Showing posts with label Finale. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Finale. Show all posts

The Walking Dead Season 3 Finale Review: They Never Could

The Walking Dead S03E16: "Welcome to the Tombs"

Well, Andrea's curse on Season 3 of The Walking Dead is over. Just in time for everything to be over.

For a character whose sole purpose was ultimately to be blissfully ignorant of the political affairs between Woodbury and the prison, her role was strung out for what felt like an eternity. By the end, the writers were just having her show increasing amounts of skin and trip on stuff like some common, sweater-meated horror-trope harlot. How often can you have someone constantly make decisions the audience knows are the wrong ones?

Even if we didn't have a somewhat-limited but basically omniscient perspective on the story, the fact that she'd turn coat on Michonne so quickly and trust the stranger over her intuition and obviously badass friend doomed her from the beginning. Then, not only was she wrong about The Governor, but she tried to broker some sort of peace deal when she found out that he was intent on destroying Rick and the gang. Rather than choosing a side, she ended up riding the fence right into the jaws of a biter. Her destined demise was the root for one of the major themes of the season.

The Governor, especially after adopting the pirate look, got cheesier and cheesier with his one-liners and any examples of his unchecked power that didn't involve blasting people in their heads. But his big line sums up that theme: "In this life now, you kill or you die. Or you die and you kill." In a world where people are disillusioned of past notions that we may not all be walking meatbags, where the macabre and bestial nature of killing walkers to survive and watching others get eaten as they die is the norm, pacifism loses its place with no one around to respect it. Armies of the undead have no rules against living civilians, and scarce resources mean whoever is mightier will be the one to get what they need. Be prepared to kill or be prepared to die. Because even death can't stop you from being a killer.

Carl spoke with Rick, just before Rick headed to Woodbury, and filled in that sentiment with a little more nuance. Carl wasn't ashamed that he shot the fleeing member of Pip Blake's militia, no matter whether he was surrendering or not. The boy has become disillusioned with his father's white-hat approach to survival. As the enemies become more complicated, and not just the undead are trying to kill them but so are the people who are competing for resources and safety, Carl feels like Rick's sense of "doing the right thing" is an antique. For Carl, it's not Humans vs. Walkers. It's Us vs. Them. If he doesn't know you or feel like you're "one of us," you're just another mouth to feed, another body to protect, another set of hands that can turn on you. Letting people live just because they're people has gotten the group into trouble, according to a suddenly very mature, very talkative Carl. Had they been more ruthless, they might not have to live in fear.

There was also a sense of choosing sides and how necessary it is for survival. It's no surprise that Daryl voiced the concurring opinion as Andrea uttered the platitudes of the dying. Happy to see that Michonne had made it into the in-crowd, she said, "No one can make it alone now." "They never could," Daryl said. That was the fundamental difference between him and Merle, particularly after Daryl had been with Rick's group for a while. Merle thought he could survive on his own, at the most be a soldier-of-fortune, within the walker landscape. Daryl came to realize that people have to stay in a pack, that that's the only way to happiness and safety: numbers. And having to put Zombie Merle down last week only confirmed his perspective. You can't waver. You can't just plug your ears and pretend it's not happening. You have to be active in this life. And you have to choose which side you want to be on: the undead or the living, the White Hat meritocracy or the benevolent dictatorship. You can't be alone anymore, so choose a group and stay loyal to it.


Then, right after Andrea said that, she talked about how she wanted to do "it" herself, meaning she wanted to end it all after she done got bit. Seeing her there with a tearful Michonne and a solemn family almost made us forget how utterly annoying she'd been the entire episode. You could reduce her entire story to: She was handcuffed to a chair, she had to pick up pliers with her toes, she finally did it, but she wasn't able to escape Milton the Walker. That was strung out for AN HOUR. So many pauses just to look at Milton and assess whether he was going to turn. So much time wasted on talking with Milton about whatever when she could've been working at her binds. Maybe her clock was much shorter than the rest of the characters' (we don't know how long Andrea was lying on the floor before the prison group found her), but because so little happened with Andrea over the course of the episode but her story still seemed to be equally weighted with other scenes, it felt like she was just gazing at that doofus for half the day before finally going into panic mode.

Good riddance, I say. A thought crossed my mind when the group was about to head to Woodbury and Glenn said he and Maggie would stick around: Daryl mentioned that it would just be the three of them, meaning Rick, Daryl, and Michonne, who were heading to the Governor's settlement... "That's really all you need," I thought. And, really, you only need Rick so he can do the talking. If it were a fairer fight, like The Governor's men all had compound bows instead of military-grade automatics, those two could've killed three-quarters of Blake's army, scared off the rest, and pantsed The Governor in about twenty minutes.

Putting Andrea back in the mix would've only introduced a "me too" to the dynamic. They have everything covered now; bringing Andrea back to the prison would just bring unnecessary complications to an already-established warrior class. She would've insisted on being a part of that group, though; doesn't matter that whenever she has been in the past, she's been nothing but trouble. Remember when she almost killed Daryl? It's better this way, with Andrea serving as the fountain from which Michonne's consuming desire for revenge springs eternal.

Besides, there are enough people in the prison now anyway. If Carl's reasoning for why he shot that kid and why his dad's gone soft might've sounded a little silly near the beginning of the episode, bringing a busload of strangers into the safety of your home with no real plan to feed, clothe, or protect them from the world and the inevitable attacks by Dread Pirate Captain Blake might make you come around. The White Hat is getting them into another critical situation because Rick lacks the ruthless instinct necessary to keep his family unit together while everybody else rots. In contrast, his son can see how the "open door" policy may lead to their doom. It's too trusting for a world where everyone is, basically, out for themselves. If Rick breaks down while running the lives of ten other people, that's nothing compared to the entire town of Pleasantville.

For a season finale, the cliffhanger wasn't necessarily the mightiest or the gaspiest but it does open up a couple of questions. (1) How is this going to work with so many people (probably all suffering some sort of trust-issues since they were duped by a madman) and (2) How will The Governor strike back and how long until Michonne cleaves his head clean off his body? A good episode full of the post-apocalyptic platitudes but a lot of senseless death, and it tied a ribbon on the season quite nicely.

SURVIVAL NOTES

– The Governor went from charming secret maniac to Mad Max villain right quick. In this episode he swung so far into comic book villain it was almost funny. The grave "thank you" when he presented Tyreese with the rifle, the cheesy line when he closed down the teaser, the senseless killing of his people and those who would turn against him. I didn't know if I was watching The Walking Dead or some prologue to a Joel Schumacher Batman flick.

– At first, I was pretty disappointed with how the prison invasion sequence happened at the top of the episode. Pip had that pep talk, they moved out, they got into the prison and blew up the watchtowers, marched right in, then scurried out, and retreated. Part of me expected there to be a long drawn out battle. When they all left I actually said out loud, "What the eff? That's it?" The AMC promos showcased a war and all we got was barely a skirmish. After watching the entire episode, I can see that the actual battle wasn't the real war but, at the time, I was about to demand my money back.

– Since this episode aired on Easter, I'm curious: Has The Walking Dead ever done a holiday episode? A Very Walker Christmas? The Undead's Thanksgiving Feast? Where's our wedding episode?

– Maybe one of those new people from Woodbury can cut everyone's dang hair.

– Is it too soon to start 'shipping Rick and Michonne?


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The Walking Dead's Season 3 Finale vs. Game of Thrones' Season 3 Premiere: Which Episode Are You Going to Watch First?


The Walking Dead's Season 3 finale airs tonight at 9pm. Game of Thrones' Season 3 premiere airs tonight at... 9pm. And after seeing the internet's latest take on the Syrio Forel "not today" meme, we have a feeling we know where most people's priorities lie. But that won't stop us from asking anyway...


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What to Watch This Weekend: Happy Endings, Doctor Who, The Walking Dead's Season 3 Finale, and Game of Thrones' Season 3 Premiere


What to watch on Friday, March 29...


8pm & 8:30pm, ABC
Happy Endings
ABC’s red-headed stepchild sitcom bows on its new night and time, beginning with Brad and the gang striving to rescue his workplace from going under in “In the Heat of the Noche.” That’s followed by “The Straight Dope,” which gives us Max posing as a straight dude to gain access to a woman’s Bulls season tickets, and Alex surprising the group by trying to evolve past her dumb-blonde rep.


8pm, The CW
Nikita
“Inevitability” puts Nikita and Alex at odds when the former recommends Division assassinate the president of Chad while he’s visiting Paris. Couple this episode with that House, M.D. where Chase had to treat a dictator, and I’d guess that TV Tropes gets its “ethical quandaries over killing African heads of state” page together by Monday at the latest.


9pm, The CW
Cult
Skye is much the worse for wear after being drugged at last week’s Cult fan party, and it’s up to Jeff to procure a remedy in “The Good Fight.” Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the synchronicity of Matt Davis, who, though no longer a part of The Vampire Diaries, is still spending some of his 2013 searching for a cure in order to thwart lunatics.


9pm, NBC
Grimm
NBC’s press site bills “Nameless” as a take on the tale of Rumpelstiltskin. Since the plot entails Nick and Hank venturing online to pursue a murderous Wesen, I suppose they’ll have to guess the culprit’s user name to bring him down. Or maybe they’ll have to spin straw into bitcoin.


9pm, Fox
Touch
Martin locates Dr. Teller’s first patient in “Clockwork,” but it’s kind of a good news/bad news situation. The good news is that the man has vital information. The bad news? He’s a few hours away from receiving the death penalty for triple-homicide, and he won’t spill his guts until Martin can reunite him with his estranged daughter.


LATE-NITE:
– Chelsea Handler, 105-year-old Edythe Kirchmaier, and Sky Blu on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC


What to watch on Saturday, March 30...


SPRING PREMIERE, 8pm, BBC America
Doctor Who
“The Bells of Saint John” greets the Doctor with a new adversary in the Spoonheads and a new companion in Clara (Jenna-Louise Coleman). Ironically, while the Spoonheads have completely human-shaped heads, Clara is actually a five-foot-seven sentient spork.


SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, BBC America
Orphan Black
Upon finding out she’s a clone, an orphan named Sarah is soon drawn into a perilous conspiracy in this new supernatural series. The opener finds Sarah escaping into a new identity after she observes the suicide of a woman who looks exactly like her. And yes, it’s all BBC America all the time here at What to Watch Saturday Amalgamated Industries, because...


SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, BBC America
The Nerdist
Chris Hardwick’s eponymous podcast gets the small-screen treatment, presumably with fewer zombie discussions than occur during his watch on AMC. (Not no zombie discussions, I’m sure, just... fewer.) The host and his crew of correspondents chat with entertainers, scientists, and other representatives of the ever more ephemerally defined “nerd culture.”


What to watch on Sunday, March 31...


MINISERIES FINALE, 8pm, History
The Bible
“Passion” concludes the miniseries with Peter denying Jesus, who is later betrayed and crucified. (Don’t worry, it doesn’t take.) Meanwhile, Paul ventures out on a road trip to Damascus, which I’m sure will prove entirely routine and inconsequential.


SERIES 2 PREMIERE 8pm, PBS
Call the Midwife
It’s Jenny Lee’s birthday as the second season opens, but she doesn’t have much time to celebrate before meeting a new patient who faces troubling circumstances. Elsewhere, Trixie and Sister Evangelina tend to a young woman who's preparing to give birth aboard a Swedish cargo ship; hopefully the mother-to-be has a name picked out already, lest she scan the surroundings for inspiration and wind up with a kid named after a prefab credenza.


8pm, BBC America
The Doctors Revisited
Third Doctor Jon Pertwee is next in the queue for this monthly special. His selected outing is 1970’s “Spearhead from Space,” in which an alien consciousness threatens to annihilate humanity through the use of plastic replicas, because I guess everything on the air tonight wants to set up Ikea jokes.


SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 9pm, HBO
Game of Thrones
Hodor, Hot Pie, Dagmer Cleftjaw, and the whole gang are back for another fun-filled season of mystical romps and heartwarming life lessons. “Valar Dohaeris” (“all men must serve,” if your High Valyrian is rusty) kicks things off with Jon meeting King-Beyond-the-Wall Mance Rayder, Tyrion seeking his just reward for saving King’s Landing, Littlefinger scheming toward Sansa, and Dany setting sail for Slaver’s Bay.


SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, PBS
Mr. Selfridge
Jeremy Piven stars as the titular department store magnate, a brash American who strikes it big in London, and you have my word that blurbs about this show will not make any jokes about him demanding that everybody “hug it out, wanker.” (Okay, not after that one.) In the first installment, the opening of Selfridges & Co. is stymied when Selfridge's business partner bails.


9pm, CBS
The Good Wife
It’s a pretty crowded slate tonight, and I was all set to bump The Good Wife for a week. But then “The Wheels of Justice” had to go and bring back Dylan Baker AND Gary Cole (AND Gary Cole’s mustache). So. You see the bind I’m in. Though perhaps not as much of a bind as the one Alicia and Will are in re: the prospect of being rid of Colin Sweeney. Or the one Diane is in re: rekindling things with Kurt McVeigh.


9pm, Showtime
Shameless
“Order Room Service” finds Fiona and the brood roughing it on a camping trip, so area squirrels are advised to lock up their acorns. Meanwhile, homeless Frank seeks the minimal creature comforts of a night in the family van and turns to Carl for assistance.


SEASON 3 FINALE, 9pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
With The Governor preparing to go on the offensive, the Penitentiary Pals must decide whether it’s worth defending home sweet prison in “Welcome to the Tombs.” Carl’s been perusing the abandoned base listings just in case, and he thinks he’s found a pretty sweet deal on a fixer-upper water treatment plant that's just up the road a spell.

And now, let’s all vote to crown the What to Watch Tonight Episode Title of the Week!


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What to Watch Tonight: The Vampire Diaries, Grey's Anatomy, and Raising Hope's Season 3 Finale


What to watch on Thursday, March 28...


8pm, The CW
The Vampire Diaries
This has been quite the globe-trotting season so far: First Canada, then New York, and now... small-town Pennsylvania! That’s where Elena and Rebekah go Katherine-hunting in “American Gothic,” and where they bump into Elijah for good measure. Oh, he’s not interested in Katherine or the cure or any of that meshugas—he’s just there for the best damn antiquing east of the Alleghany.


SEASON 1 FINALE, 8:30pm & 9:30pm, NBC
1600 Penn
Hannah Simone tries to bring some of that hip New Girl cred to NBC when she guest-stars as an Andorran princess in tonight’s first outing, “Bursting the Bubble.” And Larry King tries to bring some of that hip “Hey remember in the ‘90s when Larry King was a fairly huge TV pundit?” cred when he guest-stars as Larry King in the second episode and season finale, “Marry Me, Baby,” in which the legality of the president’s marriage may be revealed as less than complete. Sounds like a never-to-be-resolved cliffhanger to me! Because the show is almost certainly going to be canceled, I mean. 


SEASON 3 FINALE, 9pm & 9:30pm, Fox
Raising Hope
Either Fox is pulling one seriously goofy scheduling move here—bringing a Tuesday sitcom out of hibernation on a different night and time for its season finale—or this is by far the most elaborate theme episode Glee has ever attempted. Well, the first half-hour, “Burt Mitzvah: The Musical,” does find Burt turning to song to get in touch with his newly discovered Jewish heritage. No word on whether the second episode, “Mother’s Day,” will offer Maw-Maw the spotlight aria she’s long dreamt of when the Chances visit her childhood home.


9pm, ABC
Grey’s Anatomy
The hospital is flooded with victims of a highway gas tanker explosion, and considering the episode is called “Can’t Fight This Feeling,” it will be a huge missed opportunity if that explosion wasn’t caused by a careening speedwagon. Elsewhere, former TV doctor and new ABC employee Sarah Chalke needs Meredith and Jo to determine the source of her child’s unusual malady.


10pm, ABC
Scandal
It’s Pope & Associates to the rescue when Hollis’s daughter is kidnapped and when David needs sanctuary from the ongoing danger pursuing him. Meanwhile in “Snake in the Garden,” Olivia and Jake’s dalliance heats up, Mellie lays down the law with Fitz, and Cyrus connives to win back the president’s favor.


10pm, FX
Archer
Okay, so a spy, a valet, and the Pope walk into a bar. Well, maybe. Hey, it could be part of Archer’s plan to stop an assassination attempt on the pontiff in “The Papal Chase,” with Woodhouse in tow to act as a decoy. It’s not like it’d be the first plan of Archer’s to entail entering a bar.


10:30pm, Comedy Central
Nathan For You
Nathan’s fear of womenfolk prompts him to date 10 of them at once in what’s either a disquieting kind of shock therapy or a potentially dynamite chorus line. Also, Nathan tries to “scare up” some business for a haunted house, and yes, I’ve just been sued by the Cryptkeeper for making that pun.


11pm, AMC
Immortalized
Dave Houser and a challenger square off in a competition centered on the theme “First Love.” Um. This is... this is still a show about taxidermy, right? Animals? Corpses? Things that maybe don’t fit so snugly or, shall we say, lawfully, with facets of romantic love? AMC, you are already on a short leash after last week. Don’t press your luck.


LATE-NITE:
– Gerard Butler on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Author Denise Kiernan on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Author and pediatric endocrinologist Robert Lustig on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Kim Kardashian, Willie Geist, and Imagine Dragons on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Dwayne Johnson, Saoirse Ronan, and Kendrick Lamar on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Tyler Perry, Nick Offerman, Thom Filicia, and Blake Shelton on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC



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Justified Season 4 Finale Review: One Coin, Two Sides

Justified S04E13: "Ghosts" 

Having previously wrapped up the mystery of Drew Thompson, the hunt for Ellen May, and the dangerous situation with Limehouse in an outstanding five-episode arc to conclude the major events of Season 4, there was little for Justified to do in its season finale other than get poetic and set up Season 5. While last week's episode, "Peace of Mind," was a thorough showcase for the series' secondary characters, the finale shifted focus to Justified's two leading men, Boyd Crowder and Raylan Givens, and how they're two sides of the same rusty old nickel. 

More so than previous seasons, Season 4 really played up Boyd and Raylan's history with each other and Harlan, and how early choices in their lives steered them to where they are today. Give or take a few cosmic nudges somewhere along the line, and it's easy to see how Raylan could have been Harlan's public enemy number one, and Boyd its shining star. Those two are more alike than they'd care to admit, thanks to being the two smartest crackers in the county. One just happens to work for the law, and the other just happens to work against it (though Raylan isn't afraid to re-draw the line when it suits him).

The final beautiful minutes of "Ghosts" illustrated the parallels between Boyd and Raylan, and they were plain as a lazy summer's day in the backwoods of Kentucky. Both men lost the loves of their lives because of the law. Boyd kissed Ava before she was hauled off in a police cruiser after getting busted for tampering with the body of Delroy the pimp, the man she murdered. Raylan and Winona locked lips before she was whisked away into police protection following the attempt on her life (and the life of her and Raylan's unborn baby). 

It doesn't matter that Raylan's in line for a massive promotion or that Boyd is the new heroin king of Harlan, because right now they're both alone. The contrasting shots of the aftermath are telling with regard to how intertwined Boyd and Raylan's lives really are: Boyd broke into the house he'd hoped to raise his family in, while Raylan repaired that hole in the wall of his own family house. But both men are alone, their women torn away from them, their families dwindling, because that's the life they're destined to live. Their only constant is each other. 

Aside from those strong themes, "Ghosts" was light on plot, especially compared to the hectic hours that preceded it. The cliffhanger of last week's mystery delivery of a rocking chair was settled in spectacular fashion as Raylan and Winona unleashed lead fury on the inept Detroit mobsters (seriously, what kind of lame hitmen were they?) like a southern Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Nicky Augustine, who made a late push to become the season's big bad and ended up being one of Justified's better villains, was put away by Sammy Tonin—the very man he was going to kill thanks to a tip from Raylan, who decided to look the other way because he was suspended. 

That leaves us with only the future of Ava in doubt for Season 5, and the question of how Boyd is going to exact revenge on Lee Paxton for double-crossing him. Raylan also has his unborn baby girl and Winona to deal with, but given Natalie Zea's continued role on the renewed The Following, we should only expect occasional visits from the beauty instead of a regular role.

While "Peace of Mind" tricked us into thinking things weren't over, Season 4 really ended last week. "Ghosts" was more of an epilogue and a keen examination of two men walking the same path in different directions. But what stands out now that all is said and done is the way Justified was able to reinvent itself in Season 4 by not focusing on a central villain while still putting together what was arguably its finest season to date. 

POSTCARDS FROM HARLAN COUNTY

– Raylan's final words of "I will sleep well tonight..." as he looked over the graves of his family after putting Winona and his unborn daughter into police protection was SO Raylan Givens. Get in touch with your emotions, dude!

– What about (Constable) Bob? I would have loved to see him one more time.

– Boyd to Raylan: "What do you tell yourself at night when you lay your head down that allows you to wake up in the morning pretending you aren't the bad guy?" The whole scene with Boyd driving Raylan to see Nicky was fantastic. 


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What to Watch Tonight: Nashville, Psych's Clue-themed 100th Episode, and The Neighbors' Season 1 Finale


What to watch on Wednesday, March 27...


SEASON 2 FINALE, 8pm & 8:30pm, NBC
Whitney
The season’s final hour kicks off with “Alex, Meet Lily,” in which Whitney drafts her beau into forging a bond with her bud, who’s in the market for a comrade of the male persuasion. “Cake, Cake, Cake,” winds up Season 2 with Whitney growing concerned when she spies her psychiatrist (Chelsea Handler) going to town on a birthday cake solo. I take the good doctor’s side on this one; extremism in consumption of cake is no vice.


8pm, The CW
Arrow
A denizen of The Glades is out for the blood of anyone he considers an enemy of the neighborhood, and Roy is next on his hit list in “Salvation.” And speaking of future-and/or-present masked archers marked for death, Malcolm tasks Moira with tracking down his own would-be assassin.


SEASON 1 FINALE, 8:30pm, ABC
The Neighbors
The Zabvronians may be recalled to their home planet when Dick receives a fateful call from his grandfather as sci-fi icons George Takei and Mark Hamill help “It Has Begun...” wrap up The Neighbors' freshman season. Before they pack their space-bags, though, the Bird-Kersees join the Weavers in Atlantic City, where Larry displays a knack for blackjack and Jackie yearns for Earth-style nuptials.


9pm, The CW
Supernatural
When the Winchesters look into a string of bumped-off vampires in “Freaks and Geeks,” they turn up a shadowy man who’s grooming the orphans of vamp victims into a slayer army. Dean suspects the man’s motives aren’t on the up-and-up. Sam mostly admires the kids’ merit badges, especially the bitchin’ one for Holy Water Scalding.


9pm, NBC
Law & Order: SVU
After accusing her cameraman of rape, a sports reporter learns she’s with child as a result. At trial, the defense employs what the synopsis calls “questionable tactics” to sway the jury, and I don’t even dare speculate on what those might be, given that the title of the episode is “Legitimate Rape.”


10pm, ABC
Nashville
“When You’re Tired of Breaking Other Hearts” finds Rayna sitting down with Katie Couric to spill her guts about her domestic and professional lives. At the rate Nashville is burning through guest stars from ABC’s news division, Season 2 will resort to Scarlett chatting up a couple of adolescent correspondents from those Disney Channel interstitials. Elsewhere this week, Juliette attempts a power play to control her album launch, while Deacon becomes smitten with his dog’s new vet.


10pm, TNT
Southland
John confronts his demons as he endeavors to save Hicks in “Heroes,” while Lydia and Ruben attempt to track down a John Doe. Meanwhile, Ben and Elena kick things up a notch, and Sammy is wracked with guilt over his lie about the tape.


100TH EPISODE, 10pm, USA
Psych
Shawn and Gus attend a clandestine party at a swanky mansion in “100 Clues,” secrecy and swankiness and being two of Shawn and Gus’s unquestioned strong suits, naturally. The host is a one-time rock star who has no memory of committing the murder he was arrested for years ago.


SEASON 28 PREMIERE, 10pm, MTV
The Real World: Portland
A new crew of seven strangers is shunted into a loft and documented as the reality TV grande dame returns. Tune in to find out whether there are still veins of social observation and/or humor about the Pacific Northwest burg’s distinctive culture that haven’t yet been mined by three seasons of Portlandia and sundry internet memes, or if the producers will just fall back on a bunch of gags about artisanal booze.

LATE-NITE:
– Seth Green and Charles Phoenix on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Past interviews include Tim McGraw, Luke Bryan, and Rascal Flatts on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Eva Mendes on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Iowa pig farmer Carl Edgar Blake II on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Kristin Chenoweth, magician Justin Willman, and Josh Groban on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Donald Trump, Gary Gulman and Wavves on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Bruce Willis, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Divine Fits on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Kathie Lee Gifford, James Purefoy, and Dido on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Don Rickles and Radha Mitchell on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS



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What to Watch Tonight: Justified, the Season 4 Finale of Face Off, and More of Nick's Family on New Girl


What to watch on Tuesday, March 26...


8pm, CBS
NCIS
In “Squall,” the team investigates a killing aboard a Navy ship in the aftermath of a storm. Complicating matters: The suspect list includes an admiral who also happens to be McGee’s estranged father.


8pm, The CW
Here Comes Peter Cottontail
What fits The CW brand better than an animated rabbit voiced by Danny Kaye? How about animated rabbits voiced by Vincent Price and Casey Kasem! You’ll find all these goodies and more nestled in the colorful Easter basket that is this 1971 Rankin-Bass holiday special.


9pm, NBC
Go On
“Matchup Problems” finds Anne setting Ryan up with a recent widow—and then competing for her affections when said widow turns out to have designs on both of them. Geez, guest-star Courteney Cox, does fidelity between former sitcom spouses count for nothing anymore? These are dark times we live in. Dark, sexy times.


9pm, Fox
New Girl
The passing of a relative prompts a Miller family reunion in “Chicago,” and since Nick’s mom is Margo Martindale and his younger brother is Nick Kroll, the gang is sure to be glad they tagged along to share in the shenanigans. Jess will probably treat Mrs. Miller more gently than Keri Russell did a few weeks ago, anyway.


SEASON 4 FINALE, 9pm, Syfy
Face Off
The final three are whisked away to Vegas to design waterproof styles for the stage show Le Reve: The Dream. Then the season’s winner will be crowned, only to shock everyone with the reveal that he's Nicolas Cage posing as an ambitious professional makeup artist.


10pm, ABC
Body of Proof
Romance has its ups and its downs, as Kate experiences in “Fallen Angel.” Sometimes you meet a dashing man at a political event, partake in some invigorating flagrante delicto, and that’s that. Other times you discover that the guy is probably tied to a young girl’s murder, and you have to call on your cop friends (like Megan) to get to the bottom of things. C’est l’amour, mes amis.


10pm, TBS
Cougar Town
The cul-de-sac crew awakens to the unexpected joys of aging when an elderly couple buys Grayson’s house and joins their midst. Elsewhere in “This Old Town,” Travis searches for a Penny Can partner, and Bobby’s latest flop spurs him to rechristen his boat, possibly as the S.S. Shop Target for Great Savings on All Your Favorite Brands.


10pm, FX
Justified
Having eluded the Detroit mafia in Harlan, Raylan tries to get the Drew Thompson case back on track in “Peace of Mind.” Accomplishing that means spiriting Ellen May away from the clutches of Limehouse—before Boyd can get to her. (Also, too, it probably means shooting people.)


LATE-NITE:
– Vanessa Hudgens, Jerry Trainor, and Emily Heller on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Past interviews featuring Hayden Panettiere, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Vanessa Hudgens on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Journalist and author Michael Moss on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Cardiologist and author Eric Topol on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Keith Urban, Paula Deen, and Django Django on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Brian Williams, national grocery-bagging champion Andrew Borracchini, and Pegi Young & The Survivors on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Jeremy Piven on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Ice-T, Chris Hardwick, and Little Green Cars on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Sarah Chalke and author Lawrence Block on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS



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NBC Reveals the Finale Dates for Community, Revolution, and More

Don't you want to know how Season 2 of Whitney ends? Of course you do! NBC has announced the season finale dates for its current lineup, and if any of you folks out there are still watching NBC, you can find those dates below. As for the highlights, the finale for the network's big great hit Revolution is set for May 27, Community ends its fourth season (and maybe the whole series?) on May 9, Parks and Recreation finishes a week before Community on May 2, and The Voice will air its live two-hour finale on June 18. As for the aforementioned Whitney, no one cares. (Just kidding, Whitney goes out with back-to-back episodes on—double just kidding, no one cares!) It was previously announced that The Office will call it a series with a one-hour finale on May 16. 

NBC 2013 FINALE DATES

March 27

8–9pm: Whitney (back-to-back episodes)

March 28

8:30–9pm and 9:30–10pm: 1600 Penn (almost back-to-back episodes)

April 2

9–10pm: The New Normal (back-to-back episodes)

April 11

9:30–10pm: Go On

May 2

9:30–10pm: Parks and Recreation

May 9

8–8:30pm: Community

May 10

8–9pm: Fashion Star

May 15

10–11pm: Chicago Fire

May 16

9–10pm: The Office

May 17

9–10pm: Grimm

May 19

9–11pm: The Celebrity Apprentice

May 22

9–11pm: Law & Order: SVU

May 27

10–11pm: Revolution

June 18

9–11pm: The Voice

June 27

10–11pm: Hannibal


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What to Watch Tonight: Parks and Rec, Childrens Hospital's Finale, and Glee's Take on Grease


What to watch on Thursday, November 15...


8pm, The CW
The Vampire Diaries
There will be more hallucinations in the Thursday-at-8pm time slot this week, but in Mystic Falls instead of on the island of Sainte Marina. In "We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes," Elena experiences Psycho-esque, blood-in-the-shower hallucinations related to last week's murder, causing her to "make a dangerous mistake."


8:30pm, NBC
Up All Night
Up All Night is celebrating Thanksgiving tonight; do you think Will Arnett, Christina Applegate, and Maya Rudolph are thankful that NBC wants to see their show succeed, or do think they'd rather just get canceled and move onto other jobs instead of switching from single-cam to multi-cam? Anyway, in "Thanksgiving," Reagan somehow causes Chris to miss spending the holiday in Maryland with his family, so she tries to plan a better one at home.


9pm, Fox
Glee
Grease is the word tonight in "Glease," in which the New Directions debut their production of the classic musical. Plus Kurt and Rachel return to McKinley High, and even Santana makes an appearance (presumably "in person," instead of just on Skype). How will Unique do as Rizzo? Will Blaine be the most depressing Teen Angel ever? Tune in to find out!


9pm, Lifetime
Project Runway All Stars
In "Made in the USA Today," the designers must create looks inspired by images sent to them by readers of USA Today. So I guess we should expect a lot of "business traveler chic"?


9:30pm, NBC
Parks and Recreation
Tonight's episode is called "Leslie vs. April," which is reason enough to tune in. Apparently they'll be feuding because April wants to turn Lot 48 into a dog park; will Leslie be able to keep her cool in the presence of April's withering stare? Also on the docket: Ben helps Tom with Rent-a-Swag, Andy works on his CSI skills, and Vice President Joe Biden guest-stars!


SEASON 4 FINALE, midnight, Adult Swim
Childrens Hospital
Adult Swim's excellent 15-minute medical drama spoof show wraps up its fourth season tonight with "Eulogy," which features a special Newsreaders report on the death of one of the Childrens Hospital cast members. Yep, someone's gonna DIE... and if the promos are to be believed, things aren't looking good for ol' Dr. Clown Face. But really, you never know with this show. (Also, I would totally watch an entire Newsreaders spin-off, Adult Swim. Please take note.)


LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS:
– Tim Allen, Nolan Gould, and Switchfoot on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Zooey Deschanel, comic Lisa Lampanelli, and Donald Fagen on Late Night With David Letterman, 11:35 am, CBS
– Mel Brooks, journalist Jake Tapper, and Jason Aldean on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12am, NBC
– Max Greenfield and Lucy Punch. on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS



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Star Wars: The Clone Wars' Season 5 Finale: The End

Star Wars: The Clone Wars S05E20: "The Wrong Jedi"

Like the Hitchcockian hero, Ahsoka had her name cleared and the real culprit, Barriss Offee, was captured and confessed her guilt. The status quo was restored. It all turned out exactly as it was supposed to.

Except that it didn’t.

An underlying theme in the Star Wars prequel trilogy has been the failure of institutions and leaders. Corruption, passivity, in-fighting, greed, and complacency all contributed to Palpatine’s ability to assume control of the galaxy and establish the Galactic Empire. The Senate was never depicted as an active, useful branch of government, as it was mired in bureaucracy and special interests. The Jedi Order was unable to detect the return of the Sith, and ultimately failed to see the forest of the trees, becoming instruments of an increasingly bellicose Senate under Palpatine’s shrewd control.

What this arc has demonstrated is that those themes are bleeding into the connective tissues between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. The Jedi Council failed to back Ahsoka by conducting its own investigation; instead, it expelled her to avoid political pressure, and turned her over to the Republic military. Both the hearing in the Chamber of Judgement and the military tribunal were farces of justice (though the latter came off especially poorly because we saw so little of it), existing as either formalities or blunt instruments to further discredit other institutions, in this case the Jedi Order. Both failed in the stated purposes of serving their followers and their citizens, respectively.

And in these sorts of situations, the show tells us, it falls to individuals to act in an effort to create change. Anakin went to do what the Order should’ve done and questioned Ventress to get the the whole story. Barriss, who was able to see the big picture, acted violently and dangerously because she had no ability to properly voice her frustrations within the Order itself, even if the seeds for this had been planted way back in Season 2. Ahsoka left the Order because it doubted her loyalty and thus betrayed her trust in it. Mace Windu can talk about how the entire ordeal was a trial that Ahsoka passed, but the real truth of the matter is that Ahsoka passed the trial by realizing that the Order had failed her and she walked away.

It was a surprisingly devastating and emotional moment as Ahsoka closed Anakin’s hand around her Padawan braid, and then when she walked down the steps of the Jedi Temple. The series has been building to this in some capacity, to resolve the question of where Ahsoka would end up by the series’ end (I'm not saying this is definitely the series’ end, but no official announcement has been made about the show’s future). We all knew the character would likely depart in some way, either shuffling off the mortal coil or leaving the Order, the question was simply which one it would be. And while I doubt we’ve seen the last of Ahsoka, the show’s dynamics have permanently and drastically changed.

– A quick casting note: Tim Curry replaced Ian Abercrombie, who died in January 2012, as Palpatine in this episode. I like that the show went with someone very different from Abercrombie, as it would’ve seemed not only odd to have someone mimic him, but also a touch disrespectful to someone of his status.

– The younglings! Hi, younglings! Glad to see you’re getting your lightsaber training in!

– This was the first time we’ve seen Padmé in forever, right? I don’t think she's appeared all season.

– “You should’ve gotten rid of them.” “I think they suit me.” The duel between Barriss and Anakin was appropriately brutal, especially on Anakin’s side. Let that anger through, Master Skywalker.

What'd you think of "To Catch a Jedi" and the season as a whole?


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Downton Abbey's Season 3 Finale: Just Desserts?

Downton Abbey S03E09: "Christmas Special 2012" (or S03E08 "Episode 8," according to PBS)

And the award for most soul-crushing season-finale ending in TV history goes to... Downton Abbey. A year after Sybil's death, life at Downton pressed on. Tom and the baby had stayed, with Tom taking on a new role as the estate agent. Edith was still writing, even though Daddy still didn't approve. And Mary was happily knocked up. Even Thomas and Jimmy managed to overcome their differences and the damage wrought by O'Brien's manipulation to become pals—all it took was Thomas flinging himself into mortal peril to break through Jimmy's residual ill will over that whole surprise bunk buddies thing.

After a pleasant trip to Scotland and a tense early labor, Mary gave birth to a healthy baby boy... and Matthew flipped his car into a ditch on the way home from the hospital. Who damaged you so thoroughly, Julian Fellowes, that this seemed like the perfect conclusion to the episode that, in England, was billed as the Christmas Special? Happy Holidays, England! I guess?

To further up the resulting angst of Matthew's sudden and startling death, Downton Abbey's Season 3 finale was, itself, a rather cheery time—you know, as far as Downton Abbey goes. The family, sans Tom, headed north to visit relatives at Duneagle and you guys, it was like walking into the Twilight Zone. The MacClare family embodied everything the Crawleys could have become if their worst habits hadn't been kept in check by common sense and fate. Susan and Shrimpie could barely stand one another and Susan in particular seemed to routinely take her misery out on walking-scandal-in-the-making daughter Rose. HI ROSE! I missed your fabulousness.

While Susan and Rose represented everything that Cora and her daughters might have been had Cora not, well, been Cora; Shrimpie was the Bizarro World answer to Robert. A man whose power in his household was unquestioned, uncontested—he ruled over his estate with an iron (though ultimately apathetic) fist, and lacking figures like Tom and Matthew in his life to force him to modernize, he simply didn't... and lost his estate to ruin as a result.

Now, as a modern audience, it's hard to feel too bad for the MacClares; after all, much like the fate that threatened the Crawleys earlier in the season, "losing everything" doesn't exactly mean what the phrase implies to the rest of us. The physical estate will change hands, but the title and all the privilege and power associated with it will live on. Furthermore, as much as moving into a smaller mansion sucks, you're still in a freaking mansion.

Stuck in the middle of all this turmoil was our frizzy-haired sass machine, Rose, whose previous brattiness was notably toned down (slightly) when her cousins came to visit. Mummy was every bit the horrorshow we had reason to believe she was, but even so, managed to have her redeeming qualities. To Susan's credit, she realized she was miserable and she realized how hard she was being on her daughter. Unable or unwilling to change, she made the decision to allow Rose to head to Downton when she and Shrimpie relocated to India. I look forward to Rose's contributions to the family, especially given the total downer Downton Abbey left us wit— HOW COULD YOU DO THAT, MR. FELLOWES??? HAVE YOU NO DECENCY, SIR? AT LONG LAST, HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF DECENCY?

Actually, I guess if we want to be mad at someone, the proper culprit is Dan Stevens, whose decision to leave the series led to the death of his character. But did we have to kill him? Couldn't we just've sent him to the States for business or something? It wouldn't solve the problem of no Matthew, but at least he wouldn't be, you know, dead. I'm grasping at straws here. There are just so many semi-orphaned babies on this show. Furthermore, the number of people who actually think Mary is a nice person is now down to... uh... two? Maybe? I know their lovey-dovey kissy crap was meant to break my heart, and it did, but it also made me laugh because how about instead of constantly telling me that Mary Crawley isn't actually the worst, you SHOW me, writers?

The effect Matthew's death has on Mary will certainly play a key role when we return to Downton later this year/early next year. It's hard to say how the loss will change her—she could just as easily reveal to the world that sweetness we heard so much about from Matthew as she could retreat to her stoicism and snobbery in her grief. She won't be the same Mary, though—that much is a given.

The same can be said of Tom, who was forced to face the drastic changes his life has undergone when a new maid named Edna asked some super-rude questions. My only complaint about Tom's storyline was that in a way, it felt like we'd already been over many of the issues raised. From his treatment at the hands of his former co-workers following his initial return to Downton after he married Sybil to his brother's antics at Baby Sybil's christening, Tom has struggled to come to terms with putting his revolutionary past to rest and accept his new privileged lifestyle—without compromising his progressive beliefs.

Edna didn't ask anything that hadn't already been asked of Tom. She was just ruder about it and kind of stalkery and awful. The notion of Tom moving on and perhaps eventually re-marrying isn't a bad idea. The same can be said of Mary. They're both young and while Downton Abbey has led us to accept that they've lost their TV soulmates, realistically, they each may someday come to terms with their respective losses and look for love and companionship again. That's fine. But Edna's approach was just appalling.

"I'm just as good as Mr. Branson." This is true, and I'm sure Mr. Branson feels the same way, but girl seriously went about things the wrong, wrong, amazingly wrong way. And then she was sacked—justifiably so—and Tom felt bad about it, which was also justified considering, as Mrs. Hughes pointed out, that he didn't exactly go out of his way to discourage Edna's advances. Her awkward, floundering, creepy advances. BYE EDNA.

With the exception of Bates and Anna, who were adorable and precious with their picnic and Anna learning how to dance (eee!), this episode was chock full of ill-fitted pairings, like omens that we were too busy giggling over to take seriously. Mrs. Patmore was courted by a new supplier, only to learn that he was a piggish womanizer who was after her... cooking? In a turn that, in my opinion, has been a long time coming, Dr. Clarkson courted Isobel, but gracefully abandoned his plan to formally propose after learning that she was rather fond of their current situation and reluctant to risk ruining it through change. Gregson crashed the party at Mancave Manor and endeared himself to the fam in hopes that it would lead to a solution to his lawfully-wedded-to-a-lunatic problem. Matthew didn't have a solution and encouraged him to let Edith go, but when Gregson approached her, she seemed more willing to tough it out until things worked out. Crossing my fingers that this doesn't end with Edith sobbing into her pillows. Again.

With the pain of Sybil's loss starting to mellow to a manageable dull ache and the estate as a whole riding on a sort of optimistic high thanks to the positive changes Matthew and Tom's plans brought, Robert reflected on his amazingly good fortune and questioned what he did to deserve such a charmed life. His mother, the Dowager, pointed out that "we don't always get our just desserts" as Matthew's car dodged a delivery truck and tumbled down a ravine, forever altering the fabric of a life he was meant to be a part of, a life he only knew due to the tragic loss of the previous Downton heir almost a decade earlier. His death casts a pall over the highly anticipated birth of his child and denies his wife the great love story they were cast in: After years of just missing one another, their happily-ever-after ultimately lasted just over a year... and they spent a good chunk of it bickering over the estate.

In a way, Downton Abbey Season 3 was a microcosm of the 1920s played out over a single year. The Crawleys had their rough patches, but they triumphed, and then it seemed as though there was no end to the family's good fortune... until there was, with one sudden and devastating crash.

– Dowager Countess Sass of the Night: On Tom's estate-sitting duties, "I don't want the freedom to go to his head." Poor Tom.

– "We've done our duty. Downton is saved." Oh Mary, it's a baby, not a business transaction.

– I can't say that Thomas cleans up nicely, seeing as his work clothes are actually swankier than his play clothes, but damn. That. HAT.

– Thoughts on Rose moving in?

– What do you think we should expect in Season 4? For Mary? For Tom? For the estate?

– What do you HOPE to see in Season 4?


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What to Watch Tonight: The Series Finale of 30 Rock, the Series Premiere of Do No Harm, and Person of Interest


What to watch on Thursday, January 31...


SERIES FINALE, 8pm, NBC
30 Rock
It's hard to imagine a world without new episodes of 30 Rock—almost as hard as it was to imagine, back in 2006, that we'd get seven (7) seasons of it—but that will be the case after tonight. The hour-long finale, comprised of the episodes "Hogcock!" and "Last Lunch," bids goodbye to Liz, Jack, Tracy, and the whole madcap TGS crew, and I'm not crying shut up you're crying.


8pm, CBS
The Big Bang Theory
"The Cooper/Kripke Inversion" finds Sheldon's confidence rattled when he collaborates with Barry, although that probably only downgrades him to a Category-4 ego storm. Elsewhere, Howard and Raj procure pricey action figures of themselves, raising the question: If a woman pulls the cord on a Raj action figure, will it still talk?


8pm, The CW
The Vampire Diaries
Look, Vampire Diaries. If you're going to bust out the title "A View to a Kill," I expect two things and two things only: 1) Elena in a pulse-pounding ski chase, and 2) Damon sporting full-on Simon Le Bon hair. Let's be honest, it would be pretty easy to incorporate both into an episode where Kol's running wild and alliances in the Great Race for the Cure shift in response.


9pm, CBS
Person of Interest
A figure from Reese's past emerges with a nefarious plan in "Dead Reckoning." Step one is kidnapping Reese. Step two is a colossal cyber-attack that could kill him. Step three is... profit? World domination? The obliteration of all websites that automatically play Flash animation or really loud video as soon as they load? Actually, that last one might be worth the sacrifice...


SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, NBC
Do No Harm
You've scoffed. You've mocked. You've read the incredulous dispatches from critics who've seen what is, by most accounts, an impenetrably ludicrous pilot. Now the time has come to tune in for yourself and find out whether Do No Harm can do for Jekyll-and-Hyde adaptations what The Cape did for capes. Steven Pasquale stars as a neurosurgeon with a fiendish alter ego whose emergence he can no longer control.


10pm, ABC
Scandal
Secrets aplenty come out in "Truth or Consequences." The team is nonplussed to learn the sordid details about the rigged presidential election, as well as Olivia's past... which for all we know could include fixing a series of city council races, the 2003 World Series, the last seven People's Choice Awards, and every vote that's ever been held on So You Think You Can Dance.


10pm, USA
Suits
"Zane vs. Zane" pits Harvey against Rachel's father in a gender discrimination suit. I know the cases on this show typically tend to go Pearson Hardman's way, but since the elder Zane is played by guest-star Wendell Pierce—The Bunk himself—all bets are off.


LATE-NITE:
– Fan-based material is featured in "Occupy Conan" on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Kristen Bell on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Jason Bateman on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Music critic Matthew Guerrieri on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Piers Morgan, Quvenzhané Wallis and Benh Zeitlin, and Lisa Loeb on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Al Pacino and Macklemore & Ryan Lewis on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Jennifer Lawrence, Katie Couric, and Tegan and Sara on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Channing Tatum, Megan Hilty, Tim Ferriss, and Graham Parker on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Rashida Jones and Julie Gonzalo on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS



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30 Rock Series Finale Review: One Last Show

30 Rock S07E12 & S07E13: "Hogcock!" and Last Lunch

30 Rock is important to me.

It is not series that helped me through a difficult time, though I did gorge on it while I was in the hospital in December; it didn't help me come to some particular epiphany about my life or offer me guidance in a career path, even if I think I would totally rock an NBC page jacket; and I didn't meet the love of my life over a shared admiration of the show.

There have been, and continue to be, plenty of shows about television shows or that have television shows as a setting, but starting on Oct. 11, 2006, there was 30 Rock, and it was about television: its past and its present, its shows and its business, all things that I love, and that the series' writers and producers clearly loved, too.

But 30 Rock wasn't slavish in its admiration, and instead opted for satire, parody, and winking homage, whether it was needling NBC's corporate ownership through GE by way of the Sheinhardt Wig Company or demystifying TV "golden age" with a character like Tim Conway's racist and homophobic Bucky Bright or creating a delightful fictional history of broadcast television in "Live from Studio 6H" or driving the never-ending train of horrible made-up NBC programs like MILF Island, Homonym, and the Will Ferrell-starring Bitch Hunter.

30 Rock thought and felt about TV the same way that I, and many people I knew and still know, think and feel about TV: with love and irreverence, respect, and an arched, knowing eyebrow.

And so the finale of this series has filled me with both dread and happiness. Dread, well, for the obvious reasons, because it's a show that I've watched, loved, quoted ("blerg" is a permanent part of my vocabulary, among many, many, many, other words from the series), and discussed with others for seven years. But the happiness comes from the fact that the show, despite its ratings, stayed on the air (likely due to media ownership, Emmys, and fear of Lorne Michaels) and ended on its own terms.

Those terms were pretty good. "Hogcock!" and "Last Lunch" weren't 30 Rock's funniest episodes, but as has always been the case with the series, there were plenty of stellar little bits, including Liz seeing the on-screen ad for Grizz and Herz, Tanned Penis Island (mostly destroyed due to Sting's housefire), Kenneth's list of of TV no-no words*, and the very spot-on recreation of the mom forums, reflective of the web in general more than anything.

* Conflict, Urban, Woman, Divorce, Shows About Shows, Writer, Justin Bartha, Dramedy, New York, Politics, High Concept, Complex, Niche, Quality, Edgy, Blog, Immortal Character, Foreign

If there was one new bit that somehow slayed me (and we'll get to the old bits in a moment), it was Lutz's insistence on ordering Blimpie. Yes, it gave Lutz his final victory over a room of people who have abused him and maligned him for years (except for that one day they thought he had a car), but it also put a bow on the gift of 30 Rock's consistent needling of product placement. Subway, given its presence on other NBC shows like Chuck and Community, would've been the obvious choice, but instead we got a sort of anti-product integration plot where no one but the show's most hated in-universe character wanted it.

But the finale also paid off on and called back to lots of running gags, including Pete's unhappiness with his life (and he still couldn't even fake his death properly!), the return of The Rural Juror (I'm convinced that the Mean Girls musical is just a feint and that Tina Fey is really going to do a Rural Juror musical), and Kenneth's seeming agelessness with that St. Elsewhere-in-the-future gag as a descendant of Liz Lemon pitched 30 Rock to NBC. It was one last little meta joke for a show that thrived on meta jokes.

What I liked most about the finale, though, was the question of whether or not Liz and Jack could really have it all. That drive to have both a job and a family has been at the core of both their lives for all seven seasons. Both have faced ups and downs professionally and personally, and now, faced with getting what they thought they wanted all along—complete business and political domination in Jack's case and a family in Liz's case—they realized that the other components are just as important, and that they needed all of it to be happy.

But of course they could have it all, and I love that in this regard—together with the fact that Kenneth was still in charge of NBC who knows how many years later (and that NBC still existed!)—30 Rock's jokey cynical shell broke apart and exposed its gooey center one last time.

Lemon out.


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Hell on Wheels' Season 2 Finale: Swede Kills/So Sioux Me

Hell on Wheels S02E09 & S02E10: "Blood Moon" & "Blood Moon Rising"

AMC's decision to air a two-part conclusion to Hell on Wheels' (mostly excellent) season finale in a single evening allowed for a fuller, more evenly paced story than most of the show's 45-minute installments have been able to provide. "Blood Moon" was pure and steady set-up, building a mood and clearly establishing each character's status so far in their respective journies, while "Blood Moon Rising" had the luxury of extra pages dedicated, basically, to knocking it all down. Both were satisfying for different reasons, and the combination strategically utilized everything great about Hell on Wheels: violence, tragedy, romance, existentialism, grimness, and historical stuff. All these elements wrapped up the loose ends then immediately laid the groundwork for a new, arguably more Hellish, direction for seasons to come (no official word yet on a renewal—fingers crossed).

Right from the get-go, a welcome time-jumping framing device let us know that some terrible, flaming fate had lain waste to the railroad town. Back to his disheveled self, Cullen Bohannon was questioned by a representative of the Senate Committee on Railroads who had received Durant's crooked ledger, as well as a letter from Lily Bell condemning the baron, in the mail. Just what in the heck happened to this place? "The White Spirit," muttered Bohannon, thousand-yard stare and all. If the man most skeptical of the Swede's fatalistic prophecies was quoting the lunatic's nickname, then clearly this all would not end well. Zipping back in time, Durant stumbled through town cuckoo for painkillers, Eva caught guff from the local whores about her baby's daddy, and Sean confronted Ruth about marriage—only to (yawn) be denied because of his Catholicism. So, business as usual in Hell. Also, don't you hate this romance? Ruth might be one of the frontier's first gold-diggers, and I am not talking about the forty-niners. Give us more of the McGinnes Bros. tussling and scheming and pining for their mom (next season)!

In their evil wooden lair, the dubious Durants plotted to coax Bohannon into explaining the wonky numbers to the railroad board, but as Thomas pointed out "Bohannon only thrives on narrow escapes from his own recklessness," and would likely not be receptive. If this was true, the sad outcome at the end of this finale would underline the next fundamental thing Bohannon needs to change about his nature (more on that later). Meanwhile Elam fussed and fretted about being tasked with that mystery murder from last episode (who I guessed was Lily because Bohannon's too valuable to the rails), in exchange for his house. If it was Lily that Durant wanted dead, she appeared to have an out when Hannah offered her a one-way ticket to New York and an introduction to a wealthy family, that she might become a governess (Downton Abbey on Wheels, anyone?). Either way, Lily had "liability" written all over her.

Really, there should be more tension built on things like heroes driving trains across bridges, and I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a huge grin on my beer-and-guac-smattered face during this scene. Plus some recognizable CGI, which was kind of a bummer because it took me out of the moment, but necessary because AMC was not going to shell out duckets for some prop bridge, obvs. Also, we got a handful of cool train-camera angles, and some of my favorite Cullen Bohannon facial expressions, mostly the "Oh shit!" one that always serves to ground his formally stoic sharpshooter self. It's okay, bud.

So as most of the town was watching the bridge crossing, Lily tip-toed into Durant's office and ganked the ledger from his safe (ah, that's how it made its way to the authorities...), but then Elam was skulking around too, eyeballing her mad hard. To be a little nit-pickey, it never once felt like Elam would go through with this murder. He's come too far as a mature individual to do something this corrupt and renew a rivalry with Bohannon in such an extreme a way. Anywho, running some more errands in town, Elam popped by Eva and her tent to offer her his home but she didn't want to hitch her wagon to someone who had jerked her around so much in the past and besides Toole was still fulfilling his husbandly duties. Bummer. Down by the bridge Durant offered Bohannon full partnership in the railroad, but Bohannon refused, saying that all his debts "were buried with Doc Whitehead." I took this to mean that without the medical expertise of Bohannon's friend, Durant would have never have made it as far as he did with his health. Good, yes! Cut those ties. Run away with Lily! Speaking of which, Lily rolled up to Toole and Bohannon's fire and wanted to use the ledger to take over the railroad with Bohannon. Bohannon wanted no part of it and even attempted to burn the book in order to save her life. He knew that Durant wanted her dead because that's what Bohannon himself would do if he were a ruthless man. The interaction was cut short by a Sioux scout and Bohannon sent Lily back to town with Toole.

But Lily is straight crafty, and the next day she got Elam to hang on to the book by complimenting the home he built for Eva. It was an awkward interaction mostly because Elam was still undecided about killing her and having a target that vulnerable (and blameless) must tug at the heartstrings. With the help of Joseph, Bohannon scouted over a thousand Sioux at a CGI tribal council, and Black Moon told him that they wanted everyone in town to die. In present times, we learned that the government sent a measly five recruits and a small cannon to aid in defense (classic government). Back in the past, Eva came over to set the record straight with Elam and was impressed and emotionally affected by all the hard work he had put in. Ultimately though, she intended on being Toole's wife and had come to say goodbye. Toole showed up looking for her, got the wrong impression, and killed himself. No! He was just becoming likable. Talk about terrible timing, bro. Meanwhile, Elam had a real "could give a shit" look on his face.

I guess when the competition has repeatedly harassed you with racial slurs, once drunkenly tried to hang you in a bar, and survived a murder attempt before killing himself on your front lawn, it's hard to find tears. In a stirring cross-cut montage, fellow Irishman Mickey administered Toole's funeral, mentioning that this town made people do terrible things, while Ruth baptized Sean, who promptly made things weird by trying to French kiss her. I'm no man of the cloth, but I don't think that's how baptism works. Later that night Ferguson visited Lily after some pressure from Durant, but she got the drop on him with Durant's own pepperbox gun. Smart lady—but there was still an air of frantic desperation to her rapidly dwindling plans. She offered him a deal to become head of security once the Durants were sent to Con College. Way to not die while also practicing savvy business sense! The next day the Swede made one hell of an entrance, all slathered in white with his chest burnt UP. In his trademark creepy way, he recounted being partially lit on fire in the area between his nipples and warned of the coming onslaught that would accompany the "Blood Moon." Bohannon didn't buy it, and insisted someone guard his long ass. Durant reached out to Lily about heading to New York one last time, and when she refused he called her a whore. In Old West speak she was all, "Well, if I'm that, then you're about to be defeated by a whore." The takeaway being that it is an insult to be bested by a prostitute.

Then the Swede got all Michael Myers from Halloween and slit his guard's throat, while the town hunkered down for the Blood Moon. With the women and children shipped out, we were treated to a solid 10 minutes or so of a nighttime battle with the Sioux. It was cool and awesome and rad with whoops and blasts and blood until the town was burnt to the ground. But within that time, Elam got to rescue Eva, and he hopefully made her forget all about Toole with his dauntless heroism. The next day, amid all the charred remains of the town, in the saddest scene in Hell on Wheels history, the Swede quietly surprised Lily and strangled her to death. Bohannon found herl, and carried her through a scorched town full of dead bodies. The scene represented Cullen Bohannon's specific "hell," but one relatable to everyone: losing a loved one to a damaged world. For the first time in a while this railroad town went from being a rough place to a mythically cursed setting. Maybe there is poison gold in the Earth. In the same ambling sequence Bohannon marched the Swede off to the bridge to be hanged. It was chilling how matter-of-fact Bohannon was on the walk to exact justice (like a dad going to retrieve his son's stolen bike or something), and how the Swede happily skipped along, then claimed the two rivals were now "consummated" in Lily's death. I'm guessing this means that since the Swede took away the life of someone so dear to Bohannon, the three were now tied to one another in memory. Unfortunately this final bit of vengeance slipped quite literally between Bohannon's fingers as the Swede leapt from the bridge and died in the river.

When all was said and done, the railroad committee offered Bohannon Durant's former role in continuing the railroad out West—perhaps the last thing he wants to do considering all the heartache and trouble it brought him. Then again if Bohannon maintains his attitude of comparing the railroad to a war, all these losses along the way are to be expected, and forging ahead would honor them as martyrs. Still, it's a cruel joke Bohannon's living out, what with his last two loves being brutally murdered by forces connected to the rise of his own nation. The more this show treats railroad life as an existential metaphor for human existence, the more it succeeds at rising above the limits of its premise. Overall Season 2 was quite satisfying and built off everything great in the previous one. Bohannon is slowly learning lessons and becoming the hero he's built to be, but a man can only handle so much heaping tragedy. With his fate more or less shackled to the rails (via the show's driving narrative), Bohannon's obligation to finish the line resembles every human's march of life: no turning back, unwanted losses along the way, and an end that either comes too soon, or not soon enough.

QUESTIONS:

– What was your favorite moment of this season?

– What was your least favorite moment of this season?

– Who was your favorite character?

– Who was your least favorite character?

– Was it repetitive to kill Lily when Bohannon had already lost a love before, or does that make his world seem that much more hellish?

– How will the loss of Lily and his new appointment affect Bohannon?

– How will Mickey and Sean be affected by Sean's new faith?

– What themes were most present this season?

– How do you want next season to be different?

– What will become of Hannah and Thomas Durant?

– How will Elam and Bohannon's relationship change?

– What does it all mean?

Feel free to use the comments section to remember some of the characters who perished this season, including: The Swede, Reverend Cole, Mr. Toole, Doc Whitehead, Hawkins and his gang, Mr. Schmidt, Bauer the Butcher, some prostitutes, and who could forget, that one train guy who Reverend Cole stabbed with a cavalry sword


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Warehouse 13's Mid-season Finale: Back to the Future

Warehouse 13 S04E10: "We All Fall Down"

The vision that's been haunting Artie all season long finally came to fruition tonight, and it wasn't at all how he expected it to be. At this point, I guess it was somewhat of a given that Claudia wouldn't be going Dark Side after all, and in my mind, that meant that the threat of her playing Brutus to Artie's Julius Ceasar was a thing of the past. Well, aren't I just silly.

With Brother Adrian and the rest of the Brotherhood assisting in the hunt for a cure to Artie's crazy, and Pete taking cues from what appeared to be Leena's ghost, Artie hit the road to find a very dangerous artifact from Warehouse 8 that would force Mrs. Frederic to let him use the astrolabe again, since she wasn't too keen on letting him anywhere near it anytime soon. As of the conclusion of "We All Fall Down," Magellan's astrolabe is still safe and sound with H.G Wells and H.G. appears to be way off the grid... which prompted Artie to enact his contingency plan.

Deep in the bowels of the long-gone Warehouse 8 there was an orchid that was capable of spreading a lethal "sweating sickness" across the globe. The orchid was so dangerous that the operatives of the time sealed the flower in an airtight glass case and when Warehouse 8 was eventually replaced by Warehouse 9, they simply left it buried beneath the old building—currently the headquarters of a German insurance firm. Insurance. How exciting. On a side note, though, isn't it kind of delightful how mundane locations can secretly have awesome histories? Take Monroeville Mall, near my hometown, which is a nice-enough mall full of typical, nice-enough mall things until you learn that the original Dawn of the Dead was filmed there in the '70s and suddenly the suburban staple is infinitely cooler because ZOMBIES.

Anyway, Claudia and the de-zombified Jinks were dispatched to Europe to locate the orchid before Artie, but all they found was a clue directing them to a small mill where the plant had been moved. Unfortunately, Artie already knew about the relocation, probably from those old Warehouse 8 records he torched before his pursuers could read them. He also tracked down the knife. THE KNIFE. The one Claudia was prophesied to use against him in his visions. The knife was meant to be used to crack the deadly orchid's otherwise-impenetrable glass case. Utilizing the time-stopping barometer from the USS Eldridge, Evil Artie's evil plan went through almost entirely without a hitch. Emphasis on ALMOST.

That moment when Claudia realized that the team had been manipulated into the very scenario they had tried so hard to avoid made this admittedly uneven season worth it. While the artifacts and the missions are fun and (usually) exciting, the relationships between these characters are, for me, the reason I keep watching. Where the Season 3 finale was devastating in the scope of what was lost, there was a smidgen of comfort to be found in the unity of the remaining warehouse agents. Artie had a plan and the others rallied around that plan.

This mid-season finale brought about a complete inversion of that situation, and yet the feelings of loss are almost exactly the same. The world is threatened, but that's par the course for finales. The remaining warehouse agents are anything but united, as fractured as Artie's sanity. In the end, the orchid's deadly contagion was sent into the world as Evil Artie planned, and while a solution isn't apparent at the moment, I suspect that fixing the orchid problem will be easier for the survivors than fixing their relationships with each other. Steve seemed certain that there is no cure for Artie's condition, but stopped short of saying as much to Claudia (though she got the message loud and clear anyway). Evil Artie may have twisted words and situations to hurt his agents' feelings and throw them off-kilter in their fight against him, but his verbal daggers were sharpened with some blunt facts: Pete really does feel guilty over his father's death, Myka has often felt alienated by being "smarter" than everyone in the room, and Claudia desperately wants nothing more than to be loved and accepted by the people she cares about. Should Mrs. Frederic and the Brotherhood succeed in restoring Artie's sanity, he must still live with what he did to Leena and what he said to the others. Throughout "We All Fall Down," we saw flashes of the genuine Artie struggling against his dark alternate persona, which means that on some level, the real Artie is "in there." He will always know that Leena died by his hand. Pete, Myka, and Claudia will know that even though Artie didn't mean what he said while under the astrolabe's influence, the taunts were crafted from knowledge that the real Artie possessed.

Artie is not the only warehouse operative who will have to live with his actions—assuming he lives to see the second half of this season. Despite the best of efforts to avoid Artie's vision, in the end, Claudia stabbed Artie with the knife, as she was meant to all along. The decision didn't come easily and Claudia certainly didn't embrace it willingly. Artie is her mentor, her father figure, her boss, and her friend. He's the reason she found a place at the warehouse and she knows that she owes him everything. Out of everyone, Claudia kept her faith in Artie the longest, refusing to believe that he had killed Leena and duped them all. Evil Artie ridiculed her loneliness and longing for friends and family, but in some ways, those things have always been a source of strength for Claudia. She doesn't take friendship or family lightly. It took her twelve years to free her brother from his inter-dimensional limbo back in Season 1, but she was ruthless and determined and she did it. When it was revealed that Claudia's role in the warehouse was to be the backup caretaker in the event Mrs. Frederic was ever unable to continue her duties, Claudia stepped up to her fate, despite her horror at being forced into the position. At the time, she made Artie promise to never again force her into doing something against her will, and while Artie and the others certainly didn't put the knife in her hand and blatantly force it, she still found herself left with only one option to act on in order to save the warehouse. She's not going to be very happy when we come back in April, I'm sure.

– When Jinks complained about being the backup team for Myka and Pete, Claudia corrected him with,"We aren't the B-team, fool! We're the second A-team!" Preach it, Claudia!

– Behold, Pete Lattimer not being written as a buffoon. Isn't it beautiful? Can we have more of that when Warehouse 13 returns in April, writers?

– Also, more Ghost Leena. Mrs. Frederic said that she broke a promise to Leena by enabling her to be killed. I feel like Mrs. Frederic isn't the sort of person to make promises lightly. Is there still hope for Leena to return in the flesh?

– What do you think we'll see when Warehouse 13 returns?

– What do you WANT to see when Warehouse 13 returns?

Warehouse 13 "We All Fall Down" Photos


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What to Watch Tonight: Warehouse 13's Mid-season Finale, Bones, and HIMYM

What to watch on Monday, October 1...

Well, everyone, today marks my very last What to Watch report, as well as my last day with TV.com on the whole. I am moving on to another web space deep within the cyber forest, and the journey already tastes as bitter as it does sweet (I think there's a word for that). It has been a pleasure, and I wish you all endless days of TV-viewing bliss. The lovely and talented Anngie Dehoyos will be taking over from here on out, so please give her a warm welcome—she's an excellent human being. With that, let's take a look at what's on TV tonight:

8pm, Fox
Bones
In "The Gunk in the Garage," human remains are found after a hotel garage goes up in flames, but the investigation hits an obstacle when the team discovers their theories about a particular man's fate aren't correct. Also, Booth has to run off to help work on the department's budget, which could lead to a promotion for him, but while he's gone from the field Sweets gets a temporary partner. Uh-oh, is there to be rivalry in the air?

8pm, CBS
How I Met Your Mother
In "The Pre-Nup," the entire crew starts talking about pre-nups, thanks to Barney's extremely comprehensive pren-up that he proposed to Robin. This inspires everyone to start talking about what's most important to all of them in a relationship—but when certain folks realize their significant others have opposing principles, it puts them at odds with each other. And for Quinn all of this talk has led her to respond with her very own, very real pre-nup. Surprise, I love you, but surprise!!

SPECIAL, 9pm, PBS
Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide
I'd just feel silly not to shed light on such a well-intentioned expose. Tonight PBS will air the first half of a two-part special about the oppression of women around the world, as investigated by New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof. Along with Eva Mendes, Meg Ryan, and Gabrielle Union, Kristoff travels to Sierra Leone, Vietnam, and Cambodia to discuss such issues as human trafficking and gender-based violence. But don't worry, it's not all sad—Kristoff also explores parts of the world that are making a conscious effort to educate their young women and give them the futures they so deserve.

9pm, CBS
2 Broke Girls
In "And the Pearl Necklace," Max and Caroline will be crossing their fingers for a call from Martha Stewart, as they have been ever since the homemaking guru tried (and enjoyed!) one of their cupcakes. But will that all-important call ever come? Also, Caroline loses a lucky charm... which probably doesn't help the whole "I hope Martha calls" situation. Womp womp.

MID-SEASON FINALE, 9pm, Syfy
Warehouse 13
How is it the mid-season finale already? WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?! In "We All Fall Down," the team will have to battle one of their own after Artie's obsession with the Astrolabe gets far too dangerous. Hmm, unless the Astrolabe inspires someone else to go all willy-nilly-nutso on everybody, I'm going to guess that Artie is going to be the one under fire. But hey, I've been wrong before! And that's why I love this show.

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Alphas, 8 p.m., Syfy
Basketball Wives LA, 8 p.m., VH1
Breaking Amish: Extended Episodes, 8 p.m., TLC
Cypher Replay, SEASON PREMIERE, 8 p.m., BET
Dancing With the Stars: All Stars, LIVE, 8 p.m., ABC
iHeartRadio Music Festival, 8 p.m., The CW
Lovetown, USA, 8 p.m., OWN
Switched at Birth, 8 p.m., ABC Family
The Voice, 8 p.m., NBC
WWE Monday Night Raw, 8 p.m., USA
Partners, 8:30 p.m., CBS
All on the Line, 9 p.m., Sundance
American Chopper, 9 p.m., Discovery
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, 9 p.m., Travel
Blood, Lies, & Alibis, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Hoarders, 9 p.m., A&E;
Love It or List It, 9 p.m., HGTV
Major Crimes, 9 p.m., TNT
T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle, 9 p.m., VH1
The Mob Doctor, 9 p.m., Fox
The Real Housewives of New York City, SEASON 5 FINALE, 9 p.m., Bravo
Chrissy & Mr. Jones, 9:30 p.m., VH1
Mike & Molly, 9:30 p.m., CBS
Bad Girls Club: Mexico, 10 p.m., Oxygen
Castle, 10 p.m., ABC
Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, 10 p.m., Food
Fast N' Loud, 10 p.m., Discovery
Final Witness, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Gallery Girls, 10 p.m., Bravo
Hawaii Five-O, 10 p.m., CBS
House Hunters, 10 p.m., HGTV
Intervention, 10 p.m., A&E;
Revolution, 10 p.m., NBC
Ridiculousness, 10 p.m., MTV
$24 in 24, 10:30 p.m., Food
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
The Inbetweeners, 10:30 p.m., MTV
Get To Work, 10:30 p.m., Sundance

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS...
Stephen Colbert on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Bryan Cranston on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Zooey Deschanel and Maggie Grace on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Liam Neeson on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Ethan Hawke on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What are you watching tonight?


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