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GIRLS PROBLEMS

... Girls is losing one of its boys. Christopher Abbott, who plays Charlie (Marnie's on-again-off-again boyfriend) on the much-talked-about HBO show, is leaving the series. Why? Let's play multiple choice: a) Lena Dunham, b) Lena Dunham, c) Lena Dunham. If you answered "shameless Girls creator Lena Dunham," you're correct! The two allegedly butted heads going into the production of Season 3, so Abbott did the whole "fuck you I quit" routine. Since appearing on Girls, Abbott's star has brightened, and he'll move on to other projects he has in the works. [NY Post]

BUSINESS TIME

... Science Channel is ordering The Moaning of Life, starring An Idiot Abroad's Karl Pilkington in a new set of adventures. This time, Karl will travel the globe and see how other cultures deal with entering middle age. [TV Guide]

... Adult Swim has ordered the shortform live-action series Hole to Hole, from South Park's Pam Brady and Chelsea Lately's Arden Myrin. The comedy is a parody of 1980s detective shows and follows two sexy billionaire sleuths. [Deadline Hollywood]

... BBC America has put a premiere date on the final season of the U.K.'s Being Human: June 8. The Beebs also dated the interesting-looking zombie miniseries In the Flesh, about zombies that are reintegrated into society. Look for that three-parter to start on August 3. [BBC via press release]

... Discovery, TLC, Animal Planet, and Investigation Discovery (which are all part of the same network family) have announced their respective programming slates, and they're full of all the wacky stuff you'd expect from these bonkers channels. Among the highlights: two Discovery shows that feature people being dropped off in remote places completely naked, a TLC show called My Teen is Pregnant and So Am I, the eel fishing Animal Planet show called Eel of Fortune, and Investigation Discovery's Evil In-Law, which tells harrowing tales of overeager mother-in-laws. Television at its finest! [Discovery via press release]

... Disney Channel has given the greenlight to Mighty Med, a live-action comedy about two kids who work in a hospital for superheroes. Bradley Steven Perry (Good Luck Charlie) and Jake Short (A.N.T. Farm) will star. [Disney Channel via press release]

... Syfy is developing a new drama. There aren't many details on the project, but what we do know goes something like this: A meteorite hits a plane and the only two survivors go on the run from the government but have no idea what happened. So it's going to be one of THOSE shows. [Deadline Hollywood]

MORE CNN DESTRUCTION

... CNN's Ali Velshi is leaving the network for the soon-to-be-launched Al Jazeera America news network. You may know Velshi for his outstanding work wearing windbreakers and standing in flooded intersections during weather catastrophes. [Deadline Hollywood]

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New Girl S02E16: "Table 34"

It's like Nick said: Everything's back to normal on New Girl, or at least that's the case on the surface. Dr. Sam was super cool about Nick and Jess kissing as part of True American, but once he found out they'd smooched for realsies after the game ended, he was less happy-go-lucky about things and more it's-not-you-it's-you about ending his relationship with Jess. The jury's still out on whether or not that was conveniently sudden of him, but I wasn't exactly looking forward to their star-crossed love taking up an excess of screen time to die its slow, but certain, death. However: Taylor Swift, boo? That's your coping music? Jess, you can do so much better.

Winston revelled in his rediscovered mojo after hooking up with that chick from the Disney Channel last week and his confidence soared when the host of an Indian arranged marriage convention singled him out from the herd to keep him all to herself. Sure, she was totally creepy, but she responded well to Winston's "arranged bang" substitute—which is another point in his favor because it meant that he read a woman well enough to give her what she wanted. Epic win!

And finally, Schmidt's ongoing pursuit of Cece came to a head when he got the gang together to infiltrate her arranged marriage party and stop her from claiming a brown husband of her very own. Dressed like a bad Mike Myers impersonation, Schmidt tried to do things Cece's way, with the ice breakers and the speed dating, but the system worked to keep them apart. Schmidt ended up with quite a following of wannabe Mrs. Schmidttys while Cece, due to her resume and the responses she offered on the pre-conference questionnaire, ended up at the reject table—the episode-titling number 34—with Nick. And weirdly enough, Jess and Schmidt ended up sitting together. Or maybe not so weirdly; it was a very self-aware night on New Girl. Nick and Cece are polar opposites. She's a successful model, he's a trainwreck with anger issues. They're both impulsive, though, and as Cece pointed out, they both have a history of hurting people with their decisions. Schmidt and Jess, meanwhile, are thoughtful. They plan things out and they like things a certain way. They're both kind of neurotic.

Nick confronted Jess and apologized for the kiss, claiming that it meant nothing—which is total B.S. and Jess called him on it. It was too late to save Sam/Jess from sinking, but after a bottle of wine and a good long cry, Jess admitted that she didn't like Sam's morning fistbump habit. It's the little things that can make or break a relationship, you know? Also big things: Earlier, she'd admitted to Cece that she saw space and time move when Nick kissed her. SPACE. AND. TIME.

But after witnessing the destruction his impulsive move wrought, and knowing Winston's fear that a Nick/Jess hook-up has the potential to ruin the entire living situation at the loft, moving forward, Nick seems perfectly willing to panic-moonwalk himself away from a potential relationship with Jess and let everything revert to its previous state. They'll pine from afar and carefully dance around the issue until someone slips up again. The ball's in Jess's court, if anywhere.

I think, with all the ice breakers at the conference, and the way they revealed Jess to be compatible with Nick, New Girl's writers were trying to make it pretty explicit that Jess and Nick are meant to be our COUPLE. I don't know that they can really "go there" yet, though. But I also know that personally, I'll get bored if the show keeps dangling it. It's weird, because I still love last week's episode but I'm nervous about the position it puts the show in for the long run.

However, there IS precedent for these things to boomerang: Jess rationalized her way out of pursuing Nick by pointing out his habit of breaking things (whereas Sam "fixes things you don't even know are broken") just like Cece talked herself out of Schmidt earlier in the season, citing his late (and drunken!) arrival at their getting-back-together date and general Schmidttiness as reasons to run far, far away. But despite finding herself flung back into the realm of desirability after a heartfelt Ode to her Awesomeness from Schmidt, Cece ultimately returned to the love guru himself and all was right with the world.

C'mon, Jess. Make a play.

– One-liner of the night: "I'm a man, Jessica. Pink robes are my catnip." —Nick

– Cece's "Whaaaaaaaaaat?!" leading into the opening credits was great.

– The Jess/Sam break-up: too soon? Too convenient?

– How do you think this episode "handled" the aftermath of the kiss with regard to where Nick/Jess can feasibly be as a couple? Was "Table 34" a good way to get New Girl back to will-they-won't-they sitcom basics after subverting our expectations by having them kiss each other halfway through Season 2? Or did you want to see one or both of them admit their feelings more honestly?

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Well, Shonda Rhimes will soon have a little more time to work on one of her bazillion other shows. Rhimes announced today that her Grey's Anatomy spin-off Private Practice will call it a series after the current season, the show's sixth. The news isn't that surprising, as star Kate Walsh already declared that she wouldn't return for a seventh season if the show were renewed for one, and, well, it just didn't have the same success as the show from whence it came.

Rhimes took to the interwebs to make the announcement, calling the decision "heartbreaking." But she also said the current season has reached "a creative renaissance" and that ABC, the studio, and she all decided the show "was reaching its finish line," which is kind of confusing. Here's the statement in its entirety:

I'm sad to say that Private Practice's run will end after episode 613 this season. There was a lot of discussion and debate but, in the end, the guys at the network and the studio and I all decided that Private Practice was reaching its finish line. Creatively, we are all extremely proud of the show and especially proud of this season—which you will all soon discover is a creative renaissance. I can't wait for you to see it.

It's heartbreaking to end. Truly. I feel so lucky to write for these characters and tell these stories and I truly feel this show has taught me so much as a writer. And there's a family here, of crew and cast, people who have bonded over these past five and a half seasons. It's rare for a show to go for more than 100 episodes and we are incredibly proud to have been such a show. And we're grateful to all of you for spending time with us for an hour every week for the last 6 years. It's meant the world.

Thank you.

The sixth and final season of Private Practice is currently on its third episode and will end with its thirteenth. Grey's Anatomy, meanwhile, is still going strong and was just extended by a couple of episodes, as were both Modern Family and The Middle. Castle recieved an extension of one episode.

Will you miss Private Practice?

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First the Nets leave New Jersey, then Jersey Shore returns to disappointing ratings, and now CBS's Made in Jersey has been canceled. Jersey Pride is taking a beating.

CBS has made the first awkward phone call of the 2012 fall season, pulling Made in Jersey from its schedule effective immediately. The legal drama about a street-smart lawyer from New York's jealous cousin has been airing on Friday nights at 9pm; last Friday marked the series' second episode. Made in Jersey actually won the hour in total viewers with its last episode by drawing 6.78 million viewers. But it still had that CBS problem and finished fourth with just a 0.8 rating in the adult demo. Hey, at least it beat a Hart of Dixie repeat!

This bloodshed is the first of what has been a kinder, gentler opening month of the new fall season. Five shows (NBC's Go On, The New Normal, and Revolution and Fox's The Mindy Project and Ben and Kate) have all been given full-season orders.

Made in Jersey's 9pm timeslot will go to CSI: NY, which slides back an hour from hour. Undercover Boss will take over the vacated Friday-at-8pm slot when it returns for Season 4 on November 2.

If you're participating in our Dead Pool, this news is a bit of an upset—Friday shows are usually given a longer leash, as poor ratings come with the territory. Made in Jersey will be worth 11 points (two episodes aired, so it's 13 – 2 = 11). No, I did not have it as one of my picks and I'm pretty bummed about it. But now it's so obvious! Arghhhh! I mean, CBS let A Gifted Man rot for months before it got canceled in the same time slot last year!

Other shows that are likely candidates for cancellation include Fox's The Mob Doctor, CBS's Partners, and NBC's Guys With Kids.

Did anyone here watch Made in Jersey?

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Those lovable kooks of Dunder-Mifflin in Scranton will clock into work for the last time at the end of the upcoming season. The Office executive producer Greg Daniels told reporters on a conference call this morning that Season 9 will be the last for the NBC comedy. (Finally.)

Over the past few years, watches have been checked multiple times with speculation over when the Emmy-winning show would end, as star Steve Carell left after Season 7 and several other stars have let it be known they'd be gone soon too. Mindy Kaling is departing as a series regular this season to start her own show on Fox, and Ed Helms, John Krasinski, and Jenna Fischer were all late in signing on to return. The spirit of the show will try to live on in an in-development spin-off called The Farm, starring Rainn Wilson as Dwight Schrute, the beet farmer. Just so I'm transparent, I think that's a horrible idea.

With an assigned end date, The Office will be able to wrap up tons of storylines, including revealing the identity of the documentary crew that's been filming the paper company all this time, unmasking the Scranton Strangler, and exposing the truth that Pam's baby is actually Creed's (I hope!).

What answers do you want from the finale season of The Office? (Besides "Why is the show still on?" of course.)

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