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What to watch on Monday, April 1...

8pm, The CW
The Carrie Diaries
Carre prepares an ideal romantic evening with Sebastian; her plans rapidly fall apart, in accordance with Tripper’s First Law of Comical Misunderstandings. Meanwhile in “A First Time for Everything,” Dorrit turns to Donna for love-life pointers, and Mouse realizes that she’s developing a bit of a thing for West, which, c’mon Mouse, the rest of us got there like two weeks ago.

8pm, Fox
Bones
“The Maiden in the Mushrooms” finds the Jeffersonian squad investigating a TV producer’s murder, while Brennan struggles to process Christine’s antisocial behavior toward a classmate. Back at the lab, Hodgins devotes all the resources at his disposal to reverse-engineering Finn’s hot sauce recipe... for SCIENCE!

9pm, Fox
The Following
In the wake of their latest colossal botch-job leaving Claire in Joe’s clutches, the FBI turns its attention to an undercover location that may be connected to the cult and promptly figures out how it can make a hash of that too. Elsewhere in “Whips and Regret,” Claire settles in at Casa de Crackpot, and Emma and Jacob grapple with the fallout of the former’s betrayal.

9pm, Syfy
Being Human
While unforeseen complications greet Kenny’s awakening, Aidan, Josh, and Sally gear up to tussle with Donna in “Always a Bridesmaid, Never Alive.” According to Syfy’s promo clip, their stratagem involves her blood, hair, and nails, which suggests to me they cribbed this plan straight from Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest.

100th EPISODE, 10pm, ABC
Castle
Boy, what kind of rotten luck does a guy have to have to wind up sidelined for the 100th episode of his own show? A broken-legged Castle is none too pleased to be convalescing in the loft in “The Lives of Others,” but his interest is piqued when a murder mystery unfolds before his very eyes in the apartment across the street. All things considered, Beckett should be careful she doesn’t stumble onto a sprawling flock of creepy, homicidal birds.

10pm, A&E
Bates Motel
A stunning discovery greets Norman and Emma in “What’s Wrong With Norman,” while Dylan’s new job presents him with more than he bargained for. Both of these plotlines are probably referring to dinosaurs, right? Let’s assume it’s dinosaurs. You’d watch a show where Norman Bates befriends/rides around on a triceratops, wouldn’t you? Of course you would.

10pm, Sundance
Top of the Lake
Robin’s future with local law enforcement is endangered by a spot of violence as Episode 4 marks the midpoint of the seven-part miniseries. Refusing to abandon the case, she endeavors to gain the trust of a tight-lipped friend of Tui’s who may hold key information.

10pm, NBC
Revolution
Feeling the weight of a comrade’s sacrifice, Charlie and crew must find a way to soldier on in “Ghosts,” while a search to bolster ranks leads Miles and Nora to a lethal former militia colleague (Malik Yoba, late of Alphas). Rachel’s keeping busy herself, what with searching for a power source and trying to get back in Charlie’s good graces, all while evading Flynn.

LATE-NITE:
– From Atlanta, Seth Rogen, and Earthquake on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Thandie Newton on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Author Mary Roach on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Sigourney Weaver on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Matthew Perry, Kristen Schaal, and Goo Goo Dolls on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Shia LaBeouf, Jeff Altman, and The Band Perry on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Shaquille O’Neal and Demi Lovato on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Alec Baldwin, Emilia Clarke, Janelle Monae, DJ Jazzy Jeff, and the latest Celebrity Apprentice castoff on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Toby Keith and J.R. Martinez on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

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Bones S08E15: "The Shot in the Dark"

Bones has had a fine season so far, though it also hasn't been particularly special. "The Ghost in the Machine" episode offered a morbid twist on the POV episode, but it's not like that sort of thing hadn't been done before. While Booth as a stand-up comic in "The But of the Joke" was amusing, the episode wasn't stellar. And the while the dance audition that closed out "The Diamond in the Rough" was hysterical and wonderfully madcap, the episode overall sort of dragged.

To be fair, I don't expect Bones to captivate me each week. I'll take squick-inducing moments with remains, strong character beats, and humor each in place of compelling cases. I mean, even Pelant's return in "The Corpse on the Canopy" was rather underwhelming as far as a longer story arc is concerned, but it did result in horrible scarring for Pelant and the draining of Hodgins' fortune, both of which were probably more interesting than anything else that preceded it.

"The Shot in the Dark" pushed this balance of case of the week and character work in a big way, though it wasn't completely successful for me. Bones was shot at the lab following a fight with Booth over the idea of taking a family vacation to a cabin, with Bones arguing that Christine wouldn't remember the excursion, so what would be the point? She completely ignored the fact that such a trip would create memories for herself and Booth, with Christine in them as well.

Getting shot, as is so often the case on TV, resulted in Bones either suffering hallucinations as a result of the blood loss and being on death's door, or having one foot in that door and gaining access to the afterlife, as she found herself in a simulacra of her childhood home chatting with a manifestation of her mother. Needless to say, Bones, one of TV's few prominent atheists, had issues accepting the notion—and as the show seemed to decide, the fact—that she was dead and talking to the spirit of her mother.

Bones' experiences with her mom recurred throughout the episode as she drifted in and out of consciousness and learned a bit about herself. Over the course of the series, Bones has mellowed from the cold, pragmatic, and generally socially inept scientist we met so many seasons ago to a woman with a good degree of empathy, humor, and even love. Sure, she sometimes struggles to express these things, but the feelings are there, and they've represented a real change for the character.

"The Shot in the Dark" argued that Bones's emphasis on rational thinking grew out of a fight with her mother right before her mom disappeared with Max. It was a fight about a boy, and how young Bones was changing herself too much, acting too emotionally and impulsively, not thinking with her brain. As a result of her mother's departure, Bones threw herself into only using her brain and shutting down her emotions as a way to survive.

It's a reasonable explanation for Bones' behavior over the years, and I really have no issues with that aspect of the episode. But I do think that even without this experience, Bones would've eventually come around to being a bit more spontaneous in her parenting because this series is about her transformation, much more so than it has been about other characters' (though Hodgins has calmed down considerably as a conspiracy theorist).

And I sort of take issue with the episode's decision to link Bones' visions to the afterlife, and the afterlife being treated as fact. To have Bones' atheism questioned and directly challenged by the story—particularly that bit about Max's gift—bugs me. The intrusion of a thing Bones doesn't believe in, and that the episode pushed the interpretation that she's wrong, felt unnecessary. It's possible to be a logical and rational atheist and still be compassionate, loving, and emotional, and a good parent, and it's easy enough to dramatize a shift in Bones's attitude without an emphasis on a god and an afterlife.

Since the show seems interested in exploring this question and this change in its main character, I really hope it follows through. Bones exploring religions of the world, this time without her typical scientific approach, could make for some interesting stories and challenges for both her and Booth—the devout Catholic—to surmount, but I'll say that I'd rather that journey end up with her achieving a sense of well-being through human connections, as she's done for seasons now, and without the religion. No need to change her that much.

– Bones' "Goodbye!" as she slammed the door to the house, and the scene with her talking to herself in the bone room, lent themselves to some truly delightful line-readings from Emily Deschanel.

– I have no idea if the science holds up on a blood bullet, but I also don't really care. It's cool.

– Poor Sweets. Couldn't make it work with Olivia, and even the sex "lacked fireworks." But they're so cute together! I also loved how Sweets made the transition from the $10,000 clock to their failed romance.

– Serious Quantum Leap vibes for that transition from the dream/afterlife to consciousness by way of hug. Perhaps appropriately, Quantum Leap's series finale hit the religion/science split pretty hard.

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What to watch on Monday, October 1...

Well, everyone, today marks my very last What to Watch report, as well as my last day with TV.com on the whole. I am moving on to another web space deep within the cyber forest, and the journey already tastes as bitter as it does sweet (I think there's a word for that). It has been a pleasure, and I wish you all endless days of TV-viewing bliss. The lovely and talented Anngie Dehoyos will be taking over from here on out, so please give her a warm welcome—she's an excellent human being. With that, let's take a look at what's on TV tonight:

8pm, Fox
Bones
In "The Gunk in the Garage," human remains are found after a hotel garage goes up in flames, but the investigation hits an obstacle when the team discovers their theories about a particular man's fate aren't correct. Also, Booth has to run off to help work on the department's budget, which could lead to a promotion for him, but while he's gone from the field Sweets gets a temporary partner. Uh-oh, is there to be rivalry in the air?

8pm, CBS
How I Met Your Mother
In "The Pre-Nup," the entire crew starts talking about pre-nups, thanks to Barney's extremely comprehensive pren-up that he proposed to Robin. This inspires everyone to start talking about what's most important to all of them in a relationship—but when certain folks realize their significant others have opposing principles, it puts them at odds with each other. And for Quinn all of this talk has led her to respond with her very own, very real pre-nup. Surprise, I love you, but surprise!!

SPECIAL, 9pm, PBS
Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide
I'd just feel silly not to shed light on such a well-intentioned expose. Tonight PBS will air the first half of a two-part special about the oppression of women around the world, as investigated by New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof. Along with Eva Mendes, Meg Ryan, and Gabrielle Union, Kristoff travels to Sierra Leone, Vietnam, and Cambodia to discuss such issues as human trafficking and gender-based violence. But don't worry, it's not all sad—Kristoff also explores parts of the world that are making a conscious effort to educate their young women and give them the futures they so deserve.

9pm, CBS
2 Broke Girls
In "And the Pearl Necklace," Max and Caroline will be crossing their fingers for a call from Martha Stewart, as they have been ever since the homemaking guru tried (and enjoyed!) one of their cupcakes. But will that all-important call ever come? Also, Caroline loses a lucky charm... which probably doesn't help the whole "I hope Martha calls" situation. Womp womp.

MID-SEASON FINALE, 9pm, Syfy
Warehouse 13
How is it the mid-season finale already? WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?! In "We All Fall Down," the team will have to battle one of their own after Artie's obsession with the Astrolabe gets far too dangerous. Hmm, unless the Astrolabe inspires someone else to go all willy-nilly-nutso on everybody, I'm going to guess that Artie is going to be the one under fire. But hey, I've been wrong before! And that's why I love this show.

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Alphas, 8 p.m., Syfy
Basketball Wives LA, 8 p.m., VH1
Breaking Amish: Extended Episodes, 8 p.m., TLC
Cypher Replay, SEASON PREMIERE, 8 p.m., BET
Dancing With the Stars: All Stars, LIVE, 8 p.m., ABC
iHeartRadio Music Festival, 8 p.m., The CW
Lovetown, USA, 8 p.m., OWN
Switched at Birth, 8 p.m., ABC Family
The Voice, 8 p.m., NBC
WWE Monday Night Raw, 8 p.m., USA
Partners, 8:30 p.m., CBS
All on the Line, 9 p.m., Sundance
American Chopper, 9 p.m., Discovery
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, 9 p.m., Travel
Blood, Lies, & Alibis, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Hoarders, 9 p.m., A&E;
Love It or List It, 9 p.m., HGTV
Major Crimes, 9 p.m., TNT
T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle, 9 p.m., VH1
The Mob Doctor, 9 p.m., Fox
The Real Housewives of New York City, SEASON 5 FINALE, 9 p.m., Bravo
Chrissy & Mr. Jones, 9:30 p.m., VH1
Mike & Molly, 9:30 p.m., CBS
Bad Girls Club: Mexico, 10 p.m., Oxygen
Castle, 10 p.m., ABC
Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, 10 p.m., Food
Fast N' Loud, 10 p.m., Discovery
Final Witness, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Gallery Girls, 10 p.m., Bravo
Hawaii Five-O, 10 p.m., CBS
House Hunters, 10 p.m., HGTV
Intervention, 10 p.m., A&E;
Revolution, 10 p.m., NBC
Ridiculousness, 10 p.m., MTV
$24 in 24, 10:30 p.m., Food
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
The Inbetweeners, 10:30 p.m., MTV
Get To Work, 10:30 p.m., Sundance

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS...
Stephen Colbert on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Bryan Cranston on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Zooey Deschanel and Maggie Grace on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Liam Neeson on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Ethan Hawke on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What are you watching tonight?

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Good morning, Captioners! I hope you enjoyed your weekend, even though two days of freedom pale in comparison to the satisfaction gained when submitting a caption for this daily competition. But, you know, to each his own. Here are the winners from Friday's contest:

From scho22:

Richard: "You're making me look too much like the monopoly guy!!!"

From MichaelBomer:

Gillian: "Think he's too young to get drunk and have sex with yet?"

From smithinjapan:

Gillian: "Is he writing 'murder' backwards again?"

It's back! It's so exciting! In tonight's Season 8 premiere, Brennan is on the run from the FBI after being framed for murder. While her team tries to track down the person who manipulated the murder evidence, they get an anonymous tip leading to yet another murder—and it may be just what they need to help poor Bones. In the still below, Booth decides to pay Brennan a visit. Post your best caption ideas in the comments!

Check out all of our recent winners on TV.com's Open Caption Pinterest Board.

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Bones S08E01: "The Future in the Past"

When Bones left off last season, Brennan was on the run with Christine after being framed for a murder that was actually committed by über-hacker Christopher Pelant. Booth, Sweets, and Caroline were all removed from Pelant's case, but luckily the team found a freaky, written-in-saliva message from Pelant's latest victim (Ethan Sawyer) that could prove Brennan's innocence.

Enter tonight's Season 8 premiere: It's been three long, non-murderous months in the greater Washington, D.C. area. Booth is a desk jockey, Clark has been promoted to head of the Jeffersonian's anthropology lab (though he is probably not king of the lab), and Brennan's been hiding in various places with truly horrible blonde hair. I mean it. It's dreadful. It really washes her out. So glad she got rid of it at the end of the episode.

Anyway. The shortened season last year (due to Emily Deschanel's pregnancy) largely short-circuited a lot of the menace Pelant might've brought to the table as the seasonal Big Bad. So when the finale aired and he had worked a bunch of computer magic to frame Brennan, it all felt kind of, well, lame. (It doesn't help matters that hacking and other computer-related activities are really hard to make exciting—who cares about realistic—no matter what cool gadgets Angela gets in her office.)

But the other problem was that Pelant just hadn't had the time on the show to develop a personality beyond the black hat hacker villain, and "The Future in the Past" didn't do much to fix that. He's still this blank slate of motives. I mean, there's revenge, but that's only so compelling (unless you're killing rich people in the Hamptons) in the absence of personality. He's just... boring.

As a result, Pelant felt more like an obstacle to overcome than a character with which to do battle. His bag of tricks, particularly the security camera doctoring, were quickly undone after Brennan tracked down the remains of Pelant's long-dead high school guidance counselor. This, coupled with Sweets finally deciding to stop by to look at the saliva triangle, gave everyone the necessary clues to finally crack the new case, clear Brennan's name, and restore order to Bones' narrative universe.

Except not so much. Despite kind of loathing the ease with which all this computer stuff has happened on Bones, I thought Pelant's last-ditch effort to escape federal prison—by erasing Christopher Pelant entirely and turning himself into an Egyptian citizen as far as the world's computer systems are concerned—was a nice way to both move on from Pelant and keep him lurking in the shadows. I don't think it'll solve the Bones' Pelant problems, but it does offer the opportunity to flesh the guy out a bit more.

Beyond the dangling villain problem, the Season 8 premiere was a perfectly Bones-y episode. I thoroughly enjoyed not only Clark's emphasis on the white binders but the fact that Brennan loved them as well! It's one of those Type-A flourishes that you know Brennan wishes she'd thought of sooner, and will, hopefully, refine as the season progresses. (Note: I do not expect to hear from the white binders ever again.) I'll be sad to see Clark go on as the Jeffersonian's chief research anthropologist ("I hate crime and I love serious research!"), but maybe it'll bring a new intern into the rotation.

The rest of the episode was built on little touches, from Booth's happiness at seeing Christine again to his description of Brennan's books ("They're thick. They're... really heavy.") or Sweets' knowing eyebrow arch at Hodgins' confession at almost choking Pelant to death. It's those small bits of business that make Bones a comfortable ensemble procedural. Even when many of the characters are spread apart from each other, the show makes the time for those sorts of moments that demonstrate the strength of its cast. It's the characters we tune in for each week, not the gruesome murders (though those are fun, too!).

– Brennan's awesome throw/takedown of Booth was awesome.

– Seriously. That blonde hair. I kind of can't get over how awful it was. AND THAT ONE MENTIONS IT. Argh.

– "Then you have trust issues stemming from...lots of psychological crap."

– "As an FBI agent, it's my sworn duty to arrest Dr. Brennan. It's so good to see you, by the way. It's been too long."

– "Blank is Angela's thinking face."

– "It's like lumbar nirvana." I wish I had a chair that was like lumbar nirvana. But I also want a standing desk, so what do I know?

– What did you think of the Bones premiere?

– Did Hodgins' violent act surprise you? (It didn't surprise me; he's been very protective of people ever since being buried by the Gravedigger and Zack's affiliation with Gormogon.)

– Do you think Max is going to go on a globe-trotting stalking spree to take down Pelant?

– And, perhaps most importantly, what was with Flynn picking up the marigold at the end? It was a little creepy, right?

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What to watch on Monday, September 17...

Helllloooooooooo, Monday! Are you guys ready to get this week going or what? Oh, not really? Make youself a pot of coffee, that might help. And while it's brewing, why don't you join me in checking out what's on TV tonight:

SPECIAL, 7pm, ABC
CMA Music Festival: Country's Night to Rock
Not to be confused with the Country Music Awards, tonight's Country Music Festival will feature acts from the likes of Carrie Underwood, Keith Urban, Faith Hill, Lady Antebellum, Rascal Flatts, Blake Shelton, Miranda Lambert, Brad Paisley, and pretty much any other household country name you can conjur up. Hosted by Luke Bryan and Kimberly Perry, this special is not a live event but rather a recap of the annual four-day CMA Festival that was held in June earlier this year. If you were able to attend in person, here's your chance to relive the moment(s). If you missed out, you'd better strap on your cowboy boots, turn up your TV speakers, and get ready to square dance.

8pm, Syfy
Alphas
In "Falling," Rosen will have to come to a decision about what to do with the whole "mole" situation (and not the one happening on his front lawn, if you know what I mean). Also, Rachel's parents finally meet John, Hicks' son shows up out of the blue, and Kat chases down drugs—for her job, not because she's suddenly developed an appetite. Although I suppose that would make for an entertaining plot twist...

SEASON 8 PREMIERE, 8pm, Fox
Bones
Booth and Brennan are back for Season 8! In tonight's premiere, "The Future in the Past," we catch up with Brennan three months after she was framed for murder and went on the run from the FBI. The Jeffersonian team has been doing everything humanly possible to try to prove her innocence—they suspect an evil tech genius named Christopher Pelant of manipulating evidence to point to Brennan—but so far it's all to no avail... until they get an anonymous tip that leads to a high-school guidance counselor's body.

SEASON FINALE PART 1, 10pm, TNT
Perception
This series is so important that it gets to have two finales, how do you like them apples? In "Light," Pierce's conspiracy theory starts to grow legs after new evidence emerges that might give credibility to his idea. While he works through those findings he also has to deal with certain truths about Natalie. Will it all be too much for him to handle?

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, NBC
Revolution
NBC's new postapocalyptic series starts tonight, guys. Will it be as fabulous as Fox's Terra Nova? (That was a joke.) Anyway, in the pilot we're introduced to a lovely little fella lady named Charlie who's making her way through the burbs toward Chicago in search of her uncle Miles. With Miles' help, she may be able to rescue her brother, Danny, who's been kidnapped by the militia (girl's got a plan). She's not alone to begin with, but when she and her traveling friends get cornered, she makes a new buddy—an archer named Nate, who saves the day because he's proficient with a bow and arrow, you see. All the while, Danny has to deal with the terrorizing effects of being captured by the militia. Quit making friends and hurry up, Charlie!

PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
Basketball Wives LA, 8 p.m., VH1
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 8 p.m., TLC
Switched at Birth, 8 p.m., ABC Family
The L.A. Complex, TWO EPISODES BACK-TO-BACK, 8 p.m., The CW
The Voice, 8 p.m., NBC
WWE Monday Night Raw, 8 p.m., USA
All on the Line, 9 p.m., Sundance
American Chopper, 9 p.m., Discovery
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, 9 p.m., Travel
Border Wars, 9 p.m., NatGeo
Blood, Lies, & Alibis, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Hoarders, 9 p.m., A&E;
Intervention, 9 p.m., A&E;
Love It or List It, 9 p.m., HGTV
Major Crimes, 9 p.m., TNT
Market Warriors, 9 p.m., PBS
T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle, 9 p.m., VH1
The Mob Doctor, SERIES PREMIERE, 9 p.m., Fox
The Real Housewives of New York City, 9 p.m., Bravo
Warehouse 13, 9 p.m., Syfy
Bad Girls Club: Mexico, 10 p.m., Oxygen
Fast N' Loud, 10 p.m., Discovery
Gallery Girls, 10 p.m., Bravo
Lovetown, USA, 10 p.m., OWN
Ridiculousness, 10 p.m., MTV
Stolen Voices, Buried Secrets, SEASON FINALE, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
The Inbetweeners, 10:30 p.m., MTV
Get To Work, 10:30 p.m., Sundance

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS...
Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Mindy Kaling on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Richard Gere and wrestler Anthony Robles on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Matthew Perry and pro baseball player Josh Hamilton on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC Susan Sarandon, Karl Urban, and comic Jim Hamilton on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Julie Chen and former pro football player Warren Sapp on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What are you watching tonight?

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