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What to watch on Wednesday, March 27...

SEASON 2 FINALE, 8pm & 8:30pm, NBC
Whitney
The season’s final hour kicks off with “Alex, Meet Lily,” in which Whitney drafts her beau into forging a bond with her bud, who’s in the market for a comrade of the male persuasion. “Cake, Cake, Cake,” winds up Season 2 with Whitney growing concerned when she spies her psychiatrist (Chelsea Handler) going to town on a birthday cake solo. I take the good doctor’s side on this one; extremism in consumption of cake is no vice.

8pm, The CW
Arrow
A denizen of The Glades is out for the blood of anyone he considers an enemy of the neighborhood, and Roy is next on his hit list in “Salvation.” And speaking of future-and/or-present masked archers marked for death, Malcolm tasks Moira with tracking down his own would-be assassin.

SEASON 1 FINALE, 8:30pm, ABC
The Neighbors
The Zabvronians may be recalled to their home planet when Dick receives a fateful call from his grandfather as sci-fi icons George Takei and Mark Hamill help “It Has Begun...” wrap up The Neighbors' freshman season. Before they pack their space-bags, though, the Bird-Kersees join the Weavers in Atlantic City, where Larry displays a knack for blackjack and Jackie yearns for Earth-style nuptials.

9pm, The CW
Supernatural
When the Winchesters look into a string of bumped-off vampires in “Freaks and Geeks,” they turn up a shadowy man who’s grooming the orphans of vamp victims into a slayer army. Dean suspects the man’s motives aren’t on the up-and-up. Sam mostly admires the kids’ merit badges, especially the bitchin’ one for Holy Water Scalding.

9pm, NBC
Law & Order: SVU
After accusing her cameraman of rape, a sports reporter learns she’s with child as a result. At trial, the defense employs what the synopsis calls “questionable tactics” to sway the jury, and I don’t even dare speculate on what those might be, given that the title of the episode is “Legitimate Rape.”

10pm, ABC
Nashville
“When You’re Tired of Breaking Other Hearts” finds Rayna sitting down with Katie Couric to spill her guts about her domestic and professional lives. At the rate Nashville is burning through guest stars from ABC’s news division, Season 2 will resort to Scarlett chatting up a couple of adolescent correspondents from those Disney Channel interstitials. Elsewhere this week, Juliette attempts a power play to control her album launch, while Deacon becomes smitten with his dog’s new vet.

10pm, TNT
Southland
John confronts his demons as he endeavors to save Hicks in “Heroes,” while Lydia and Ruben attempt to track down a John Doe. Meanwhile, Ben and Elena kick things up a notch, and Sammy is wracked with guilt over his lie about the tape.

100TH EPISODE, 10pm, USA
Psych
Shawn and Gus attend a clandestine party at a swanky mansion in “100 Clues,” secrecy and swankiness and being two of Shawn and Gus’s unquestioned strong suits, naturally. The host is a one-time rock star who has no memory of committing the murder he was arrested for years ago.

SEASON 28 PREMIERE, 10pm, MTV
The Real World: Portland
A new crew of seven strangers is shunted into a loft and documented as the reality TV grande dame returns. Tune in to find out whether there are still veins of social observation and/or humor about the Pacific Northwest burg’s distinctive culture that haven’t yet been mined by three seasons of Portlandia and sundry internet memes, or if the producers will just fall back on a bunch of gags about artisanal booze.

LATE-NITE:
– Seth Green and Charles Phoenix on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Past interviews include Tim McGraw, Luke Bryan, and Rascal Flatts on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Eva Mendes on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Iowa pig farmer Carl Edgar Blake II on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Kristin Chenoweth, magician Justin Willman, and Josh Groban on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Donald Trump, Gary Gulman and Wavves on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Bruce Willis, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Divine Fits on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Kathie Lee Gifford, James Purefoy, and Dido on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Don Rickles and Radha Mitchell on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

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What to watch on Wednesday, February 27...

8pm, The CW
Arrow
Oliver and Diggle are stunned when they find out that the certainly deceased Deadshot is actually very much alive, because Oliver and Diggle did not realize they are living in a comic-book universe where shit like that happens quite literally all the time. The assassin’s got a bead on Malcolm in “Dead to Rights,” which also finds Ollie juggling his superheroics and his new relationship with McKenna.

8pm, CBS
Survivor: Caramoan - Fans vs. Favorites
In “There’s Gonna Be Hell To Pay,” the bond between Corrine and Malcolm sparks a discovery that could take the game to another level. I can’t even conceive of what kind of bond could be so game-changing, given that they are at least 13 people shy of a full Voltron.

9pm, The CW
Supernatural
Hey, you know what’s so hot right now? Zombies. Know what else is pretty hip with the kids? Ladies doing archery. Is there some way we can work those into an episode? Like, say, maybe Sam and Dean are tracking a zombie-related case, but then, see, it somehow involves an attack by the Greek goddess Artemis—she carried a bow and arrow, right? And then we can call the episode “Remember the Titans,” because, mythology puns, y’know? All right, I like it, it’s gold. Have the first draft on my desk in the morning.

9:30pm, ABC
Suburgatory
When she learns that Ryan hasn’t been completely on the up-and-up, Tessa’s misgivings lead her to mull over their future, as well as her college plans. Now, I’m not much of a “shipper” traditionally, but if these two split up it’s fair to say I will burn the entire Walt Disney Company to the ground with unholy fury. Elsewhere in “Leaving Chatswin,” George is shaken by Marty’s death as he and Noah are tasked with tending to the man’s ashes.

10pm, NBC
Chicago Fire
Severide’s visiting father butts heads with Chief Boden over a tragedy from their past in “Better to Lie,” while Mills lends support to a guilt-ridden driver after a car collision and Shay arrives at a crucial relationship decision. Meanwhile, Hermann, Otis, and Dawson explore a mystery about the bar; could it have any connection to Old Man McGillicuddy, Spanish doubloons, and the legend of the Ghost Knight?

10pm, ABC
Nashville
“Dear Brother” sees Juliette pulling out all the stops for Deacon’s birthday party, and who doesn’t appreciate a much-younger romantic interest taking the time to remind them that they’re yet another year older? In other Music City transpirings, the press makes a meal of Rayna and Teddy’s divorce, and Scarlett is smitten with Gunnar’s hoodlum brother.

SEASON 7 PREMIERE, 10pm, USA
Psych
After getting shot in last season’s finale, Henry is clinging to life at the hospital in “Santabarbaratown 2.” The attack sends Shawn on a mission of revenge against the dirty cops he and his dad were investigating. This doesn’t sound like a “Shawn and Gus do zany cosplay” type episode, but you never can tell with this show.

10pm, TNT
Southland
When the dispatch system malfunctions in “Babel,” LAPD is forced to revive an old Westerosi technique and communicate with officers via messenger ravens. [Full disclosure: Portions of the preceding sentence may not be entirely accurate.] As for the cops themselves, Lydia catches up with an old flame, John is assigned a new partner, and Ben and Sammy’s working relationship is put to the test.

LATE-NITE:
– Johnny Galecki and the Miz on Conan , 11pm, TBS
– Eli Roth on Chelsea Lately , 11pm, E!
– R.J. Cutler on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart , 11pm, Comedy Central
– Museum of Modern Art design curator Paola Antonelli on The Colbert Report , 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– David Duchovny, J.B. Smoove, and Father John Misty on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno , 11:35pm, NBC
– Tina Fey, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and Solange on Late Show with David Letterman , 11:35pm, CBS
– Gordon Ramsay, Stanley Tucci, and Gold Fields on Jimmy Kimmel Live , 11:35pm, ABC
– Christian Slater, Mia Wasikowska, and Jason Aldean on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon , 12:37am, NBC
– Tom Lennon and Mike Tyson on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson , 12:37am, CBS

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What to watch on Friday, February 15...

8pm, Showtime
History of the Eagles, Part One
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses and watch this chronicle of one of the biggest bands of the 1970s? Take it easy and enjoy archival footage, interviews, and concert clips documenting how life in the fast lane surely made them lose their minds, even as they took it to the limit one more time before breaking up in the sad cafe in 1980. Director Alison Ellwood helms this documentary with no lyin' eyes. Something something Hotel California.

9pm, Fox
Touch
Guillermo searches for the 36 Righteous Ones, and if that were spelled just slightly differently (maybe "36 Righteous 1s") I would be convinced they were some sort of circa-late-'90s Christian-pop boy band. Elsewhere in "Enemy of My Enemy," Jake helps Lucy locate a woman with connections to her missing daughter.

WINTER PREMIERE, 9pm, Disney
Gravity Falls
One of this season's giddiest new shows returns with "Boss Mabel," wherein the Pines sister tries to prove she can run the Mystery Shack more profitably than Grunkle Stan, who's off competing on a TV game show. Also, a gigantic monster called a Gremloblin causes mischief, as gigantic monsters are wont to do.

"CATCH-UP" MINI-MARATHON, 9pm, Starz
Spartacus: War of the Damned
No new episode this week, as Starz re-airs the first three episodes of the season back-to-back-to-back. Catch up on the kooky misadventures of Sparty, Gannicus, "Howlin' Mad" Crixus, Boss Crassus, and the whole gang!

10pm, Cinemax
Banshee
In "Wicks," Lucas is troubled by the reappearance of an ex-con from his past, while Proctor's casino expansion plans are impeded by a recalcitrant reverend who refuses to sell his home to make way. Fans of complex zoning ordinances and eminent domain disputes, this may be the hour of the week you've been waiting for!

MARATHON, 12am, USA
Psych's Slumber Party
While away the wee hours of the morning with everyone's favorite wise-cracking, squabbling detective duo (Non-Rescue Rangers Division). The marathon crams seven fan-selected episodes into six hours, punctuated by viewer-made videos, contests, and wacky interstitials of Shawn and Gus behaving like adolescent girls.

LATE-NITE:
– Kathy Griffin, David Feherty, and FM Radio on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Helen Hunt, Jeff Caldwell, and The Maccabees on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Highlights from earlier in the week on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Joan Rivers, Josh Charles, and Gloriana on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Mario Lopez on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

What to watch on Saturday, February 16...

10:30am, Hub
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
In "Magical Mystery Cure," a spell gone awry mixes up everyone's Cutie Marks—the founts of their very identities and purposes in the universe. Twilight must find a way to reverse the change, lest Rarity be forced to harvest apples and Rainbow Dash to nurture tiny woodland creatures, or other such entirely unsuitable destinies.

9pm, HBO
Beyoncé: Life Is But a Dream
HBO takes you behind the scenes of the superstar singer's rise and... continued rise. Enjoy the blend of documentary, concert film, and intimate profile of her private life which will someday be considered an foundational text of the waning era before the United States amended the Constitution to restore the monarchy and anointed Queen Beyoncé I and King Jay-Z to lead us into the 100-year Golden Age.

9pm, BBC America
Ripper Street
A jewel heist puzzles Reid in "The Weight of One Man's Heart." The possible involvement in the crime of British army veterans—including Drake's old commanding officer, played by guest-star Iain Glen—tests the detective's loyalties.

11:30pm, NBC
Saturday Night Live
Christoph Waltz hosts, and we all pray to the gods of sketch comedy that he isn't shoved into a riff on "The Californians" called "The Bavarians" or something. Members of musical guest Alabama Shakes are praying doubly hard, because they'd have to watch that shit in person, man.

What to watch on Sunday, February 17...

SEASON 22 PREMIERE, 8pm, CBS
The Amazing Race
"Business in the Front, Party in the Back," is the name of the season opener, and if that means every team will be required to sport bitchin' mullets during the entire competition, I might give this show a shot for the first time. The 11 teams kick off the race in Bora Bora, with the winners of the first leg netting a pair of challenge-skipping passes—but the prize carries a shocking twist.

8pm, Fox
The Simpsons
Remember when South Park joked that there were no more stories left for animated comedies that The Simpsons hadn't already done after so many years on the air? The shoe is on the other cartoon foot this week, as the plot of "Hardly Kirk-ing"—Milhouse grooms himself into becoming a doppelganger of his father—echoes Gene's "Little Bob" runner a couple of weeks ago on Bob's Burgers. Has The Simpsons become the Microsoft of sitcoms, resigned to being outfoxed by hungry young startups?

9pm, ABC
Revenge
It's Labor Day in the Hamptons, and woe betide you if you're found wearing white after today, now that Victoria is stone-cold shooting anyone who gets under her skin. Meanwhile in "Sacrifice," Jack and Amanda set off on their honeymoon voyage aboard the S.S. Impending Doom.

9pm, CBS
The Good Wife
When Alicia and Cary face off against Will and Diane in a mock trial in "Red Team, Blue Team," underlying tensions come to a head. On the campaign front, Eli is beset by challenges to his position both internal and external, while Peter remains blissfully oblivious of pretty much anything that doesn't help him maintain a great head of hair.

SERIES 3 FINALE BUT REALLY THE SERIES 3 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, 9pm, PBS
Downton Abbey
The Granthams are going to Scotland! Specifically, to a hunting lodge owned by Rose's parents in the vast Caledonian wilderness. Back at Downton, Mrs. Patmore may have found her very own Sam the Butcher in the person of a local merchant, while a new maid has eyes for Branson. Don't we all, new maid. Don't we all. [Ed. Note: If you've already seen the episode, please avoid spoilers in the comments!]

9pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
The Governor lays the smackdown on the unruly elements within Woodbury, while Merle and Daryl grapple with regrets in "Home." Keep your homemade Rick's Sanity Scorecards handy, in case this is the week he starts palling around with a giant invisible rabbit-zombie named Harvey.

SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 9pm, Food Network
Worst Cooks in America
Celebrity chefs Anne Burrell and Bobby Flay are on a mission to turn 14 of America's most abysmal food-slingers into magnificent magicians of meringue, entrancing entrepreneurs of entrées, and inimitable impressarios of ingredients. Or at least to teach them not to make stew with an old boot in it.

9pm, HBO
Girls
Adam talks Ray into a Staten Island excursion as "Boys" turns a spotlight on the Y-chromosome-carrying half of the cast. Meanwhile, a sulking Jenna bunks with Hannah, who's under the gun of a tight deadline to submit an e-book, and Marnie hosts Booth Jonathan's (inevitably horrifying) art party. Hey, if you don't watch this, how will you understand what everyone on the internet is arguing about all week long?

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