Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts

Revenge "Union" Review: Shotgun Wedding

Revenge S02E13: "Union"

Victoria Grayson, we bow down. Emily Thorne, take note: THIS is how justice is dispensed. While our Revenge heroine was dissolving in an ocean of tears at her true love's surfside wedding, Mama Grizzly was spilling blood at Grayson Manor.

"Union" opened with Emily's rosy-hued flashback to the make-believe wedding she staged as a child to her beloved Jack Porter; now, Fauxmanda, the Dementor consuming Emily's soul and destroying everything that is good, is marrying Jack instead.

Recruited to perform the ceremony, Nolan offered the best quip of the night:
"Who knew officiant was French for 'wedding bitch'?"

The bridal babes, see, had more pressing matters to attend to, like rescuing Jack. Again.

The creepily clean-shaven barkeep has become such a pathetic, oblivious idiot that it's impossible to see why he deserves the love of Emily or Amanda. Even his own dog (RIP, Sammy!) fled in disgust. (Okay, yes, technically Sammy was Emily's dog. But still.)

In just two scenes, the juvie pals swiftly tied up the meandering Stowaway storyline that I've only tolerated because of my trusty fast-forward button. First, Emily wrote a check to buy back Conrad Grayson's share in the bar. Then, because Conrad's plans involve casinos and condos, Fauxmanda broke into Emily's computer (correctly guessing that the password was "infinity," sigh) and threatened Mr. Moneybags with all that incriminating video footage from Shamu and the Clam-Cam.

Predictably, one-note Nate Ryan bristled at Porter's new "leverage" and offered to "remove" it. (Does his scheme result in the removal of, say, his arm from his body after the explosion of Jack's boat?)

Aiden was really mad too… and really sweaty, demanding that Nolan scrutinize his sister's snuff video for clues. Nolan not only determined that it was created six years ago in Jersey City, but discovered Colleen's coroner's report and led Aiden and Emily to her grave in a potter's field.

There's a reason this hacker became a billionaire—he isn't always gullible and naive.
In fact, Nolan suspected the Initiative might be using Padma. And even though Emily didn't care, he confronted his CFO, who confirmed that the terrorist group kidnapped her dad. Meanwhile, priorities! Nolan was due to don a fabulous platinum paisley and marry some folks!

The Graysons weren't invited to Jack and Fauxmanda's wedding, which was awesome because their storyline suddenly got way more interesting. Victoria learned that the Initiative was manipulating Daniel into becoming another fall guy like David Clarke. After a series of protective maneuvers, Victoria ended up pointing a gun at Helen in the Grayson poolhouse.

Like Helen herself, the last thing I expected was for the Grayson matriarch to actually pull the trigger. Like most of the characters I love—and love to hate—Victoria has become weak and helpless this season.

Not anymore. She aimed and fired and Helen dropped dead on the floor. Even better, Conrad then barged in with the news about a "rather extraordinary problem on our hands." She replied, "I'll go first," gestured at the floor, and then stepped over Helen's body to refresh her drink.

Victoria's ascendancy made it that much harder to endure Emily's abject failure, watching Fauxmanda steal her fairy-tale happy ending.

There is one consolation: We know that Mr. and Mrs. Porter's honeymoon cruise ends in the death of at least one obnoxious character.

So riddle me this:

1. Who dies on The Amanda?

2. How does the boat explode?

3. Is Padma playing Nolan?

4. Declan, Charlotte and Carl: spin-off?

5. Why does Daniel still live with his parents?


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What to Watch Tonight: The Series Premiere of Zero Hour, Will and Emma's Wedding on Glee, and the Launch of Reality Thursdays on AMC


What to watch on Thursday, February 14...


SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, ABC
Zero Hour
Fans of cuckoopants genre dramas on Thursday nights, you lost a powerful asset when NBC axed Do No Harm after only 14 people watched it. But perhaps ABC can interest you in this new supernatural-mystery-time travel-thriller trail mix, seemingly conceived by a "high-concept TV"-themed edition of Apples to Apples. Clocks! Treasure maps! Nazis! Conspiracies! Anthony Edwards! Apocalypse! More clocks!


8pm, CBS
The Big Bang Theory
"The Tangible Affection Proof" finds Leonard planning a romantic Valentine's Day dinner for Penny. This strikes me as quixotic at best, considering such things are giant honking magnets for disruptive hijinks when you live in a sitcom. And oh look! Here come those hijinks in the forms of Howard, Bernadette, and Penny's ex-boyfriend!


8:30pm, NBC
Parks and Recreation
A citywide emergency preparedness drill thwarts Leslie's plans to raise money for the parks via a fancy soiree, though hopefully plans for Amy Poehler to dazzle in a cocktail dress remain intact. Elsewhere in "Emergency Response," Leslie's absence forces Ron to fill in on Pawnee Today, while Andy gears up to take the police academy entrance exam.


9pm, Fox
Glee
New Directioneers past and present gather to celebrate the Valentine's Day wedding of Will and Emma in "I Do." Spoiler alert: Will has written his own vows, which he will deliver via whiteboard.


WINTER PREMIERE, 9pm, AMC
Comic Book Men
The adventures of Kevin Smith and his fellow proprietors of ye olde comic shoppe resume as the crew makes plans to attend a cosplay MMA competition in "The Clash at the Stash." Say what you will about the titular men themselves, but isn't it heartening that AMC's reality shows can spotlight oft-maligned subcultures without resorting to broad, attention-grabbing pejoratives?


SERIES PREMIERE, 9:30pm, AMC
Freakshow
Um. May've spoken too soon. Life at California's Venice Beach Freakshow is explored, beginning with the team's efforts to enlist a living giant and a bearded lady for the two-headed bearded dragon's birthday party. Well, golly, AMC. Your new programming slate tonight can't get any more outré than that, right?


SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, AMC
Immortalized
Oh what in the actual living hell, AMC? Professional taxidermists compete against amateurs in this new reality series. Did you know that there was such a thing as amateur taxidermy? Well, now you do. You will carry that knowledge with you for the rest of your life, and you have AMC to thank.


SERIES PREMIERE, 10:30pm, MTV
Failosophy
In which comedians Nicole Byer, Mike Cannon, and Jared Freid are paid legal U.S. tender to discuss particularly noteworthy internet "fails" (as I'm given to understand is the parlance of today's youths), and consequently I am also paid to alert you to the existence of said discussion.


LATE-NITE:
– Dr. Phil McGraw, Julianne Hough, and The Vaccines on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Julianne Hough on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Ambassador Susan Rice on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– California lieutenant governer Gavin Newsom on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Animal expert Jarod Miller, Timothy Olyphant, and Colbie Caillat & Gavin DeGraw on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Jerry Seinfeld and Dave Grohl & The Sound City Players with Stevie Nicks on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Rachel Weisz and Josh Groban on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Bruce Willis, Molly Shannon, and Trinidad James on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– George Lopez and Sutton Foster on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS



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Glee "I Do" Review: My Big Fat Gleek Wedding, and All the Hook-ups That Came With It

Glee S04E14: "I Do"

This week on Amazing Trainwrecks in TV History (sometimes referred to as Glee), Emma bailed on her wedding and everyone kept partying because FREE BOOZE, Rachel and Finn had sex, Kurt and Blaine had sex, Quinn and Santana had sex, Artie and Betty maybe had sex (it's funny cuz they're paralyzed, GET IT???), and Marley didn't have sex because she's a virtuous virgin and all that. Marley's virtue was further glorified by Rachel, her predecessor, peeing on a dipstick back in New York because she's a slutty slut slut now or something what with all the eyeshadow and the spray tan and the momentary willingness to do a nude scene a few episodes back.

I love you, Glee. I love you for all the wrong reasons.

So uh, yeah, Emma freaked out and ran away. No one really cared. Will kind of cared because he was super-pumped about Miss Pillsbury FINALLY taking his name and becoming Mrs. Schuester, but as far as putting down the coffee, and IDK, maybe double-checking that the neurotic woman he's supposedly madly in love with hasn't thrown herself off a bridge in her panic and grief, well, that was just asking too much. In fact, NO ONE seemed terribly concerned by Emma's disappearance. Even her own parents encouraged the guests to party at the reception anyway, since it was all paid for in advance, which makes sense, but maybe everyone could have TRIED to show a little thoughtfulness?

Which brings me to the major beef with "I Do" and Emma's runaway bride routine: Was it even necessary? For all intents and purposes, "I Do" was "the wedding episode" even after the wedding didn't actually happen. Santana got drunk on a fake ID. Old romances were rekindled. One-night stands (or two-night stands) happened. There was dancing and cupcakes and merriment. There was a freaking bouquet toss. Emma jilting Will at the altar bore little impact on the story except to complicate things at a date TBD—a complication that I honestly don't think Glee actually needed. I make fun of Glee for being a giant inconsistent mess at times—most times, in fact—but the threads of an ongoing story ARE there, week in and week out. The big concern that allowing its seniors to graduate and go to college would prove to be too much for Glee to handle has ultimately not been so bad. Sometimes moving between New York and Lima is clunky. Sometimes the story in one setting is infinitely more interesting than the story in the other and the timesplitting between them gets tedious. For the most part, though, Glee has handled the transition well. Rachel, Finn, Santana, and Kurt's new arcs have grown organically from their Lima roots. Back in Lima, things tend to remain business as usual, but such is the nature of a plot that depends so heavily on a regular background cycle—like the yearly competition circuit or the school year.

Marrying Emma and Will off wouldn't have ended their story. It would have opened them up to new situations to sing about. The fact that Emma fled from the wedding doesn't really make their relationship any more or less complicated than it already is. The fact that her escape didn't even complicate the immediate plot of the episode is just a sad commentary on what little regard the Glee's writers have for Emma. I really hope that her return doesn't end up indulging in the same sort of victim-blaming Glee tends to fall for (liiiiike with Marley's eating disorder) but at the moment, the general sentiment seems to be "Emma ruined her wedding and OMG POOR WILL AWW."

On the plus side, at least the Finn-kissing-Emma thing didn't seem to be the catalyst for the jilting so much as Emma's nerves getting the best of her and everyone pretty much just standing by and watching it happen.

So let's talk about all that sexin'!

Blane and Kurt ripped their clothes off in the back of a Prius. Mercedes said it was tacky. Later, they had slightly-less-tacky hotel room sex. Blaine took it as a sign that they're getting back together. Kurt not so much. Thoughts?

They got drunk and slow-danced. Then they ended up having sexytimes. Quinn was ready to write it off as her one-time lesbian thing. Santana offered to make it a two-time lesbian thing. Quinn seemed receptive to the idea. I think this is going to turn into more of a friends-with-benefits thing than a Quintana thing, but what do you think?

With help from Ryder, Jake made every day of the week leading up to Valentine's Day special for Marley in hopes of getting in her pants at the wedding because he's like, super classy. At the last minute, Marley changed her mind about cashing in her V-card and if nothing else, Puck Jr. understands that no means no.

They weren't sure if they had sex or not because they can't feel anything below their waists. HILARIOUS, GLEE. HILARIOUS. You keep rockin' those stereotypes.

Rachel was adamant that she and Brody have a "modern" relationship with no labels, which means things like "single" and "not single" are irrelevant. She and Finn sang. They made googly eyes. She caught Sue's bouquet. There were words. And then there were bare shoulders and lights out. Still not getting back together, though. Probably. At least not yet.

So apparently Brody is a gigolo? And Rachel found his date book? And even though they have no labels and it's totally cool for her to bang Finn in Ohio, back in New York she and Brody are the new golden couple and he should act accordingly? And she might be preggers? Oh Glee, you're so silly.


And on that note, the New Directions are taking a breather until March 7th. See you then, kids!

– Glee playlist time: I liked everything. Emma and Will's "Getting Married Today," Marley and Puck Jr.'s "You're All I Need to Get By," "Just Can't Get Enough" with Kurt and Blaine, Rachel and Finn's "We've Got Tonite," and the ensemble performance of "Anything Could Happen." All awesome.

– Marley figured out that Ryder was responsible for her awesome Valentine's Week and they kissed. Greeeeat.

– "Not everything has to do with you." —Finn, to Rachel. Clearly he's never watched an episode of his own show.

– Is Rachel preggers?

– If Rachel IS preggers, are you with me in praying to anyone or anything that will listen that it's not an IDK WHO MY BABY DADDY IS storyline? I mean, statistically speaking, it's gotta be Brody's, but since when has Glee let anything like common sense get in the way of batshit insanity?


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The Office "Roy's Wedding" Review: The Big Plan to Unbland Jam

The Office S09E02: "Roy's Wedding"

I had some directives for the final season of The Office, a few things I wanted to see and a few that I'd rather not see. Near the top of the list was to make Jim and Pam's lives just a little more interesting than watching paint dry. They don't need to become something out of an action movie or anything, but, you know, we just need to shake things up a little. I suggested an affair. Most commenters agreed that was the stupidest thing they ever heard.

I'm willing to concede now that I see the alternative. A storyline I figured was going to play out in two weeks, Jim going into business with his friend without telling Pam, looks like it's starting to grow legs and—let me tell you, this is hard for me to say about The Office—I like where this is going. This is a narrative awareness I wasn't prepared for.

We, the fans of the show, have remarked at least once if not for years that Jim and Pam are the blandest blands who've ever blanded. Not in the first few seasons, obviously, but definitely since the marriage and especially after the kids were born. If it weren't for the fact that they're so adorable and that they're our proxies into a realm of quirkdom, we probably wouldn't miss their absence. They'd be like Gabe. Yeah, you forgot you haven't seen Gabe in a while, right?

With this season, the show is starting to explore that boredom. They've turned a situation that became stale with consummation into an examination of the ennui Jim suffered from the beginning and that Pam has (apparently) accepted. It's about how being one with a person means that sometimes there aren't any more surprises and there's nothing left to discover. It's about achieving individual dreams sometimes at the sacrifice of the person you love. It's heady stuff for this show.

I applaud The Office for taking it on, too. It's necessary. I also love that Roy's life took them down a few pegs, this power couple that generally holds themselves above the rabble, only to find out they were the white trash at the wedding (I've maintained this show is at its best when Jim is either getting the best of Dwight or life is getting the best of Jim). Roy didn't just come back to the show for a couple quick quips before exiting forever. His reintroduction into their lives means something. It's a catalyst to examination. Stakes are something Jim and Pam have been unfamiliar with for some time and I look forward to seeing where this goes.

That being said, the rest of the episode was pretty effing stupid.

The Taliban Law story was amazingly contrived, even for a latter-season Office episode. It was mildly amusing when we got to the punchline, but a terrible journey. I think the reason the journey was so awful was mostly that Nellie doesn't belong here. She was a good short-term character during the Tallahassee arc last season, but she should've stayed in Florida. Complicate things with that tag at the episode where Nellie and Dwight were flirting like middle-schoolers and all I can do is facepalm. The possible love triangle between Nellie, Dwight, and Angela (once she finds out that the Senator is gay) is enough to fill my chest with dread.

Speaking of chests, Ellie Kemper got to show off a little of hers in this episode. Clark's scheme was just as contrived as the Nellie/Dwight story but it was supposed to be contrived. It played on our understanding that Erin has a childlike naivete, but she toes a line that Kevin has fallen over as time has worn down these characters. Sometimes she's too much like a child. She and Kevin can be too much of a caricature. I also have an issue with Andy, who seems inconsistent with his perception. There are times he seems to be hip to what's happening, but then we have stories like this week's, where he thought an intern's apartment was an appropriate space to audition for a news anchor position. I believed Erin would walk into the situation blind. With Andy, I'm not sure it made any sense. Clark said that "everything is higher cut on camera" in order to get Erin to wear low cut clothing. Why would Andy believe that?

Then there's the delivery that's so popular in the mockumentary-style format, the confessional where one character has an innocuous voiceover that lends context to what would otherwise seem to be an innocuous scene. Erin said the words "maybe it'll work out for Andy" while the image showed Pete and Erin enjoying a burger together. If you are to pit Clark and Pete against each other (and the show has been begging you to, by naming them Dwight, Jr. and Little Jim or whatever), and Clark is made out to be the black hat in this particular situation, you have to assume that Pete, the white hat, is the one schmoozing the girl. When Erin says something is working out for Andy, we're actually looking at something bad for him. Another possible love triangle. Another. Possible. Love triangle. Inside. The Office.

Dear coworkers at the Scranton branch, there's a whole wide world out there. Stop trying to hump people you can commute with.

The cobbled-together situations aside, I laughed a few times during this episode so that's a vast improvement. This season feels different than the past ones, doesn't it? The chemistry is slightly altered or there's some kind of new wit to it. Maybe I'm making that up. In any case, it seems like the show has things chugging along for this season and here's hoping it continues to improve. The secret: Let Creed open his mouth more often.

– I was impressed by the Chore Wheel sequence. Slightly impossible (just slightly) but the situation, the language used, the twist at the end with Tiny Wheel, all reminded me of that clever wit prevalent in the opening seasons and so spare in the latter seasons. The prizes and punishments were awesome. My favorite: Stanley Gets Your Lunch. No whammy!

– Jim responding to Roy about what's going on in his life reminded me of how Ryan would respond to that question. Jim muttered that same douchey, my-life-is-empty response, saying he has some things cooking. Except he actually does have something.

– Phyllis and Bob Vance making out only showed how truly bland Jim and Pam are. You always get the feeling that they're soulmates. But they're never very... affectionate. I don't need a Jam sex tape or anything. Hmm, actually...

– Creed Line of the Night: "The Taliban is the worst. Good heroin, though."

– I wanted a quiz show episode so bad.

– How many shows in the past few years have done the door-closing scene from The Godfather? I think even when I try to picture the scene from the movie, I'm actually thinking about Weeds.

– I really like that Jim still calls Pam Beesley.

– I like the animosity between Clark and Pete. It's like watching the Smallville of The Office.

– Do we still feel like Pam will quickly forgive Jim's trespass?

– We had two insinuations of blossoming love interests (Erin and Pete, Dwight and Nellie). Chances that something will become of them?

– If something does become of Pete and Erin, that would mean that the new incarnation of Jim is crushing on the receptionist, one who works with her fiance. Is this show about to collapse in on itself?

– What was your favorite Chore Wheel prize?

The Office "Roy's Wedding" Photos


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Lost Girl "Fae-nted Love" Review: Amnesia Wedding

Lost Girl S02E18: "Fae-nted Love"

I really hate when I throw a party and everyone comes late. I'm just sitting there, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for the party to start. That's what Lost Girl is starting to feel like. The main characters are all ready for the Garuda to show up and start his whole death of the Fae thing. By this time, I think it's safe to say that fool is LATE. "Barometz. Trick. Pressure.," the episode where the Garuda promised Trick he'd be coming, was five episodes ago. The world was so different back then! The Olympics hadn't happened! The Colorado Massacre hadn't happened! I lived in a different state!

Which isn't to say this episode wasn't a whole lot of fun, because it was. In fact, it was probably one of my favorite Lost Girl episodes to date, simply because it was fun. Though I can't help but wonder, what on Earth is taking the Garuda so long?!

Despite her attempts to end things with Ryan, Bo called him to help her heal. For a Succubus, that means sex. During the healing process Bo's blood ended up on Ryan, and afterward he wanted to cuddle. Bo was confused but didn't think much of it, so she just kicked him out. Then he started sending her gifts, but weird gifts, like birds.

This was actually something I've been waiting for—Bo's relationship with Ryan having horrible consequences. Sure, these were more supernaturally induced consequences than I was expecting, but it was still nice to be right.

To keep Kenzi from asking too many questions about the bizarre gifts, Bo agreed to take a job from Kenzi's ex—the one we met in "It's Better to Burn Out Than Fae Away." His grandmother changed her will, leaving everything to a very strange church that operated out of a strip mall. Bo and Kenzi investigated, but Bo was caught by the church owner, who threw water on her. When Kenzi tried to help, Bo didn't remember her and ran away.

Awesome. Amnesia always makes a story more interesting. Of course, it all depends on what you do with it. It would be easy to have a relatively lame amnesia story, but Lost Girl wasn't having any of that. After leaving the church Bo ran into Ryan, who had been following her. He took advantage of her amnesia to convince her he was her boyfriend. When she bought it hook, line, and sinker, Ryan decided to take things even further. He asked her to marry him. Not knowing any better, Bo said yes.

Such a good place to take the amnesia! Two of the least matrimonially minded characters on television helicoptering off to the alter. A-MAZING!

But Bo decided that if she was getting married, she needed a puffy white dress. Leading to probably the best scene in this entire episode—zonked-out Bo getting fitted for a wedding dress while simultaneously talking about how much she loves Ryan (particularly his jacket, apparently), trying to remember her friends (Wolf Cop!), and seducing the seamstress.

Back home, Kenzi and Trick discovered that Bo's attacker was an Addonc, a water Fae. They went to his church and didn't find him, but they did find the address of the hotel where Bo and Ryan were staying. And why did the Addonc have that? Because Ryan called him to stop on by. After hitting on the seamstress, Amnesia Bo decided she wasn't ready to get married. But Blood-Tainted Ryan wasn't taking no for an answer, so he got the Addonc to erase Bo's memory again.

So there they were, Succubus and Loki, about to be married by a fake priest. I feel like there's an offensive joke in there somewhere.

Kenzi and Trick had to rush to break up the wedding, because Fae don't do quickie divorces, and for Fae, "quickie" means one thousand years. They arrived just in time, stopped the wedding, and got Bo to drink an antidote to the Addonc's water. With her memory restored, she explained Ryan's strange behavior. Trick knew a way to cure him, though he didn't say how he knew. They performed a ceremony, and got Ryan back to his sleazy, not-wanting-to-get-married-right-away self.

Bo put together that both her blood and Trick's blood have strange powers. Once they were back at the Dal, Bo confronted Trick about it. However, she told him that since they had to focus on fighting the Garuda, they could talk about it later. Because the Garuda is coming, people! We've got the chips and salsa all laid out, and he's gonna be here any minute! But I'm definitely getting to the point where if he was going to be this late, he really should have called to let us know. Is his cell phone out of battery or something?

Oh yeah, and Dyson defeated a suicide-inducing under Fae by being already dead inside. So... congrats? I guess? It's only so long before that guy starts wearing way too much eyeliner and writing really bad poetry.


QUESTIONS:

– If you were Kenzi, how long would it take you to forgive Bo?

– Are lovebirds a sweet gift to woo someone, or just kind of weird?

– What's the etiquette if you've promised to destroy an entire race, but you find yourself running late?

– Do you like Dyson better now or did you prefer him when he still had emotions?


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