Tv.com News

What to watch on Friday, March 29...

8pm & 8:30pm, ABC
Happy Endings
ABC’s red-headed stepchild sitcom bows on its new night and time, beginning with Brad and the gang striving to rescue his workplace from going under in “In the Heat of the Noche.” That’s followed by “The Straight Dope,” which gives us Max posing as a straight dude to gain access to a woman’s Bulls season tickets, and Alex surprising the group by trying to evolve past her dumb-blonde rep.

8pm, The CW
Nikita
“Inevitability” puts Nikita and Alex at odds when the former recommends Division assassinate the president of Chad while he’s visiting Paris. Couple this episode with that House, M.D. where Chase had to treat a dictator, and I’d guess that TV Tropes gets its “ethical quandaries over killing African heads of state” page together by Monday at the latest.

9pm, The CW
Cult
Skye is much the worse for wear after being drugged at last week’s Cult fan party, and it’s up to Jeff to procure a remedy in “The Good Fight.” Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the synchronicity of Matt Davis, who, though no longer a part of The Vampire Diaries, is still spending some of his 2013 searching for a cure in order to thwart lunatics.

9pm, NBC
Grimm
NBC’s press site bills “Nameless” as a take on the tale of Rumpelstiltskin. Since the plot entails Nick and Hank venturing online to pursue a murderous Wesen, I suppose they’ll have to guess the culprit’s user name to bring him down. Or maybe they’ll have to spin straw into bitcoin.

9pm, Fox
Touch
Martin locates Dr. Teller’s first patient in “Clockwork,” but it’s kind of a good news/bad news situation. The good news is that the man has vital information. The bad news? He’s a few hours away from receiving the death penalty for triple-homicide, and he won’t spill his guts until Martin can reunite him with his estranged daughter.

LATE-NITE:
– Chelsea Handler, 105-year-old Edythe Kirchmaier, and Sky Blu on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC

What to watch on Saturday, March 30...

SPRING PREMIERE, 8pm, BBC America
Doctor Who
“The Bells of Saint John” greets the Doctor with a new adversary in the Spoonheads and a new companion in Clara (Jenna-Louise Coleman). Ironically, while the Spoonheads have completely human-shaped heads, Clara is actually a five-foot-seven sentient spork.

SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, BBC America
Orphan Black
Upon finding out she’s a clone, an orphan named Sarah is soon drawn into a perilous conspiracy in this new supernatural series. The opener finds Sarah escaping into a new identity after she observes the suicide of a woman who looks exactly like her. And yes, it’s all BBC America all the time here at What to Watch Saturday Amalgamated Industries, because...

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, BBC America
The Nerdist
Chris Hardwick’s eponymous podcast gets the small-screen treatment, presumably with fewer zombie discussions than occur during his watch on AMC. (Not no zombie discussions, I’m sure, just... fewer.) The host and his crew of correspondents chat with entertainers, scientists, and other representatives of the ever more ephemerally defined “nerd culture.”

What to watch on Sunday, March 31...

MINISERIES FINALE, 8pm, History
The Bible
“Passion” concludes the miniseries with Peter denying Jesus, who is later betrayed and crucified. (Don’t worry, it doesn’t take.) Meanwhile, Paul ventures out on a road trip to Damascus, which I’m sure will prove entirely routine and inconsequential.

SERIES 2 PREMIERE 8pm, PBS
Call the Midwife
It’s Jenny Lee’s birthday as the second season opens, but she doesn’t have much time to celebrate before meeting a new patient who faces troubling circumstances. Elsewhere, Trixie and Sister Evangelina tend to a young woman who's preparing to give birth aboard a Swedish cargo ship; hopefully the mother-to-be has a name picked out already, lest she scan the surroundings for inspiration and wind up with a kid named after a prefab credenza.

8pm, BBC America
The Doctors Revisited
Third Doctor Jon Pertwee is next in the queue for this monthly special. His selected outing is 1970’s “Spearhead from Space,” in which an alien consciousness threatens to annihilate humanity through the use of plastic replicas, because I guess everything on the air tonight wants to set up Ikea jokes.

SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 9pm, HBO
Game of Thrones
Hodor, Hot Pie, Dagmer Cleftjaw, and the whole gang are back for another fun-filled season of mystical romps and heartwarming life lessons. “Valar Dohaeris” (“all men must serve,” if your High Valyrian is rusty) kicks things off with Jon meeting King-Beyond-the-Wall Mance Rayder, Tyrion seeking his just reward for saving King’s Landing, Littlefinger scheming toward Sansa, and Dany setting sail for Slaver’s Bay.

SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, PBS
Mr. Selfridge
Jeremy Piven stars as the titular department store magnate, a brash American who strikes it big in London, and you have my word that blurbs about this show will not make any jokes about him demanding that everybody “hug it out, wanker.” (Okay, not after that one.) In the first installment, the opening of Selfridges & Co. is stymied when Selfridge's business partner bails.

9pm, CBS
The Good Wife
It’s a pretty crowded slate tonight, and I was all set to bump The Good Wife for a week. But then “The Wheels of Justice” had to go and bring back Dylan Baker AND Gary Cole (AND Gary Cole’s mustache). So. You see the bind I’m in. Though perhaps not as much of a bind as the one Alicia and Will are in re: the prospect of being rid of Colin Sweeney. Or the one Diane is in re: rekindling things with Kurt McVeigh.

9pm, Showtime
Shameless
“Order Room Service” finds Fiona and the brood roughing it on a camping trip, so area squirrels are advised to lock up their acorns. Meanwhile, homeless Frank seeks the minimal creature comforts of a night in the family van and turns to Carl for assistance.

SEASON 3 FINALE, 9pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
With The Governor preparing to go on the offensive, the Penitentiary Pals must decide whether it’s worth defending home sweet prison in “Welcome to the Tombs.” Carl’s been perusing the abandoned base listings just in case, and he thinks he’s found a pretty sweet deal on a fixer-upper water treatment plant that's just up the road a spell.

And now, let’s all vote to crown the What to Watch Tonight Episode Title of the Week!

View the original article here

How I Met Your Mother S08E18: "Weekend at Barney's"

How I Met Your Mother is built around the concept of building up a story with the promise that there will be a payoff, and that that payoff will be worth our time. To borrow a phrase from Lost’s Sawyer, HIMYM is a big fan of the Long Con... except hopefully we’re not getting conned. The series has crafted an extensive mythology, with some of its storylines requiring several weeks/episodes to reach fulfillment. The plot of "Weekend at Barney’s" was not one of those storylines.

In a season of HIMYM that’s been largely about bringing long-running storylines to a close, "Weekend at Barney’s" gave us two of its best segments so far, both of them featuring just one character absolutely nailing a joke.

It’s easy to forget that HIMYM was once a show that centered on Josh Radnor’s Ted Mosby, and the fact that Radnor is an excellent and funny actor himself often gets lost in the noise created by the rest of the talented cast. Watching Ted run The Kidney, the second play being coached by Barney, was one of my favorite moments of the season. After getting dumped by Jeanette, his crazy girlfriend, Ted agreed to let Barney help him find a new plus-one for the upcoming Barney-Robin nuptials, which led to Barney breaking out the Playbook once again. (As it turned out, Barney only burned a "ceremonial" copy of the Playbook earlier in the season.) Barney first had Ted run The Special Delivery, a basic maneuver that required Ted to dress up as a delivery man, pick a pretty girl in the bar, and try to give her a package. Unfortunately, Ted couldn’t execute the final line: “How about I give you a different package? My penis.”

Undeterred, Ted returned to MacLaren’s in a medical gown to run The Kidney. When Ted realized that the play ended with the line, “How I about I give you a different organ?,” Ted refused to finish it. While speaking to Barney via his earpiece, Ted repeatedly stated “I understand that” in a completely deadpan fashion, and Radnor killed the scene, reminding us that HIMYM doesn’t alway need an elaborate joke to bring the laughter. By the time Ted finally mumbled, “My penis,” I was dying. HIMYM used to be revolve around simple jokes like this, highlighted by its actors, but after the show became secure in its place in CBS’s lineup around Season 3, the show's focus shifted to guest stars and massive setups.

Jason Segel had to do even less than Radnor in his show-stealing scene. With Lily now working as The Captain’s art expert, she and Marshall went to check out Strickland Stevens, an up-and-coming artist. After Marshall’s jokes about art fell flat at the gallery (maybe he should’ve fallen back on his fish-related standup act), Marshall decided to stand in the back of the room and quietly support Lily as she worked. Strickland, during a speech to those in attendance, asked the room for a moment of silence in memory of his grandmother, to whom he was dedicating the show.

Now, I should mention that Marshall, who'd worried that the gallery wouldn’t be serving food, had smuggled in a large bag of Skittles. It broke just a few seconds into the moment of silence, loudly spilling onto the gallery floor. Despite the noise, Marshall remained perfectly still.

Like Radnor in his MacLaren’s scene, Segel made this joke work. As Marshall, Segel often earns laughs through the character’s boisterous nature, but in "Weekend at Barney’s," Segel had to purposely do nothing. And that was worth more jokes that Marshall finding his inner goddess could ever deliver.

Mythology wise, "Weekend at Barney’s" did two big things. First, it brought Barney and Robin closer together. While Barney was running plays with Ted, Robin caught him with the real Playbook. The couple had a small fight, but Barney convinced Robin that, despite his lies and illusions, his biggest truth is that he loves her. I was worried that HIMYM was going to toy with the couple again, so I’m glad the writers chose to just make this a tiny bump in the road to their wedding.

Second, as HIMYM teased a few weeks ago, Jeanette’s insane ways finally caused Ted to declare that he was done dating, that the time had come for him to settle down. Even though Jeanette had dumped Ted at the beginning of the episode, she found him at MacLaren’s while he was trying to run another play. The two went back to Ted’s apartment, where Jeanette also found the Playbook. In contrast to Robin—a rational person who could be reasoned with—Jeanette went ballistic. The gang returned to Ted’s place to find him sitting on the curb while Jeanette trashed his apartment and threw most of his belongings out the window. The Playbook and Ted’s infamous red cowboy boots were both victims of Jeanette’s rampage, with each item going up in flames. Now that the red cowboy boots gone, all that Ted has left to pull off is making good on his declaration to finally settle down.

– Confession: I’ve never seen Weekend at Bernie’s. When this episode began, I was worried that much of it would depend on understanding the references to the film. Luckily that didn’t happen.

– Canada alert: Robin was wearing a Vancouver Canucks T-shirt to bed.

– Marshall trying to make art jokes: “Why couldn’t the art dealer pay his rent? Because he ran out of Monet.” Stick to the fish jokes, Marshall.

– Robin response to Ted using his plus-one to bring Jeanette to the wedding: “If you count the voices in her head, it’s plus five.” This isn’t the first time Ted has had issues with a plus-one.

– In case you needed more reasons to believe that Jeanette was crazy, she got bored and started going through Ted’s emails. Upon seeing a message that she later realized was actually just penis-enlargement spam email, Jeanette smashed Ted’s plates, peed on his mattress, and left an upper-decker in his toilet. This woman is a cop? I’m a bit concerned about New York City’s screening processes when it comes to allowing people to join the police force.

– No matter what he did to try to explain the Weekend at Barney’s play to Robin (“The movie is called Weekend at Bernie’s ... my name is Barney.” “Um, a little thing called rigor mortis.”), Robin wasn’t buying Barney’s justification for the Playbook.

View the original article here

What to watch on Friday, February 15...

8pm, Showtime
History of the Eagles, Part One
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses and watch this chronicle of one of the biggest bands of the 1970s? Take it easy and enjoy archival footage, interviews, and concert clips documenting how life in the fast lane surely made them lose their minds, even as they took it to the limit one more time before breaking up in the sad cafe in 1980. Director Alison Ellwood helms this documentary with no lyin' eyes. Something something Hotel California.

9pm, Fox
Touch
Guillermo searches for the 36 Righteous Ones, and if that were spelled just slightly differently (maybe "36 Righteous 1s") I would be convinced they were some sort of circa-late-'90s Christian-pop boy band. Elsewhere in "Enemy of My Enemy," Jake helps Lucy locate a woman with connections to her missing daughter.

WINTER PREMIERE, 9pm, Disney
Gravity Falls
One of this season's giddiest new shows returns with "Boss Mabel," wherein the Pines sister tries to prove she can run the Mystery Shack more profitably than Grunkle Stan, who's off competing on a TV game show. Also, a gigantic monster called a Gremloblin causes mischief, as gigantic monsters are wont to do.

"CATCH-UP" MINI-MARATHON, 9pm, Starz
Spartacus: War of the Damned
No new episode this week, as Starz re-airs the first three episodes of the season back-to-back-to-back. Catch up on the kooky misadventures of Sparty, Gannicus, "Howlin' Mad" Crixus, Boss Crassus, and the whole gang!

10pm, Cinemax
Banshee
In "Wicks," Lucas is troubled by the reappearance of an ex-con from his past, while Proctor's casino expansion plans are impeded by a recalcitrant reverend who refuses to sell his home to make way. Fans of complex zoning ordinances and eminent domain disputes, this may be the hour of the week you've been waiting for!

MARATHON, 12am, USA
Psych's Slumber Party
While away the wee hours of the morning with everyone's favorite wise-cracking, squabbling detective duo (Non-Rescue Rangers Division). The marathon crams seven fan-selected episodes into six hours, punctuated by viewer-made videos, contests, and wacky interstitials of Shawn and Gus behaving like adolescent girls.

LATE-NITE:
– Kathy Griffin, David Feherty, and FM Radio on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Helen Hunt, Jeff Caldwell, and The Maccabees on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Highlights from earlier in the week on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Joan Rivers, Josh Charles, and Gloriana on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Mario Lopez on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

What to watch on Saturday, February 16...

10:30am, Hub
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
In "Magical Mystery Cure," a spell gone awry mixes up everyone's Cutie Marks—the founts of their very identities and purposes in the universe. Twilight must find a way to reverse the change, lest Rarity be forced to harvest apples and Rainbow Dash to nurture tiny woodland creatures, or other such entirely unsuitable destinies.

9pm, HBO
Beyoncé: Life Is But a Dream
HBO takes you behind the scenes of the superstar singer's rise and... continued rise. Enjoy the blend of documentary, concert film, and intimate profile of her private life which will someday be considered an foundational text of the waning era before the United States amended the Constitution to restore the monarchy and anointed Queen Beyoncé I and King Jay-Z to lead us into the 100-year Golden Age.

9pm, BBC America
Ripper Street
A jewel heist puzzles Reid in "The Weight of One Man's Heart." The possible involvement in the crime of British army veterans—including Drake's old commanding officer, played by guest-star Iain Glen—tests the detective's loyalties.

11:30pm, NBC
Saturday Night Live
Christoph Waltz hosts, and we all pray to the gods of sketch comedy that he isn't shoved into a riff on "The Californians" called "The Bavarians" or something. Members of musical guest Alabama Shakes are praying doubly hard, because they'd have to watch that shit in person, man.

What to watch on Sunday, February 17...

SEASON 22 PREMIERE, 8pm, CBS
The Amazing Race
"Business in the Front, Party in the Back," is the name of the season opener, and if that means every team will be required to sport bitchin' mullets during the entire competition, I might give this show a shot for the first time. The 11 teams kick off the race in Bora Bora, with the winners of the first leg netting a pair of challenge-skipping passes—but the prize carries a shocking twist.

8pm, Fox
The Simpsons
Remember when South Park joked that there were no more stories left for animated comedies that The Simpsons hadn't already done after so many years on the air? The shoe is on the other cartoon foot this week, as the plot of "Hardly Kirk-ing"—Milhouse grooms himself into becoming a doppelganger of his father—echoes Gene's "Little Bob" runner a couple of weeks ago on Bob's Burgers. Has The Simpsons become the Microsoft of sitcoms, resigned to being outfoxed by hungry young startups?

9pm, ABC
Revenge
It's Labor Day in the Hamptons, and woe betide you if you're found wearing white after today, now that Victoria is stone-cold shooting anyone who gets under her skin. Meanwhile in "Sacrifice," Jack and Amanda set off on their honeymoon voyage aboard the S.S. Impending Doom.

9pm, CBS
The Good Wife
When Alicia and Cary face off against Will and Diane in a mock trial in "Red Team, Blue Team," underlying tensions come to a head. On the campaign front, Eli is beset by challenges to his position both internal and external, while Peter remains blissfully oblivious of pretty much anything that doesn't help him maintain a great head of hair.

SERIES 3 FINALE BUT REALLY THE SERIES 3 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, 9pm, PBS
Downton Abbey
The Granthams are going to Scotland! Specifically, to a hunting lodge owned by Rose's parents in the vast Caledonian wilderness. Back at Downton, Mrs. Patmore may have found her very own Sam the Butcher in the person of a local merchant, while a new maid has eyes for Branson. Don't we all, new maid. Don't we all. [Ed. Note: If you've already seen the episode, please avoid spoilers in the comments!]

9pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
The Governor lays the smackdown on the unruly elements within Woodbury, while Merle and Daryl grapple with regrets in "Home." Keep your homemade Rick's Sanity Scorecards handy, in case this is the week he starts palling around with a giant invisible rabbit-zombie named Harvey.

SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 9pm, Food Network
Worst Cooks in America
Celebrity chefs Anne Burrell and Bobby Flay are on a mission to turn 14 of America's most abysmal food-slingers into magnificent magicians of meringue, entrancing entrepreneurs of entrées, and inimitable impressarios of ingredients. Or at least to teach them not to make stew with an old boot in it.

9pm, HBO
Girls
Adam talks Ray into a Staten Island excursion as "Boys" turns a spotlight on the Y-chromosome-carrying half of the cast. Meanwhile, a sulking Jenna bunks with Hannah, who's under the gun of a tight deadline to submit an e-book, and Marnie hosts Booth Jonathan's (inevitably horrifying) art party. Hey, if you don't watch this, how will you understand what everyone on the internet is arguing about all week long?

View the original article here

What to watch on Friday, February 1...

SERIES PREMIERE, Whenever you feel like it, Netflix
House of Cards
The entire 13-episode series, from executive producers David Fincher and Kevin Spacey, begins streaming on Netflix at midnight Pacific/3am Eastern, so you can chip away at your idealistic faith in the American political system one installment at at time or bludgeon it to a pulp in a marathon viewing session. Spacey stars as a conniving congressman with grand ambitions—and a vendetta against the new U.S. president.

8pm, NBC
The NAACP Image Awards
The iconic civil rights organization holds its 44th annual celebration of achievement in the arts, with nominees from the realm of TV including Aziz Ansari, Donald Glover, and Kerry Washington. Steve Harvey hosts live from Los Angeles.

8pm, CBS
Undercover Boss
A Boston Market exec puts the "officer" in Chief Brand Officer when she must personally enforce company policy. In a series first, her stint on the front lines of fast-casual chain dining leads to a rambunctious employee getting canned.

8pm, The CW
Nikita
Ryan sends a team to rescue his abducted girlfriend from the clutches of a rogue agent, but you just know that the first seven places the team checks they're gonna be told that she's in another castle. Elsewhere in "Survival Instincts," Nikita is thrown for a loop when Owen, rather than Michael, joins her in the field.

9pm, Starz
Spartacus: War of the Damned
Spartacus and Co. plan to capture a Roman city to house their burgeoning community in "Wolves at the Gate." Meanwhile, Crassus's growing force gains a major, if unpredictable, asset with the arrival of a brash young military commander: Julius Caesar.

10pm, CBS
Blue Bloods
When a man riddled with rat bites is thrown from a moving car in "Inside Jobs," Danny tries to find out who was sending a message and why. Come to think of it, has anyone seen the kid from Ben around lately?

LATE-NITE:
– Wanda Sykes, Tyler Hamilton, and Brandford Marsalis on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Kevin Spacey, Nick Griffin, and Emeli Sandé on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Highlights from earlier in the week on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Jason Bateman, Zosia Mamet, and Andrea Bocelli on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Joe Theismann and Ariel Tweto on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

What to watch on Saturday, February 2...

10:30am, Cartoon Network
Young Justice
This week's outing is called "Runaways." Could the title indicate that, with the cancellation writing on the wall, our heroes are throwing DC-Marvel rivalry and licensing concerns to the wind and launching a rogue crossover with another band of juvenile superfolk? Probably not!

SERIES FINALE, 8pm, Nickelodeon
Victorious
Mr. Sikowitz dares the kids to respond in the affirmative for a full day in "Victori-Yes," the series finale. Such blatant inversion of Nancy Reagan's famous advice to America's youths can only lead down a road of debaucherous ruin. Or possibly to a send-off full of family-friendly hijinks.

9pm, BBC America
Ripper Street
Cholera fears grip London, but some of the bodies turning up in Jackson's morgue show evidence of deliberate ergot poisoning (which was nicknamed "St. Anthony's Fire" back then, because the Victorians were streets ahead of us at hanging monikers on maladies). Naturally the team races to uncover a pattern behind the mounting death toll.

SPECIAL NIGHT AND TIME, 10:05pm & 10:35pm, HBO
Girls & Enlightened
Rather than pit its two Sunday-night comedies against an event likely to draw literally fifty times their combined average viewership, HBO is just gonna leave a couple of new episodes right here for you on Saturday (they're also already available on HBOGO). Hannah throws a dinner party that spirals into immaturity in "It's A Shame About Ray," while Amy discovers the brave new world of social media and Tyler fends off Dougie's investigation in "Follow Me."

What to watch on Sunday, February 3...

3pm, Animal Planet
Puppy Bowl IX
Puppies caper. Hedgehogs cheerlead. Kitties perform at halftime. Hamsters survey the proceedings from tiny blimps. Meep the Bird live-tweets the entire spectacale. Humans bask in a much-needed oasis from the unrelenting deluge of stupid that marks their own, severely less adorable species.

LIVE, 6:30pm Eastern, CBS
Super Bowl XLVII
America's annual flash card reminding us how roman numerals work returns for its 47th season. The Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers square off in a footballing match at New Orleans's palatial I'm Not Bothering To Google Its Corporate Sponsor Superdome. Beyoncé and her reunited Destiny's Child squadmates are scheduled to perform at halftime, which should occur about four and half hours after kickoff.

9pm, PBS
Downton Abbey
All the other networks flee into repeats tonight, but the Granthams are not so timid (though it's worth noting that, as of Tuesday, the rest of the season is already legally available on iTunes/DVD). They greet your so-called American football with a curt "pish-tosh!" and soldier on with a new episode, which finds Robert at odds with both Cora and Matthew. The esteemed residents of Downton didn't let the Jerries slow them down and they'll be damned if they let the 49ers do so! Stiff upper lip and all that rot.

SPECIAL POST-SUPER BOWL EPISODE, 10pm or whenever the game actually ends, CBS
Elementary
Sherlock and Joan earn the coveted post-Super Bowl slot, but even that honor may not help Joan stave off the threat of eviction from her apartment. The case of the week in "The Deductionist" pairs Holmes with an FBI profiler on the trail of an unpredictable criminal played by guest-star Terry Kinney. He's so unpredictable, even the episode summary doesn't know what he'll do next!

SPECIAL POST-SUPER BOWL EPISODE, 11:35pm, CBS
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Cool down from ~17 hours of gridiron glory and artery annihilation with a star-studded special installment of The Late Late Show. Guests include Steve Carell, Channing Tatum, Julie Chen, Neil Patrick Harris, Nikki Reed, and Drew Brees.

View the original article here

The latest in our Saturday-morning animation round-up is here! I've added Ben 10: Omniverse for the time being, what with the DC Nation shows being off until January. I'll also add Adventure Time when its new season begins in November, which will expand this feature beyond just Saturday mornings. But we'll still considering other ideas, so feel free to leave suggestions in the comments.

Ben 10: Omniverse S01E06: "It Was Them"

I've watched the Ben 10 franchise off and on for a little while, most notably catching episodes before Young Justice and Green Lantern: The Animated Series. It's always been a tad impenetrable only because I'm not well-versed in the shows' characters or mythology. But the Omniverse iteration provides some relief from that, making it an easier way to get into the series than it otherwise might be.

At the same time, Omniverse is advancing the story for long-time fans. Ben's ready to be a solo superhero now, but he's still paired with a partner (the not terribly cleverly named Rook) in a fight against various aliens, mutants, and what have you. And "It Was Them" extended this notion even further with Ben's decision that an old foe, the mad scientist archetype Dr. Animo, was behind the recent random attacks (like the giant slug assault that opened the episode). And so there was some lampshade-hanging on certain conventions (like the ease with which imprisoned villains escape supposedly secure super-prisons) while still completely embracing them as Ben and Rook tracked and stopped Dr. Animo's giant ant plan.

The show has created a tension between Ben's past as a sort of junior hero and his past successes, and his struggle to come to grips with being a mature young man and a new sort of hero. And his past is haunting him, as we saw with Animo's plan in this episode or the Megawhatts in "A Jolt from the Past." It's an odd, but interesting, idea for a show to tackle the notion of 16-year-old facing off against his past in this way (most 16-year-olds would just be focused on the present).

And since he's still lurking in the shadows, Khyber may be benefiting from this. Ben's so sure that his old foes want a rematch that he's not conceiving of a new threat. It'll be a hard lesson to learn when Khyber makes his big move.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars S05E04: "The Soft War"

So it appears that I got ahead of myself last week when I discussed how the rebels of Onderon weren't really taking the populace into account with their attacks. It turns out they were just waiting for this week. But I'm still not entirely convinced that this chain of episodes has made a convincing case in the PR battle for control of Onderon.

But I think a lot of this rests on the fact that "The Soft War" may've been the weakest episode of the season thus far (admittedly we're only on Episode 4). It relied on a previously unseen character—hi, General Tandin!—for the pivoting of the action, and that's never the most interesting or exciting development. There wasn't much suspense about the role Tandin had to play in the episode, so most of the episode was simply spent waiting for it to reach its inevitable conclusion.

The strange bit that stood out for me was how Dendup didn't seem thrilled with the insurgency Steela and company were perpetuating. I appreciated the rationale that he wasn't going to remain neutral in this civil war since he believed both factions, the Republic and the Confederacy, to be corrupt institutions, but it just seems odd for him to remain... almost divided about the issue (though the presence of Jedi in the ranks seemed to brighten his mood) of rebelling against Rash and the Separatist forces.

We have one more episode left in this particular arc, and I'm ready for it reach its conclusion.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles S01E04: "I Think His Name Is Baxter Stockman"

Baxter Stockman is an iconic Turtles character. I know him best from the 1987 version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, where he was a goofy and belittled (and white) scientist who was turned into a mutant fly after Shredder got fed up with the failures of Stockman's Mouser robots. In the comics and the 2003 animated series, Stockman was a black man, still used the Mouser robots, but also became a cyborg (he turned into other things, too, in the 2003 series; it was a very grim go-round for the character).

This series sticks closer to the comics and the 2003 incarnation but blends in the dweeby loser aspect of the character from the 1987 version. Here, Stockman's a loser who was fired for pouring toner on top of the copier—so he constructed a robotic battle suit to try to get revenge. His first suit was a wash, and the turtles easily defeated him, even going so far as to pop the guy in a dumpster.

After Stockman took advantage of the Tpod, the AI-based music player that Donnie rigged up, Stockman got himself a deadly robotic suit and properly began his rampage (his return to his office, and the sudden lack of fear among his old co-workers, was the episode's brief highlight). The episode faltered from that point on as the (groan) Stockmanpod grew to resemble just a big toaster with a... mouth (?) that looked like the mouth of a Mouser (the Mouser head still made an appreciated appearance).

This episode was just dull. The Stockmanpod's design didn't stir up much excitement, and the climactic battle was kind of silly (the first battle was decent). I mean, Stockman was defeated by shoving a beehive (bringing back the unfunny bit of physical comedy from the start of the episode) in his viewport. That was lazy—this battlesuit AI can do all sorts of crazy things, but it can't put a translucent plate over Stockman's face?

I imagine Stockman will be back, somehow, so I'll be curious to see where the show goes with him from here. He's clearly not very smart (he doesn't understand toner, after all) and he doesn't have his suit any longer. So what's next for him?

View the original article here

What to watch on Friday, October 19...

Are you ready for Halloween? Sorry, didn't mean to stress you out—you still have plenty of time to work on your costume. And to keep you company while you get busy with the hot glue and the sequins, here's your weekend TV lineup!

SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 9pm, The CW
Nikita
Consider hanging a "do not disturb" sign on your front door when you tune in for Nikita tonight. In the season opener, Nikita and Michael get intimate, Nikita and Ryan take charge of Division, and Birkhoff struggles to keep things professional with Sonya.

SEASON 2 FINALE, 9pm, Starz
Boss
In tonight's finale, Sam Miller publishes a story that could possibly destroy Mayor Kane, plus Kane is concerned about Kitty's pact with Doyle. Will he be able to stay on top?

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, Cinemax
Hunted
Created by The X-Files' Frank Spotnitz, this intense drama is set in the world of international espionage. It stars Melissa George (Grey's Anatomy) as Sam Hunter, a female spy in London who takes on a new assignment a year after being set up, shot, and left for dead by an unknown party. Oh, and if you're not sure whether you should watch, we've got a FAQ for that!

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS:
Chelsea Handler and Nina Cont on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

What to watch on Saturday, October 20...

8pm, VH1
The Lost Boys
How about a movie for a change, eh? If you haven't seen this, do it! Like, tonight. It's hands-down one of the best '80s vampire movies out there, starring Jason Patric, Corey Haim, and Kiefer Sutherland. Plus it has an awesome soundtrack.

9pm, Bio
Celebrity Ghost Stories
Regardless of whether YOU believe in ghosts, you might find it amusing to hear celebrities recount their ghost encounters. Tonight, for instance, Biz Markie is confronted by a ghost with some advice. Question: Do ghosts watch TV? Because I sure hope this ghost tells him to stop beat-boxing on Yo Gabba Gabba. Just sayin! .

10pm, Discovery Fit
Untold Stories of the ER
Nobody likes to take trips to the emergency room. The white walls, the somber mood... ugh, get me out of there! However, maybe listening to stories about real-life incidents in the E.R. might help us avoid our own. In tonight's "Frat Boy Blues" (love the sound of this already!), a fraternity is plagued with blue urine (WTF!), a baby dies of a spider bite (the hell?) and somehow a comatose patient swallows heroin (by accident?).

11:30pm, NBC
Saturday Night Live
Singer-songwriter Bruno Mars will pull double duty on SNL this weekend as both the host and the musical guest. Do you think he's nervous? Because I'm nervous. My mom is also nervous. Is SNL nervous? Hey, good luck, Bruno!

What to watch on Sunday, October 21...

8pm, ABC
Once Upon a Time
In "The Crocodile," Belle continues to express disgust over Mr. Gold's evil ways and threatens to leave if he doesn't change. Meanwhile, Rumpelstiltskin attempts to save his wife, Milah, from being kidnapped from a band of pirates. (Gasp! Or should I say Arrrrr?!)

LIVE SPECIAL EVENT, 8pm, Comedy Central
Night Of Too Many Stars: America Comes Together for Autism Programs
Ed Asner, Samantha Bee, Dane Cook, Jason Sudeikis, Tom Hanks, Seth Meyers, Bob Saget, and Jimmy Kimmel are just a handful of the "too many stars" who will join host Jon Stewart during Comedy Central's on-air charity special to benefit autism. The variety show will feature live sketches, standup comedy, and more. Sounds fun!

8:30pm, FOX
Bob's Burgers
In "Bob Fires the Kids," Bob gets worried that he's depriving his kids of their summer vacation by making them work, so he fires them and hires Mikey the bank robber. But the kids get so bored that they end up secretly taking another job. It's possible that some serious lessons will be learned here.

9pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
The zombie attacks, filth, and exhaustion continues tonight in "Sick." And, like the title of the episode suggests, someone will be out of commission, but who? (I've got a couple guesses.) Oh, and the group also encounters another threat inside the prison. All this plus hopefully more zombie-slaughtering.

9pm, Showtime
Dexter
In "Run," things go askew for Miami Metro, driving Deb into a frenzy of emotion... and in an effort to help his sister, Dexter enters into a risky game of cat and mouse.

9pm, Showtime
Homeland
In "New Car Smell," Estes okays "a covert mission to investigate intel recovered in Beirut," and the CIA closes in on Brody, leading to an AWKWARD confrontation in a motel room between him and... someone else. Carrie, do you think?

View the original article here

Like a murderous behemoth in a filthy, tattered mask, the Halloween season just keeps coming at us! As the cable networks for which we pay SO MUCH finally begin dusting off their more expensive horror properties (yay, Friday the 13th!), it can be hard to keep track of all the Halloween possibilities. So here, please enjoy a smattering of selections that may or may not be airing on a TV channel near you. (FYI I've hired a private investigator to find out whether or not FEARnet even exists, I'll let you know!)

[Note: Listed times are generally Pacific Daylight Time and listed networks are HD whenever possible. Please do verify your local listings.]

AMC, 2:45pm
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
Sure, the Friday the 13th franchise revolves around its own holiday, but these movies' cheeseball (and frequently effective!) appeals just work so darn well during the Halloween season! That's probably why the horror geeks over at AMC have dusted off the Crystal Lake catalog for the next few weeks: It's hard to beat a good, old-fashioned boogeyman slasher. True Jason Voorhees connoisseurs know that when it comes to the sequels, Friday the 13th is not unlike the Star Trek franchise: The even-numbered movies are generally the best ones. That is, except, for this one, the eighth installment in which Jason doesn't so much "take" Manhattan as "ride a boat" to Manhattan for 90 percent of the movie before finally getting killed by the Big Apple's famous toxic waste-filled sewer system. But while this disappointing installment effectively killed the franchise's sequel-every-year momentum, it does have a few very important appeals: One of the teens is played by a young Kelly Hu (Pearl from The Vampire Diaries! China White from Arrow!), plus there's a scene in which Jason punches a man's head clean off. Yes, you read that right. That part alone ALMOST makes up for how sorta-sucky the rest of this flick is.

AMC, 12:45pm
Pumpkinhead
From a corny classic to a classic-classic, this Stan Winston-directed creature feature has amassed a devoted following over the years, and for good reason: It is awesome! After a gaggle of vacationing teens accidentally cause the death of a local farmer's son, the man (Lance Henriksen) seeks revenge by conjuring the titular demon of vengeance who proceeds to hunt them all down like the huge, nightmarish abomination it is. Not simply content to be just some monster movie, Pumpkinhead is surprisingly clever and aims for morality tale status. Obviously revenge doesn't always work out so well, so the nasty morality tale at this movie's heart feels both terrifying and earned. Oh, and the nice girl dies first! (Spoiler.)

VH1, 10pm
The Lost Boys
The party atmosphere in Joel Schumacher's classic teen vampire film is what makes The Lost Boys particularly suited to Halloween's frightening-yet-festive spirit. When a single mother and her two kids move to a seaside community that bears a striking resemblance to Santa Cruz, California, the older son (Jason Patric) falls in with a crew of rowdy biker vampires that includes The Adventures of Bill & Ted's Alex Winter as well as ringleader Kiefer Sutherland. And it should go without saying that this is one of the Coreys' best collaborations. But yeah, this movie is so good and well-made, you'll be shocked at just how far from grace Schumacher has fallen since then. The '80s were a LONG time ago.

FEARnet, 1:00pm
John Carpenter's Vampires
John Carpenter's contemporary western take on the vampire genre didn't exactly blow up the box office in America, but it was a certified hit in Europe and other places that have DECENT TASTE. James Woods stars as a Vatican-hired hunter who chases down a band of desert vampires who sleep in the sand during daylight hours. Surprisingly violent and mean, this low-budget romp might be one of the best-kept secrets on Carpenter's resume since Prince of Darkness. Neither of them perfect movies, but both VERY watchable diversions for a late night in October.

Encore, 11:35pm
Army of Darkness
Continuing Sam Raimi's progression into Looney Tunes style horror, this sorta-sequel to the Evil Dead movies also functions as a stand-alone adventure film about a time traveling Ash (Bruce Campbell) and all the pain his body must endure while being screamed at in the face by myriad deadites. In my opinion, Army of Darkness' medieval hellscape does NOT seem like a very fun place to visit. Except for viewers. It's fun if you're a viewer.

Also Airing...

Apollo 18, 9:30pm, Showtime
Bad Girls From Valley High, 1:30pm, HBO2
Dream House, 12:00pm & 8:30pm, HBO2
Exorcismus, 2:45pm, IFC
From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money, 4:00pm, Syfy
From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter, 6:00pm, Syfy
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, 11:00pm, Starz
Hostel, 7:30pm, Fuel TV
Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, 5:00pm, AMC
Mulberry Street, 11:45pm, IFC
Nine Dead, 2:00pm & 8:00pm, Chiller
Nine Lives, 1:10pm, The Movie Channel
One Missed Call, 12:00pm, Syfy
Saw II, 7:45pm & 9:45pm, IFC
Scary Movie, 8:30pm, AMC
Shocker, 4:15pm, Encore
Sleepaway Camp 3: Teenage Wasteland, 6:00pm, LOGO
The Bride, 9:00pm, FEARnet
The Exorcist, 5:00pm, IFC
The Eye, 12:45pm, IFC
The Shining, 5:00pm & 9:00pm, BBC
Thir13en Ghosts, 2:00pm, Syfy
Wishmaster 2, 5:00pm, FEARnet
Wreckage, 1:30pm, SHO 2

AMC, 12am
Child's Play
When I was a child, the premise of Child's Play was so terrifying that I began to get nightmares after somebody on the playground simply told me about it. I didn't actually see it until years later, and it wasn't quite as terrifying as I'd feared, but it's still a pretty darn good movie. (This was back when Chucky was actually scary and not yet a Don Rickles-style insult comic.) After a known serial killer (and voodoo enthusiast) is gunned down by police at a toy store, he transfers his soul into a Good Guys Doll, a doll which somehow winds up in the house of young boy named Andy and Andy's struggling single mom. Pint-sized terror ensues!

AMC, 6:45am & 9:45pm
Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning
This particular Friday movie is widely abhorred by die-hards for its surprise twist: (Spoiler, obvs) The killer was only pretending to be Jason! Aside from a quick dream sequence (pictured right), the real Jason Voorhees never appears in this movie. So yeah, this is definitely the Halloween III: Season of the Witch of the Friday the 13th franchise. Anyway, the premise is this: In a rare jump-forward in this franchise's timeline, the child who'd helped kill Jason in part IV is now grown up, played by a new actor, and living in a sort of woodsy halfway home for troubled youth. Those youth then become even more troubled when a masked killer starts murdering them!

AMC, 8:45am & 11:45pm
Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
After the disastrous reception of the previous Jason-free enterprise, this installment was intended to herald the big return of the real Jason Voorhees, who it should be noted, was now officially a zombie. In one of horror history's most bone-headed moves, previous hero Tommy (now played by a third actor) digs up Jason's grave to see if he's really dead, impales him with an iron rod out of rage, and then watches as that rod is struck by lightning thus resurrecting his old foe. Great work, Tommy! Anyway, then Jason jumps right back into terrorizing Camp Crystal Lake. Fun fact: This was the first ever Friday the 13th movie to feature actual campers. The previous installments that took place at the summer camp were generally set the weekends before campers arrived and centered around the killings of the counselors only. Needless to say, this movie is surprisingly unnerving for putting children directly in Jason's path.

AMC, 10:45am
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood
Okay, Part VII is a legitimately ridiculous movie that still somehow just works. This time Jason is accidentally freed from his watery grave by Tina, a psychic teenager whose father drowned in Crystal Lake. After dispatching a handful of locals, Jason turns to destroying what's left of Tina's family only to have her go full-Carrie on him! We're talking psychic levitations, exploding lamps, the whole deal. Also, at one point Jason gets unmasked and looks like that thing pictured at right. Like, obviously we knew he was a supernatural creature that couldn't die, but as it turned out, underneath that mask he was basically a human-shaped T-rex. Good to know!

IFC, 11:30pm
May
All right, if latter sequels to slasher franchises aren't your particular flavor of horror, you may want to check out May, a demented bit of psychological horror that has taken on a bit of a cult following since its release around ten years ago. Angela Bettis stars as a singularly disturbed woman who decides to build herself the perfect lover using the best parts of the people she comes into contact with (which includes a particularly trashy Anna Faris). This one's a slow-burn, but it's well made and psychologically insightful. Plus it has one of my favorite closing moments of any horror movie I've ever seen.

Also Airing...

30 Days of Night: Dark Days, 3:00pm, Syfy
Aaah! Zombies!, 10:00am, Chiller
Apollo 18, 5:00pm, SHO 2
Captivity, 11:15am, IFC
Chromeskull: Laid to Rest 2, 7:00pm, FEARnet
Creepshow, 5:00pm, IFC
Daybreakers, 7:00pm, Syfy
Deadgirl, 12:00pm, Chiller
Devil, 12:00am, HBO2
Diary of a Madman, 10:45am, Turner Classic Movies
Doghouse, 4:30am & 1:00pm, IFC
Eight Legged Freaks, 7:15pm, AMC
Exit Humanity, 2:00pm, Chiller
Final Destination 5, 1:05pm, CineMAX
Frankenstein Created Woman, 9:00am, Turner Classic Movies
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, 12:45pm, AMC
From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money, 1:00am, Syfy
From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter, 3:00am, Syfy
Ginger Snaps Unleashed, 1:00am & 1:00pm, FEARnet
High Tension, 11:00pm, FEARnet
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, 9:00am, FEARnet
Isle of the Dead, 6:00am, Turner Classic Movies
Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, 3:00pm, AMC
Jason X, 5:00pm, AMC
Laid to Rest, 5:00pm, FEARnet
Mutants, 12:10am, Sundance Channel
Necromentia, 4:00am & 10:00pm, Chiller
Night of the Demons, 9:00pm, The Movie Channel
Prowl, 11:00am, Syfy
Red Riding Hood, 3:15pm, HBO
Soul Survivors, 3:00pm & 9:00pm, FEARnet
Spores, 6:00am, Chiller
Stake Land, 5:00pm & 11:00pm, Syfy
Teeth, 7:30pm & 9:30pm, IFC
The Bride, 11:00am, FEARnet
The Bride of Frankenstein, 5:00am, AMC
The Deaths of Ian Stone, 9:30am, IFC
The Frankenstein Syndrome, 10:35pm, The Movie Channel
The Killing Strain, 8:00am & 8:00pm, Chiller
The Lost Boys, 7:00pm, VH1
The Revenge of Frankenstein, 7:15am, Turner Classic Movies
The Thing, 2:15am, HBO
Underworld: The Rise of the Lycans, 9:00pm, Syfy
Vampires, 3:00am, FEARnet

Syfy, 1:00pm
An American Werewolf in London
The granddaddy of all modern werewolf stories (sorry The Wolfman), John Landis' classic tells the tale of two bros backpacking through the English countryside who encounter unfriendly locals and, eventually, a werewolf. One is killed while the other is bitten, and the story just gets crazier from there. This movie's werewolf transformation effects were a landmark for their time and still hold up today. But more importantly, David Naughton's generous nudity basically set the stage for one of golden era television's greatest achievements, MTV's Teen Wolf.

AMC, 6:30am
Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday
A few years after Jason "took" Manhattan (he did not take Manhattan in any way), New Line Cinema eventually came to acquire the rights to this franchise, which led to the only redeeming thing about this movie: That final shot where (fellow New Line property) Freddy Krueger's arm smacks Jason's mask down into hell. Up until that point, this movie is 90 minutes of garbage centered around Jason's newfound ability to jump his soul into other peoples' bodies. Sigh. At least this movie got points for correctly predicting Freddy vs. Jason! It wouldn't happen for another ten years, but still. Points for being right.

AMC, 8:30pm
Jason X
No discussion of the Friday the 13th franchise is complete without at least getting into Jason X. Jason in space! This movie is not very good, you guys, but it does have at least a few sparks of imagination and that counts for a lot. When a future class trip to earth retrieves Jason's frozen remains in order to examine his DNA's restorative properties, it's only a matter of time before he (A) wakes up, and (B) submits himself to the spaceship's regeneration machine and gets a high tech makeover. There's also an android character, a holodeck, and someone gets killed by becoming frozen in liquid nitrogen and getting shattered. So, you know. It's not boring. It's just also not very essential.

AMC, 12:00am (Monday)
Tales From the Darkside: The Movie
Everyone knows that horror anthologies are usually hit or miss, but over time Tales From the Darkside: The Movie has become a lot more "hit" than it was once considered. A framing device involving an imprisoned boy pleading with a witch to not eat him is probably unnecessarily campy, but a segment involving a mummy and later a cautionary tale about gargoyles both contain enough quality horror to make this a pretty fun little gem.

Syfy, 1:30am (Monday)
The Midnight Meat Train
Sorry for these mostly half-hearted recommendations, but I'm telling you, when it comes to modern horror, you have to look for the good buried in otherwise not-good things. Fortunately that's not hard to do with The Midnight Meat Train, based on one of the more famous Clive Barker short stories from his awesome Books of Blood anthologies. This one's about a mysterious killer who murders people on a specific train at specific times of night for surprising reasons. The reveal is pretty strong (and has suitably larger, more disturbing implications), but the whole thing definitely feels like a short story padded out to feature length. Still though, there are some truly shocking CGI gore scenes in this thing, so if that's your style, check this one out.

Also Airing...

Apollo 18, 5:30pm, Showtime
Blade II, 9:00pm, Syfy
Bram Stoker's Dracula, 3:35am, Encore
Carnival of Sinners, 11:15pm, Turner Classic Movies
Chromeskull: Laid to Rest 2, 9:00am, FEARnet
Coraline, 9:32am, ABC Family
Daybreakers, 3:00pm, Syfy
DeadHeads, 1:25pm, SHO 2
Devil, 2:20pm & 10:00pm, HBO2
Eight Legged Freaks, 10:30am, AMC
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, 4:15am, AMC
High Tension, 1:00pm, FEARnet
Jeepers Creepers, 1:00pm, AMC
Killer Pad, 9:00pm, FEARnet
Laid to Rest, 3:00am, FEARnet
Land of the Dead, 3:00pm, AMC
Little Witches, 1:00am & 3:00pm, FEARnet
Mirrors 2, 11:00pm, FEARnet
Night of the Demons, 12:05am, The Movie Channel
Orphan, 2:30pm, Lifetime
Queen of the Damned, 7:00pm, Syfy
Red: Werewolf Hunter, 11:00am, Syfy
Resident Evil: Apocalypse, 5:35pm, CineMAX
Skinwalkers, 3:00am, Syfy
Soul Survivors, 11:00am, FEARnet
Splice, 5:00pm, FEARnet
Spores, 12:00am, Chiller
Stigmata, 11:30pm, Syfy
The Fourth Kind, 12:40pm, HBO2
The Frankenstein Syndrome, 1:45am, The Movie Channel
The Haunting, 6:45am, HBO
The Stepfather, 12:30pm, Lifetime
The Tell-Tale Heart, 8:51pm, Turner Classic Movies
Underworld: The Rise of the Lycans, 5:00pm, Syfy
Urban Legends: Final Cut, 11:15pm, Encore
War Wolves, 9:00am, Syfy
Wolvesbayne, 1:00am, Syfy

Chernobyl Diaries
For some, the found footage subgenre has totally run its course, but for others who are easier to please, there's this film, about a cadre of tourists who tour an abandoned town. Mutants, evil children, evil mutant children. I have not seen this movie, mostly because the premise is not exciting enough for me to pay full price. Maybe when it's on cable and it's 3am and I'm drunk. THEN I'll watch it.

The Barrens
True Blood's Stephen Moyer stars in this horror thriller centered around the Jersey Devil! Only the chupacabra is featured in so few films, so it's nice that the Jersey Devil finally gets his/her due for once. From what I know this movie goes in the "Is he just imagining things?" route, which can be a movie-ruiner for me. Sorry, but sometimes I just want the threat to be tangible and the hero to be reasonably scared. Still though, this could be fun. It's always nice seeing Stephen Moyer not behaving like a dick on True Blood!

Bloody Bloody Bible Camp
This is a faux-grindhouse, low-budget slasher about a group of bible camp teenagers set upon by a crazed killer named Sister Mary Chopper! I don't know what to tell you. Here is a trailer though.

The Burning
Okay, back to things I've actually seen and enjoyed, The Burning is a bit of a footnote in slasher history: Screenwriters Bob & Harvey Weinstein (!) decided to cash in on the slasher craze ignited by Halloween and sorta-perfected by Friday the 13th by making a horror movie of their own. But in setting out to rip-off the Jason Voorhees model, they went and made a movie that was far better than it needed to be, and cast it with future stars like Holly Hunter and Jason Alexander. Based on the recurring East Coast legend of Cropsy the child killer, The Burning is a surprisingly well-made slasher that may just be worth your valuable slasher movie-watching time.

The Gate
Nobody needs to know the number of nightmares this wildly ridiculous horror movie gave me as a kid. What about you? Did those claymation munchkins invade your dreams? What about the wall zombie? Or the dad's melting face? Or the eyeball hand? Or the enormous hell demon? There's A LOT going on in this movie about kids who hold down the fort while their parents are out of town, only to deal with the sudden appearance of a gate to hell in their back yard. But it's probably the mixture of all of these crazy elements that made for such a potent nightmare instigator. The Gate is definitely dated and cheesy, but it's still a good time. Invite your friends over! Talk through it! It's that kind of flick.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space
Here's another B-movie that might perfectly round out your Halloween movie marathon. The plot is the title: A carnival-themed UFO lands in a small town and begins converting humans into cotton-candy-spun blood sacks for future nourishment. But it's the way the clowns look that's the most disturbing part. Those faces! Again, this movie dabbles in slapstick comedy, but its visuals and concepts are just horrifying enough to keep the camp at bay. Definite nightmare fodder. (Note: Movie works best when viewers are drunk.)

Will YOU be watching scary movies this weekend?

View the original article here

As you might be aware, we ALL have a thing for television; specifically when it makes us laugh or cringe in horror. Thankfully, the next three days' programming offers both, plus a splash of strange. So, grab your leopard-print Snuggie (I've already got mine on), and enjoy this weekend's TV lineup.

What to watch on Friday, October 12...

8pm, Animal Planet
Monsters Inside Me
Some of the most feared monsters on the planet can actually be found inside of us. I know, gross. But, I did promise cringe-inducing entertainment. In "Something's Eating My Son Inside Out," a powerful, nasty parasite pushes a pregnant model toward suicide. (!) Elsewhere, a boy on summer vacation contracts a flesh-eating disease. And finally, a "hidden" killer threatens to suffocate a college student. Okay, who's hiding under the couch?

9pm, CBS
CSI: NY
In "2,918 Miles," Mac and Jo find evidence at a crime scene on the Brooklyn Bridge that forces them to travel approximately 2,918 miles in search of a missing teenage girl. Can you guess where they'll be headed? Hint: It's a city with a famous red bridge.

9pm, Fox
Grimm
In "The Bottle Imp," Hank and Nick take on a gruesome (when isn't it gruesome?) murder case, leading them to what looks like a bitter custody battle (but of course there's more to it than that). Meanwhile at the spice shop, Monroe tries to help out by filling in for Rosalee, but realizes it isn't as easy as he'd hoped it would be.

9pm, Fox
Fringe
Tonight's episode features "people devoted to recording human history," and we're all in favor of all shows that feature "people devoted to recording human history," right? In "The Recordist," Walter, Olivia, Peter, Astrid, and Etta find themselves in a forest populated by a strange group of people who call themselves recordists with the ability to—you guessed it—record human history. Sounds cool! While there, Walter and Olivia somehow get infected with a mysterious disease. Not so cool.

SEASON FINALE 10pm, Cinemax
Strike Back
In "Greatness Is Built on the Fight," Scott questions Bryant about her role in Knox's plan. Meanwhile, Stonebridge is caught up with bad thoughts... like some good ol' fashioned revenge (dun, dun, dun!!!).

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS:
Miley Cyrus and Rove McManus on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
John Goodman on Late Night With David Letterman, 11:35 a.m., CBS
Salma Hayek Pinault, Andrew Lincoln, and Peter Gabriel on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., CBS
Dennis Quaid and Ellie Kemper on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What to watch on Saturday, October 13...

9:30am, Cartoon
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
For you early birds Star Wars nerds, may I suggest a cartoon? I stopped watching cartoons when I hit 18, but The Clone Wars isn't "just a kids show." Or, at least that's what most of my geek-friends tell me. Here's the official word on this weekend's episode, "Front Runners": "Supervised by Ahsoka, the Onderon rebels carry out a series of strikes throughout the city, and the Separatist-aligned king must deal with the growing rebellion." .

SEASON 2 PREMIERE 8pm, Animal Planet
Too Cute!
Have you been watching Animal Planet's Too Cute series? If so, who do you think will be the cutest in tonight's episode, "Fluffy Puppies & Baby Goats?" I vote fluffy goats! Plus we also meet a young German shepherd and a pair of twin French bulldog pups. Too cute!

9pm, BBC America
Bedlam
If there's one thing we've learned about Bedlam Heights, it's that no one escapes the ghosties. In tonight's "Pool of Tears," Ellie and Max try to save a young woman who's been thrown in the pool. Meanwhile, Dan gets closer to finding "mystery blogger." May I suggest tracking down his IP address? That's how I would find him.

11:30pm, NBC
Saturday Night Live
Up All Night's Christina Applegate is this weekend's host—for the first time since the early '90s—and I'm hoping she'll bring with her some old-school flavor. Indie-pop band Passion Pit, a band that's best-known for their sultry-electronic grooves, is the musical guest.

What to watch on Sunday, October 14...

8pm, ABC
Once Upon a Time
In "Lady of the Lake," Emma and Mary Margaret attempt to find a portal that would bring them back to Storybrooke, but a dark force threatens their safety. Meanwhile on the eve of meeting Prince Charming's mother, King George poisons Snow White, and the only remedy lies within the waters of... the Lady of the Lake! Episode titles can be so helpful sometimes.

SEASON 3 PREMIERE 9pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
The zombie apocalypse starts up again with The Walking Dead's Season 3 premiere, "Seed," in which the world grows more dangerous for Rick and the others as they continue to wander in circles looking for some shelter. Also, Lori's pregnancy becomes a concern. My concern is, will they find a safe place to hide out that's less boring than that dang farm? Like, say, the prison we saw at the end of last season?

9pm, Showtime
Dexter
In tonight's "Buck The System" Dexter tries to bring Deb on board with his new target and we'll get to meet Hannah McKay, played by Chuck's Yvonne Strahovski.

10pm, Showtime
Homeland
Here comes another hour of intense, nail-biting drama, but it's so worth it. In tonight's "State of Independence," Carrie still has some major challenges after she returns home from Beirut. Meanwhile, Brody is assigned a desperate mission from Nazir.

10pm, ABC
666 Park Avenue
In "The Dead Don't Stay Dead" Gavin begins to groom Henry for a possible career change. Meanwhile, a journalist discovers that whatever she writes becomes the truth and Olivia shares a painful secret with Jane about her daughter.

View the original article here

This week's round-up is a bit lighter than usual, as Cartoon Network has very suddenly and unexpectedly pulled the DC Nation Block—Green Lantern: The Animated Series and Young Justice—from its schedule, and according to the DC Comics and Cartoon Network Twitter feeds, the programming block won't return until January. Consider this, as a friend of mine called it, a "Crisis on Infinite Saturday Mornings."

Neither party has announced the reason for this sudden hiatus, or whose idea it was. But you know, a two-and-a-half month hiatus following two weeks of new episodes that started after a nearly three-month hiatus makes perfect sense. Really. It does. ON EARTH-2. I don't get it. At all.

Anyway...

Star Wars: The Clone Wars S05E03: "Front Runners"

We were still on Onderon as "Front Runners" began, and the Jedi-trained rebels were beginning their campaign against the droids stationed in the capitol, Iziz.

I have always liked when The Clone Wars engages in urban battles; it's a nice change of pace from wilderness or spaceships, because those tend to feel very same-y after a while, and the urban battles encourage a sense of place. And that sense of place was pretty important this week, as the episode dealt with rebels/terrorists (depending on which side you're on, as the episode made clear) who were fighting on their home turf.

The episode didn't take full advantage of that impulse, as the quasi-leaders of this little cell—Lux, Saw, and Steela (who became the full-blown leader at the end)—never felt completely attached to the setting they were in, at least emotionally. I say this because it strikes me as odd that no one said, of the big plan to knock out the power grid for the city, "But if we knock out the grid, won't the citizens of Iziz lose their power, too?" For the episode's talk about winning over a populace, the non-combatants seemed more than willing to give up some comforts for the sake of removing the droids.

Which I thought that King Rash, the Separatist ally ruling Onderon, would turn to his favor, but instead he just called Dooku for better reinforcements. Maybe he'll still pull a PR attack in the next episode, but given that Dooku's sending a new general to organize things (and perhaps take Rash out?), I suspect we'll get more blaster battles instead.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles S01E04: "New Friend, Old Enemy"

Last week I posited that the latest incarnation of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles could prove to be something in the vein of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic in how it uses an episodic conflict to teach a lesson or moral about, well, anything. "New Friend, Old Enemy" made gestures toward this notion, but didn't really stick the landing.

The turtles have, throughout all their various incarnations, struggled to gain acceptance among humans. Sure, characters like April and Casey Jones have become allies, but wider understanding is always elusive, no matter how much good the turtles do for New York City. It's natural for them to want to reach out beyond their clan—they're all pretty sociable, after all—so Mike's desire to become friends with Chris Bradford, a Chuck Norris-y martial arts celebrity, made sense.

I liked that this week's episode decided to use a social networking site (handily supplied by April in a very brief appearance) to make the connection with Bradford. Mike assumed that online "friendship" through the site translated into friendship in person as well. It was a step toward addressing current societal issues and trends that TMNT should take more of, in order to help differentiate it from its predecessors and make itself more relevant.

But the episode never fully connected all its dots. While Mike experienced, in an extreme way, the dangers of assuming that online friendship and real-life friendship were equal as he was captured by Bradford and Xever (Shredder's streetwise henchman whose fighting style has a hip-hop feel, of course), the link between the social networking site and the perceived friendship was never made explicit, leaving that particular message muddled.

On the upside, the show's humor is becoming a bit more confident (an important thing to have in a Mike-centric episode), and while the action sequences still feel a bit stiff (due more to the animation than anything else), I like that there's not a lot of cutting during them. Fights are shown in a medium or long shot, and all the moves are visible and animated, which gives them some energy. It'd be easy to cut them into pieces, and it would save money, so I'm glad that the series has decided against that style.

What did you think about this week's episodes? And since we're without our comic book superheroes for a while, would you like to see something in their places? (I'm not exactly keen on Dragons: Riders of Berk.) Perhaps a capsule review of some older animated fare? Or maybe something from the new fall anime season? Leave some ideas in the comments, and I'll see what I can do.

View the original article here

Like murderous genetic mutations recently escaped from a top-secret facility, we are chasing down the Halloween season! Seriously guys, how are your costumes coming along? No it is NOT too soon to ask, because unless you are a himbo or bimbo planning to just wear some kind of trampy thing, it is time to start PLANNING. And what better way to work on your costume than during a scary movie marathon? That is one of my favorite Halloween traditions: good friends, a candy bowl, a hot glue gun, and dozens upon dozens of C-list actors running screaming into the night. Halloween is the best! Anyway, out of all the scary movies airing on TV this weekend, these are some of the best ones!

[Note: Listed times are generally Pacific Daylight Time and listed networks are HD whenever possible. Please do verify your local listings.]

The Hub, 6:00pm & 10:00pm
Gremlins
You know what, I'm going to make a confession: I prefer Gremlins as a Christmas movie rather than as a Halloween movie. But it's just so good that I can't NOT mention it. Not only is Gremlins a nasty little comedy, it's genuinely scary, too. It also provides a wonderful life lesson that everyone should take to heart: Don't purchase dangerous, mythical mogwais that elderly Chinese proprietors initially refuse to sell you, and then especially don't get them wet or feed them after midnight. I realize that last part is confusing because it's technically ALWAYS after midnight. Still though. Just don't. Word to the wise.

AMC, 7:00pm
Pet Sematary
If there's one thing everybody can agree on, it's that most children are evil. The problem is only compounded, however, when a child is killed by a car, buried in a forbidden graveyard, and resurrected as a murderous ghoul. That's just Parenting 101. At that point it's on you to just keep scalpels away from your undead toddler, and also to try to restrict his hangout time with Weird Aunt Zelda. Nothing good will come of this, or parenting in general. Glad we could all agree!

Encore, 9:45pm
Scream
Long before The Vampire Diaries thrilled us to our very essences on a weekly basis, a young upstart screenwriter named Kevin Williamson changed the dang game with this slasher parody that was ALSO a real slasher! See what he did there? It was funny AND scary. Few sequences can beat Drew Barrymore's cold open, but the entire Wes Craven film still remains scary to this day. Not bad for a 16-year-old! (Holy moly this thing is 16? We are all racing toward the grave.)

Chiller, 4:00pm
The Amityville Horror (2005)
The original film is considered by some to be a bit of a classic, but in my opinion that's just by default. Based on actual events that might've been interesting in the '70s, the Margot Kidder original has not aged well. But you know what HAS aged well? A half-naked performance by Ryan Reynolds, who had just come off his Blade: Trinity bulking phase and seemed to insist on showing off the effort for much of this film as well. Waste not, want not! I'm not even sure what else happened in this movie besides this. There might've been a ghost? Who knows/cares?

Encore, 11:40pm
The Craft
If you are a lady or a gay who was a teenager during any point in the '90s then you probably have a special place in your heart for The Craft, certainly one of the best films ever made about goth witch outcasts. When a new girl in school (Robin Tunney) falls in with a trio of self-professed weirdos, they all dabble a little bit too much in the dark arts! Fairuza Balk is nothing less than brilliant in this movie, and the snake-filled finale gives me nightmares to this day.

Also Airing...

Christine, 5:00pm, AMC
Cujo, 3:00pm, AMC
Dead Souls, 6:00pm, 8:00pm, and 10:00pm, Chiller
Lake Placid, 4:45pm, Cinemax
Pet Sematary II, 9:00pm, AMC
Shutter Island, 5:00pm, Syfy
Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers, 6:00pm, LOGO
The Bride, 1:00pm, FEARnet
The Happening, 11:00pm, FX
Thinner, 1:00pm, AMC
Valentine, 3:30pm, LOGO

IFC, 7:15pm & 11:15pm
Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn
In this remake/sequel to the original shoestring version of Evil Dead, director Sam Raimi went full horror-comedy and leading man Bruce Campbell brought his A-game. But despite its wackiness this thing is still completely messed up, you know? Maybe don't watch this with your grandparents or pastor. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn tells the tale of two couples who attempt to spend a delightful weekend in the woods but then mistakenly conjure a gaggle of demons after nosing through a flesh-bound Necronomicon. It could happen to the best of us.

FEARnet, 5:00am
Fright Night (1985)
I don't mean to be controversial, but there's a good chance I prefer the Fright Night remake to the original. Even still, this one certainly has its merits. First off, that vampire makeup is some of the best in horror-movie history. (Though it's not explained how Amanda Bearse's short haircut suddenly gets all long.) But despite what version you watch, the plot is the same. A teenage guy and his single mom suddenly get a new neighbor: A handsome single guy who may or may not be a vampire. (He is.) From then on it's a surprisingly dark road for our hero. Bad things happen and everything! So yeah. Recommend.

Cinemax, 1:45am
Final Destination 5
Alright, I love this franchise so much, but I will not judge you too harshly if you don't. It's an acquired taste! So this one follows the same formula as the previous four: Disaster in the beginning, psychic premonition, survivors dying one by one, etc. But not only is this one particularly well-made (the bridge disaster is straight-up incredible), its closing "twist" is as amazing as it is stupid. Part 5 is really one for the fans, though. Or people who want to see David Koechner get a wrench lodged in his skull. Either way! Fun.

IFC, 5:00pm & 9:00pm
The Devil's Rejects
Here's one of those classics that would not be considered a classic at all were it not for its ending. If you've seen it you know what I'm talking about. It's like 90 minutes of unpleasantness in which a gang of super-loathsome low-lives torture innocent victims, concluded with a sensational sequence that redeems everything that came before it. I don't know if Rob Zombie will ever make a watchable movie again, but this one's reputation is well deserved.

ORIGINAL MOVIE, Syfy, 9:00pm
American Horror House
I have not seen this yet! But I'm highlighting it because I applaud Syfy's commitment to funding original horror movies. I'm not saying I don't love the network's awful sci-fi monster movies, but I have a soft spot for straight horror, I wish they'd make more of these even though, just being real, it's probably garbage. Anyway, American Horror House stars Morgan Fairchild and Alessanda Torresani as residents of a sorority house who must deal with a severe haunting situation AND a murderous house mother. Assuming that house mother will be played by Morgan Fairchild, this movie will be guaranteed watchable.

Also Airing...

Apollo 18, 8:00pm, Showtime
Corridors of Blood, 2:45am, AMC
Dark Fields, 10:30pm, TMC
DeadHeads, 4:25pm, Showtime 2
Devil, 12:00pm, HBO2
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, 9:00pm, Starz
Ghost Town, 3:00pm, Syfy
Gremlins, 4:00pm & 9:00pm, The Hub
Haunted High, 5:00pm, Syfy
House of Bones, 7:00pm, Syfy
Killer Pad, 11:00pm, FEARnet
Mother's Day (2010), 1:00am, Showtime 2
Offspring, 12:15am, IFC
Pet Sematary, 3:00am, AMC
Pet Sematary II, 5:00am, AMC
Road Train, 12:00pm, Chiller
Satan's School for Girls, 1:00pm, Lifetime Movie Network
Smile, 6:00am & 10:00pm, Chiller
The Amityville Horror (2005), 11:00am, 1:00pm & 11:00pm, Syfy
The Amityville Horror (2005), 2:00pm, Chiller
The Bride, 1:00am, FEARnet
The Creeping Flesh, 11:00am, FEARnet
The Grudge 2, 7:00pm, FEARnet
The Grudge 3, 9:00pm, FEARnet
The Happening, 2:00am, FX
The Haunting in Connecticut, 9:00am, Syfy
The Hills Have Eyes Part II (2007), 1:00am, Syfy
The Others, 7:05pm, TMC
The Tomb, 10:00am, Chiller
The Toolbox Murders (2003), 3:00am, Syfy
Vlad, 8:00am & 8:00 pm, Chiller
When a Stranger Calls, 4:10pm, Starz

BBC America, 4:00pm
The Shining
Here it is, the granddaddy of all art-horror films. Because I'm not a classy person, The Shining is not always my first choice of horror film when I'm in the mood for a scare. But boy will this movie suck me in when I'm channel surfing. Director Stanley Kubrick's fondness for symmetry and one-point perspective makes for a hypnotizing experience! Part of me wishes I'd read the book before seeing this; I'm sure the Dick Hallorann death would've been that much more shocking. Still though, for a deeply unsettling (if overly cerebral) horror experience, it's hard to beat this.

HBO, 3:15am
28 Days Later
The main problem with 28 Days Later is how crappy it looks. Like, I get it, it's filmed on camcorder. Unfortunately camcorder technology was so terrible during this era. You know, miniDV tapes and all that. But this rage-virus zombie film remains terrifying. Cillian Murphy exploring an evacuated London is still haunting, and Naomie Harris remains supremely badass. This movie probably wastes too much time at that army base, but I'm not complaining. This is a classic. (I love 28 Weeks Later too. THAT movie looks great!)

Syfy, 9:00pm
The Mist
Before Frank Darabont unleashed The Walking Dead on us (which I think can be seen on the Dish Network, but I'm not sure), he made this adaptation of the Stephen King novella about a mysterious fog that settles over a New England town. Obviously the monster movie aspects are a lot of fun, but personally I love Marcia Gay Harden's unhinged performance as a religious zealot who starts worshipping the monsters. THAT is scary to me. Oh, and can we talk about how insanely grim Darabont's ending to this movie is? No, you're right, let's not. Too horrible to think about.

Syfy, 7:00pm
Jeepers Creepers 2
The less we discuss Victor Salva the better. That being said, I do enjoy these Jeepers Creepers movies, and I might even prefer this one to the first. It picks up minutes after the events of Part 1 and this flick follows a bus load of high school basketball players who suddenly find themselves preyed upon by a cowboy hat wearing bat-beast. Best of all is Ray Wise (Twin Peaks) as a grieving father going full-Ahab and seeking revenge on the monster that ate his son. Good times.

IFC, 3:00pm
Cursed
Do you remember this thing? It was supposed to have been a dream reunion between Kevin Williamson and Wes Craven and a hopefully hip new take on werewolf lore. Unfortunately the Weinsteins forced Wes Craven to reshoot almost ALL of it, and the end result is a bona fide mess. That being said, it does retain some of Williamson's snark and it also features fun performances by Joshua Jackson, Jesse Eisenberg and Milo Ventimiglia. Not Portia de Rossi though. She was terrible in this. So yeah, only recommending Cursed because it's kind of an oddity and a weird footnote on Kevin Williamson's pre-TVD resume.

Also Airing...

100 Feet, 3:00am, Syfy
American Horror House, 1:00am, Syfy
An American Werewolf in Paris, 2:40pm, Cinemax
Brotherhood of Blood, 1:00am, IFC
Chromeskull: Laid to Rest 2, 7:00pm, FEARnet
Dance of the Dead, 9:30pm, IFC
Dark Fields, 2:00am, TMC
Fright Night, 5:00pm & 11:00pm, FEARnet
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, 8:20am & 6:20pm, Starz
Ginger Snaps Unleashed, 5:00pm, FEARnet
Hatchet, 9:00pm, FEARnet
Killer Pad, 3:00am & 1:00pm, FEARnet
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, 1:30pm & 11:00pm, BBC America
Red Riding Hood, 5:15pm, HBO
Resident Evil: Afterlife, 11:00pm, USA
Scream 3, 7:00pm, IFC
Scream of the Banshee, 11:30am, Syfy
Slaughter High, 1:00am & 3:00pm, FEARnet
The Descent, 5:00pm & 11:15pm, IFC
The Grudge 2, 9:00am, FEARnet
The Grudge 3, 11:00am, FEARnet
The Messengers, 9:30am, Syfy
The Village, 1:30pm, Syfy
Underworld Awakening, 2:50pm & 9:00pm, Starz
When a Stranger Calls, 1:40am, Starz

The Cabin in the Woods
This 2012 entry is certainly one of the best and most fun horror movies I've seen in years, but that might just be because of how familiar I am with all the tropes it's celebrating. If you haven't seen this movie yet, then tell me something: You crazy? Come on, you might be crazy. Chris Hemsworth is in this! And it's hilarious! And it has one of the most go-for-broke attitudes in modern cinema. Anyway yeah: Five kids go to a cabin in the woods and things happen, some expected but mostly not. Saying anything more would ruin the fun.

Bait
I haven't watched this yet, so I should probably take my own advice on this one. But the premise is this: After a sudden tsunami floods a town and strands some grocery store customers atop some shelves, man-eating SHARKS start picking them off one by one. In the grocery store. One of those patrons is played by none other than former The Secret Circle witch Phoebe Tonkin. It seems weird that I would have to say anything else to entice people into seeing this, but not as weird as the fact that *I* haven't watched it yet. Ugh, I am so disappointing.

Kill List
Okay this one I have seen. BOY HAVE I. If you have seen it also, then you and I should go chat about it in private and not ruin it for anybody else. If you haven't seen it, I'm jealous? Anyway, Kill List is a movie that starts out one way and ends in quite another. It's one of those. I can't even tell you what genre it is because that might spoil the surprise (that I've included it in this roundup is a big hint though). But keep in mind this movie—this violent, disturbing, and reprehensible movie—is basically a puzzle. Things that might seem stupid or implausible actually aren't. It just doesn't want to spell everything out, so it leaves you slowly putting the pieces together yourself until the final vision is nothing less than terrifying. Yeah, not trying to oversell it, but Kill List is one of the most audacious films I've seen in a very long time. Even if you hate it, your brain will still tingle from being fully engaged. Just sayin'!

Candyman
Some of you pointed out that I neglected to include Candyman last week, but that was because it wasn't on normal TV! Luckily it's on Netflix Instant, so let's talk about this stone-cold masterpiece. Candyman tells the story of a grad student (Virginia Madsen looking golden-era gorgeous) who investigates an urban legend at Chicago housing project Cabrini Green. The Candyman, the legend goes, will appear when someone says his name in a mirror five times. If you want to know if this legend comes true for Helen, you will probably have to watch the movie and find out! (Spoiler: It does.) Oh, and the Phillip Glass score is some of the best horror movie music in history. It's right up there with "Tubular Bells" and Carpenter's Halloween theme, it's that good.

Hellraiser
One thing that seems to catch people off-guard about Hellraiser is that it is NOT some kind of slasher film where Pinhead comes out and kills people. No, this movie is much stranger, melodramatic and gothic than that. Clive Barker's dialogue is lurid and over the top; the gore effects are stunningly disgusting. The plot is almost too involved to describe, but let's say it involves a puzzle box that, when opened, summons a group of demons who will escort you to a painful oblivion. But when a man escapes their clutches and reforms into a bloody skeleton, it's up to his innocent niece to send him back to Hell. OR SOMETHING! I'm telling you, it's a film better seen than described. And the best part? When you are done you can watch Hellraiser II: Hellbound, which is just as good.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
You know, I can't tell you how to live your life. But I can tell you that if you are interested in a Guillermo Del Toro produced remake of an old made-for-TV spookfest, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark is probably your best bet. It has a distinctively childlike tone while also being legitimately nasty, plus it's one of Katie Holmes' best performances in ages. I'm not sure it totally comes together, but this movie LOOKS great and the effects are terrific. So yeah. Why not?

Ils (Them)
Home invasion horror is the kind of thing that frightens some people more than others, but this French thriller should do the trick for just about anyone. After a young couple moves to a secluded home in the countryside they soon find themselves fighting off what seem to be multiple hooded intruders. The premise and twist were unfortunately overshadowed by The Strangers (itself a modern classic, in my opinion), so it unfortunately doesn't quite stack up to that one. But that doesn't mean this one isn't extremely effective also. Kids these days! (Spoiler.)

Will YOU be watching scary movies this weekend? Which ones?

View the original article here