Oliver, and Jessica Williams will be reporting on state-by-state election returns with a sense of humor.

LIVE, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
The Colbert Report: Live Election Night Special
Tonight's special live election episode features one of the longest titles I've ever had to type out: "Election 2012: A Nation Votes, Ohio Decides; The Re-Presidenting of America: Who Will Replace Obama? '012!"—and will feature analysis of the results along with a guest appearance by Andrew Sullivan.

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What to watch on Monday, September 24...

Much like last Thursday's What to Watch was pretty much overrun by NBC returns, tonight it's CBS's time to shine. With a handful of returns on top of a brand new addition to its Monday night line-up, "CBS Mondays" is shaping up to be a pretty decent night for television. THE SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER, GUYS! We've almost made it! And with that, let's take a look at what's on TV tonight:

SEASON 8 PREMIERE, 8pm, CBS
How I Met Your Mother
The series starts up just where it left off, with wedding bells ringing as Barney and Robin prepare for marriage. Of course, their concerns that the other will get cold feet and run sort of puts a downer on the whole event. All of the fears and pre-wedding jitters brings Ted right back to how he felt when he was about to marry Victoria—and how he was so adamant that she write her new fiancé a note describing that she left him at the altar. Phew, sounds like a heavy one!

SEASON FINALE, 8pm, The CW
The L.A. Complex
For the second week in a row, the CW is airing two new episodes of The L.A. Complex back-to-back, but THIS time the second episode (airing at 9pm) will also be the finale. If you're the kind of person who just likes to tie up loose ends, then you should make sure to at least catch the tail end of this two hour block. In the first "Xs and Os" everybody is panicking about the state of their lives: Abby worries about her impulsive behavior with Gary, Beth worries she'll lose Simon, Kall worries about his relationship with his father, Connor worries after his sister does something shocking, and Nick worries after suffering a career blow. Man, easy on the anxiety, folks! Then, in the finale, "Don't Say Goodbye," Connor gets uncomfortable with Charlotte and finds solace in Scienetics (I'm really hoping that's L.A. Complex code for Scientology, because it would be hilarious if this show went there) and Raquel gets ready for her big fund-raising event. Also, Beth keeps fighting for Simon. Maybe it's just something she should let go, did she ever think about that?

SERIES PREMIERE, 8:30pm, CBS
Partners
In CBS's brand new sitcom, two long-term business partners (one straight and one gay) are in the middle of a life-changing decision—for one of them: Joe (the straight one, I can only assume) is wavering on whether or not to ask his girlfriend to marry him. Good thing for good friends, right? When Louis makes an attempt to get involves (with the best of intensions of course), his efforts do more harm than good. Yep, sounds like a sitcom.

SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 9pm, CBS
2 Broke Girls
In "And the Hidden Stash" we kick off as Max and Caroline make their way up to a white-collar prison to visit Caroline's father (Steven Weber). Once there, he encourages them to show up at the Channing estate auction to buy a very specific item. Sounds just sketchy enough to work!

SEASON 5 PREMIERE, 10pm, ABC
Castle
In "After the Storm"—which is a very fitting title, don'tcha think?—Beckett and Castle re-evaluate their relationship after waking up from their heated night of passion. Spicy! While they work all of that out, they also have to deal with facing the folks who murdered Beckett's mother and who are now, subsequently, after Beckett, herself. Also, Beckett butts heads with a Senator. Wow, Beckett is really the center of conflict right now, isn't she?

PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
2012 Emmy Awards Fashion Wrap, SPECIAL, 8 p.m., TV Guide
Alphas, 8 p.m., Syfy
Basketball Wives LA, 8 p.m., VH1
Bones, 8 p.m., Fox
Dancing With the Stars: All Stars, LIVE SEASON PREMIERE, 8 p.m., ABC
Switched at Birth, 8 p.m., ABC Family
The L.A. Complex, TWO EPISODES BACK-TO-BACK—SEASON FINALE AT 9p.m.—8 p.m., The CW
The Voice, 8 p.m., NBC
WWE Monday Night Raw, 8 p.m., USA
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 8:30 p.m., TLC
All on the Line, 9 p.m., Sundance
American Chopper, 9 p.m., Discovery
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, 9 p.m., Travel
Border Wars, 9 p.m., NatGeo
Blood, Lies, & Alibis, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Get to Work, 9 p.m., Sundance
Love It or List It, 9 p.m., HGTV
Major Crimes, 9 p.m., TNT
Market Warriors, 9 p.m., PBS
T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle, 9 p.m., VH1
The Mob Doctor, 9 p.m., Fox
The Real Housewives of New York City, 9 p.m., Bravo
Warehouse 13, 9 p.m., Syfy
Chrissy & Mr. Jones, SEASON PREMIERE, 9:30 p.m., VH1
Mike & Molly, SEASON PREMIERE, 9:30 p.m., CBS
American Masters, 10 p.m., PBS
Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, 10 p.m., Food
Fashion Police, EMMY AWARDS SPECIAL, 10 p.m., E!
Fast N' Loud, 10 p.m., Discovery
Gallery Girls, 10 p.m., Bravo
Hawaii Five-O, SEASON PREMIERE, 10 p.m., CBS
House Hunters, 10 p.m., HGTV
Lovetown, USA, 10 p.m., OWN
Revolution, 10 p.m., NBC
Ridiculousness, 10 p.m., MTV
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
The Inbetweeners, 10:30 p.m., MTV
Get To Work, 10:30 p.m., Sundance

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS...
Steve Martin and a performance by Gotye on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
David Spade on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Julianna Margulies, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and a performance by The Killers on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC Blake Shelton, Serena Williams, and Andrew Rannells on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Dennis Quaid and Ellie Kemper on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What are you watching tonight?

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What to watch on Thursday, November 15...

8pm, The CW
The Vampire Diaries
There will be more hallucinations in the Thursday-at-8pm time slot this week, but in Mystic Falls instead of on the island of Sainte Marina. In "We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes," Elena experiences Psycho-esque, blood-in-the-shower hallucinations related to last week's murder, causing her to "make a dangerous mistake."

8:30pm, NBC
Up All Night
Up All Night is celebrating Thanksgiving tonight; do you think Will Arnett, Christina Applegate, and Maya Rudolph are thankful that NBC wants to see their show succeed, or do think they'd rather just get canceled and move onto other jobs instead of switching from single-cam to multi-cam? Anyway, in "Thanksgiving," Reagan somehow causes Chris to miss spending the holiday in Maryland with his family, so she tries to plan a better one at home.

9pm, Fox
Glee
Grease is the word tonight in "Glease," in which the New Directions debut their production of the classic musical. Plus Kurt and Rachel return to McKinley High, and even Santana makes an appearance (presumably "in person," instead of just on Skype). How will Unique do as Rizzo? Will Blaine be the most depressing Teen Angel ever? Tune in to find out!

9pm, Lifetime
Project Runway All Stars
In "Made in the USA Today," the designers must create looks inspired by images sent to them by readers of USA Today. So I guess we should expect a lot of "business traveler chic"?

9:30pm, NBC
Parks and Recreation
Tonight's episode is called "Leslie vs. April," which is reason enough to tune in. Apparently they'll be feuding because April wants to turn Lot 48 into a dog park; will Leslie be able to keep her cool in the presence of April's withering stare? Also on the docket: Ben helps Tom with Rent-a-Swag, Andy works on his CSI skills, and Vice President Joe Biden guest-stars!

SEASON 4 FINALE, midnight, Adult Swim
Childrens Hospital
Adult Swim's excellent 15-minute medical drama spoof show wraps up its fourth season tonight with "Eulogy," which features a special Newsreaders report on the death of one of the Childrens Hospital cast members. Yep, someone's gonna DIE... and if the promos are to be believed, things aren't looking good for ol' Dr. Clown Face. But really, you never know with this show. (Also, I would totally watch an entire Newsreaders spin-off, Adult Swim. Please take note.)

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS:
– Tim Allen, Nolan Gould, and Switchfoot on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Zooey Deschanel, comic Lisa Lampanelli, and Donald Fagen on Late Night With David Letterman, 11:35 am, CBS
– Mel Brooks, journalist Jake Tapper, and Jason Aldean on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12am, NBC
– Max Greenfield and Lucy Punch. on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

View the original article here

What to watch on Wednesday, February 27...

8pm, The CW
Arrow
Oliver and Diggle are stunned when they find out that the certainly deceased Deadshot is actually very much alive, because Oliver and Diggle did not realize they are living in a comic-book universe where shit like that happens quite literally all the time. The assassin’s got a bead on Malcolm in “Dead to Rights,” which also finds Ollie juggling his superheroics and his new relationship with McKenna.

8pm, CBS
Survivor: Caramoan - Fans vs. Favorites
In “There’s Gonna Be Hell To Pay,” the bond between Corrine and Malcolm sparks a discovery that could take the game to another level. I can’t even conceive of what kind of bond could be so game-changing, given that they are at least 13 people shy of a full Voltron.

9pm, The CW
Supernatural
Hey, you know what’s so hot right now? Zombies. Know what else is pretty hip with the kids? Ladies doing archery. Is there some way we can work those into an episode? Like, say, maybe Sam and Dean are tracking a zombie-related case, but then, see, it somehow involves an attack by the Greek goddess Artemis—she carried a bow and arrow, right? And then we can call the episode “Remember the Titans,” because, mythology puns, y’know? All right, I like it, it’s gold. Have the first draft on my desk in the morning.

9:30pm, ABC
Suburgatory
When she learns that Ryan hasn’t been completely on the up-and-up, Tessa’s misgivings lead her to mull over their future, as well as her college plans. Now, I’m not much of a “shipper” traditionally, but if these two split up it’s fair to say I will burn the entire Walt Disney Company to the ground with unholy fury. Elsewhere in “Leaving Chatswin,” George is shaken by Marty’s death as he and Noah are tasked with tending to the man’s ashes.

10pm, NBC
Chicago Fire
Severide’s visiting father butts heads with Chief Boden over a tragedy from their past in “Better to Lie,” while Mills lends support to a guilt-ridden driver after a car collision and Shay arrives at a crucial relationship decision. Meanwhile, Hermann, Otis, and Dawson explore a mystery about the bar; could it have any connection to Old Man McGillicuddy, Spanish doubloons, and the legend of the Ghost Knight?

10pm, ABC
Nashville
“Dear Brother” sees Juliette pulling out all the stops for Deacon’s birthday party, and who doesn’t appreciate a much-younger romantic interest taking the time to remind them that they’re yet another year older? In other Music City transpirings, the press makes a meal of Rayna and Teddy’s divorce, and Scarlett is smitten with Gunnar’s hoodlum brother.

SEASON 7 PREMIERE, 10pm, USA
Psych
After getting shot in last season’s finale, Henry is clinging to life at the hospital in “Santabarbaratown 2.” The attack sends Shawn on a mission of revenge against the dirty cops he and his dad were investigating. This doesn’t sound like a “Shawn and Gus do zany cosplay” type episode, but you never can tell with this show.

10pm, TNT
Southland
When the dispatch system malfunctions in “Babel,” LAPD is forced to revive an old Westerosi technique and communicate with officers via messenger ravens. [Full disclosure: Portions of the preceding sentence may not be entirely accurate.] As for the cops themselves, Lydia catches up with an old flame, John is assigned a new partner, and Ben and Sammy’s working relationship is put to the test.

LATE-NITE:
– Johnny Galecki and the Miz on Conan , 11pm, TBS
– Eli Roth on Chelsea Lately , 11pm, E!
– R.J. Cutler on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart , 11pm, Comedy Central
– Museum of Modern Art design curator Paola Antonelli on The Colbert Report , 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– David Duchovny, J.B. Smoove, and Father John Misty on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno , 11:35pm, NBC
– Tina Fey, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and Solange on Late Show with David Letterman , 11:35pm, CBS
– Gordon Ramsay, Stanley Tucci, and Gold Fields on Jimmy Kimmel Live , 11:35pm, ABC
– Christian Slater, Mia Wasikowska, and Jason Aldean on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon , 12:37am, NBC
– Tom Lennon and Mike Tyson on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson , 12:37am, CBS

View the original article here

What to watch on Wednesday, February 13...

SEASON 26 PREMIERE, 8pm, CBS
Survivor: Caramoan – Fans vs. Favorites
If you've ever thought that watching so much TV would equip you to do some characters' jobs as well as they do, if not better, than Survivor has a gimmick for you: The 10 members of this season's Gota Tribe are all Survivor superfans, squaring off against 10 popular returning veterans in the Bikal Tribe.

8pm, The CW
Arrow
Oliver is in critical condition after being shot, and it's up to Felicity (and the realities of a successful, ongoing television series) to keep him alive. While he convalesces, the archer flashes back to the island and an intrepid escape with Slade, quite possibly "The Odyssey" to which this week's episode title refers.

9pm, The CW
Supernatural
To close the gates of hell, Sam and Dean must complete three daring feats—including the slaying of a hellhound, because Supernatural is operating on straight-up video game logic this week. Tune in to "Trial and Error" and hit up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A on your remote to give the brothers 99 extra lives.

9:30pm, ABC
Suburgatory
In episode-title-of-the-week contender "Blowtox and Burlap," Tessa and Ryan take in some art-house cinema on Valentine's Day, with surprising emotional results. Elsewhere, Sheila's mother arrives to stir up Shay shenanigans, and any Shay shenanigan showcase is sure to shine.

10pm, NBC
Chicago Fire
"Nazdarovya!" finds Dawson in dire straits while attempting to help Antonio in an investigation. Meanwhile, Severide visits his former fiancée, and Casey has a hard time adjusting to his new relationship with his mother. (Fun fact: According to Google, "nazdarovya" is a Russian toast meaning roughly, "To your health." That's the kind of extra level of service you can expect from us here at What To Watch Tonight Amalgamated, Inc.)

WINTER FINALE, 10pm, TV Land
Hot In Cleveland
Victoria worries about her future with Emmet after her movie wraps shooting in "What Now, My Love?" Melanie also contemplates her own relationship with Alec, while a new mystery about Elka comes to Joy's attention.

10pm, FX
The Americans
While Beeman investigates Robert's death, Elizabeth and Philip learn shocking facts about his life in "Gregory." In other developments, Margo Martindale begins her eagerly awaited guest arc as the spy duo's latest KGB comrade.

SEASON 5 PREMIERE, 10pm, TNT
Southland
John butts heads with a new trainee, whose resume includes a tour of duty in Afghanistan. In other season-opening business in "Hats and Bats," new mom Lydia struggles to achieve a work/life balance, and Ben gets mixed up with some ne'er-do-well cops. Just how ne'er-do-well, you ask? They're led by notorious WB bad boy Chad Michael Murray, which should tell you all you need to know.

LATE-NITE:
– Matthew Morrison, Kathryn Bigelow, and Lupe Fiasco with Guy Sebastian on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Richard Simmons on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Author and Afghan presidential candidate Fawzia Koofi on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Dave Grohl on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Anne Hathaway, Lester Holt, and Eli Young Band on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Medal of Honor recipient Staff Sgt. Clinton Romesha, Quevenzhané Wallis, and Robert DeLong on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– James Franco, Nigella Lawson, and Fall Out Boy on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Sarah Jessica Parker, Steve Harvey, Jeff Musial, and Kacey Musgraves on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Russell Brand and Allison Williams on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

View the original article here

What to watch on Monday, February 18...

8pm, CBS
How I Met Your Mother
Hey everybody, the Captain's back! True, we've all repressed memories of most of the sixth season, but Kyle MacLachlan was one indefatigable bright spot. Why is he popping up out of the blue in "The Ashtray" to call upon Ted? Who cares! Enjoy it while you can.

8pm, ABC Family
Switched at Birth
Love may be in bloom for Bay and Noah, but rockier times are in store for Daphne and Travis, whose falling-out spurs repercussions aplenty. Elsewhere in "Drive in the Knife," an intriguing new campaign volunteer captures Toby's attention.

9pm, Fox
The Following
A phone call might lead Claire to her son in "The Siege," because yeah, this seems like the sort of show where strokes of serendipitous good fortune carry no sinister twists whatsoever. In supervillain news, Carroll enlists an old lawyer cohort to deliver a message that may have
< dramatic music> fatal consequences < /dramatic music>.

9pm, TNT
Dallas
Ryland's mission to ruin Ann's life rolls on in "Trial and Error," as he drags some skeletons out of her closet and then casts her in NBC's next Thursday-at-10pm drama. In other diabolical machinations, John Ross's plan to take control of Ewing Energies continues apace, and an old Ewing enemy resurfaces.

10pm, NBC
Deception
Big week for Edward, who discovers disturbing new information about Lyritrol one minute and engages Julian in career-altering fisticuffs the next. Meanwhile in "Tell Me," a new lead may spell danger for Joanna, and Senator Haverstock divulges to Mia his true identity. Guys, what if his true true identity is sleazy New York City prosecutor Dan Fielding, and it turns out this whole series is a stealth Night Court spin-off?

10pm, ABC
Castle
Castle and Beckett discover a plot to kidnap the daughter of a Middle Eastern tycoon, but Castle's own family winds up in danger in the process.. Dylan Walsh guest-stars as an FBI agent who lends a hand to their investigation... though not enough of a hand to forestall the dreaded "TO BE CONTINUED" card, since "Target" is the first half of a two-parter.

10pm, Syfy
Lost Girl
Bo's friends stage an intervention to corral her off-kilter behavior in "The Kenzi Scale." Can they help her kick her debilitating habit of squeezing characters' names into punny titles??

LATE-NITE:
– Ricky Gervais, Tig Notaro, and Frank Turner on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Kevin Bacon, Dennis Rodman, and Kevin Eubanks on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– David Spade, dog trainer Kenny Licklider, and Aaron Neville on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Andy Samberg, David Steinberg, and Ben Harper featuring Charlie Musselwhite on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Artie Lange, Alison Brie, and Tame Impala on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Jacki Weaver and Nicola Benedetti on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

View the original article here

What to watch on Thursday, February 14...

SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, ABC
Zero Hour
Fans of cuckoopants genre dramas on Thursday nights, you lost a powerful asset when NBC axed Do No Harm after only 14 people watched it. But perhaps ABC can interest you in this new supernatural-mystery-time travel-thriller trail mix, seemingly conceived by a "high-concept TV"-themed edition of Apples to Apples. Clocks! Treasure maps! Nazis! Conspiracies! Anthony Edwards! Apocalypse! More clocks!

8pm, CBS
The Big Bang Theory
"The Tangible Affection Proof" finds Leonard planning a romantic Valentine's Day dinner for Penny. This strikes me as quixotic at best, considering such things are giant honking magnets for disruptive hijinks when you live in a sitcom. And oh look! Here come those hijinks in the forms of Howard, Bernadette, and Penny's ex-boyfriend!

8:30pm, NBC
Parks and Recreation
A citywide emergency preparedness drill thwarts Leslie's plans to raise money for the parks via a fancy soiree, though hopefully plans for Amy Poehler to dazzle in a cocktail dress remain intact. Elsewhere in "Emergency Response," Leslie's absence forces Ron to fill in on Pawnee Today, while Andy gears up to take the police academy entrance exam.

9pm, Fox
Glee
New Directioneers past and present gather to celebrate the Valentine's Day wedding of Will and Emma in "I Do." Spoiler alert: Will has written his own vows, which he will deliver via whiteboard.

WINTER PREMIERE, 9pm, AMC
Comic Book Men
The adventures of Kevin Smith and his fellow proprietors of ye olde comic shoppe resume as the crew makes plans to attend a cosplay MMA competition in "The Clash at the Stash." Say what you will about the titular men themselves, but isn't it heartening that AMC's reality shows can spotlight oft-maligned subcultures without resorting to broad, attention-grabbing pejoratives?

SERIES PREMIERE, 9:30pm, AMC
Freakshow
Um. May've spoken too soon. Life at California's Venice Beach Freakshow is explored, beginning with the team's efforts to enlist a living giant and a bearded lady for the two-headed bearded dragon's birthday party. Well, golly, AMC. Your new programming slate tonight can't get any more outré than that, right?

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, AMC
Immortalized
Oh what in the actual living hell, AMC? Professional taxidermists compete against amateurs in this new reality series. Did you know that there was such a thing as amateur taxidermy? Well, now you do. You will carry that knowledge with you for the rest of your life, and you have AMC to thank.

SERIES PREMIERE, 10:30pm, MTV
Failosophy
In which comedians Nicole Byer, Mike Cannon, and Jared Freid are paid legal U.S. tender to discuss particularly noteworthy internet "fails" (as I'm given to understand is the parlance of today's youths), and consequently I am also paid to alert you to the existence of said discussion.

LATE-NITE:
– Dr. Phil McGraw, Julianne Hough, and The Vaccines on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Julianne Hough on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Ambassador Susan Rice on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– California lieutenant governer Gavin Newsom on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Animal expert Jarod Miller, Timothy Olyphant, and Colbie Caillat & Gavin DeGraw on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Jerry Seinfeld and Dave Grohl & The Sound City Players with Stevie Nicks on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Rachel Weisz and Josh Groban on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Bruce Willis, Molly Shannon, and Trinidad James on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– George Lopez and Sutton Foster on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

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What to watch on Tuesday, February 12...

8pm, ABC Family
Pretty Little Liars
Spencer lashes out at Mona in "What Becomes of the Broken-hearted." Hanna seeks to reunite Caleb and his father, who had love that's now departed. Emily and Jason know they've got to find some kind of peace mind regarding Ali's trip to the Jersey Shore.

LIVE, 9pm Eastern, Various Networks
The State of the Union Address
President Barack Obama delivers his annual address to a joint session of the 113th Congress, followed by the GOP response from Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida. Criminally, Animal Planet has announced no plans to counter-program with the State of the Puppy Union featuring an official Kitty rebuttal.

9pm, ABC Family
The Lying Game
Emma deploys deception in order to shine light on Rebecca's falsehood in "Catch Her in the Lie," just in case you were doubting how seriously this series takes the central thrust of its title. Meanwhile, Kristin makes an unsettling discovery, and her support of Alec puts Theresa's relationship with Dan on the rocks.

10pm, FX
Justified
"Foot Chase" picks up with Raylan on the trail of Josiah Cairn, or what's left of Josiah Cairn after his involuntary amputation. Elsewhere, Boyd and Ava set their sights on the upper strata of Harlan County society. I don't ask you for much, show, but please let this scheme depend on Boyd donning a top hat and monocle.

10pm, Spike
Joe Schmo: The Full Bounty
Skylar is communicating with her deceased husband, which raises red flags for Chase in "Is That a Gun in Your Pocket?" On the bounty-hunter-training front, Wanda serves up an unorthodox tutorial on frisking.

10pm, TBS
Cougar Town
"Restless" finds Jules in the throes of insomnia, which seems chemically impossible for someone who consumes, on average, 51 fluid ounces of a depressant every day. In other cul-de-sac goings-on, Grayson is laid low by a roller hockey injury, and Ellie does her damndest to elude Andy's Valentine's Day-inspired friskiness.

SEASON 2 FINALE, 10:30pm Comedy Central
The Burn With Jeff Ross
Nikki Glaser, Al Madrigal, and Ralphie May join Jess for conversations about Valentine's Day and hipsters. Also, Snoop Lion (née Dogg) is the target of a "Friendly Fire" segment.

LATE-NITE:
– Bill Maher, Celeste Anderson, and Jackie Kashian on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Jenny McCarthy on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Mike Piazza on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Oxford American editor Roger Hodge on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Charles Barkley, The World's Fastest Free Throw Shooter, and Jewel on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Bruce Willis, the 2013 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model, and Little Big Town on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Jessica Alba, Bobby Flay, and Elle Goulding on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Josh Duhamel, Craig Robinson, Christina Tosi, and Boyd Tinsley on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Ted Danson and Teresa Palmer on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

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What to watch on Wednesday, February 6...

8pm, The CW
Arrow
Heinous erstwhile crime boss Cyrus Vanch (guest-star and all-purpose TV baddie David Anders) is out of prison, and his first order of business is to eliminate Starling City's newest costumed do-gooder. Elsewhere in "Betrayal," Lance's mistake leads to grave danger for Laurel, and Oliver questions Moira about his father's notebook.

9pm, The CW
Supernatural
"Everybody Hates Hitler" is giving Monday's Switched at Birth a run for its money for the honor of best episode title of the week—and that's before even hitting the episode summary. A representative sample of phrases contained therein: "attacked by a golem;" "spontaneously combusted;" "Nazi sorcerers." What more do you need to know?

9pm, NBC
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Convicted sexual predator Mike Tyson guest-stars as a convicted murderer and victim of a sexual predator in "Monster's Legacy." Benson takes an interest in the death-row convict's case and asks Bayard Ellis to reopen it.

9pm, ABC
Modern Family
Manny has a cunning plan to step into the lead role in Cameron's school production of The Phantom of the Opera, Phil and Jay team up against Mitchell and Pepper on a golf outing, and two small children are allowed extended exposure to Claire in contravention of all accepted parenting guidelines and several state laws. All this plus Alex and Gloria's trip to a psychic (!) in "A Slight at the Opera."

10pm, ABC
Nashville
Juliette wants to demolish her reputation for bubblegum pop, but her team is less than keen on the idea. Meanwhile in "I've Been Down That Road Before," Rayna learns that Deacon has taken to strumming his instrument for Juliette. What? In her band! He plays guitar! Get your minds out of the gutter, people.

10pm, CBS
CSI
"In Vino Veritas" kicks off a two-part crossover that concludes on this Friday's CSI: NY. Big Apple detective Mac Taylor drops by Las Vegas to visit his girlfriend, and turns to his good buddy Russell when he learns said girlfriend has mysteriously vanished.

10pm, TV Land
Hot in Cleveland
"Victoria learns the true meaning of friendship," according to the summary for "Fast and Furious," and if that doesn't imply this episode will be at least partly Claymation, then I don't know my way around the televisionverse.

10pm, FX
The Americans
Philip and Elizabeth encounter trouble during a scheme to bug the office of Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger in "The Clock." It's hard not to see that plot as anything but a sop to the internet's legion of Felicity-Caspar Weinberger fanfic writers. I'm glad the excellent rookie drama is getting that out of the way early in its run.

LATE-NITE:
– Rooney Mara, Jeff Ross, and Dirty Projectors on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Elton John and guest host Dave Grohl on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Former General Motors chairman Ed Whitacre on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Author Lawrence Wright on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Tim McGraw and Bar Refaeli on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Joel McHale, dog trainer/reality television star Kenny Licklider, and Elvis tribute artist Justin Shandor on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Ewan McGregor, Julianne Hough, and Gary Clark Jr. on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Whoopi Goldberg, Tavi Gevinson, Tommy Mottola, Kurt Metzger on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Emmy Rossum and Jon Ronson on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

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What to watch on Thursday, January 31...

SERIES FINALE, 8pm, NBC
30 Rock
It's hard to imagine a world without new episodes of 30 Rock—almost as hard as it was to imagine, back in 2006, that we'd get seven (7) seasons of it—but that will be the case after tonight. The hour-long finale, comprised of the episodes "Hogcock!" and "Last Lunch," bids goodbye to Liz, Jack, Tracy, and the whole madcap TGS crew, and I'm not crying shut up you're crying.

8pm, CBS
The Big Bang Theory
"The Cooper/Kripke Inversion" finds Sheldon's confidence rattled when he collaborates with Barry, although that probably only downgrades him to a Category-4 ego storm. Elsewhere, Howard and Raj procure pricey action figures of themselves, raising the question: If a woman pulls the cord on a Raj action figure, will it still talk?

8pm, The CW
The Vampire Diaries
Look, Vampire Diaries. If you're going to bust out the title "A View to a Kill," I expect two things and two things only: 1) Elena in a pulse-pounding ski chase, and 2) Damon sporting full-on Simon Le Bon hair. Let's be honest, it would be pretty easy to incorporate both into an episode where Kol's running wild and alliances in the Great Race for the Cure shift in response.

9pm, CBS
Person of Interest
A figure from Reese's past emerges with a nefarious plan in "Dead Reckoning." Step one is kidnapping Reese. Step two is a colossal cyber-attack that could kill him. Step three is... profit? World domination? The obliteration of all websites that automatically play Flash animation or really loud video as soon as they load? Actually, that last one might be worth the sacrifice...

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, NBC
Do No Harm
You've scoffed. You've mocked. You've read the incredulous dispatches from critics who've seen what is, by most accounts, an impenetrably ludicrous pilot. Now the time has come to tune in for yourself and find out whether Do No Harm can do for Jekyll-and-Hyde adaptations what The Cape did for capes. Steven Pasquale stars as a neurosurgeon with a fiendish alter ego whose emergence he can no longer control.

10pm, ABC
Scandal
Secrets aplenty come out in "Truth or Consequences." The team is nonplussed to learn the sordid details about the rigged presidential election, as well as Olivia's past... which for all we know could include fixing a series of city council races, the 2003 World Series, the last seven People's Choice Awards, and every vote that's ever been held on So You Think You Can Dance.

10pm, USA
Suits
"Zane vs. Zane" pits Harvey against Rachel's father in a gender discrimination suit. I know the cases on this show typically tend to go Pearson Hardman's way, but since the elder Zane is played by guest-star Wendell Pierce—The Bunk himself—all bets are off.

LATE-NITE:
– Fan-based material is featured in "Occupy Conan" on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Kristen Bell on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Jason Bateman on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Music critic Matthew Guerrieri on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Piers Morgan, Quvenzhané Wallis and Benh Zeitlin, and Lisa Loeb on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Al Pacino and Macklemore & Ryan Lewis on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Jennifer Lawrence, Katie Couric, and Tegan and Sara on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Channing Tatum, Megan Hilty, Tim Ferriss, and Graham Parker on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Rashida Jones and Julie Gonzalo on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

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