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So February 14 is basically Black Friday for Hallmark, or as Hallmark likes to call it "Valentine's Day," which is when we either 1) celebrate naked babies shooting arrows at strangers (RUDE) or 2) drink our feelings and curse love, Hallmark, people who hold hands in public, Russell Stover, and our no-show prom date from high school. Regardless, the most important thing about Valentine's Day is that it gives us an excuse to slap stuff together in Photoshop to entertain the masses.

Which is exactly what we did.

Have fun. Share these little ditties with your friends. Share them with your frenemies. Share them with that creepy lady in the next cubicle over who talks to herself all day, except for when she walks past you at lunch and tells you about the latest dead cat she found in her attic. You suspect she might be a hoarder given the regularity of these dead cat discoveries, but hoarders need love too, you know?

Happy V-day, kids. Mind the beer goggles. Wrap it up. Make sure you read all the labels on that cherry-flavored... nevermind.

Clicking each image to open a larger version that you can right-click-to-save and print.

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This is an important time for Netflix. Last week brought us the reports about the company's fourth-quarter boosts in new subscribers and income and this week, we're all gearing up for the premiere of House of Cards, the streaming service's first major foray into original production and distribution (Netflix did shepherd 2011's Lilyhammer to its streaming interface, but the show didn't make much of an impact with audiences or critics). Never shy from big moves and big boasting, Netflix is ready to take its turn at remaking the television business model. In an interview with GQ, chief content officer Ted Sarandos noted that Netflix's up-front commitment to full seasons of series (compared to networks' more methodical pitch-to-script-to-pilot-to-series-order process that's happening as we speak) is in place "to become HBO faster than HBO can become us."

Grandiose aims aside, with House of Cards—and April's Hemlock Grove and May's not-fourth fourth season of Arrested Development—Netflix is going to test some of the assumptions about contemporary television viewing practices. The prevailing thought among reporters, critics, and even decision-makers within the industry is that we now love to marathon episodes and even full seasons or series all at once. How many stories have been written about these changing viewing habits over the past few years? I'm not taking shots at all those pieces because they're right on-point, but it's a little easier to look at declining live Nielsen ratings and increasing DVR ratings, or to read a data-light press release from Hulu or Netflix about certain viewer habits, and speculate (albeit in an educated fashion) that we consume TV differently now. We definitely do, but House of Cards is the first high-profile production to fully embrace those newer viewing practices and there are a number of different ways this could develop.

The tension lies between what is beneficial for us as viewers and what is beneficial for Netflix's bottom line, subscription base, and cultural cachet. Netflix is betting—based on their internal analytics, obviously—that viewers want to have all 13 episodes of House of Cards or all 14 episodes of Arrested Development available to them in an instant. In theory, this is great for us, because we get the television we want RIGHT NOW, and great for Netflix because it gives us what we want RIGHT NOW and we renew our subscriptions, tell our friends, etc.

Of course, it's more complicated than that. This week, Variety's Andrew Wallenstein presented a compelling case that providing all the episodes up front might not be in the best interest of Netflix or viewers. Wallenstein argues that with all the episodes available from the jump, Netflix customers will sign up for a free trial, purge through all the Arrested Development and Hemlock Grove they want to watch and quit within a week, presumably costing the company money. He also warns that the relationships viewers build with a show over the course of a season won't be as satisfying, or at least that they'll be much different.

I'm not sure I entirely agree with Wallenstein's hypothesis, but it further establishes that whatever happens with Netflix, House of Cards, and Arrested Development, we're in an important transitional moment for television production, distribution, and consumption. If these experiments are a success, in whatever way Netflix conceives of success, the company will look like a genius and maybe Hulu and Amazon Instant Video follow suit. Maybe more and more shows get released all at once and the broadcast networks, already a little confused about how "online buzz" can factor into their antiquated business model (see: the early online release of pilots), try way too hard to compete with the industry's new normal. Fans can watch at their own pace even more—and probably complain about spoilers on Twitter even more—and the long-standing fears about mass cable-cutting begins. Even television critics' jobs change, if just a little.

When you start going down that road of what-ifs, it's a slippery slope. Do I think Netflix is going to revolutionize television? Probably not. But even if Netflix's experiment "fails," it still feels like we're going to learn some new and informative things about television in the coming year. After years of dueling narratives about technology and new viewership practices killing or saving television, this event should give us some tangible evidence that neither is really true, which is ultimately more interesting anyway.

But, business matters aside, I'm curious about how House of Cards and whatever comes after it could change the way we talk about television. The popularity of episodic commentary has grown exponentially over the last few years; with the recap/review and its attached comments section powering sites like this one on a daily basis. If you regularly visit places like TV.com, chances are much of your social media experience involves television as well. It's complicated enough to have to deal spoiler-phobia all over Twitter and Facebook and in comments sections because of time-zone differences and DVR preferences. Doesn't having all of this first season available immediately exacerbate those social landmines?

Nevertheless, it all starts with us. Netflix is going to put all these episodes of House of Cards out there in a matter of hours—tomorrow marks the official release date, and the launch is set to take place at midnight Pacific / 3am Eastern—so now we, in some way, get to determine how the industry moves forward (or doesn't). I want to hear your thoughts on this. How are you going to watch these episodes (or are you)? Do you think there is a "better" way to watch a full season? And how do you think the all-at-once release model might impact the way we talk about these shows?

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What to watch on Friday, February 1...

SERIES PREMIERE, Whenever you feel like it, Netflix
House of Cards
The entire 13-episode series, from executive producers David Fincher and Kevin Spacey, begins streaming on Netflix at midnight Pacific/3am Eastern, so you can chip away at your idealistic faith in the American political system one installment at at time or bludgeon it to a pulp in a marathon viewing session. Spacey stars as a conniving congressman with grand ambitions—and a vendetta against the new U.S. president.

8pm, NBC
The NAACP Image Awards
The iconic civil rights organization holds its 44th annual celebration of achievement in the arts, with nominees from the realm of TV including Aziz Ansari, Donald Glover, and Kerry Washington. Steve Harvey hosts live from Los Angeles.

8pm, CBS
Undercover Boss
A Boston Market exec puts the "officer" in Chief Brand Officer when she must personally enforce company policy. In a series first, her stint on the front lines of fast-casual chain dining leads to a rambunctious employee getting canned.

8pm, The CW
Nikita
Ryan sends a team to rescue his abducted girlfriend from the clutches of a rogue agent, but you just know that the first seven places the team checks they're gonna be told that she's in another castle. Elsewhere in "Survival Instincts," Nikita is thrown for a loop when Owen, rather than Michael, joins her in the field.

9pm, Starz
Spartacus: War of the Damned
Spartacus and Co. plan to capture a Roman city to house their burgeoning community in "Wolves at the Gate." Meanwhile, Crassus's growing force gains a major, if unpredictable, asset with the arrival of a brash young military commander: Julius Caesar.

10pm, CBS
Blue Bloods
When a man riddled with rat bites is thrown from a moving car in "Inside Jobs," Danny tries to find out who was sending a message and why. Come to think of it, has anyone seen the kid from Ben around lately?

LATE-NITE:
– Wanda Sykes, Tyler Hamilton, and Brandford Marsalis on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Kevin Spacey, Nick Griffin, and Emeli Sandé on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Highlights from earlier in the week on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Jason Bateman, Zosia Mamet, and Andrea Bocelli on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Joe Theismann and Ariel Tweto on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS

What to watch on Saturday, February 2...

10:30am, Cartoon Network
Young Justice
This week's outing is called "Runaways." Could the title indicate that, with the cancellation writing on the wall, our heroes are throwing DC-Marvel rivalry and licensing concerns to the wind and launching a rogue crossover with another band of juvenile superfolk? Probably not!

SERIES FINALE, 8pm, Nickelodeon
Victorious
Mr. Sikowitz dares the kids to respond in the affirmative for a full day in "Victori-Yes," the series finale. Such blatant inversion of Nancy Reagan's famous advice to America's youths can only lead down a road of debaucherous ruin. Or possibly to a send-off full of family-friendly hijinks.

9pm, BBC America
Ripper Street
Cholera fears grip London, but some of the bodies turning up in Jackson's morgue show evidence of deliberate ergot poisoning (which was nicknamed "St. Anthony's Fire" back then, because the Victorians were streets ahead of us at hanging monikers on maladies). Naturally the team races to uncover a pattern behind the mounting death toll.

SPECIAL NIGHT AND TIME, 10:05pm & 10:35pm, HBO
Girls & Enlightened
Rather than pit its two Sunday-night comedies against an event likely to draw literally fifty times their combined average viewership, HBO is just gonna leave a couple of new episodes right here for you on Saturday (they're also already available on HBOGO). Hannah throws a dinner party that spirals into immaturity in "It's A Shame About Ray," while Amy discovers the brave new world of social media and Tyler fends off Dougie's investigation in "Follow Me."

What to watch on Sunday, February 3...

3pm, Animal Planet
Puppy Bowl IX
Puppies caper. Hedgehogs cheerlead. Kitties perform at halftime. Hamsters survey the proceedings from tiny blimps. Meep the Bird live-tweets the entire spectacale. Humans bask in a much-needed oasis from the unrelenting deluge of stupid that marks their own, severely less adorable species.

LIVE, 6:30pm Eastern, CBS
Super Bowl XLVII
America's annual flash card reminding us how roman numerals work returns for its 47th season. The Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers square off in a footballing match at New Orleans's palatial I'm Not Bothering To Google Its Corporate Sponsor Superdome. Beyoncé and her reunited Destiny's Child squadmates are scheduled to perform at halftime, which should occur about four and half hours after kickoff.

9pm, PBS
Downton Abbey
All the other networks flee into repeats tonight, but the Granthams are not so timid (though it's worth noting that, as of Tuesday, the rest of the season is already legally available on iTunes/DVD). They greet your so-called American football with a curt "pish-tosh!" and soldier on with a new episode, which finds Robert at odds with both Cora and Matthew. The esteemed residents of Downton didn't let the Jerries slow them down and they'll be damned if they let the 49ers do so! Stiff upper lip and all that rot.

SPECIAL POST-SUPER BOWL EPISODE, 10pm or whenever the game actually ends, CBS
Elementary
Sherlock and Joan earn the coveted post-Super Bowl slot, but even that honor may not help Joan stave off the threat of eviction from her apartment. The case of the week in "The Deductionist" pairs Holmes with an FBI profiler on the trail of an unpredictable criminal played by guest-star Terry Kinney. He's so unpredictable, even the episode summary doesn't know what he'll do next!

SPECIAL POST-SUPER BOWL EPISODE, 11:35pm, CBS
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Cool down from ~17 hours of gridiron glory and artery annihilation with a star-studded special installment of The Late Late Show. Guests include Steve Carell, Channing Tatum, Julie Chen, Neil Patrick Harris, Nikki Reed, and Drew Brees.

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Netflix's much-talked-about, Kevin Spacey-starring political drama House of Cards has now been available in its entirety for the better part of five days. To mark the show's debut, Cory pondered the possible effects of Netflix's "release all 13 episodes at once" strategy, business-wise, and Tim reviewed the series premiere (and didn't particularly care for it). And after reading the comments on both stories, it sounds like at least a few of you watched the whole thing during opening weekend. We're planning to publish a whole-season review toward the end of this week, but in the meantime, I'd like to hear how much of the series, if any, you've watched so far.

So let's bring on the polls, shall we?

Me, I watched Episodes 1 and 2 and part of Episode 3 with a friend over the weekend (the reason we hit pause was to go meet a larger group for dinner, not because we hated Episode 3). Then I restarted Episode 3 yesterday and since I was home alone, just let the autoplay run. I think that was maybe a bad idea; I'm technically on Episode 8, but I think I only truly paid attention through Episode 5 or so before the show was just kind of on in the background while I did other things. I like it for the most part, though I don't think it's the type of series that really lends itself to binge-watching; while I find certain aspects of the show quite compelling, there hasn't been a point where I've been just dying to find out what happens next. So I'll probably finish it, and I'll enjoy the great dialogue along the way, but I certainly won't, uh, be skipping tonight's New Girl to start up another episode, know what I mean?

P.S. If you're looking for a place discuss individual episodes of House of Cards, check out the discussion streams and user reviews within our episode guide for the show. We've got an individual page for each installment, starting here with Chapter 1.

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Netflix begins its REAL push into original programming this weekend with House of Cards, the first in a wave of new releases designed to transform the DVD-delivery and streaming-video subscriber service from a treasure trove of old media into a treasure trove of old media with some sparkly new stuff. This new initiative isn't going to be an overnight success, but the first major launch (outside of Lilyhammer, which Netflix quietly and exclusively released in the U.S. last year) is kind of a big deal for the business's future. But is House of Cards worth forking over the $7.99 a month? I've seen the pilot episode and am here to help you make that decision by answering a few of your questions.

UPDATE: If you're looking for a more in-depth take, here's my full review of the pilot.

A remake of the 1990 BBC miniseries of the same name, Netflix's version is set in contemporary USA and follows Majority Whip of the U.S. House of Representatives Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey, on TV!) as he attempts to dismantle the new presidential regime that passed him over for Secretary of State. There will be shady deals with reporters, the blackmailing of Congressmen, and plenty of ass-kicking and ass-kissing. Kate Mara, Robin Wright, and Michael Kelly also star.

The first season will pop up on Netflix on February 1 at 12am Pacific / 3am Eastern (Thursday night/Friday morning). Under the Netflix model, all 13 epsiodes will be released at once, so you can finish the whole season in a day if you want. Netflix has already ordered a second season.

Playwright Beau Willimon gets into TV for the first time. He wrote the play Farragut North, which became the basis for George Clooney's The Ides of March. David Fincher (Fight Club, Zodiac), one of the best directors out there, also has a big hand in the project. Fincher directed the first two episodes. The show is produced by Media Rights Capital, the same group that tried to rent the weekend from The CW a few years back.

People who liked Season 5 of The Wire, but who didn't care for the drug dealers and cops. People who like the nitty-gritty intricacies of politics. People who watch C-SPAN and read Politico for fun. People who liked Starz's Boss.

If this is the future of television, sign me up: Netflix's model is a fascinating one, but who knows whether it'll work or not. On the production side, House of Cards doesn't look like a TV show thanks to Fincher's eye—this is staggering, movie-quality stuff here and there isn't a shot that doesn't pop. The writing and tone are also more akin to HBO and Showtime (or even British miniseries) than network TV's previous attempts at heady stuff; this wouldn't even get looked at by the major broadcasters. The show also paints Washington as a town full of adulterous, power-hungry, morally absent assholes, which is exactly how I imagine it.

One of the most jarring elements of the series is Underwood's breaking of the fourth wall as he speaks directly into the camera at the audience, much like Don Cheadle does in House of Lies. Personally I hate that, and I don't know if playfully talking to viewers matches the series' grave tone. If you don't like politics, you might feel lost. Some of the dialogue, especially in Spacey's monologues to the camera, probably looked better on paper than it sounds on the screen, as his bulldog barks come off as carefully thought-out stage-play speeches rather than spontaneous tirades. Though he's an interesting and intelligent character, the conniving Underwood isn't necessarily a likeable fellow. But the biggest problem with the series is it never really grabbed me (though I will admit politics isn't my thing). I'm probably just too dumb.

If you already have Netflix, then it wouldn't hurt to give this a shot. But be prepared to go all in, if you do, as House of Cards isn't the sit-back-and-relax type of television. This is a series for the patient, and the more time you invest in it, the more it will reward you as danger thickens. And if you have dreams of heading to D.C. and backstabbing everyone, you'll probably be into it. If politics aren't your thing, wait for Netflix to build up its library of originals before spending an extra eight bucks a month, then come back to this.

Right here:

This is a single-malt scotch type of show.

The entirety of Season 1 of House of Cards premieres Friday, February 1 at 12am Pacific on Netflix (for subscribers only).

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House of Cards S01E01: "Episode 1"

By the time you read this, you may already know how the end of House of Cards' first season pans out so this conversation may be moot. See, Netflix released all 13 episodes of the first season at once on its video-streaming service. I won't go into the business aspects of that decision (I'll leave that to Cory), all I can do is talk about the first episode because as of press time, that's all I've seen. So here we go, me talking about just the beginning of something that's already out there in its completed form (returning for a review of the entire series is very unlikely). Hopefully it's still somewhat relevant by tomorrow. —Tim

Netflix's new series House of Cards is more of a statement show than a real effort to draw in subscribers. If the project does bring in new business, great for Netflix and its stock prices. But the real goal here is for Netflix to launch its original programming arm without stepping on a rake or crashing through a glass door. The company also wants to break into this territory with a few big names it can tout, and there they are in bright lights, the actor Kevin Spacey (KPAX, Pay it Forward, and some other movies) and the director David Fincher (Se7en, Fight Club, The Social Network).

It's a safe plan, and for the most part House of Cards works. But it isn't the bombastic splash that will bring non-believers flocking to Netflix with eight bucks in hand. It is, after all, a slow-burning story where drafting bills for Congress is considered a salvo. A highbrow look into the devious machinations of D.C. politics, House of Cards is more like a Best Picture nominee that no one you know saw. It's extremely competent in the moment, but once it's turned off, you won't be scrambling for the remote to start the next episode like you would with some of television's more addicting top-tier programs.

Spacey plays Majority Whip of the U.S. House of Representatives Frank Underwood, a man who attached himself to the freshly elected president of the U.S. with the idea that he'd get promoted to Secretary of State as he climbed the ladder. But the prez had a different idea and passed over Underwood after he put his first and last month's rent on the White House. This didn't sit well with Underwood, and he decided a little payback is in order... so he proceeded to concoct a plan to tear down the new administration. I'm being serious when I say there's a little bit of Revenge here.

Underwood's plan involves having an ambitious tiny reporter (Kate Mara) in his pocket, blackmailing a philandering Congressman (the excellent Corey Stoll), and playing everyone like a fiddle as his scheme comes together. And according to House of Cards, this kind of malicious behavior is pretty much in the job description of anyone who works in Washington, from the POTUS to the guy who sells you coffee. I'm assuming the D.C. Tourism Board gives the show two thumbs way down. It's a bit like watching hyenas nibble on each other in a cannibalistic Conga dance where Underwood is the last in line, but there's no doubt that someone will be chewing on his tail soon.

It's too bad that Underwood himself isn't much more than a man with a tuft of fur in his mouth, a limited range that distills Spacey down to one bitter, driven note. Heck, when we first meet the man, he's suffocating a dog that was hit by a car and it's unclear whether he's putting it out of its misery or if it's a hobby. In the first episode (and much of the second), Underwood is always "on," never encountering an obstacle he can't overcome in his quest for revenge and doing so with the tenacity of Georgetown's bulldog mascot. The man can even get a plate of ribs at 7:30 in the morning from a place that isn't even open. He's crusading, and we believe in his crusade, but he's moving pieces around without much resistance.

Underwood also engages in an interesting creative decision in just about every scene he's in. Serving as our tour guide, Underwood will look at the camera and talk directly to us, giving the inside scoop on what's going through his mind. His Southern accent spouts dialogue that at times feels like it was laboriously chiseled down for the stage rather than the real-world ("When I carve him up and toss him to the dogs, only then will he confront the brutal and escapable truth... 'My god, all I ever amounted to was chitlins'") and at other times stumbles ("I love that woman, I love her more than sharks love blood"), but he does get some quotable humdingers in there when it's good. The destruction of the fourth wall is reminiscent of another House of show, Don Cheadle's Marty Kahn of Showtime's House of Lies. Maybe it's just me, but breaking the fourth wall is one of those devices that works well for Ferris Bueller or Parker Lewis and accentuates the playfulness of a film or show. House of Cards is as playful as a starving wolverine, and Underwood's chats with us jar the mood and scoop out some of the reality of the show. The self-satisfied smug mug he flashes when he's done imparting his wisdom, sometimes even after a new camera angle, doesn't help things either.

But helping things out greatly is David Fincher's work, coloring the District of Columbia in a dark spectrum of unflattering colors. His shots are gorgeous AND unassuming, and perfectly enjoyable with the sound off. At balls and galas everyone is nicely attired in tuxes and adult prom dresses, but elsewhere a layer of grime covers the city. Mara's Zoe comes home to an apartment that roaches would pass on, and she not only drinks wine from a coffee mug, it's a mug that hasn't been washed in three bottles worth of cabernet. These touches, like Underwood scarfing down a plate of ribs in an "authentic" part of town while his pristine SUV and Secret Service agent wait at the curb, show what we're dealing with here: a city where the powerful and struggling collide, and the line between the two is porous, forcing everyone to dig into their footholds and never look down.

Even with its problems, House of Cards is an impressive debut for a media company looking to turn into a media giant. But doesn't have quite the quality of its pay-cable counterparts, or even of the basic-cable cool kids like FX and AMC. Netflix may favor the all-or-nothing binge-watch sprint, but with House of Cards it has the first step in what will be a long, long haul.

– As is the case with these types of shows, there are going to be a lot of stories going on simultaneously, and the one that stood out to me was Congressman Russo's, the man having an affair with his secretary. In contrast, Claire Underwood's arc didn't work that well for me early on. But again, this show has plenty of time to mix things up and establishing stories early isn't the most exciting part of a series.

– It's always great to see Michael Kelly in anything. Currently, he plays Agent Snow in CBS's Person of Interest; here, he plays Doug Stamper.

– Is everyone in Washington, D.C. really that much of an insufferable asshole?

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