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The Office S09E06: "The Whale"

There was something about this episode that made it better, wasn't there? I can't quite put my finger on it but the characters seemed truer, the comedy seemed sharper, and drama seemed better. I'm struggling here. Why was it that this episode seemed to be less stupid and more funny? I—wait a minute, I think I have it.

Schizophrenic Andy wasn't forced to be the anchor.

In fact, we got the Andy who's more like the one we've grown to love (or tolerate) and then he was gone within the first two minutes, leaving the other, more consistently interesting characters to fill the void. But the merciful absence of Andy wasn't the big story of the night.

There are few phrases from the early days of The Office that have remained in my vocabulary (especially since "That's what she said" has been replaced by Archer's "Phrasing!"), but one of them is the calculated risk for which the result might be to "collapse on myself like a dying star." That line was delivered expertly by Melora Hardin as Jan, that sweet, socially-inept, hot mess of an alpha female.

It's been years since she stood by that tree in front of David Wallace's house, debating the pros and cons of dating Michael Scott, and the show did an expert job of hitting all the notes of Jan without leaning too heavily on flashback (and, somehow, doing it all without mentioning or even showing clips with Michael Scott). Just some short scenes to remind of us of how crazy she is, the beginning of her journey to exact revenge upon David Wallace, and the rest was up to us. The candles. The baby near Cece's age. The open blouse to remind us of those... enhancements.

Just as Roy got his own episode to say farewell, Jan got hers, which is precisely what I'd hoped for. I was scared that The Office would end up doing what Seinfeld did during its series finale, pulling all the smaller characters from over the years into a little courthouse and having them drop their individual catch phrases. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I'm glad to see Jan get more than just a line in a montage of confessionals.

What's been good so far about these episodes featuring former guest stars is that they've also been great "where are they now" stories. Within the span of Roy's episode, we saw how well he's doing, his hopes for the future, and, ostensibly, a Happy Ever After. Jan's, while it didn't exactly meet with Roy's conventional version of happiness, was just as fulfilling, particularly since she (very nearly) fulfilled her sweet "living well" revenge on David Wallace. It's also important to note that two of the people who stopped working at Dunder-Mifflin who've been featured are doing much better now than they ever were at the paper company. Roy has a beautiful bride and runs his own business. Jan is in charge of the White Pages (no small enterprise). Basically, anyone who stays at the Scranton branch is essentially agreeing to punch in every day to a stagnant pit of despair.

But times are a-changin' and some of these characters are starting to loose themselves of the stagnation. The most obvious example of that is Oscar, who finally got caught. And I couldn't be more for it. How many more episodes could we stand with Oscar looking nervous at even the suggestion of innuendo? I was glad to see Angela put the pieces together to get this storyline moving, particularly since it's probably going to account for Oscar's "happily ever after." We have a long way to go, but let's hope the journey is worth it.

The other big set-up for the future was Jim's dangling confusion about whether he can continue to literally phone in his effort for the sports marketing startup. While I can't imagine the series giving Jim and Pam anything less than their freedom from the shackles of their middling jobs, the wrench being thrown here contributes to some intrigue. What can the Halperts do if they have to decide right now whether to stay with the job security in Scranton or move on to the high-risk, high-reward of leaving it behind? The pit of despair and its immediate surroundings obviously conspired to bring Jim down and force his partners' hands. You have to assume, if the offer's on the table, that Jim will at least take the position over his sales job at the paper company. But they planted the tiniest little sapling that Halpert could lose this thing, didn't they?

"The Whale" was a fun episode that felt so much better without Andy Bernard trying to steal the show while armed with whatever personality the writers decided he needed this week. We got a dose of the past with a lot of stories setting the table for more important stories. A better episode. Not perfect. But better.

– The Pete and Erin thing: When will it be okay to pull the trigger on that? It's not ready yet, but they have to find a time when (1) we as an audience will accept Erin jumping from one boy to the other and (2) enough chemistry has been established between Erin and Pete that Erin's jump will seem like the right choice. Those two criteria are far from being met.

– I love Toby and his mustache confidence, especially since, in the world of upper-lip facial hair, I share a lot in common with Clark. Movember would have to be six weeks long before anyone would realize I'd done anything different.

– Erin's different variations for what a mustache looks like (an eyebrow in the middle of your face, with your mouth like an eye socket; cyclops missing an eye), along with telling Stanley to eat it, are two more reasons why Erin is in the running for MVP on this show.

– I felt like the Dwight stuff toed the line between wacky and cartoonish as he struggled to learn how to appear like he's listening. I thought it was funny and I welcome any opportunity for Rainn Wilson to make his genius serial killer face. I just worry.

– Along with Dwight's story came this little string of logical reasoning: Dwight has trouble selling to women, Dwight is the top salesman at the company, so the city that Dwight sells to must be predominantly male. A sad state of affairs for gender equality in Scranton.

– I also really like Dwight and Pam or Dwight and Jim teamed up together, specifically the sweetness in the former and the professional respect in the latter (despite a lot of big talk by Dwight in mixed company). If Dwight lived in a realm of normalcy and convention, the three of them would probably be outside-of-work buddies. Dwight went the path of beet farming and nunchaku instead. But I love how supportive Pam can be for her husband's chief rival. "You got this, Schrute."

– "Where's the Quizno's?" What a beautiful lamb to offer up as a sacrifice, particularly since he's supposed to be Dwight's doppelganger.

– Congratulations, The Office. You've officially made Nellie as bland as Jim and Pam. Now what?

– CreedWatch: "I miss Clinton." So say we all, brother. So say we all.

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The Office S09E16: "Moving On"

Andy wouldn't be such a monster if everyone in the office wasn't so complicit to his tyranny.

I know that's like saying Tokyo would've been better off if they'd just ignored Godzilla. I'm not trying to blame the victim. But Pam, Dwight, and Angela's way of gutting the beast, by ignoring him and undermining his authority, is the only reasonable course of action. The man ditched work for three months and is now only sticking around because of a pass from a guy who doesn't deserve to run a business. Wallace kept Andy on because he owed Andy a favor? Logical but not reasonable.

Pete and Erin are feeding the monster, though. While everyone else in the office is ready to ignore or straight-up ditch Andy, these two pathetic souls feel like they owe the guy something for their not-so-clandestine relationship. How are you, Pete the girlfriend thief, going to offer advice to the man that you burgled?

Wait, that came out weird.

The show maybe, possibly suggested that Erin wasn't so much into Andy while he was gone, maybe, possibly so often that the storyline itself got so dull in its holding pattern that I could've sworn they were just repeating the same script every episode with regard to these two. With that, I don't think Pete was an actual "thief" of a person, although that would be how Andy feels. And, as a person in the awkward position of being too nice for his own good while feeling guilty about wrecking a man, I can see how Pete might feel compelled to give Andy some assurances about the relationship.

But I won't forgive Erin and Pete for providing Andy the only pathos he's had since the beginning of the season. When they both came in and tried to convince Andy to move on (which felt more like an excuse to bring up Alice, Pete's ex, than anything reasonable), I almost felt sad for the man. Here he was, enduring sanctimonious platitudes from the pair that conspired behind his back. Watching it, I was overcome by a feeling that I hadn't felt for the Nard-Dog in some time. "What is this? Sympathy?" I asked myself, disgusted.

Happily, that was enough to sic him to ravage the office. My sympathy melted in the conference room scene at the end. But none of it would have been possible without everyone involved being complicit to the monsterdom. Gabe's presence was easily explained because he's a weirdo and still in love with Erin (this possibly being the best version of Gabe I've seen—the insane almost-stalker) but everyone else just stayed in the room. Erin may have stayed out of guilt. Pete sticking around seemed out of character for him, particularly since he'd walked out on Andy's last tantrum, when Andy fired him. And Alice? Why didn't she just bolt when she found out there wasn't a marketing department?

I want to say this was a good cap to Andy's consistent villainy but he seems to get worse every week. He's on thin (vanilla) ice with Wallace, but what will it take to bring him down to earth again? If the writers were ever planning to restore Andy's underdog status or to make him at all sympathetic, could it possibly work with the height of antagonist he's become?

One of the best lines of the episode, and proof that Andy might be reduced to the poor whelp that he is, came from Pam as she departed for her episode arc. "Where are you going?" Andy asked. "Not on a three-month boat trip." Throwing how Andy shouldn't be qualified to sit on the throne of the Scranton branch in his face is enough to undermine him and maybe take the evil wind out of his sails, but not until he admits some fault. He hasn't done that at all since returning and it seems like that's the point. He will in no way be sympathetic until he admits some fault for splitting for three months with no repercussions. Maybe that's what makes us working stiffs the most upset with him.

But let's backtrack to Pam's arc a little bit because there was a bit of disappointment here, too. We didn't get the fight. Not even a snippet. Not even a mention. It was just Pam going for a job interview in Philly, leaving us to assume that the result of the fight was that the family should just pack up and move to Philadelphia. Not that the plan is a terrible one but I was hoping for some catharsis from the argument. Instead it looks like we'll have to wait for a while longer.

The beginning of the dinner was nice. Jim: "This is consolation champagne. It came from the part of France that immediately gave up to the Nazis." I think the worst part about Jim and Pam heading into Dullsville, PA, was the elimination of their banter. It's probably what made us fall in love with them the most outside of carefully choreographed will-they-won't-they scenes. I mentioned in an earlier review the phone conversation at the end of "Initiation" being important to the story of Jam. Most of it was about nothing: Sandra Bullock, having a number of kitchens, time zones. But that's the part of them that makes us understand why they belong together, that their conversations operate like a Swiss clock with timing and delivery that almost couldn't happen in real life but they make work because of their undeniable chemistry.

By the time they rolled around to the end of dinner, when Pam suggested that she maybe didn't want to do the thing we assumed they decided to do, we found ourselves at a crossroads. Again. It's like the fight never happened. So, to me, I'm going to assume it never did. At least we didn't have to see Brian.

We did, however, see Dwight and Angela kiss and it makes me happy to see that story progress. We know how it's going to end, but I'm looking forward to that specific journey. Especially if it'll provide a reprieve from Andy's reign of terror. A head who has been unquestionably blessed by a higher power but sits unjustly as ruler of everything he surveys, and terrorizes his subjects, even going so far as to (metaphorically) behead them. If you think about it, Andy is kind of like Joffrey Baratheon. Don't think about it too much.

– Well, there goes our theory that Toby is the Scranton Strangler. UNLESS HE STRANGLED HIMSELF AS A COVER!

– What a waste of amazing talent at the real estate office. Bob Odenkirk was wonderful, as you could expect, and played Michael Scott almost as well as Carell himself. But that he was only around for that one-off and that Michael Weston only had a single line is a crime. I also appreciate Odenkirk's, "I think they indulge themselves a little too much." It's like they know we know they know.

– No single document in the history of television has appeared as often as the relationship disclosure form on this series. Dunder-Mifflin Employees bone more often than at Señor Frogs in Cancun. (Full disclosure: I don't officially know anything about the inter-employee relationships at that particular establishment—it's fair to assume they bone less).

– Erin: "I've seen Pete's butt. It's sick."

– This was a good episode for the background characters: Meredith with floating kisses to the "fresh meat," Stanley feeling the same way about horny people that Phyllis feels about sad people, and even the coda with Oscar and the boots was pretty good (mostly for little things like Phyllis bringing Stanley some tea and not the contrived scenario that was only meant to bring about the mention of the documentary premiere). If The Office has done anything consistently well over the course of the series, it's make sure the bit players have decent material.

– God help us all if they do show the documentary and it turns out to be an excuse for a clip show. I despise clip shows.

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The Office S09E04: "Work Bus"

"No knobbies, no probbies."

I want to preface this review by saying that I'm very fond of Jim as a character. To me, that's not a bold statement to make, but he and Pam have drawn their fair share of criticism, particularly for being the ones who are most often cited for mugging for the camera. Jim is loveable in a way that's different from Tim on the U.K. version of The Office, a way that's distinctly American, and that must have been a difficult thing to distill when porting the series. One might say Jim started as an underdog on this show, but you would never say he's a loveable loser in the way that Tim always was. Jim's pride, boldness, and amiability are very this-side-of-the-pond, and even a critic would have to agree that the nuanced difference between him and his source material is an achievement in character development.

But Jim is destructively selfish and a master manipulator.

It's amazing the amount of sway he has over the people working at Dunder-Mifflin's Scranton branch. Is it feasible for anyone else in that office to rally harder than Kevin for a trip to eat pie? Can you picture Angela or Stanley or Creed standing up before their peers and convincing them with the fervor of an Eastern Pennsylvania Mussolini to continue a trip of horror? It is only through Jim they could trust banding together into an unthinking mob.

And does Jim use his unifying charisma for good? Throughout this episode, Jim established that he wanted to do something good for his amazing wife who digested his secret squirrel job acceptance without much more than a "I wish he would've told me" and that going to Laverne's was a way for him to do something for her. But somewhere between the subterfuge, the chanting, and the general ganging up on Dwight Jim encouraged in order to get his way, it came off as more than a little self-interested.

Jim got carried away, almost drunk on his ability sic his coworkers on Dwight's attempts for control (Dwight who had more delicious one-liners here than he's had in quite some time). But Jim really came off as a jerk when he started his rooftop conversation with how he was trying to do a good thing for his wife. Not for his coworkers or for Dwight or just in the name of pie. He was looking out for his only vested interest, his quality of life, even in the face of Dwight obviously suffering a crisis, imagined or whatever.

Jim and Dwight weren't the only stand-outs in tonight's episode. Ellie Kemper sold Erin's history as a kid raised by the system. Her initial communing with Nellie on trying to make herself marketable as a child was well-written and well-executed. That she would break down and cry about Andy being the worst without first talking to Andy was a little unbelievable, given that Erin has established how willing she is to give Andy a piece of her mind, but writing the letter and reminiscing about her sad orphan history countered the sweeping nationalism in Jim and Dwight's A-story.

In an episode that could've been gimmicky (let's put 'em on a bus!), the characters made this a worthwhile venture. The roadtrip aspect of the show, such as banding together for pie and taking pictures at roadside landmarks, presented the kind of togetherness we want to remember from this series when it's gone. I'm almost surprised we got it so early, even though the premise would've felt lame if this was one of the last episodes of the season.

But I suppose the writers need to make sure they leave time at the end for Jim to funnel his charm into a Scranton strain of fascism based on shirking work and belittling Dwight. It's a platform you can get behind.

The Office "Work Bus" Photos

NOTES:

– In a season of good teasers, I thought the "fail" highlight reel was relatively weak. More than anything, it established how "fail" as an interjection has run its course and should never be used again. It is the Ed Hardy or Affliction of mainstreamed internet phrases.

– Toby: "You think I have a machine for measuring bee hives?" Andy's reaction to that was just another indication of how ill-tempered and off-putting he's been all season. Being terrible to Toby feels out of place because it was a Michael Scott thing the writers are forcing on Andy, and the Nellie thing is continuing to be awful. I almost feel bad for Nellie now even though I think she's a character who needs to be excised yesterday.

– Like, let's go back in time and eliminate Nellie. I'm over her storylines. I'm over the writers trying adoption as a way to make us feel empathy. I'm the most over them trying to find a place for her on this show and failing miserably.

– CreedWatch: So, he's a man who hitchhikes in fancy clothes when "playing hooky" from work. Not surprising. Wish the joke had landed better. But it was still pretty awesome.

Best new comedy duo on the show: Daryl and Clark. "No. Stop. Come back."

QUESTIONS:

– Who's got the better antagonistic bromance: Jim and Dwight or Oscar and Kevin?

– Will Dwight have fathered a child by the end of the season?

– Do you struggle with Pam so quickly accepting that Jim went behind her back or was that expected?

– Pete and Andy had a small rival moment as Pete told Andy it was Erin crying behind the curtain. Over/under on how many episodes go by before that comes to a head: 3?

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The Office S09E03: "Andy's Ancestry"

"Right now I need canned tuna, okay?"

What is going on with Andy?

Remember when Andy was just that guy who tried too hard and had an anger management problem due to his litany of failures? It wasn't necessarily a dynamic role, but Ed Helms played the thing well and it grew into something slightly more nuanced, if awkward. But this season, after coming back into power at the Scranton branch, he's been like 50 shades of asshat.

It's not even the jackassery that I mind so much. It's the inconsistency in character, like he's bipolar for comedic purposes. Including the end of last season, we've seen him vacillate from shrewd corporate backstabber to diehard romantic to juvenile prat to gullible nincompoop all within, I would say, four or five episodes. "Andy's Ancestry" made me consider why it's happening. Why is it that Andy, debatably likeable before Season 9, is so hard to figure out right now?

I think part of it has to do with the writers trying to shove Andy Bernard in a Michael Scott-shaped hole. There was always going to be a certain amount of that when Andy took over the position of regional manager, but they've been hitting it extra hard this year. Nellie is Andy's Toby. Darryl is Andy's Ryan. Andy tends to be a little more prone to fanciful distractions in the office. If he puts on a bandana and calls himself "Prison Andy," I won't be shocked.

So with Andy filling the roles of both Andy and Michael, we've got a mess of a character that's completely erratic from episode to episode. Andy is (now) someone who put together a complex coup to get his old job back but also believes data brought to him by his enemy that says he's related to Michelle Obama.

Sadly, Andy isn't the only square peg being shoved into a round hole. I felt like Oscar's rally to confront Andy about the slaveowners, and his defense of the stance during the meeting, where pretty antithetical to his character. The catty gossiping behind Andy's back: Sure, that's fine for Oscar. But escalating it and insisting that Andy consider his family's wealth tainted is outside of his jurisdiction.

Lastly: Dear The Office, stop trying to make Nellie happen.

She's the greatest square peg of them all. I say it every week, but Nellie is woefully out of place. She's a tertiary character at best (somewhere in the Phyllis-Toby realm), but she always seems to be in the mix, receiving plotline after plotline with the primary, opening-credits characters (she's only missing an individual storyline with Jim). Pam's revelation that Nellie might actually be cool sounded more like the show trying to convince us that it's true. If this is some sort of campaign to temper her character and make her more likeable, I feel like it's doomed. The show positioned her too well as someone who doesn't belong; now it's struggling to make her seem like she should be included.

Speaking of Pam's revelation, there was another part of her story this week that sounded more like meta-response. Nellie suggested that Jim is cheating on Pam, to which she confidently responded that such a thing isn't possible. Jim loves her too much. It was just as much set-up for the lame Darryl-Nellie miscommunication joke later as it was a statement to the audience for why her mind hasn't gone to the bad adultery place. Jim does love Pam too much. Although Jim may be bored with his wife, there's no indication that his eyes have wandered, even when the temp took over during Pam's pregnancy. It's making my foolish suggestion that the couple needed an affair to be interesting all the more sophomoric.

I was of two minds about Jim's secret coming out, though. The conversation with Darryl was great (Craig Robinson really nailed his part this week—I like ambitious Darryl) and the line about how it isn't real until he tells his wife is an astute observation, in general, for any husband with a life-altering plan, but specifically for Jim since nothing is real until it's revealed to his soulmate. That Jim told Pam about it before it got out of hand and Pam was hurt but not livid seemingly frittered away their emotional capital with the secret at all. I debate whether or not this is true to character or not, if Pam would so easily swallow such a thing, but I suppose that assessment can't really be made for another episode or two.

All in all, I felt pretty crappy about this week's episode. There were things I liked (noted below) but overall, this week wasn't nearly as sharp. Time will tell if the plan to Unbland Jam will come to fruition, but ultimately I'd just like to see these characters be consistent, even during the filler episodes. And maybe, just maybe, if we squeeze our eyes closed tight enough and wish really hard, Nellie will just fade into the background until she's just a blurry figure behind one of Jim's smirks.

– The opening: Asian Jim was a good prank and one of those that I can't believe hasn't been pulled yet. Practical jokes between Jim and Dwight are turning into Simpsons couch gags: How can there still be more ideas out there?

– As I mentioned above, I like ambitious Darryl. As a person who just browses Lifehacker when I get bored, I think someone catching up on GTD in the office was a great idea and I loved that his ideas were ignored because of a giant waste of time. The point was only driven home further by having Jim agree that he has good ideas. Best arc of the episode and it connected back to Jim's seasonal arc.

– Loved Pete and Clark's clapping and the reverse effect that bent reality. "Just clap through it."

Broken Fourth Wall Moment: The "crew" actually reusing Darryl's pre-recorded soundbyte. Clever, even if I don't totally agree with character directly interacting with the crew.

– The end tag: The Pete-Erin-Andy triangle is on. It's on like Donkey Kong. Why would Andy suggest setting him up with Meredith? Why is that where he went first? Is it because there aren't any other single women in the office and no one has friends outside of work? Yes. Yes, that's it, isn't it?

– Over/Under: Episodes before Andy gets hip to the budding attraction between Pete and Erin?

– Was the best line of the night Creed shaking his head to the question of whether or not he has fermented mare's milk?

– Is there anyone who can make a Nellie-less Office like that Garfield minus Garfield site? Are there any Nellie fans out there?

– How do you feel about how Pam handled Jim's news?

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The Office S09E02: "Roy's Wedding"

I had some directives for the final season of The Office, a few things I wanted to see and a few that I'd rather not see. Near the top of the list was to make Jim and Pam's lives just a little more interesting than watching paint dry. They don't need to become something out of an action movie or anything, but, you know, we just need to shake things up a little. I suggested an affair. Most commenters agreed that was the stupidest thing they ever heard.

I'm willing to concede now that I see the alternative. A storyline I figured was going to play out in two weeks, Jim going into business with his friend without telling Pam, looks like it's starting to grow legs and—let me tell you, this is hard for me to say about The Office—I like where this is going. This is a narrative awareness I wasn't prepared for.

We, the fans of the show, have remarked at least once if not for years that Jim and Pam are the blandest blands who've ever blanded. Not in the first few seasons, obviously, but definitely since the marriage and especially after the kids were born. If it weren't for the fact that they're so adorable and that they're our proxies into a realm of quirkdom, we probably wouldn't miss their absence. They'd be like Gabe. Yeah, you forgot you haven't seen Gabe in a while, right?

With this season, the show is starting to explore that boredom. They've turned a situation that became stale with consummation into an examination of the ennui Jim suffered from the beginning and that Pam has (apparently) accepted. It's about how being one with a person means that sometimes there aren't any more surprises and there's nothing left to discover. It's about achieving individual dreams sometimes at the sacrifice of the person you love. It's heady stuff for this show.

I applaud The Office for taking it on, too. It's necessary. I also love that Roy's life took them down a few pegs, this power couple that generally holds themselves above the rabble, only to find out they were the white trash at the wedding (I've maintained this show is at its best when Jim is either getting the best of Dwight or life is getting the best of Jim). Roy didn't just come back to the show for a couple quick quips before exiting forever. His reintroduction into their lives means something. It's a catalyst to examination. Stakes are something Jim and Pam have been unfamiliar with for some time and I look forward to seeing where this goes.

That being said, the rest of the episode was pretty effing stupid.

The Taliban Law story was amazingly contrived, even for a latter-season Office episode. It was mildly amusing when we got to the punchline, but a terrible journey. I think the reason the journey was so awful was mostly that Nellie doesn't belong here. She was a good short-term character during the Tallahassee arc last season, but she should've stayed in Florida. Complicate things with that tag at the episode where Nellie and Dwight were flirting like middle-schoolers and all I can do is facepalm. The possible love triangle between Nellie, Dwight, and Angela (once she finds out that the Senator is gay) is enough to fill my chest with dread.

Speaking of chests, Ellie Kemper got to show off a little of hers in this episode. Clark's scheme was just as contrived as the Nellie/Dwight story but it was supposed to be contrived. It played on our understanding that Erin has a childlike naivete, but she toes a line that Kevin has fallen over as time has worn down these characters. Sometimes she's too much like a child. She and Kevin can be too much of a caricature. I also have an issue with Andy, who seems inconsistent with his perception. There are times he seems to be hip to what's happening, but then we have stories like this week's, where he thought an intern's apartment was an appropriate space to audition for a news anchor position. I believed Erin would walk into the situation blind. With Andy, I'm not sure it made any sense. Clark said that "everything is higher cut on camera" in order to get Erin to wear low cut clothing. Why would Andy believe that?

Then there's the delivery that's so popular in the mockumentary-style format, the confessional where one character has an innocuous voiceover that lends context to what would otherwise seem to be an innocuous scene. Erin said the words "maybe it'll work out for Andy" while the image showed Pete and Erin enjoying a burger together. If you are to pit Clark and Pete against each other (and the show has been begging you to, by naming them Dwight, Jr. and Little Jim or whatever), and Clark is made out to be the black hat in this particular situation, you have to assume that Pete, the white hat, is the one schmoozing the girl. When Erin says something is working out for Andy, we're actually looking at something bad for him. Another possible love triangle. Another. Possible. Love triangle. Inside. The Office.

Dear coworkers at the Scranton branch, there's a whole wide world out there. Stop trying to hump people you can commute with.

The cobbled-together situations aside, I laughed a few times during this episode so that's a vast improvement. This season feels different than the past ones, doesn't it? The chemistry is slightly altered or there's some kind of new wit to it. Maybe I'm making that up. In any case, it seems like the show has things chugging along for this season and here's hoping it continues to improve. The secret: Let Creed open his mouth more often.

– I was impressed by the Chore Wheel sequence. Slightly impossible (just slightly) but the situation, the language used, the twist at the end with Tiny Wheel, all reminded me of that clever wit prevalent in the opening seasons and so spare in the latter seasons. The prizes and punishments were awesome. My favorite: Stanley Gets Your Lunch. No whammy!

– Jim responding to Roy about what's going on in his life reminded me of how Ryan would respond to that question. Jim muttered that same douchey, my-life-is-empty response, saying he has some things cooking. Except he actually does have something.

– Phyllis and Bob Vance making out only showed how truly bland Jim and Pam are. You always get the feeling that they're soulmates. But they're never very... affectionate. I don't need a Jam sex tape or anything. Hmm, actually...

– Creed Line of the Night: "The Taliban is the worst. Good heroin, though."

– I wanted a quiz show episode so bad.

– How many shows in the past few years have done the door-closing scene from The Godfather? I think even when I try to picture the scene from the movie, I'm actually thinking about Weeds.

– I really like that Jim still calls Pam Beesley.

– I like the animosity between Clark and Pete. It's like watching the Smallville of The Office.

– Do we still feel like Pam will quickly forgive Jim's trespass?

– We had two insinuations of blossoming love interests (Erin and Pete, Dwight and Nellie). Chances that something will become of them?

– If something does become of Pete and Erin, that would mean that the new incarnation of Jim is crushing on the receptionist, one who works with her fiance. Is this show about to collapse in on itself?

– What was your favorite Chore Wheel prize?

The Office "Roy's Wedding" Photos

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Made in Jersey S01E01: "Pilot"

You wouldn't know it from a cursory scan of popular TV, but there are other exciting places in the U.S. to live in besides New York City. Yet the all-seeing eye of TV keeps wandering back to NYC and it bizarro-world counterpart and neighbor, New Jersey, which has developed a reputation as home of the brassy and super-trashy. Made in Jersey expects you to already be well-versed in this stereotype, calling upon a pastiche of pop-culture tropes, from Stephanie Plum novels to Working Girl to the The Nanny. I mean, look at Martina Stromboli's hair!

The actress playing Martina Stromboli (not the character's actual last name, it but might as well be), Janet Montgomery, is engaging and natural and a pure delight, but she's about as "Jersey" as Kate Middleton, and dipped in and out of her accent throughout last night's series premiere. Despite looking more or less well-dressed to bumpkins like me, she was constantly told things like "You came in... looking like you!" so we could understand that she looks like HUMAN GARBAGE to the eyes of REAL New Yorkers.

However, this hasn't really held her back; in the opening scene she'd already been hired by a Big Awesome Law Firm, and by the end of the episode she'd risen through the ranks at a precocious speed and the guy with his name on the building was singing her praises, so it seems like her arc is not going to be a very dramatic one (maybe the big season finale will be her fighting to make Partner?). She uses her brassy experience with the working class to get clues her wealthy Prep school colleagues and the frou-frou NYPD detectives are too snobby to nose out. She CHATS with a WAITRESS!! I mean she basically IS the 99%.

She also has a big delightful stereotypical family that gets together for dinner with like eight sisters who all appear to be sassy supermodel models. Even if the big Jersey family has been done umpteen times, the Stromboli family's dinner was one of the highlights of the episode. If the writers can steer this ship closer to Martina's family and their Moonlighting vibe, they might even convince some viewers to record this show on their DVRs before heading out to enjoy their Friday night.

Because that's the elephant in the room, right? Premiering on a Friday night is bad news for a show, and Made in Jersey is not exactly the fun-filled escape from a workweek you might seek out when you're all TGIF'd up. The majority of the scenes unfold in a gray and brown legal office because ambitious Martina works non-stop. And the show will require the same level of engagement as, say, a high school math class, if this first "case" is any indication, with a flood of tiny bits of evidence trickling in throughout the episode. At a certain point I thought I'd need a notepad to keep track of everything, I actually got a little stressed out. In just this first episode the key evidence that was discussed at length included:

- a 'mosquito tone'

- substances which trigger luminals

- a series of illicit voicemails

- a brasserie alibi

- the cost of highlights

- DIY hair color

- a thumbprint on a ledge

- brick dust on a sleeve

- uncredited research

On and on... and weirdly, none of these clues really changed where the plot went. Nothing triggered a twist or a turn. Martina was convinced their young client was innocent, and every detail just reinforced that, a straight shot from a young girl accused of murder to all charges being dismissed.

The only real conflict in Martina's world is her bitchy Aryan co worker, a handsome blonde woman who undercuts her with super-inappropriate little one-liners. The dynamic is exactly that of Nanny Fine and C.C. Babcock. That may have been how this was pitched. "We want to set The Nanny at a law firm..."

With national treasure Kyle MacLachlan stepping in as the Max Sheffield analog.

Don't get me wrong, I loved The Nanny but it was a half-hour sitcom and this is an hour. An hour of puzzling over a foregone conclusion.

This is one of those rare instances when you have strong writers, a great lead, fine production, and just a lackluster premise. Martina is not dramatically brassy/sassy/different enough from the world of her colleagues to hinder her own progress, so the show craves conflict. It took a cartoon premise and really restrained it and the result is kind of tepid and completely humorless. Would I pause and watch this again? Mmmmmaybe... but then, I'm usually busy Friday nights.

QUESTIONS

... What city do you wish a TV series would be set in?

... Have you ever been to Jersey?

... If you haven't been to Jersey, do you still have a strong idea of what it's like and what is that based on?

... How did you like Made in Jersey?

Made in Jersey Series Premiere Photos

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Remember the days when you couldn't throw a beet without hitting someone who was 'shipping so hard for Jim and Pam, they actually hated Rashida Jones? Or who proudly displayed a Dundie on the mantle? Or who (un)ironically punctuated every sentence with "That's what she said?" Actually, that last one you might still be doing. She says so much crazy stuff!

America had The Office-mania. I mean, we didn't trust the show's cast to guide us through a popular operating system or anything but, darn it, we came close. You couldn't enter the vicinity of a Target dollar bin without seeing Dwight Schrute mugging from a stack of cocktail napkins. Though the fervor may have cooled some (those napkins are still sitting on a shelf at the Dollar Tree if you're still into that), it's sad to see The Office move into its final season knowing we'll have to say goodbye to (most of) these characters we've been hanging out with for nearly a decade. Make no mistake: It's time (and it might have been time last season), but it's still a little sad.

Although I can say Season 8 was better than the three or four before it, I have some advice for show in Season 9. It's not that I don't trust The Office. But I don't trust The Office. Allow me to offer a few suggestions that should help its producers and writers close down such a classic series with class.

DON'T explore every permutation of intraoffice coupling.

Just because it's the last season, doesn't mean we need to see everyone trying to mount everyone else before the end. This isn't an animal documentary on husbandry. This isn't Friends (seriously, how close did we get to Ross and Monica at least considering it?). We don't need to see what it might be like if Angela fell for Gabe or Kelly got down with... Gabe? I guess we've already explored a lot the permutations, so let's leave what's left to the slash-fic writers. I mean, there are already built-in arcs to tie up: Andy and Erin, Dwight and Angela, Darryl and Val. We don't need an increase the office incest. Stick to how the show established itself, men and women breaking through obstacles to find the loves of their lives. Speaking of which...

DO let us fall in love with Jim and Pam again.

You may or may not agree but, just like when your IRL friends get married, the Jam marriage made these two once-crazy kids bland. Seeing the couple become parents may have interested us a little, but the ultimate consummation of their soulmate nature stole a piece of the show. Obviously, no one would have survived 'shipping them for nine seasons, but maybe it's time to shake things up in the Halpert house. An affair, real or imagined? We need a test that will bring these two to the brink and remind us of why they (and we) fell in love in the first place.

DON'T make me watch more scenes in a maternity ward.

The people at the Scranton branch of Dunder-Mifflin spend entirely too much time in the hospital and the only time it was halfway enjoyable was when Michael hit Meredith with his car. Besides, we don't need any more babies. No surrogates, no adoptions. Babies are not an option. Think harder.

DO make a wedding interesting if you insist on having one.

Andy and Erin getting married in the final act of the series is not interesting. Same goes for any potential marriages between any of the other cast members (Ryan and Kelly, maybe? Would that be weird?). I understand the temptation: Shakespeare comedies end in a wedding. But Shakespeare comedies don't last nine years. The only one that would maybe be worthwhile would be Jim and Pam renewing their vows after a hardship. Otherwise, keep these kids out of a church. I'll let you slide with a Michael/Holly wedding, but you're pushing it.

DON'T make Todd Packer your Janice.

The problem with Janice on Friends was that she lost her appeal as an antagonist by the time we realized Chandler and Monica were pretty much together forever. Annoying, for sure, but tired as a joke. Todd Packer is most effective when Michael Scott is around and, since Michael left, Packer has been used sparingly (I loved him in the Tallahassee arc from Season 8). Let's keep it that way. Small doses.

DO bring people back with style.

That being said about Packer, I want to see people return in a way that doesn't seem forced. Asking people to come back for a big event (a wedding, a funeral, a reunion, etc) seems as cheap as a clip show to me. Scrubs laid it on thick by having JD literally walk down a hallway filled with guest stars and then showing an epilogue soundtracked with Peter Gabriel. Bill Lawerence, you bastard. I'd rather see characters come back and shake things up for the Scranton Branch, not just show up for a quip and drop out. Don't get lazy.

DON'T show me who is making the documentary.

I know it's been announced that we'll meet the crew this season but I'm saying this anyway, just in case it's not too late. I don't care if the mastermind is Werner Herzog. I don't want to see it. Do not walk into temptation!

DO make the result of the documentary available.

After nine years of footage, I hope it's, like, seven minutes long. And only a minute of it actually has to do with a paper company. It's a commercial for the Scranton Board of Tourism. Yessssssss.

What about you? What do you want to see in the final season of The Office?

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Those lovable kooks of Dunder-Mifflin in Scranton will clock into work for the last time at the end of the upcoming season. The Office executive producer Greg Daniels told reporters on a conference call this morning that Season 9 will be the last for the NBC comedy. (Finally.)

Over the past few years, watches have been checked multiple times with speculation over when the Emmy-winning show would end, as star Steve Carell left after Season 7 and several other stars have let it be known they'd be gone soon too. Mindy Kaling is departing as a series regular this season to start her own show on Fox, and Ed Helms, John Krasinski, and Jenna Fischer were all late in signing on to return. The spirit of the show will try to live on in an in-development spin-off called The Farm, starring Rainn Wilson as Dwight Schrute, the beet farmer. Just so I'm transparent, I think that's a horrible idea.

With an assigned end date, The Office will be able to wrap up tons of storylines, including revealing the identity of the documentary crew that's been filming the paper company all this time, unmasking the Scranton Strangler, and exposing the truth that Pam's baby is actually Creed's (I hope!).

What answers do you want from the finale season of The Office? (Besides "Why is the show still on?" of course.)

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