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How I Met Your Mother S08E05: "The Autumn of Breakups"

Victoria is gone.

A season ago, I never thought I'd be celebrating the moment when How I Met Your Mother jettisoned the once-popular girlfriend of Ted Mosby, but after "The Autumn of Breakups," I am. I'm sorry, Ashley Williams, but the HIMYM writers took your character—a character who was possibly the greatest missed opportunity of Ted's life—and turned her into a one-note, caricatured, and even petty individual. If HIMYM were to introduce some soap opera-esque twist that the woman Ted had been dating wasn't actually Victoria but was instead her boring twin sister (let's call her Wictoria), I'd be completely on board.

Anyway, after a hurricane delay, HIMYM returned this week looking to find its narrative strength once again. The series has been all over the place in this still very young season, but "The Autumn of Breakups" showed a few signs that HIMYM is ready to get things back on track. There were still a few rough patches, but with Victoria gone, we've cleared out another piece of dead wood that HIMYM has been stumbling over.

The demise of Ted and Victoria was pretty straightforward, and it was something most of us saw coming from the very start of the season. Victoria made some joking comments about leaving Klaus at the altar for Ted and talking about how crazy it would be to accept a job in Denver. Marshall and Lily pointed out to Ted that Victoria was obviously looking for something more serious and not particularly interested in taking it slow. Ted confronted Victoria about this... and then proposed to Victoria. Victoria told Ted she'd say yes under one condition—that he end his friendship with Robin.

When Victoria started hanging out with the group and Robin in the beginning of this season, I thought HIMYM had forgotten about Victoria's warning to Ted last season that as long as he remained friends with Robin, his ex-girlfriend, he'd never find "the one." Looks like I was wrong: The writers were just letting it eat away at Victoria until the time came for her to give Ted an ultimatum. Ted had to choose between Victoria as his wife or Robin in his life.

Ted's decision to pick Robin over Victoria should finally close the door on Victoria. Like Marshall and Lily, I'm torn on what Ted should've done. If we were dealing with Victoria 1.0, it would've been a lot easier to pick her as the woman who could have been his wife. But Victoria 2.0 just wasn't worth losing Robin over.

So what's next for Ted? Former Saturday Night Live cast member Abby Elliott (who's also the daughter of Chris Elliott, the actor who plays Lily's dad) is slated to appear in a few upcoming episodes of HIMYM. Will she be Ted's last fling before he finds the mother? One thing that keeps coming up in the comments of these reviews is that we should care less about the mother reveal and more about the actual stories that are happening in each episode. If Elliott's character is anything like Victoria's second coming, I'm going to have to start agreeing with that sentiment. The journey to find the mother should be rewarding. It should be fun. This recent Ted storyline wasn't either of those things. And so I hope that HIMYM mixes things up with Ted's next relationship.

While Ted's relationship with Victoria was crumbling, Marshall and Lily spent the episode serving as Ted's sassy friends, dolling out relationship advice with a side helping of MMMHMMMs and snaps. Marshall attempted to channel his inner goddess (who spoke with a borderline racist accent) but couldn't nail down the role after he gave out horrible advice to everyone at MacLaren's.

While the Ted/Victoria storyline drove this episode, it was Barney's latest round of adventures that gave the episode its spark. Without Ted around to help him look for ladies, Barney stumbled across the perfect replacement wingman—er, wingdog: Brover. After finding this dog on the street, Barney not only made Brover a huge part of his pickup game, he also made the pup a huge part of his life. For a short time, Barney and Brover went everywhere together, both of them decked out in fine suits. At MacLaren's, Brover was allowed to stand on the bar as women flocked to him. Bringing your dog into a bar? That just seems unfair when it comes to getting girls to notice you. Also, it seems a bit unhygienic, but I'll leave that one up to MacLaren's management. The Barney-Brover bromance was cut short when Brover's true owner called Barney to say that her dog had run away. Barney may have been disappointed to find out that Brover's real name was Mr. Sprinkles, but the owner invited him inside for a drink.

Barney's reaction to discovering that Brover had an owner reminded me of his reaction to learning that Robin hadn't broken up with Kevin last season—the quiet excusal, the slow walk away. While Barney left MacLaren's to remove rose petals from Robin's room after his last heartbreak, he was ready to throw himself off Robin's balcony this time. Ouch. Poor Barney. How many episodes do we have left until he gets back together with Robin?

Speaking of Robin, anyone who had hers and Nick's relationship down as the final survivor of the Autumn of Breakups should now collect his or her prize. Nick, the character who up until this episode never even had a personality, is still standing. Surprisingly, I actually warmed up to Nick with this episode. His awful attempts at coming up with a catchphrase for his local-access cooking show, Nick: The Bad Boy Chef, were quite funny. The character's acceptance of Robin having guy friends in her life may prove to be stupid, but at least it showed that he wasn't just a one-dimensional character.

– I'm still not used to Ted living in Quinn's former apartment. After seven seasons, I guess it'll take some time to remember that Marshall and Lily are now the full-time residents of the original pad.

– Barney gushing about Brover, his new wingman: "The bitches love him. He buries bones all day. No one chases tail like him."

– Ted asking Lily about Marshall's inner goddess search: "When did Marshall become a slightly more feminine you?

– Honestly, the whole "Marshall's inner goddess" storyline didn't do it for me. Didn't really fit in with the characters. Marshall searching for his inner Sasquatch would be something I'd completely buy, though.

– When Barney first introduced Brover at the bar, I didn't even realize Robin was sitting with Nick. I thought it was Ted. Upon realizing that it was Robin's boyfriend, I then realized that I didn't remember his name. That doesn't bode well for Nick's staying power.

– Victoria to Ted after pulling out her wedding dress: "Should I keep this wedding dress or do you think I'll never ever need it again?"

– Victoria debunking the myth of the Mosby boys and their detective skills: "The Mosby boys were you, your sister, and a neighborhood squirrel you thought you had tamed."

– Barney (as Brover's wingman) to another dog's owner: "How old's your dog?" Other owner: "Five." Barney: "How old's that in dog years?" Other owner: "Like 35." Barney: "We're done here."

– Ted to Marshall and Lily: "You guys are the worst."

– Ted has now proposed to two women on HIMYM. Even though Victoria's proposal came with a real ring and roses, his proposal to Stella had so much more going for it. I think I got too invested in Stella …

– Victoria on why Ted can't remain friends with Robin: "There's too much history there. Robin's the reason we broke up the first time. Robin's our roadblock. Robin's the deep, dark pit where our relationship goes to die. But nicest girl in the world. Salt of the earth."

– Nick's attempts at finding a catchphrase: "Oh my gosh, who's ready to nosh?" "Who's popping a chub for some grub?" "Who's ready to eat my meat?"

– Did we know that Barney went with Robin to drop off her dogs at her aunt's farm in Season 1? I don't remember that ever being mentioned. It seems like a very sweet thing for Season 1 Barney to do. Either way, Robin's realization that her aunt's close friend was more than that was great. "No she's not a lesbian … nor does she farm them."

– Did anyone else have trouble recording this episode last night? It seems some cable providers never updated their listings after last week's preemption due to Hurricane Sandy, and my DVR thought HIMYM was a repeat last night. If yours missed it too, you can watch the episode online right here.

HIMYM "The Autumn of Breakups" Photos

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How I Met Your Mother S08E18: "Weekend at Barney's"

How I Met Your Mother is built around the concept of building up a story with the promise that there will be a payoff, and that that payoff will be worth our time. To borrow a phrase from Lost’s Sawyer, HIMYM is a big fan of the Long Con... except hopefully we’re not getting conned. The series has crafted an extensive mythology, with some of its storylines requiring several weeks/episodes to reach fulfillment. The plot of "Weekend at Barney’s" was not one of those storylines.

In a season of HIMYM that’s been largely about bringing long-running storylines to a close, "Weekend at Barney’s" gave us two of its best segments so far, both of them featuring just one character absolutely nailing a joke.

It’s easy to forget that HIMYM was once a show that centered on Josh Radnor’s Ted Mosby, and the fact that Radnor is an excellent and funny actor himself often gets lost in the noise created by the rest of the talented cast. Watching Ted run The Kidney, the second play being coached by Barney, was one of my favorite moments of the season. After getting dumped by Jeanette, his crazy girlfriend, Ted agreed to let Barney help him find a new plus-one for the upcoming Barney-Robin nuptials, which led to Barney breaking out the Playbook once again. (As it turned out, Barney only burned a "ceremonial" copy of the Playbook earlier in the season.) Barney first had Ted run The Special Delivery, a basic maneuver that required Ted to dress up as a delivery man, pick a pretty girl in the bar, and try to give her a package. Unfortunately, Ted couldn’t execute the final line: “How about I give you a different package? My penis.”

Undeterred, Ted returned to MacLaren’s in a medical gown to run The Kidney. When Ted realized that the play ended with the line, “How I about I give you a different organ?,” Ted refused to finish it. While speaking to Barney via his earpiece, Ted repeatedly stated “I understand that” in a completely deadpan fashion, and Radnor killed the scene, reminding us that HIMYM doesn’t alway need an elaborate joke to bring the laughter. By the time Ted finally mumbled, “My penis,” I was dying. HIMYM used to be revolve around simple jokes like this, highlighted by its actors, but after the show became secure in its place in CBS’s lineup around Season 3, the show's focus shifted to guest stars and massive setups.

Jason Segel had to do even less than Radnor in his show-stealing scene. With Lily now working as The Captain’s art expert, she and Marshall went to check out Strickland Stevens, an up-and-coming artist. After Marshall’s jokes about art fell flat at the gallery (maybe he should’ve fallen back on his fish-related standup act), Marshall decided to stand in the back of the room and quietly support Lily as she worked. Strickland, during a speech to those in attendance, asked the room for a moment of silence in memory of his grandmother, to whom he was dedicating the show.

Now, I should mention that Marshall, who'd worried that the gallery wouldn’t be serving food, had smuggled in a large bag of Skittles. It broke just a few seconds into the moment of silence, loudly spilling onto the gallery floor. Despite the noise, Marshall remained perfectly still.

Like Radnor in his MacLaren’s scene, Segel made this joke work. As Marshall, Segel often earns laughs through the character’s boisterous nature, but in "Weekend at Barney’s," Segel had to purposely do nothing. And that was worth more jokes that Marshall finding his inner goddess could ever deliver.

Mythology wise, "Weekend at Barney’s" did two big things. First, it brought Barney and Robin closer together. While Barney was running plays with Ted, Robin caught him with the real Playbook. The couple had a small fight, but Barney convinced Robin that, despite his lies and illusions, his biggest truth is that he loves her. I was worried that HIMYM was going to toy with the couple again, so I’m glad the writers chose to just make this a tiny bump in the road to their wedding.

Second, as HIMYM teased a few weeks ago, Jeanette’s insane ways finally caused Ted to declare that he was done dating, that the time had come for him to settle down. Even though Jeanette had dumped Ted at the beginning of the episode, she found him at MacLaren’s while he was trying to run another play. The two went back to Ted’s apartment, where Jeanette also found the Playbook. In contrast to Robin—a rational person who could be reasoned with—Jeanette went ballistic. The gang returned to Ted’s place to find him sitting on the curb while Jeanette trashed his apartment and threw most of his belongings out the window. The Playbook and Ted’s infamous red cowboy boots were both victims of Jeanette’s rampage, with each item going up in flames. Now that the red cowboy boots gone, all that Ted has left to pull off is making good on his declaration to finally settle down.

– Confession: I’ve never seen Weekend at Bernie’s. When this episode began, I was worried that much of it would depend on understanding the references to the film. Luckily that didn’t happen.

– Canada alert: Robin was wearing a Vancouver Canucks T-shirt to bed.

– Marshall trying to make art jokes: “Why couldn’t the art dealer pay his rent? Because he ran out of Monet.” Stick to the fish jokes, Marshall.

– Robin response to Ted using his plus-one to bring Jeanette to the wedding: “If you count the voices in her head, it’s plus five.” This isn’t the first time Ted has had issues with a plus-one.

– In case you needed more reasons to believe that Jeanette was crazy, she got bored and started going through Ted’s emails. Upon seeing a message that she later realized was actually just penis-enlargement spam email, Jeanette smashed Ted’s plates, peed on his mattress, and left an upper-decker in his toilet. This woman is a cop? I’m a bit concerned about New York City’s screening processes when it comes to allowing people to join the police force.

– No matter what he did to try to explain the Weekend at Barney’s play to Robin (“The movie is called Weekend at Bernie’s ... my name is Barney.” “Um, a little thing called rigor mortis.”), Robin wasn’t buying Barney’s justification for the Playbook.

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What to watch on Monday, September 24...

Much like last Thursday's What to Watch was pretty much overrun by NBC returns, tonight it's CBS's time to shine. With a handful of returns on top of a brand new addition to its Monday night line-up, "CBS Mondays" is shaping up to be a pretty decent night for television. THE SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER, GUYS! We've almost made it! And with that, let's take a look at what's on TV tonight:

SEASON 8 PREMIERE, 8pm, CBS
How I Met Your Mother
The series starts up just where it left off, with wedding bells ringing as Barney and Robin prepare for marriage. Of course, their concerns that the other will get cold feet and run sort of puts a downer on the whole event. All of the fears and pre-wedding jitters brings Ted right back to how he felt when he was about to marry Victoria—and how he was so adamant that she write her new fiancé a note describing that she left him at the altar. Phew, sounds like a heavy one!

SEASON FINALE, 8pm, The CW
The L.A. Complex
For the second week in a row, the CW is airing two new episodes of The L.A. Complex back-to-back, but THIS time the second episode (airing at 9pm) will also be the finale. If you're the kind of person who just likes to tie up loose ends, then you should make sure to at least catch the tail end of this two hour block. In the first "Xs and Os" everybody is panicking about the state of their lives: Abby worries about her impulsive behavior with Gary, Beth worries she'll lose Simon, Kall worries about his relationship with his father, Connor worries after his sister does something shocking, and Nick worries after suffering a career blow. Man, easy on the anxiety, folks! Then, in the finale, "Don't Say Goodbye," Connor gets uncomfortable with Charlotte and finds solace in Scienetics (I'm really hoping that's L.A. Complex code for Scientology, because it would be hilarious if this show went there) and Raquel gets ready for her big fund-raising event. Also, Beth keeps fighting for Simon. Maybe it's just something she should let go, did she ever think about that?

SERIES PREMIERE, 8:30pm, CBS
Partners
In CBS's brand new sitcom, two long-term business partners (one straight and one gay) are in the middle of a life-changing decision—for one of them: Joe (the straight one, I can only assume) is wavering on whether or not to ask his girlfriend to marry him. Good thing for good friends, right? When Louis makes an attempt to get involves (with the best of intensions of course), his efforts do more harm than good. Yep, sounds like a sitcom.

SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 9pm, CBS
2 Broke Girls
In "And the Hidden Stash" we kick off as Max and Caroline make their way up to a white-collar prison to visit Caroline's father (Steven Weber). Once there, he encourages them to show up at the Channing estate auction to buy a very specific item. Sounds just sketchy enough to work!

SEASON 5 PREMIERE, 10pm, ABC
Castle
In "After the Storm"—which is a very fitting title, don'tcha think?—Beckett and Castle re-evaluate their relationship after waking up from their heated night of passion. Spicy! While they work all of that out, they also have to deal with facing the folks who murdered Beckett's mother and who are now, subsequently, after Beckett, herself. Also, Beckett butts heads with a Senator. Wow, Beckett is really the center of conflict right now, isn't she?

PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
2012 Emmy Awards Fashion Wrap, SPECIAL, 8 p.m., TV Guide
Alphas, 8 p.m., Syfy
Basketball Wives LA, 8 p.m., VH1
Bones, 8 p.m., Fox
Dancing With the Stars: All Stars, LIVE SEASON PREMIERE, 8 p.m., ABC
Switched at Birth, 8 p.m., ABC Family
The L.A. Complex, TWO EPISODES BACK-TO-BACK—SEASON FINALE AT 9p.m.—8 p.m., The CW
The Voice, 8 p.m., NBC
WWE Monday Night Raw, 8 p.m., USA
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 8:30 p.m., TLC
All on the Line, 9 p.m., Sundance
American Chopper, 9 p.m., Discovery
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, 9 p.m., Travel
Border Wars, 9 p.m., NatGeo
Blood, Lies, & Alibis, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Get to Work, 9 p.m., Sundance
Love It or List It, 9 p.m., HGTV
Major Crimes, 9 p.m., TNT
Market Warriors, 9 p.m., PBS
T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle, 9 p.m., VH1
The Mob Doctor, 9 p.m., Fox
The Real Housewives of New York City, 9 p.m., Bravo
Warehouse 13, 9 p.m., Syfy
Chrissy & Mr. Jones, SEASON PREMIERE, 9:30 p.m., VH1
Mike & Molly, SEASON PREMIERE, 9:30 p.m., CBS
American Masters, 10 p.m., PBS
Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, 10 p.m., Food
Fashion Police, EMMY AWARDS SPECIAL, 10 p.m., E!
Fast N' Loud, 10 p.m., Discovery
Gallery Girls, 10 p.m., Bravo
Hawaii Five-O, SEASON PREMIERE, 10 p.m., CBS
House Hunters, 10 p.m., HGTV
Lovetown, USA, 10 p.m., OWN
Revolution, 10 p.m., NBC
Ridiculousness, 10 p.m., MTV
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
The Inbetweeners, 10:30 p.m., MTV
Get To Work, 10:30 p.m., Sundance

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS...
Steve Martin and a performance by Gotye on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
David Spade on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Julianna Margulies, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and a performance by The Killers on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC Blake Shelton, Serena Williams, and Andrew Rannells on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Dennis Quaid and Ellie Kemper on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What are you watching tonight?

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How I Met Your Mother S08E16: "Bad Crazy"

After several weeks' worth of mythology-advancing episodes, How I Met Your Mother is taking a breather from the tough stuff, instead opting for episodes like last week's ode to Robin Sparkles and Canada (which was one of the show's best episodes ever) and this week's journey through Crazyville, population Ted and Jeanette. If I were a betting man, I'd wager that we've arrived at the Season 8 episodes that were originally designed to slow down the story as HIMYM's writers awaited a verdict on whether or not the series would end this year. The massive information downloads we got a few episodes ago—that the Mother is the bass player in Robin and Barney's wedding band, and not Barney's half-sister—I'm pretty sure we got those pieces of the story just in case the show had to wrap everything up by May. But now that Season 9 is confirmed, the show can pause and figure out where it's going next.

That's the long way of me trying to say that tonight's episode "Bad Crazy," didn't lead to any earth-shattering revelations or inspire any game-changing new theories about how and when we'll meet the Mother. "Bad Crazy" was HIMYM humor at its best, though, with the gang just hanging out and ragging on each other (usually ragging on Ted).

Jeanette—Ted's final girlfriend before he meets the Mother—is crazy. The gang realizes this, and Ted does too. And even though Ted doesn't mind a little crazy at this point, Jeanette is full-on bonkers. She throws remote controls at TVs. She threatens hockey refs with death before games even begin. Unfortunately for Ted, he's never been good at initiating break-ups. When Barney and Marshall let Jeanette into Ted's apartment after he broke up with her, she locked herself in Ted's room, and in typical Ted fashion, he didn't quite end things, leaving the poor (crazy) girl with false hope that they were still together.

When the group pointed out to Ted that he had led Jeanette on, and Lily told him that he could use a crazy relationship at the moment, Ted returned to his room and fully embraced Jeanette's insanity.

It's a shame that Abby Elliott will only be around for a few episodes. I always thought she was underutilized on Saturday Night Live, and she was great in Jeanette's few scenes, effortlessly flipping between sweet-talking Ted to screaming obscenities at a television. While her time on HIMYM is limited, I hope this leads to something bigger for her. I also hope that the show finds a reason to put Jeanette and Lily's dad in a scene together, since Abby Elliott is the daughter of Chris Elliott, the actor who portrays Mickey. As we saw last week with Bob Saget acknowledging Dave Coulier's Full House reference, HIMYM isn't afraid to wink at the world beyond the show.

While Ted was dealing with Jeanette's home invasion, Robin had her own adventure with baby Marvin. It turns out that during the first eight months of Marvin's life, Robin never held him. We've always known that Robin is a bit squeamish around kids, but future Ted told us that she would one day warm up to them. It looked like Robin would have her chance when Lily left the baby with her so she could chase down a bus and retrieve Marvin's favorite binky, but as HIMYM would show us through a series of hilarious flashforwards, Robin didn't quite take advantage of the opportunity. We got a peek at Robin and Lily meeting to drink wine and catch up at four-, 12-, 14-, 16- and 17-year intervals, and in each instance, Robin revealed a new secret about the day Lily left her alone with Marvin. Long story short, Robin let a nice older woman hold Marvin to quiet him down, allowed Marvin to roll into the street in his stroller, brought him to a strip club to get him out of the cold, and finally left him alone with the woman while making a bathroom visit. Oh, and one more thing: It wasn't actually an older woman. It was Mike Tyson, or Senator Mike Tyson, as 2030 Lily would refer to him.

Did anyone get a look at Robin's left hand during those flashforwards? The show seemed to keep it hidden, and I'm not sure if that was on purpose or just how things worked out. I'm fully of the belief that Robin and Barney will go through with their wedding, but seeing a ring would've been a good way to settle once and for all whether they got married and were still married anywhere between four and 17 years in the future.

There are eight more episodes left in Season 8, meaning we're two thirds of the way through. Will HIMYM slow-play the final few episodes before finally revealing the Mother in the season finale? How long will Jeanette stick around before Ted finally manages to break up with her? He's going to need a date to Robin and Barney's wedding, right?

– Barney summarizing why Ted had to break up with Jeanette: "Cray-Cray gotta go bye-bye before you get stab-stabbed."

– Since Ted is the only member of the group who hasn't been in a relationship lately, Barney and Marshall have been using his apartment to stash items their significant others don't want in their own homes. These items include a vintage video game machine, a Boba Fett suit, a cotton candy machine, a moped, a horse, and a canoe that was somehow carried at both ends by Barney.

– Speaking of the Boba Fett suit, is there any chance Disney/Lucasfilm will consider Josh Radnor to play the infamous bounty hunter in the alleged spin-off Star Wars movie? He probably wouldn't be allowed to bring one of the swords from the apartment with him, though.

– After Superstorm Sandy, Ted stocked his bedroom with a ton of food and survivalist items, making it possible for Jeanette to hunker down there and possibly never leave. When Marshall and Barney mocked Ted for making those preparations, he pointed out the hypocrisy in what his friends were saying: "If this disaster had been a superstorm instead of a hot lunatic, you'd all be begging to eat my freeze-dried protein paste and crap in my biohazard bucket."

– Upon learning that Jeanette was actually a police officer (thus allowing her to intercept Ted's 911 call), Ted and Marshall launched into what's probably my favorite new joke of season so far: Ted and Marshall playing The Departed, a game that is pretty much just the two of them yelling "ARE YOU A CAWWWP" at one another in awful Boston accents. Unfortunately, Ted did not know that Jeanette was a cawwwp.

– Lily upon learning the secrets of Robin's day with Marvin: "You took my infant son to a strip club?" Robin: "It was just topless."

– I'm pretty sure Marvin was playing with a tassel while at the strip club. A baby has to entertain himself somehow, I guess.

– Barney: "What do I do for a living? There are some questions that we're not meant to know the answers to."

– While wearing Ted's red cowboy boots, Jeanette demanded to know why they were in Ted's bedroom: "Did Lily leave these boots here or was it some other bitch?" Oh, that's right—Jeanette thinks Ted is secretly in love with Lily.

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How I Met Your Mother S08E15: "P.S. I Love You"

Like a box of assorted Tim Hortons Timbits, this week's How I Met Your Mother was a deliciously enjoyable experience. "P.S. I Love You" didn't do much to advance the show's mythos, but it was probably one of the funniest episodes of Season 8 thus far.

After failing to get a girl's attention on the subway, Ted went full Mosby, broke out both his yellow legal pad and his backup yellow legal pad, and started trying to figure out how to find his mystery subway girl. The girl, played by Abby Elliott, ended up finding Ted instead. With the aid of her own yellow legal pad and investigative skills, she—Janette—tracked Ted down at work, something that his friends pointed out was pretty stalkerish.

That's when HIMYM introduced us to yet another theory about life: the Dobler-Dahmer Theory. As Ted explained, there's a fine line between love and insanity, and the Dobler-Dahmer Theory determines whether or not you should be worried. If the person trying to find you is a Dobler, she's just like John Cusack's character in Say Anything: You might find her outside your window with a boom box, but there's nothing to be afraid of. If the person trying to track you down is a Dahmer, as in Jeffrey Dahmer, you should be concerned.

The talk of stalkers made Robin uncomfortable, and she revealed to her friends that she had once stalked someone to the point of being hit with a restraining order. When Robin wouldn't reveal her target, Barney broke into her apartment, rifled through her diaries, and set off to Canada to discover just who this person was.

From this point on, P.S. I Love You became HIMYM's Mount Waddington-sized ode to Canada. Barney began meeting with Robin's exes in a Tim Hortons. If you're not familiar with the restaurant chain, think Dunkin' Donuts but Canadian. (Seriously, they're named after a famous Canadian hockey player.)

The chain of Robin's exes lead Barney to Simon, Robin's former boyfriend and Sandcastles in the Sand co-star, who advised Barney to check out the Robin Sparkles episode of MuchMusic's Underneath the Tunes series. (MuchMusic is a real thing. It's Canada's MTV.) Returning to America, Barney tracked down a copy of the show and gathered the gang to watch it.

It turns out that Robin's career as a Canadian pop star ended after she became obsessed with an unnamed guy, adopted the grunge personality of Robin Daggers, and sang "P.S. I Love You," her grunge song, at the 1996 Grey Cup. (Also a real thing. It's Canada's Super Bowl.) The event destroyed Robin's career and to this day is remembered as a national tragedy. With cameos from Paul Shaffer, Jason Priestley, Luc Robitaille, Alex Trebek, the Barenaked Ladies' Steven Page, k.d. lang, Rush's Geddy Lee and Dave Coulier, the Robin Sparkles episode of Underneath the Tunes documented her awful her downward spiral into grunge, but failed to shed any light on the identity of her mysterious stalkee. When Coulier hinted that it may have been Alan Thicke, Barney tried to fight the TV icon, but got his ass kicked instead... while Thicke ate a Tim Hortons donut.

After Barney admitted that anyone could become obsessed with someone else, Robin agreed to reveal the object of her obsession was. "P.S. I Love You" was about... Paul Shaffer. With his initials in the song title, the answer had been there all along.

I guess we should talk about Ted's storyline in this episode too, since it triggered this latest (and final?) installment of the Robin Sparkles tale. Thanks to the prodding of Marshall and Lily, Ted was forced to dig deeper into Janette's meet-cute story about finding him on campus. That small matter of the fire drill, which brought Ted outside after security wouldn't let Janette into the dorm? Janette actually pulled the fire alarm. That teensy fact that there wasn't a fire alarm in the lobby to pull? Turns out Janette actually set a fire in a garbage can to set it off. But instead of running the opposite direction, Ted decided to dig further into Janette's story. She'd gotten Ted's attention on the subway because she was reading the same book as Ted, a book that she bought at the very same bookstore as Ted, just after he'd purchased his copy. Janette eventually revealed that she'd been following Ted since she saw him on the cover of New York Magazine... a year-and-a-half ago. So that's when Ted bolted, right? Nope. With Ted's narration instructing us that "Before a man meets the woman he'll marry, he'll make one final, horrible mistake"—and that for Ted, that mistake was Janette—the couple started making out.

Janette is clearly crazy, something Ted will have to deal with in next week's episode. Until then, grab yourself a chocolate-glazed Tim Hortons donut and a Labatt Blue and enjoy the fact that Elliott's character is Ted's final girlfriend before he meets his future wife.

– I loved the Dahmer version of Marshall's "Will you go out with me?" song to Lily. It balanced sweet and dark to achieve just the right amount of creepiness.

– Ted after realizing he'd been tricked by Marshall and Lily: "Hold on— I'm beginning to think you guys didn't come here to see my new lectern."

– Barney: "No. I'm not Canadian. Not even a quarter canadian on my father's side. Shutup. We're not talking aboot me. About me. Whoa."

– One of Robin's exes mentioned that there are horrible family secrets on Robin's mother's side of the family. Will we learn more about those secrets?

– Barney on the allure of Tim Hortons: "They're just donuts. Okay. They're like two for a loonie. Dollar. What's happening?"

– Dear Robin Daggers, I kind of love you.

– Trebek on Robin Sparkles' Grey Cup performance: "That day is now known in music history as the day grunge was born." Ted: "In 1996? In Canada? That seems right, Trebek …" Marshall: "Give him a break. He's not a music guy." Rush's Geddy Lee: "That day is now known in music history as the day grunge was born." Marshall: "Well, that's a bummer."

– Page: "To this day, if you ask Canadians where they were when Robin Sparkles lost it, not only can they tell you what Tim Hortons they were in, but what donut they were eating."

– Priestley on what donut he was eating at that moment: "Crammed a Timbit into a strawberry-vanilla and invented the Priestly. Should've been the best day of my life."

– Coulier on whether or not "P.S. I Love You" was about him: "It wasn't me. Why does everyone always think it's me?" I think "You Oughta Know" the answer to that one, Dave …

– Thicke on who "P.S. I Love You" was about: "I dunno. I always thought it was Coulier." Couiler: "It wasn't me. Stop asking. Geez. Cut. It. Out." Bob Saget breaking character to shatter the HIMYM-Full House continuum: "Heh. I always liked that joke."

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Those two kids who've been sitting around waiting for Ted to get to the point of his damn story received some great news today: The tale of how their dad met their mother will finally be told. CBS has ordered a ninth and final season of How I Met Your Mother, and yes, the network promises to reveal the identity of the mother before the series goes off the air for good.

The entire cast will be back for the send-off, as will creators Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.

The big question is when viewers will meet the mother. We know Ted meets her at Robin and Barney's wedding, which will take place at the end of the current season, but that doesn't necessarily mean we'll know her identity at the end of this season or the beginning of the next. She could be a bridesmaid, the caterer, the flower girl, the valet parker, or even a groomsman (it's the 2010s, people, get with the times!). Or, if you insist, the bass player in the wedding band. Or maybe Season 9 will be Ted having flings with half the women from the wedding and the identity of the mother will play out like some PBS mystery show. Maybe the mother is actually a test tube. I don't know.

Let's all just be happy that the nation's biggest question will be answered and Ted's kids can finally get on with their lives.

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Now that we know that How I Met Your Mother will officially return for a ninth and final season, many fans have been trying to figure out exactly how the show will handle its homestretch. Will we meet the mother this spring, in the Season 8 finale? Will the show make us wait until the end of Season 9? Will the writers just pad out a storyline it already had prepared for Season 8? Naturally, we don't have many answers.

But yesterday, TV Guide ran a story based on a recent interview with HIMYM co-creator Craig Thomas. The article declared that next season will "look and feel much different from past seasons," with Thomas revealing that there's "going to be a new way to tell the story" and that fans are "never going to mistake a Season 9 episode [as being] from one of the previous eight [seasons]."

"A new way to tell the story" could mean just about anything, but here's my theory:

Let me explain: During the third season of Lost, the show introduced the characters Nikki and Paolo and used flashbacks to insert them into key moments from the show's first two seasons. They were always on the outside of the main group, but somehow seemed to be around whenever cool things were happening. Fans hated Nikki and Paolo, and Lost eventually buried them alive.

However, if we're going to get a new season of HIMYM that looks and feels different from any other season, what better way to accomplish that than by spending large amounts of time with Ted's future wife? The series can show her side of many of the stories we've heard Ted tell over the years. Her experience at the bar on St. Patrick's Day when she forgot her yellow umbrella. The time Ted was in her apartment while she was in the shower. I'm sure HIMYM could even create "new" close calls, where the mother almost met Ted over the years. And as a bonus, allowing a few new actors to carry some of the final season's storylines would free up the principal cast to work on other projects—which would make sense, considering that the growing careers of stars like Jason Segel are what almost kept Season 9 from happening in the first place.

For this plan to happen, though, HIMYM will have to introduce the mother in the finale of the current season. The showrunners have already made it clear that they're not going to make a casting announcement when they've selected an actress to play the Mother, so don't expect any hints to arrive in that form. Would you be on board with this idea? After eight seasons of listening to Ted talk, are we ready for How I Met Your Father?

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Revenge S02E03: "Confidence"

Every couple years I get a flu or cold virus so intense I spend about three days dressed like a bag lady, eating fistfuls of Airborne and wincing whenever I have to move my eyes. So please forgive me for having watched Revenge this week delirious and pardon me if some of my confusion makes its way into this review because damned if I can tell the difference between a decadent fever dream and the tangle of loyalties and intrigue that Revenge Season 2 has become. Just stay with me and let me know in comments if I something I state as fact was actually cough syrup. We'll get through this.

One of the big reveals of this episode was that Aiden, Emily's Proud Protectoress, was in fact kind of a co-ed with her at Revenge Academy (similar to Hogwarts except all the food is served at grill tables like at Benihana) until he left her to pursue his revenge mission and she got sonned by Takeida really hard. "How does it feel to open your heart and be abandoned again?"

Apparently not very good, since Emily repaid Aidan's efforts to keep her alive by throwing him IN A DUMPSTER with an airplane ticket in his pocket.

I do appreciate that she asked specifically for the little sleeve with the airline name on it for the ticket. You have to request those now that everything is e-tickets and self-check-in and boarding passes these days look about as glamorous as a receipt from CVS and no doubt Emily feels me on this one.

Meanwhile, Fauxmanda was up late smelling liquor and drinking milk, which made me laugh out loud. "Just need the delectable smell of gin right now." Hard drinkers: in it for the taste. Jack preceeded to pull a big he-man move in forbidding Fauxmanda to use Charlotte's gift certificate to a baby boutique in town. Why would they take the Graysons' charity when Jack already has a perfectly good rocking chair up in the attic with a spider egg sac under the seat? They can dry out the mildewed carpet with a hair dryer and hammer some of the rusty nails in the floor down flat. Hey, cavemen had babies without things like mobiles and changing tables and beds, Little Miss Priss! Jack may be poor but he has his pride, and a nice old lobster trap they can use for a cradle.

Fauxmanda was totally ready to let Jack call the shots and raise her baby in a bare attic room, but Emily (who spent this episode being a lot more conniving than usual) had big plans for her, namely passing off a fake diary to Charlotte. More on that later.

Meanwhile, Victoria was healing excellently from her beating at the hands of Conrad and heading the old breakfast table at the House of Usher next door. Weirdly (and I think this was a mixed moment) she was totally taking it in stride that Daniel and Ashley were together and Ashley had been essentially filling in for Victoria in her absence. Also sort of weird was Conrad, in his moments alone with Victoria, volleying between threats to kill her and taunts that it was time for her to take up her "wifely duties" which, since they have a maid staff, I'm going to assume means sex. Like what? What happened to Lydia? What happened to both of you hating each other? Perhaps, like a generation of middle-aged Fifty Shades of Grey readers, a consensual round of grown-up punch-buggy has reinvigorated Conrad's libido to an awkard degree. Henry Czerny was making it work because he's awesome, but the character turn was a tad too lusty for me.

Meanwhile, Nolan had to introduce Emily to someone and instead of saying "Platonic Soulmates," described her very cutely as "And this is Emily my... Emily."

Liz Lemon looked so let down. Although considering she hunted down Nolan at Emily's house, should it really have surprised her? She's climbed through Emily's window, so it's about time they were introduced.

And then poor Nolan walked into Emily's house with all the lights off. Nolan, come on. Everybody in the Hamptons, come on: Emily's beach house is like a Grand Central Station for psychopaths. It's where they go first when they're in town, meet friends, spend the night if they're broke, get a pastry, and administer chokeholds freely. By now y'all should know:

– Do not walk in there when all the lights are out.

– Do not walk in there when the lights are on if the curtains are blowing.

– Do not walk in there if there's a crowd of people down on the beach waiting for their birthday cake literally 30 feet away.

– Do not walk in there if you don't like getting choked.

Although how hilarious was it that Emily was very concerned for once about Nolan getting choked? She has woken up to wringing his neck in the past. Despite her newfound concern for Nolan, she is STILL kicking him out of her house! The writers giveth, the writers taketh away. I really looked forward to them living together indefinitely, falling into a routine of eating Elio's pizza in front of a laptop streaming footage of the Graysons. Alas, Nolan packed up his tasteful guest bedroom last night. My heart GRIEVES for what could have been.

I do love the hints this episode gave us that Victoria is onto Emily's true identity. The fact that she told Charlotte that Fauxmanda was her half sister, "if that," was pretty momentous. And for sheer bitchery, how awesome was it when Victoria told Emily she would be cutting all ties with her and then had security escort her from the property? Victoria like, fired her from being her acquaintance.

So obviously the big news of the episode: Emily's mom is alive and shackin' up or more with White-Haired Guy, running a hotel in Twin Peaks and taking anti-psychotics. And White-Haired-Guy carried around an old-timey pocket watch like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland? You know what, sure. He does have a wall of cuckoo clocks. Villains can have hobbies. They can collect timepieces. I'll buy it.

The big question is, who is the White-Haired man to Emily's mother:

– Her lover?

– Her dad?

– Her hubbind?

– Her sober buddy with benefits?

– Emily's true dad?

My mind reels, and not just because my body temperature is elevated to a point that is possibly sizzling my brain.

Poor Fauxmanda, who only wants to bear her child and raise it in the crawlspace with Jack, got suckered by Emily into turning up at the Graysons' press conference event; Emily wanted Fauxmanda to trigger a revelation that would lead to a domino-effect of ruination for Victoria by giving Charlotte a fake version of David Clarke's diary.

Think about that. That means Emily had to sit up late one night and fill in a Moleskin notebook with fan fiction about her father's life behind bars. Its not like she's going to hire a ghostwriter for this. She had to seed revelations into a plausible diary kept by someone in federal prison in the voice of her own dad. What did she do for the non-important entries not marked by Post-its? Did she make up supporting characters? "My roommate Shivvie is whittling a potato in his spare time." "My lunch pals today included BoJangles and a very nice man with an eyepatch. We had Spaghetti-Os."

Whatever she wrote, it worked, making Charlotte (the second least likable character in this series after Declan) come at her mother like a flying squirrel, shrieking all her secrets at a reporter. And while it looked like this plan had succeeded in toppling the Graysons once and for all (or at least send them fleeing to Europe), Victoria's mastery of spin made her turn her press conference into essentially a disowning of Charlotte plus making Daniel come to heel publicly. And, worst of all, dragging up Fauxmanda to basically give them her public approval and absolve them of having betrayed David Clarke—probably the exact opposite of what Emily had in mind for the evening's events.

Ashley whispered something to Emily about this making the Graysons stronger than ever; I'd argue they were slightly more strong when they weren't suspected of being terrorists and punching each other in the face in mountaintop cabins. Also a spicy sex-line operator called Conrad, or that's what it sounded like to me. Or I guess it was the Initiative? The sizyrup was kicking in at this point guys, not going to lie.

If Emily's plan to trigger a Grayson meltdown on live TV backfired, it did have the unintended bonus of ruining Fauxmanda's life. Jack, ever the bastion of integrity, broke up with a woman eight months pregnant with his child in the coldest way possible because she got dragged up on stage for a photo-op. Way to bully your lady at her most vulnerable because she doesn't subjugate her will to yours, Jack. You're SUCH A CATCH.

So, troubling and tumultuous times, as ever! But how awesome that Emily's mom is out of flashbacks and on my screen (and psychotic)! Victoria seems completely onto Emily, and Jack is ready to resume his horrible non-relationship with Emily. Progress?! Maybe. Entertaining?! ABSOLUTELY.

Revenge "Confidence" Photos

QUESTIONS:

1. How refreshing was it to have Declan onscreen for like only two minutes?

2. Aidan: officially Emily's new love interest this season?

3. Why is Victoria not freaking out more about Ashley taking over her life, basically?

4. Has Emily written off Revenging her dad in her pursuit of her mom? Is there still a way to exonerate her dad without Victoria's help? (Evidence is blowed up, right?)

5. Is anyone out there a Charlotte fan or is she just a big whiny mess these days?

6. Are you peeved Nolan is moving out?

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How I Met Your Mother S08E03: "Nannies"

Remember last week when I mentioned that How I Met Your Mother has a reputation for treading water sometimes? Well, this week's episode's arms must be exhausted.

What'd "Nannies" really accomplish? After hiring a nanny to watch baby Marvin while Lily returned to work, Lily's dad surprised everyone by actually being a good grandfather, earning his daughter's trust. Barney tried to rebound from breaking up with Quinn by throwing himself back into single life, only to discover he's not able to charm the ladies as easily as he used to. And finally, Ted and Robin argued over who was in a better relationship, only to quietly realize their relationships with Nick and Victoria are pretty crummy. Boom. That was the entire episode.

HIMYM's season premiere gave off the impression that the series was planning to keep things moving this season, that it didn't have any time to waste. The show is most likely ending after this season, and there is (was?) a certain amount of urgency to wrap up the story Ted's been telling his kids for the last seven years. But "Nannies" didn't take us anywhere. In last week's episode, Ted announced the dawn of the Autumn of Break-ups, so we already knew that Ted and Robin won't stay with Victoria and Nick. Also, I'm pretty sure we saw Barney struggle with returning to his womanizing ways after he broke up with Nora the first time.

If HIMYM is going to insist on going back to taking things slow, can we at least get to know its characters? Going into this season, people really, really liked Victoria. Some liked her even more than they liked Robin. Ashley Williams had always great on HIMYM, and there was a lot of potential with her coming back for Season 8. But tonight's episode transformed Victoria from the girl of Ted's dreams into a caricature. She leaves dishes in the sink and doesn't flush the toilet? Thanks for the character development, guys.

And what's the deal with Nick? Are we supposed to feel anything toward him? What was the point in bringing back a semi-established character if he's just a plot device? I would love to see Robin get one final, great romance before she reunites with Barney, but I guess that's not going to happen. Poor Robin. Don left her to take the job she passed up. Kevin wanted to have kids. And now Nick is a cryer.

What I'm really trying to say here is, HIMYM showrunners, you guys are blowing it. I know you love this show—how could you not? We love this show too, and if Season 8 is our last year with Ted, Robin, Marshall, Lily, and Barney, we want our final months together to be great. We're invested. Stop introducing characters who don't matter. Don't bring back fan favorites like Victoria only to tear them down. If you need Ted to have a crappy girlfriend, bring back Blah Blah or the awful girl who went for the Naked Man. Don't ruin a character we loved. We've followed these folks for seven years; we've experienced heartbreak with them and cheered them on. We want to see their story get the ending it deserves. Please stop treading water. Please start being legendary.

– I'm always mixed on Chris Elliott's Mickey. It was nice to see Lily learn that her dad wasn't always an awful father, but unlike Marshall's dad, Mickey is kind of one-dimensional. He does something dumb, Lily doesn't trust him, he redeems himself. We saw this last season when Marshall and Lily moved to the suburbs and Mickey reluctantly helped Marshall find the fuse box.

– While some of Barney's efforts failed, Bangtober allowed us to once again hear the "Bang, Bang, Bangity Bang" song.

– Barney to Robin about his Bangtober swag: "Robin, I expensed seven grand on merch. This is happening."

– Robin to Lily after learning Lily's dad's house burned down: "I had no idea Naked Man Who Runs Into Inferno to Rescue Potato Salad was Mickey."

– Okay, baby Marvin is pretty cute. Nice work, Marshall and Lily, on creating an adorable fictional baby.

– Mickey to flashback Lily when trying to figure out which horse to bet on: "When's your birthday?" Sad Lily: "Today..."

– Ted and Victoria are already making plans for weddings in the future? According to Barney's rule, you don't make plans with a girl that will take place further in the future than the amount of time you've been dating the girl. How long have Ted and Victoria been dating now? Five months? Ted once dumped Stella after she invited him to her wedding's sister six months in advance, even though they had only been dating for three months. Where's the consistency, HIMYM?

– Heynannynanny.com, the site that Marshall and Lily were using to find a nanny for Marvin, is a real site. Well, not real as in a real site where you can actually find a nanny, but real as in it exists on the internet. After leaving Barney in a Dumpster with a wrongfully placed pacifier, the nannies apparently turned heynannynanny.com into a warning to all prospective nannies to not date Barney Stinson. The site lists a few of Barney's aliases, including Swarley, Lorenzo Von Matterhorn and Ted Mosby, while also pointing out that Barney is not "endowed like Tommy Lee," "a SNANA engineer whose mission is to intercept a sn-asteroid," or "the inventor of cookies."

– Barney to Marshall and Lily after they exposed his nanny scheme: "I'd introduce you to little baby Edgar, but, one, he's napping, and, two, he doesn't exist."

– I was really hoping Mrs. Buckminster would turn out to be a Mrs. Doubtfire-type character. In retrospect, that would've made it really awkward after Barney slept with her.

– Is this the first time a HIMYM character who was shown eating a sandwich was actually eating a sandwich? I was worried that Mickey had gotten high and then took Marvin to the park.

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A shot from tonight's Season 8 premiere.

When How I Met Your Mother kicks off its eighth season tonight, it could be the beginning of the end. With no deal in place for a ninth season, the show is prepping itself for the very real possibility that this one will be the last. And if this is HIMYM's final go-round, everyone knows what that means, right? We'll finally get to meet the mother, the woman Ted Mosby marries and has been telling his two kids about forever.

As such, let's take a quick look at where we left off in Season 7 and what's ahead in Season 8.

So how'd last season end? And what does that mean for Season 8?

The Season 7 finale began the process of putting the final pieces into place for the show's endgame, jumping forward in time to reveal that Barney wouldn't marry Quinn but would instead tie the knot with Robin. The Season 7 premiere had given us a glimpse at Barney's future bride, but then the show spent much of its time last year selling the story that Barney would marry Quinn, the stripper who stole his heart, even ending the season with a showy proposal. Knowing that Barney marries Robin and not Quinn, we're going to have to see Barney and Quinn break up at some point. Hopefully it won't be as he meets her parents, like when Barney broke up with Nora.

Robin had a rough go of things last year, discovering that she couldn't have children of her own and turning down Kevin's proposal to keep him from sacrificing his dreams of having kids to be with her. The upcoming return of actor Michael Trucco as Robin's mystery crush (more on that in a minute) alludes to Robin having at least one more romantic encounter before becoming—wait for it—Mrs. Barney Stinson.

Marshall and Lily welcomed their son, Marvin, to the world in the Season 7 finale, tweaking the dynamic of the group by becoming parents. Even though they still live right above the bar, Marshall and Lily won't be able to just hop downstairs to hang out like they always have. The couple has already tried to explain to their friends that they can't be bothered with silly problems... but knowing this group, it's hard to imagine Marshall and Lily won't get sucked into a ridiculous scheme or two.

Oh, and then there's Ted. After being left at the altar by Stella so many years ago, you'd think that Ted would be the last guy to run off with another man's bride-to-be. Oops. Season 7 saw Ted riding off into the sunset with Victoria, his cupcake-making former girlfriend, as she bailed on her own wedding. From what we've heard about the new season, Ted isn't happy that Victoria didn't leave a note for Klaus, her fiance, and insists that they go back to do so. Apparently it's okay to steal someone's soon-to-be wife as long as you leave a note, huh?

You mentioned a crush of Robin's coming back. Who else is joining the show for Season 8? Do we know who's going to play the mother yet?

Yes, Michael Trucco is returning to HIMYM for a stint. You may remember him from "Hopeless," the episode that saw Barney and his dad embark on a legendary night out on the town. To keep up the ruse that he and Robin were a couple, Ted accidentally prevented Robin from finally talking to a longtime crush of hers. We're going to see Robin and her crush together in Season 8, but how long will they last as a couple?

In addition to Trucco, Ashley Williams is returning as Victoria, and Thomas Lennon (Reno! 911 and Bruce Wayne's doctor in this summer's The Dark Knight Rises) will play Klaus, Victoria's boyfriend and now fiance who we've heard about for years but never seen. At some point, Ted is going to come face-to-face with the man whose bride he intends to steal away.

Abby Elliott, who left Saturday Night Live this summer, will join the show as Janeane, the girl who, according to executive producer Craig Thomas, gets hotter as she gets crazier. Break out the Hot/Crazy Scale, Barney—it looks like Ted is going to need it this season. Interesting note: Elliott's dad, Chris Elliott, is already part of the HIMYM family, portraying Lily's board game-addicted father.

Marshall's law school buddy and brunch-loving friend Brad, played by Joe Manganiello (True Blood's Alcide), will also return. There's no word yet on the storyline that will bring him back.

And as for who's playing the mother? C'mon, did you really think HIMYM would give up that information easily? I'm expecting Lost levels of secrecy when it comes to that particular casting.

Last (and most important) question: How many slaps are left?

While Marshall originally won the right to slap Barney five times, he bargained for an additional three slaps last season in exchange for letting Barney remove the ducky tie. Marshall's used six of his eight slaps so far. If this turns out to be HIMYM's final season, the Time-Slap Continuum better prepare itself for the last two moments in the most epic slap bet in history.

How I Met Your Mother's eighth season premieres tonight at 8pm on CBS.

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Thank you, all of you, for the well wishes last Friday. I can't believe it's my last week of Open Caption! Eek! Let's make this one count, eh? Here are the winners from Friday's contest:

From qbe_64:

Nathan: "Stay very still, there's a fly on your cheek."
Duke: "Um, I've got a fly swatter in the kitchen."
Nathan: "There's no time!"

From Taccado:

Nathan: "You made it to third base with my girl?! Now I'm going to bat a home run with your balls!"

From AllanHarvey1:

Nathan: "This is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me!"
Duke: "No crap—you wouldn't feel it even if Babe Ruth hit you with a bat!"

I feel like this show hasn't been on in forever—and yet, I feel like it's always on. Countless hours of syndication will do that, I guess. In tonight's Season 8 return, Barney and Robin are preparing for their walk down the isle—but each of them worries the other will get cold feet, making for the most depressing pre-wedding jitters known to man. In the still below the gang stands around while Barney shows them... something Barney would most definitely show them. From left to right it's: Barney, Quinn, Robin, Marshall, and Lily. Post your best caption ideas in the comments!

Check out all of our recent winners on TV.com's Open Caption Pinterest Board.

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Misfits S01E02 & S02E02: "One" & "Two"

Editor's Note: Hey everyone! Logo has started airing Misfits again on Thursdays here in the U.S. (and they episodes are all on Hulu anyway), but we've been a little bogged down with fall premieres and unable to get these reviews posted. And be "we've," I mean *I* have been a little bogged down with fall premieres, and even though MaryAnn wrote these reviews over the last two Thursdays, *I* wasn't able to get them posted. So here they are now, and we'll return to a regular schedule of weekly Mistfits reviews next week! — Jen

A mysterious note sent via paper airplane (clever!) had our gang gathering around not-so-dead Nathan's grave just in time for Kelly to overhear him wanking off in his coffin because he's classy like that. Also, being buried alive probably gets really boring after awhile when you're immortal. That's why vampires always end up out of their minds after a couple decades underground, right? And I'm talking about Anne Rice vampires, not the sparkly ones. I'm also possibly talking about the Being Human vampires, but I'm pretty sure Suren was nuts before Mommy Dearest locked her up a few decades, so she might not count.

Anyway, Nathan was eventually freed from his grave, went home to visit his mother, and apparently shocked her so badly that she fainted and knocked a few teeth loose. I guess that means he'll continue to be homeless in the community center for the foreseeable future, then?

Catching up with the other ASBO kids, we learned that Simon is still pining for Sally the Corpse Bride, Kelly is really bummed about her almost-boyfriend getting impaled in the Season 1 finale, aaaand Curtis and Alisha are still the golden couple. With Sally on ice, Simon and the others have yet another probation officer, but at least this time he's full of dry sarcasm and general crotchety awesomeness. The third time's the charm, though, and someone—Sally's friend at the police station—has finally noticed the alarming frequency with which this particular ASBO group's probation officers seem to disappear.

The gang's new probation officer made them hang out in an art therapy class where Nathan made the mistake of mocking one of the girls, Lucy, and Simon made the mistake of pretending he didn't spend some quality time with her in a psych ward before landing his community service gig. So I wasn't at all surprised when Alisha appeared to come on to Simon. I mean, I was surprised, but I didn't think for a second that it was actually her, especially after her lips touched Simon's danger zone and he didn't go crazy with superpowered lust. It's all in the details, kids.

However, Simon didn't catch that minor detail and as though it was the blow job that blew his mind (and knowing Simon, it probably was), Simon decided to bury Sally once and for all.

Then everything got a little bit crazy. Stories with shape shifters tend to do that. Still rocking Alisha's face, Lucy went to Curtis and accused Simon of beating her up. Curtis was, understandably, not happy about that and intercepted Simon as he was moving Sally's corpse. Simon protested, saying that he didn't beat Alisha up, but that she totally went down on him, shifting Curtis's ire to his ladyfriend. Lucy's machinations started to fall apart when the real Alisha showed up completely unharmed and insisted that not only did she not hook up with Simon, but he didn't punch her either... by which time Lucy had morphed into Nathan.

Oh, and everyone found out about Sally the Dead Probation Officer. It was a bonding experience, though. Hiding a dead body tends to bring people together, for better or for worse. Usually worse. The realization that Lucy was rocking her Nathan costume and suddenly knew all about the pile of dead probation officers led to, well, ultimately another dead probation officer. But Curtis fixed that. "If I could tuuuuurn back tiiii-ime..." Yup, I'm still singing Cher to myself every time C-dog does this thing.

Lucy impaled Nathan, but now that we know he'll be fine my reaction was more LOL than OMG.

Letting all her crazy hang out, Lucy finally donned Simon's face and devised a plan to confess to the killings of Tony and Sally. She was certain that Simon would end up back in their old unit at the psych hospital, where they would rekindle their friendship and live happily ever after. Working his invisibility mojo, Simon followed Lucy to the police station, where he apologized for having ignored her earlier and made a case for his freedom. No, things weren't perfect with his group of friends, but he HAD a group of friends. Simon admitted to finally being happy and being content with who he was. He couldn't go back to the psych ward with her because he just wasn't that Simon anymore. He's come a long way, hasn't he? We should all be very proud.

And in the span of one episode, Lucy made some progress herself. Despite the obvious obsession with Simon that led to her antics in the first place, Lucy managed to reach an understanding with her former target and maybe even an understanding with herself. Simon said that he liked the person he became during their time apart, a concept that Lucy initially didn't seem to understand, asking Simon if he REALLY thought the other ASBO kids would want to be friends with someone like him. Simon nodded. It was small and a little bit uncertain, but it was there, which speaks clearly to how far his social ineptness and basement-level self-esteem have come.

If the powers on Misfits are meant to reflect an aspect of an individual's personality, then the fact that Lucy can take another individual's (or animal's) shape and essentially become someone else for an extended period of time fits well with her disbelief that Simon could have changed, grown, and evolved into a happy and healthy person who is comfortable in his own skin. Simon essentially outgrew her, which is sad for both of them, but it's one of those things that happens. Relationships change as the people in them change.

So of course I have to ask, does this mean that powers can change too? Or is that just crazy talk?

– Will we see Lucy again? Do we WANT to see Lucy again? (I kind of want to see Lucy again.)

– Is impaling Nathan for laughs the new thing? I can't decide if that would be hilarious or annoying. I'm leaning toward annoying.

– I really like the new douchebag probation officer. Tell me this one doesn't meet (another) untimely demise.

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