Showing posts with label These. Show all posts
Showing posts with label These. Show all posts

Happy Valentine's Day! We Love You So Much That We Made You These TV-themed Cards

So February 14 is basically Black Friday for Hallmark, or as Hallmark likes to call it "Valentine's Day," which is when we either 1) celebrate naked babies shooting arrows at strangers (RUDE) or 2) drink our feelings and curse love, Hallmark, people who hold hands in public, Russell Stover, and our no-show prom date from high school. Regardless, the most important thing about Valentine's Day is that it gives us an excuse to slap stuff together in Photoshop to entertain the masses.

Which is exactly what we did.

Have fun. Share these little ditties with your friends. Share them with your frenemies. Share them with that creepy lady in the next cubicle over who talks to herself all day, except for when she walks past you at lunch and tells you about the latest dead cat she found in her attic. You suspect she might be a hoarder given the regularity of these dead cat discoveries, but hoarders need love too, you know?

Happy V-day, kids. Mind the beer goggles. Wrap it up. Make sure you read all the labels on that cherry-flavored... nevermind.

Clicking each image to open a larger version that you can right-click-to-save and print.

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New Girl "Neighbors" Review: Kids These Days

New Girl S02E04: "Neighbors"

At first glance, "Neighbors" appeared to be the tale of the hipsters next door. That would have been a fine-enough set-up on its own, but then New Girl decided that I had nothing better to do on a Tuesday night than contemplate what Family Matters and Full House mean in terms of my mortality and whether or not I'm allowed to claim adult status. I'm guilty of occasionally pairing scarves with T-shirts, but polygamy doesn't do much for me. I do my own laundry, but I don't own a bed frame. Getting old is complicated and, physical age aside, it's largely a mindset, according to "Neighbors." That's good news for most of us... unless, like Schmidt, you try entirely too hard to indulge in youth culture despite having no real interest in it outside of being able to assuage your fears of aging.

Like what you like. I'm one of those really annoying twenty-somethings who insists that the Backstreet Boys are vastly superior to The Wanted. I have thirty-something cousins who claim that New Kids on the Block are better. However, we all agree that "Glad You Came" is a pretty sweet song even if kids today have terrible taste overall. There's a perk to getting older: You get to have better taste than everyone else. That applies to cologne, too. Nick's love of Old Spice could be linked to the grumpy old man persona he's apparently been displaying since before he hit puberty, but his claim that "it's coming back!" is actually true. (And awesome, because Old Spice smells like... well... awesomeness.)

Nick referred to the young'uns across the hall as "pan-ethnic and pansexual" as though those were the defining traits of their generation, and perhaps, for now, they are. Schmidt was horrified to learn that their disdain for him as an individual excluded him from indulging in what he probably imagined to be some sort of 24/7 orgy.  He feared that the new neighbors hated him because he was "old," but really they couldn't stand him because he tried too hard. He was an "asshead." His steady job and professional wardrobe repelled the new neighbors because Schmidt forced his importance upon them. The neighbors hadn't yet reached a place in their lives where great jobs impressed them.  They defined themselves by other things, because to them, a job is just a job, a tool for survival, a means to an end with the "end" being "making rent."

Jess's ability to click with the new neighbors came, certainly, due to her own ability to just be a nice human being, but her new place in life certainly helped. She's found a job to replace her teaching position, but it's at the Casserole Shanty, complete with ugly uniform, minimum wage, and no benefits. When Jess was a teacher, her job was a cornerstone of her identity. While it was awful to lose that job and all of the physical perks that came with it—steady pay, dental insurance, no uniform—it was the loss of an essential part of her identity that shook Jess's foundation that hardest. However, enjoying your job and taking pride in your position isn't a generational trait. Jess didn't love being a teacher because she's an adult. She loved being a teacher because she loved being a teacher. Whenever she introduced herself, it was usually one of the first things she said after her name. That pride was missing from her new gig at the Casserole Shanty and left Jess missing parts of her identity. It put her in an ideal position to bond with other individuals who, quite frankly, haven't yet formed their own identities. Oh, they might think that they have. When I was 23 I was absolutely certain that I had found the hat that fit, and you know what? It was complete and utter fantasy. Identity is influenced by so many factors that it becomes pan-generational in a sense. Another perk to getting older: You realize that.

Unless you're Schmidt, of course. He tried. He tried so hard, and that was the problem. He thinks of himself as young and that's fine. He is young. However, he values things that the particular group of individuals he tried to mingle with just don't care about, and he lacks the understanding and awareness needed to bridge those differences.

Jess's relationship with the new neighbors grew organically thanks to a shared identity: one that was rooted in aimlessness. They were in the same place in their lives despite being different ages. Jess was drawn to them because, at this low point of her professional life, she connected with the "kids" more than she connected with her gainfully employed roommates—particularly Schmidt, who insisted on giving her a hard time about her fast food job. Jess is still trying to fill the hole in her identity where "teacher" used to be, and even her lie about the Steve Urkel catchphrase was symptomatic of that. The new neighbors, being too young to remember Family Matters (though I question that and assume that their ignorance wasn't about being too young, it was about having terrible taste in TV as children) didn't realize that Jess's "Did I do that?" wasn't her own creation. This allowed Jess to try on yet another identity, that of the hip, quirky, funnygirl Jess who was full of hilarious sayings.

In the end, Jess came clean about her plagiarism of Urkel's catchphrase because she determined that the hipster identity didn't really complete her. It's not the fault of the younger generation that they missed out on certain pop-culture events that are iconic to those who came before and it's not even their fault that it's totally pathetic that the 23-year-old living on his own still needs his mom to do his laundry for him, but relationships just tend to do better when they aren't built on an identity crisis. To the younger crowd's credit, I liked that they wanted to be friends with Jess anyway... even if Nick totally ruined it with his old man routine.

And speaking of Nick, his prank spree was glorious. I actually can't wait to see what he has in store for Jess.

– One-liner of the night: "Man, I want to care about something as much as you care about ruining Schmidt's life." —Winston

– Jess has decided to look for a tutoring job! Yay!

– Raise your hand if "Neighbors" made you feel old even though we just discussed the fact that "old" is relative. It's okay, me too.

New Girl "Neighbors" Photos


What'd you think of this week's episode?


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Guys With Kids Series Premiere Review: Damn Kids Ruined These Guys' Lives!

Guys With Kids S01E01: "Pilot"

After Jimmy Fallon proved himself worthy of staying in a late-night chair for more than a few hours, NBC decided it owed him one and greenlighted his production company's first sitcom, Guys With Kids. But if tonight's pilot is any indication, it's going to take a lot of Tim Tebowie musical numbers to make up for this effortless multi-camera mess.

Look, we all knew that Guys With Kids would be terrible based on its premise alone, the gist of which is right there in the title. But it's the complete lack of warmness that makes Guys With Kids more of a "Scared Straight" PSA for males to practice abstinence rather than spill their seed into their wives, girlfriends, or hookers and *GOD FORBID* enter the phase of life that we're biologically designed for, parenthood.

Here's the plot: Three male friends have kids. I don't know their names because the show never baited me to try to learn them. (I do know that one of the kids' names is Ernie, though, because it was shouted over and over.) One of the guys, played by the very funny Anthony Anderson, can't say three words before reminding you that his four kids have destroyed his social life and that he does nothing but sit around while they terrorize him. Another guy is the happy-go-lucky one (or maybe he's always drunk) who lives with his wife with their infant and provides the regular "married man" perspective. The last guy is a recently divorced single dad with a soaked-blanket she-shrew for an ex (played by the very very funny Erinn Hayes of Childrens Hospital). Set-up accomplished!

Aside from the push-button laugh track "live studio audience," forced jokes that exist just for forced jokes' sake, Kareem Abdul Jabbar's appearance as a baby-dunking prop, and too many other things to mention, there was one major problem with the Guys With Kids pilot: There was never a feeling that the guys LIKE having kids (unless they mentioned it while I was jamming knives into my ears). This show is heartless; the dads talk about their children like they're open herpes sores that won't go away and interfere with their chances to get laid. Guys With Kids is going to be an awful comedy no matter what, but it can at least be an awful comedy with a positive message about parenting. Instead, it might just be the message we all need to solve our overpopulation problem. A few episodes of this and not only will you not want kids of your own, you might be tempted to napalm your local preschool or put razor blades and ricin in Lunchables.

The humor is pretty typical multi-camera fare angled toward NBC's "broad comedy" initiative. Examples of jokes: The guys wear front-loading baby slings, the guys play a dancing game on Wii, the guys wash a baby in the kitchen sink, the guys yell at their kids off-screen because the kids are putting shoe horns in their butts. Other jokes are reminders of the guys' old frat-boy partying days and how they don't do that anymore. Why? Because they have kids, dummy!

The future of Guys With Kids doesn't look good, either. It's sandwiched between the goofy single-camera comedy Animal Practice and Law & Order: SVU because NBC didn't have anywhere else to place it. You'd be better off watching Arrow or Suburgatory in the same timeslot, or doing something else useful with your time, like having sex. But for God's sake please use birth control.

NOTES

– One thing that did seem to work was the married relationship between Anthony Anderson's character and Tempestt Bledsoe's character. It at least felt like pretty typical safe sitcom territory, and the fact that they're African-American but could have been any color was the most respectful thing the show did.

– It's a shame that Erinn Hayes (huge crushhhhh!) and Anthony Anderson are having their talents wasted here. Hope they get some fat paychecks and move on to something else soon.

– Kind of related: Am I the only one who thinks Jimmy Fallon is the opposite of funny?

What did YOU think of the pilot?


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