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The Big Bang Theory S06E02: "The Decoupling Fluctuation"

Oh, okay, so we're going to start the Penny/Leonard angst early this season? Fine. Let's treat it like a Band-Aid, just rip it right off and deal with it... and then slap another Band-Aid on there to deal with at a later date. I know how this show works.

Obviously, Penny has been having second thoughts about her relationship with Leonard since his worst proposal ever; it was only a matter of time before she was going to be forced to deal with them. In true The Big Bang Theory fashion, the most convenient way to deal with them was to avoid dealing with them. Bernadette and Amy grilled Penny about whether or not she thought she'd ever marry Leonard and she confessed that she wasn't sure what to make of her feelings toward him. Whenever she'd been in love before, it was more your typical butterflies-in-the-stomach kind of love. She theorized that maybe her love for Leonard was a new, mature, boring kind of love.

Amy and Bernadette didn't really buy that, and despite Penny's request that what happens in Ladies Night stay IN Ladies Night, Amy accidentally spilled to Sheldon—who, for the sake of homeostasis, sought to keep Penny and Leonard together. He'd had a hard week. Stu had joined the gang for a night at the movies and, according to Sheldon, made a poor substitute for Wolowitz, who was still in space basically getting hazed by his fellow astronauts. Sheldon doesn't like change. He reminds us of this all the time and he didn't disappoint when he encouraged Penny to stay with Leonard regardless of her feelings simply to maintain the balance. While he was at it he mentioned that he'd appreciate it if she could go back to using her apple-scented shampoo because coconut makes him uncomfortable.

At least he didn't tell Leonard. It was close. Oh, it was close. He danced around the subject until finally, Leonard suspected that they needed to have a talk about Sheldon's "budding sexual desires." This horrified both of them and sent Sheldon across the hall to confront Penny. It wasn't all awkwardness and neuroses, though; after laying out his entire case in Leonard's favor ("He has a perfect driving record!"), Sheldon simply asked Penny, "Please don't hurt my friend."

She said that hurting Leonard was the last thing she wanted to do, which is true, but you can care a whole lot about somebody, not want to hurt them, maybe even love them... and still not want to be in an intimate relationship with them. It happens all the time. Fitting that criteria is practically a prerequisite for admittance to the Friend Zone.

I've never been entirely convinced that Penny and Leonard NEED to be together the way so many sitcom couples are often portrayed. Leonard adores Penny, carries an eternally burning torch for her, but how much of that is tied up in the fact that she's a hot blonde chick who actually pays attention to him? A lot, probably.

In Penny's case, I think that there CAN be a less manic kind of love; one that, if not experienced before, might seem like a letdown to an individual who is accustomed to every love affair being an intense physical and emotional experience. It's no less valid than than the kind that involves butterflies and heart palpitations. However, the fact that Penny repeatedly voices disappointment and concern over her muted feelings for Leonard IS a problem, and if she isn't happy with the way he makes her feel, if she doesn't feel that she loves Leonard as much as she's capable of loving someone, then I'm not so sure that they're meant to be together right now, if ever.

Penny's love is complicated, but Leonard's is almost a fanatical sort of goddess worship that, put bluntly, is no more healthy than what Penny struggles with. Penny attempted to talk to Leonard about where their relationship stands, maybe even break up with him, but then they had sex—Penny blamed Leonard's puppy eyes.

Everybody put those Band-Aids back on, we'll return to this later. In the meantime, what do YOU think those two crazy kids should do?

– One-liner(s) of the night: Leonard on taking Sheldon to the dentist: "I told him if he didn't try to bite the hygienist, I'd take him for ice cream. ...I didn't have to take him for ice cream."

– Okay, so Stu is more Howard 2.0 than boyfriend material. It's cool. I think he fits in well (shut up, Sheldon) and I'm glad Raj has a bro to hang out with again. "Watch out ladies, a little coffee and cream is coming your way."

– I agree with everything Sheldon had to say about fish with tools on their heads.

The Big Bang Theory "The Decoupling Fluctuation" Photos

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The Big Bang Theory S06E02: "The Decoupling Function"

Oh, okay, so we're going to start the Penny/Leonard angst early this season? Fine. Let's treat it like a Band-Aid, just rip it right off and deal with it... and then slap another Band-Aid on there to deal with at a later date. I know how this show works.

Obviously, Penny has been having second thoughts about her relationship with Leonard since his worst proposal ever; it was only a matter of time before she was going to be forced to deal with them. In true The Big Bang Theory fashion, the most convenient way to deal with them was to avoid dealing with them. Bernadette and Amy grilled Penny about whether or not she thought she'd ever marry Leonard and she confessed that she wasn't sure what to make of her feelings toward him. Whenever she'd been in love before, it was more your typical butterflies-in-the-stomach kind of love. She theorized that maybe her love for Leonard was a new, mature, boring kind of love.

Amy and Bernadette didn't really buy that, and despite Penny's request that what happens in Ladies Night stay IN Ladies Night, Amy accidentally spilled to Sheldon—who, for the sake of homeostasis, sought to keep Penny and Leonard together. He'd had a hard week. Stu had joined the gang for a night at the movies and, according to Sheldon, made a poor substitute for Wolowitz, who was still in space basically getting hazed by his fellow astronauts. Sheldon doesn't like change. He reminds us of this all the time and he didn't disappoint when he encouraged Penny to stay with Leonard regardless of her feelings simply to maintain the balance. While he was at it he mentioned that he'd appreciate it if she could go back to using her apple-scented shampoo because coconut makes him uncomfortable.

At least he didn't tell Leonard. It was close. Oh, it was close. He danced around the subject until finally, Leonard suspected that they needed to have a talk about Sheldon's "budding sexual desires." This horrified both of them and sent Sheldon across the hall to confront Penny. It wasn't all awkwardness and neuroses, though; after laying out his entire case in Leonard's favor ("He has a perfect driving record!"), Sheldon simply asked Penny, "Please don't hurt my friend."

She said that hurting Leonard was the last thing she wanted to do, which is true, but you can care a whole lot about somebody, not want to hurt them, maybe even love them... and still not want to be in an intimate relationship with them. It happens all the time. Fitting that criteria is practically a prerequisite for admittance to the Friend Zone.

I've never been entirely convinced that Penny and Leonard NEED to be together the way so many sitcom couples are often portrayed. Leonard adores Penny, carries an eternally burning torch for her, but how much of that is tied up in the fact that she's a hot blonde chick who actually pays attention to him? A lot, probably.

In Penny's case, I think that there CAN be a less manic kind of love; one that, if not experienced before, might seem like a letdown to an individual who is accustomed to every love affair being an intense physical and emotional experience. It's no less valid than than the kind that involves butterflies and heart palpitations. However, the fact that Penny repeatedly voices disappointment and concern over her muted feelings for Leonard IS a problem, and if she isn't happy with the way he makes her feel, if she doesn't feel that she loves Leonard as much as she's capable of loving someone, then I'm not so sure that they're meant to be together right now, if ever.

Penny's love is complicated, but Leonard's is almost a fanatical sort of goddess worship that, put bluntly, is no more healthy than what Penny struggles with. Penny attempted to talk to Leonard about where their relationship stands, maybe even break up with him, but then they had sex—Penny blamed Leonard's puppy eyes.

Everybody put those Band-Aids back on, we'll return to this later. In the meantime, what do YOU think those two crazy kids should do?

– One-liner(s) of the night: Leonard on taking Sheldon to the dentist: "I told him if he didn't try to bite the hygienist, I'd take him for ice cream. ...I didn't have to take him for ice cream."

– Okay, so Stu is more Howard 2.0 than boyfriend material. It's cool. I think he fits in well (shut up, Sheldon) and I'm glad Raj has a bro to hang out with again. "Watch out ladies, a little coffee and cream is coming your way."

– I agree with everything Sheldon had to say about fish with tools on their heads.

The Big Bang Theory "The Decoupling Fluctuation" Photos

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BAD BUSINESS TIME

... Usually a network that sends out a release to announce a show renewal can't wait to tout the numbers the program put up. There was barely a digit in today's email from The CW announcing the renewal of reality garbage shows Oh Sit! and Breaking Pointe, which is a pretty telling sign that whoever is driving this car might be asleep. Oh Sit!, in case you forgot, is the extreme musical chairs reality competition that's part Wipeout, part people sitting down; Breaking Pointe is a reality docu-series filmed at a ballet company in Utah. I was able to track down both shows' numbers, and they're even more dismal than I thought. Oh Sit! has averaged a 0.4 rating in the 18-49 demo and has fallen below one million viewers more often than not. Breaking Pointe was even worse, tip-toeing its way to an average under-a-0.3 rating and bottoming out with 0.62 million viewers. So yeah, The CW renewed them both. Absolutely baffling. [The CW via press release]

REGULAR BUSINESS TIME

... Now THIS! THIS MAKES SENSE! TLC has ordered more episodes of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, the overnight sensation about a group of subhumans living in the magical world of Georgia. The exact number of episodes has not been disclosed, but I'm assuming it will go on as long as there's enough deep-fried EZ-cheese to go around. TLC has also ordered three Boo Boo holiday specials for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Honey Boo Boo has averaged 2.3 million viewers per episode, which is like a whole season's worth of Breaking Pointe. [TLC via press release]

... Fox's much-heralded new comedies Ben and Kate and The Mindy Project debuted last night and the ratings were simply adorkable! As in, kinda okay but not like super hot or anything. Ben and Kate drew 4.2 million viewers for a 2.0 rating, and Mindy followed New Girl with a 4.7 million and a 2.4 rating. Meanwhile, CBS's Vegas looks oh-so CBS-like, pulling in a whopping 14.7 million viewers and a relatively small 2.5 rating in the 18-49 demo. [EW]

... NBC has picked up a couple more projects, this time from super producer Greg Berlanti. Napa is described as a Wuthering Heights clone but set in modern-day California wine country. Family Affair is about a pair of Connecticut families that meet under auspicious circumstances: the mother from one family and the father from the other were both killed in an accident, exposing a secret affair. Oops! [THR]

... NBC (geez, do these guys just buy everything?) is also developing a period-piece crime drama about a young Thomas Edison, probably because Sherlock Holmes was already taken. Yes, it's called Edison. [Deadline Hollywood]

CASTING NEWS

... The next white guy to speed-date in front of America on The Bachelor will be... Sean Lowe! Lowe was featured on the most recent season of The Bachelorette, but was sent home by Emily Maynard in favor of some other white guy. Which white woman will he choose next year? [E! Online]

... Malcolm in the Middle mom Jane Kaczmarek will guest-star on The Middle as a teacher at career college that Frankie's attending. Middle! [THR]

... The CW is continuing its relationship with the U.S. Olympic Committee and has cast nonplussed gymnast McKayla Maroney on Hart of Dixie. Maroney will play a friend of Rose's, and the actress who plays Rose is named McKaley Miller so I'm really excited for all the giggling that will go on when people call out their names. The CW recently cast Maroney's fellow gymnast Gabby Douglas on The Vampire Diaries in a tiny role, and also let swimmer Ryan Lochte out of his cage so he could run around the set of 90210. [E! Online]

SAD NEWS

... Singer Andy Williams, the host of NBC's 1960s variety show The Andy Williams Show, passed away today at the age of 84. [NY Times]

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In an exchange that seemed at least partially aimed at the internet, Skyler told Walt during Sunday's Breaking Bad finale that he'd made too much money for one person to count, let alone launder. But the internet loves a challenge, and so it was probably only a matter of time before someone tried to come up with a better response to Walt's inquiry of "How much is this?" than Skyler's "I have no earthly idea."

Knowing that Walt gave a couple of duffle bags to Jesse—presumably the $5 million he was owed and not a cent more—you'd expect the total in the storage unit to be much higher. But how high? Walt previously turned down a $5 million payout from selling the methylamine to Declan and then worked for several months straight with Todd to cook for his own territory, for Declan's territory, and for Lydia's Czech Republic territory combined. That's a lot of meth and lot of profit, even with Declan and Lydia taking a healthy piece of it.

Yesterday, a pair of tweets by Baseball America writer (and likely stats geek) JJ Cooper posited that Walt's haul is somewhere between $17 and $25.5 million depending on the size of the denominations of the bills:

Random thought. If the stack of money on Breaking Bad this week was all $50s I estimate it would be around $17 million. Half 100s means 25.5

— JJ Cooper (@jjcoop36) September 4, 2012

Roughly a 15 x 15 x 15 cube. $5,000 per block for $50s RT @patsully: @jjcoop36 Gonna publish the math?

— JJ Cooper (@jjcoop36) September 5, 2012

And a thread on Quora estimates larger dimensions for the cube, arriving at a total as high as $43.8 million in the (unlikely) event that every bundle in the block contained $5,000.

Here's a side-by-side look at Walt wrapping a bundle of twenties into a packet of $2,000, as seen in "Gliding Over All," and a bundle of $100 bills that amounts to $10,000:

Since Skyler mentioned mixed denominations, the total per bundle is somewhere in between. Depending on your opinion regarding the dimensions of the money cube, you can arrive at wildly different totals, from a floor of $15 million all the way up to $80 million.

Here's a side-by-side look at Breaking Bad's money pile and a pile that amounts to $205 million, from a 2007 drug raid in Mexico City.

Show creator Vince Gilligan said in this week's Breaking Bad Insider Podcast that $80 million might be a bit too high:

"I asked prop master Mark Hansen, and he and his guys had tried, just for their own edification, to figure out how much that would be if it was roughly a half-and-half mix of twenties and fifties, and he guessed somewhere in the vicinity of eighty million dollars—eighty, eighty-five, ninety—that's a lotta dough. I don't know, we may have erred on the side of showmanship there instead of reality, I don't know if [Walt] could've made that much that quickly."

So how much would it take for Walt to walk away entirely? We know that Skyler was able to launder the money via the car wash when it was only in the single-digit millions territory. She likely waited to rent the storage unit until she was dealing with more than $10 million. So where did the total end up? I'd bet it's somewhere north of $50 million.

What do you guys think? Post your own calculations in the comments!

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Breaking Bad S05E08: "Gliding Over All"

[While Tim's off enjoying his first few days of wedded bliss, I'm stepping into his size-1,000 gold-plated flip-flops to recap this episode of Breaking Bad. I will never be as smart as he is, but I'm at least as enthusiastic!]

A few episodes back, the special teams division of Vamanos Pest were cookin' the blues while a television played an episode of How It's Made. We know now that in every nook and cranny of Breaking Bad are hidden details intentionally placed, and this was a huge one. Despite its violence and mystery and pervasive, dramatic anxiety, Breaking Bad's life blood has always been its processes. In 4.5 seasons, Breaking Bad has lovingly detailed the following: The various ways to make meth (duh) as well as distributing it, profiting from it, and (DEA-wise) infiltrating it; long-distance computer erasure; clandestine train robberies; money laundering; and Cartel coups. But this A+ of a midseason finale also showed us how, among other things, one murders ten men in prison and also expands his drug kingdom overseas. Even more processes! It would all be so nerdy if it weren't so badass! Unfortunately, as Walter White discovered in "Gliding Over All," sometimes mastering a process means you're done with it. Some systems just can't last forever.

"Gliding Over All" served two main purposes: (1) Walt tied up as many loose ends as he could before expanding his business even further, and then (2) he quit. From the beginning of the episode we got the sense that he'd been thinking a lot about the past year, a sense of nostalgia hinted at through the call-back imagery of houseflies, Walt showering, that busted paper towel dispenser, Walt visiting the cancer center, and the presence of Leaves of Grass on his stack of bathroom readers. (That last item would prove to be more than just metaphorical foreshadowing, obviously.) But it certainly seemed that the murder and mayhem of late may have weakened Heisenberg's resolve and brought the old, decent, family man, back to the fore (at least temporarily). Fortunately for lovers of carnage and badassery, Heisenberg would not be abdicating the throne without one last, spectacular, bloody, showing: The systematic prison murders of ALL TEN of Mike's "guys" (including his lawyer!). In a word: Dang.

Aside: For my money, Lydia Rodarte-Quayle (that name!) is the best new addition to Season 5. I don't know what it is about this lady—her pretension, her ambition, her awkwardness—but I can't take my eyes off her. We first met her as a shaky, paranoid, businesswoman who may or may not have willingly gotten involved in Gus Fring's meth empire. But at this point she seems to have accepted that any day now she could be assassinated or incarcerated, so rather than pull back from Walter's empire, she's broken bad almost as dramatically as he has. When Heisenberg arrived to meet with her at a local cafe (in an entrance so subtly terrifying it's no wonder a waiter never approached the table), what transpired was one of the best scenes of the season. After a general exchange of threats and untrustworthy promises, Lydia divulged the names of all ten of Mike's "guys" from memory. But on one condition: Walter would have to allow Lydia to help him expand his business into the Czech Republic where there was apparently a thirst for meth that would put the Southwest to shame. We could sense that Walter had no interest in further dealings with Lydia, but her promises of an international insta-empire proved too tantalizing to pass up. But the kicker was, after they shook on it and she fled the table, we saw that Walter had brought his vial of ricin! Now she may never know just how much her cold-blooded ambition saved her life that day.

And how about that montage? You know which one I mean. When Walter implied last week that he'd be murdering every last one of Gus' former associates, I had no idea he'd actually pull it off with such aplomb! We knew that one or more of them was about to spill—Hank was hard at work trying to get the most information from the lowest bidder—so it was clear Walter's plan wasn't rooted in the delusions of a power-hungry paranoiac. But after he arranged with Todd's shady uncle to have all the murders carried out within minutes of each other (at several different prisons!) it seemed that Heisenberg had officially entered the Pablo Escobar phase of his reign. That's a lot of murder spread over a lot of geography and all so that no one would be the final living witness who'd break. In all its terrible elegance, this was a shocker of a high point for this show, and I for one hope to never see another arterial shiv again.

Intense murder montages aside, the episode also had some intense character-relationship moments. After Walter literally shut Jesse out of the operation at the beginning of the episode ("There is no 'WE'!") it was clear that the most crucial relationship on the show had seen better days. But as much as Walter often tries to pretend he doesn't need (or, you know, love) Jesse, it's right there in his reluctance to embrace Todd as a new partner. Unlike Jesse, Todd is seemingly remorseless, was born into a family of thugs, and can easily pass for wholesome, yet there's just something missing there. That's why Walter's surprise visit to Jesse's futon den was so powerful. He'd realized that he shouldn't have cheated Jesse out of his severance, nor, probably, have destroyed most of Jesse's personal relationships over the past year, so hopefully a few duffel bags full of cash might somehow right those wrongs. But of course the scene wasn't as heartwarming as it sounds: The whole time Jesse stared at Walter with the wild-eyed tension of a man who'd come face to face with the grim reaper. Jesse knew Mike was probably dead, and worse, that he himself as much a "loose end" as the ten inmates were. But in a reveal that nicely mirrored Walter's scene with Lydia, as soon as Walter left we realized Jesse had been fingering a hidden gun the entire scene. Once again a character walked a razor-thin edge between life and death but fortunately made it out alive.

The most satisfying pay-off in this episode revolved around Skyler. All season she'd been inhabiting her own personal horror film, but in this episode we saw her spontaneously smile and laugh with baby Holly as though her terrors had begun to ebb. Marie noticed this as well and suggested that, um, maybe it was time for Skyler to take her kids home? Almost three months had passed since Hank and Marie took the kids, which meant that the preceding montage of Walter's growing empire was the largest leap forward in the timeline we'd seen yet. So when Skyler arrived home to find Walter staring blankly into the swimming pool (who knew swimming pools could be so existential!) she spoke to him for the first time in probably a while: "I want to show you something." This "something" was a personal storage unit containing an enormous stack of cash. Over the past three months Heisenberg had made so much money that Skyler couldn't even count it, let alone launder it through their rinky dink carwash. Her hushed rhetorical seemed to hit Walter hard: When was it time to stop? The answer, he came to realize, was now.

By episode's end Walter had made up with Jesse (sort of), gotten his children back, made several hundred million dollars, gotten away with mass murder, and even shared a poolside smile with Skyler. A satisfying conclusion, right? Unfortunately this was only the MID-season finale, so we know there are still eight episodes of unbearable anxiety left and that they may involve an ENORMOUS MACHINE GUN. And I'm guessing the main impetus of those bad times began in this episode's final scene: Hank, excusing himself from a poolside hangout, decided to use the master bathroom where he came across Walter's copy of Leaves of Grass, inscribed to a "W.W." from a "G.B." Just like that the ghost of Gale Boetticher struck again: Immediately recalling his experiences pawing through Gale's journal, Hank now knew that Walter was the shadowy legend he'd been pursuing all along.

Yeah, I'll say it again: This was an A+ episode for me. If we're being real, even an unsuccessful episode of Breaking Bad is still a tremendous hour of television. But when it's firing on all cylinders it can be almost transcendently great. Like, I-forgot-I'm-in-my-living-room-merely-watching-TV great. I understand there have been some murmurs of disappointment with the first half of Season 5 so far, but I am not one of those murmurers. Those who have had misgivings about certain events in "Gliding Over All"—you're not wrong either. But that disappointment is merely a testament to just how high our expectations for this show have become. This episode definitely wasn't as horrifying as Hank's parking lot shootout, or disturbing as Walt's crawlspace meltdown, or cathartic as Gus' jack-o-lantern farewell, but it did contain almost everything we adore about this show all wrapped up in a package signed "Love, Vince Gilligan."

I want to go watch it again right now.

NOTES:

... How had "Crystal Blue Persuasion" NOT been used in this show before? And wasn't that particular montage so lovely? Not only did we see almost all of the essential characters in the context of their chain of command, the shots were so artfully matched and edited. That aerial shot alone of tented houses was just straight-up stunning.

... If this episode represented a false happy ending for the series, what do you think the REAL ending will be? I'm getting the sense that Walter's in for a pretty brutal comeuppance. But would be WHO would be responsible for it?

... Hank's speech about how much he longed for his old, terrible job of marking trees for deforestation was a real heartbreaker. The man is obviously not a genius, but he has been an extremely competent and driven agent who deserves better than he's gotten. Can't wait to find out how this new revelation will energize him.

... Not to worry, Tim Surette will be back later this week to give his thoughts on the finale. I'm just as excited about this as you are; his coverage has been one of the highlights of this season.

QUESTIONS:

... Ballpark guesses: How much money was that??

... What's been your favorite new character or element of Season 5?

... What processes featured on this show have been the most fascinating?

... Do you think Walter will die by season's end? If so, how?

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Labor Day Weekend, in the hizzy (for all of you American folks, anyway)! What are your end-of-summer plans shaping up to be, eh? As your TV spokesman, I'm obligated to encourage you to shut yourself in with the blinds drawn so that your television is the only source of light you'll experience for days, but secretly I hope you take advantage of whatever sunshine your neighborhood has to offer. You know, vitamin D and all. And now for this weekend's TV line-up:

What to watch on Friday, August 31...

9pm, Starz
Boss
In tonight's "Ablution" Kane becomes increasingly infatuated with his new aide, Mona—which she uses to her full advantage by encouraging him to get really excited about a housing redevelopment project that she's been enthusiastic about for some time. Manipulation is key!

SPECIAL, 9pm, NatGeo
Dark Secrets of the Lusitania
We've all been harboring questions about the wreck of the Lusitania for quite some time now, haven't we? No? You don't even know what the Lusitania is? Go back to school! Victim of a century-old war crime, the Lusitania sits silently at the bottom of the deep, deep blue. Until now! Well, technically it's still sitting there but at least it has the National Geographic camera crew to keep it company for a little while. Join NatGeo as it takes an expedition to solve remaining mysteries involving the shipwreck.

10pm, Syfy
Lost Girl
In "Lachlan's Gambit" Bo will have to make a very important, very personal life-threatening choice after The Ash takes action against a serious threat. With her closest friends suffering terribly, Bo realizes that she can no longer ride out her destiny as an indecisive participant. She must move forward carefully, and with conviction.

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., The CW
North Woods Law: On the Hunt, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
WWE Friday Night Smackdown!, 8pm, Syfy
America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Bering Sea Gold: Under the Ice, 9 p.m., Discovery
Extreme Homes, 9 p.m., HGTV
Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta, 9pm, TLC
Tyler Perry's For Better or Worse, 9 p.m., TBS
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Deadly Women, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Eden Eats, 10 p.m., Cooking
Fashion Police, 10 p.m., E!
I Found the Gown, 10 p.m., TLC
Law on the Border, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Lost Girl, 10 p.m., Syfy
Real Time With Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
Yukon Men, 10 p.m., Discovery
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV

LATE-NITE PICKS:
Lauren Graham and sportscaster Dan Patrick on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Seth Green and Sutton Foster on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What to watch on Saturday, September 1...

SPECIAL, 8pm, Discovery
One Giant Leap: A Neil Armstrong Tribute
Last week, when astronaut Neil Armstrong passed, the world lost a legend. As a tribute to his life and the impact he made on the world—especially in America—the Discovery Channel will air a one-hour special giving deeper insight into what it was like to be the first man to walk on the moon, featuring footage from his last ever public appearance and interviews with crew-mates Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins. Anyone who ever wanted to be an astronaut, or heck anyone who ever cared about science, might want to check this out. SCIENCE will follow this up with an encore presentation at 10pm, in the off-chance you miss it at 8pm.

SATURDAY NIGHT MOVIE PICK, 8pm, Showtime
Our Idiot Brother
Here's an underdog movie if I've ever seen one. Paul Rudd stars as a cheerful, honest-to-a-fault organic farmer who asks his sister for help after breaking up with his girlfriend. She lets him move in, but soon regrets it because, as it turns out, nice people are really freakin' annoying. Of course, when it turns out he might actually be onto something with the whole glass-half-full thing, shit starts to get real.

SEASON 7 PREMIERE, 9pm, BBC America
Doctor Who
Hey, it looks like all of those Doctor Who specials were actually building up to something: The Season 7 premiere! The doctor is officially IN. Sort of. Technically he's in prison because the season starts out with his being kidnapped and condemned to a prison on another planet that's actually more of an asylum than anything else. Go get 'em, Doc!

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
My Cat From Hell, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Dateline: Real Life Mysteries, 9 p.m., TLC
Tanked, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
The Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
Wicked Attraction, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Welcome to Sweetie Pie's: An Extra Slice, 9 p.m., OWN
One Giant Leap: A Neil Armstrong Tribute, 10 p.m., Science
Happily Never After, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Princess, 10 p.m., CNBC

What to watch on Sunday, September 2...

8pm, TNT
Leverage
In "The Real Fake Car Job" the crew decides to set their sights on a crooked Wall Street exec. The bait? A fancy ol' antique car... at least, the facade of a fancy ol' antique car, which they use to lure their mark in so they can convince him to break the only deal that can protect him from prosecution. What could go wrong, right?

9pm, ABC
TV's Most Dynamic Duos: Presented by The Paley Center for Media
Robin Roberts hosts this two-hour special that pays tribute to the most memorable TV couples ever to have graced the small screen. Their chemistry, friendship, and—more importantly—their sexual tension were key to keeping audiences engaged and entertained for decades. I guess love never gets old? Sam and Diane (Cheers), Lucy and Ethel (I Love Lucy), and Pat Sajak and Vanna White (Wheel of Fortune) are just a few of the pairs who will receive special recognition.

SEASON 5 FINALE, 10pm, AMC
Breaking Bad
In an effort to capitalize on advertising dollars, AMC has decided to break up Breaking Bad's final season into two parts, which means we won't be privy to Walt's (presumptively dark) future for quite some time. But in the Season 5.1 finale, "Gliding Over All," Walt will make a dangerous decision while attempting to clean up loose ends. As if the decision he made at the end of last week's episode wasn't dangerous enough?

10pm, BBC America
Copper
In "In the Hands of an Angry God" a victim is found dead after a brutal lynching, tapping into dark, festering racial tensions of the era. Can an Irish copper bring peace to a devastated black community? ...Not gonna lie, this one sounds pretty intense.

10:30pm, Showtime
Web Therapy
Oh, hey Lisa Kudrow, cool web series-turned-TV show! In this week's episode, "Stalk Therapy," Fiona's client Newell confronts her about something that happened when the two were in college together—over 20 years ago. Grudges are pathetic, though, so I hope that works out really poorly for Newell. Meanwhile, Putsy gets into a little bit of trouble with the law and Fiona tries to cope with the realization that her old romance with Richard might finally be water under the bridge, after all. Because Fiona loves attention.

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Big Brother, 8 p.m., CBS
Cupcake Wars, 8 p.m., Food
Leverage, 8 p.m., TNT
Off the Hook: Extreme Catches, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Royal Memories: Prince Charles' Tribute to the Queen, SPECIAL, 8 p.m., PBS
Sunday Best, SEASON FINALE AT 9 p.m., 8 p.m., BET
Survivorman Ten Days, 8 p.m., Discovery
Women on Death Row, 8 p.m., Bio
Big Ang, 9 p.m., VH1
Hell on Wheels, 9 p.m., AMC
Hoarding: Buried Alive, 9 p.m., TLC
Keeping Up With the Kardashians, 9 p.m., E!
Nail Files, 9 p.m., TV Guide
One Car Too Far, 9 p.m., Discovery
Oprah's Life Class, 9 p.m., OWN
Sins & Secrets, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
The Great Food Truck Race, 9 p.m., Food
All American Handyman, 10 p.m., HGTV
Bridezillas, 10 p.m., WE
Copper, 10 p.m., BBC America
I Survived, 10 p.m., Bio
Iron Chef America, 10 p.m., Food
Lovetown, USA, 10 p.m., OWN
Married to Jonas, 10 p.m., E!
On the Case with Paula Zahn, SEASON FINALE, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Taboo, 10 p.m., NatGeo
Unique Eats, 10 p.m., Cooking
Weeds, 10 p.m., Showtime
Web Therapy, 10:30 p.m., Showtime

What are you watching this weekend?

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Breaking Bad S05E08: "Gliding Over All"

Yikes, it's been a busy weekend: Tim got married yesterday, you guys! And then tonight AMC aired the last new episode of Breaking Bad until NEXT YEAR. We weren't able to screen "Gliding Over All" ahead of time, so I'll be working on a review of the episode tonight. In the meantime, feel free to start discussing what happened; I'll post my review right here as soon as it's done.

—Price

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Note: I'll be taking over News Briefs for the rest of the week to give Tim some time off. I promise not to Britta this.

BUSINESS TIME

... The empire business is apparently doing well. Sunday's penultimate episode of Breaking Bad was the most-watched episode in the show's history, with right around 3 million viewers tuning in to see that one bald guy do that bad thing to that other bald guy. [Vulture]

... ESPN and MLB have agreed to an eight-year contract extension worth $5.6 billion that will keep baseball on the World Wide Leader through at least 2012. The deal, which requires ESPN to pay double what it's been paying each year, gives the network playoff game coverage, something it lost the last time it negotiated. No word as to how ESPN will integrate Tim Tebow into this coverage. [THR]

... Apparently they weren't kidding about living forever in that song: MGM TV and Nigel Lythgoe, uber-producer of American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance are bringing Fame back to television with a contemporary re-imagining—not to be confused with the now less-contemporary re-imagining that happened with the 2009 feature film remake of the same property. So if you're keeping track, Fame has now been: a 1980 film by MGM, a TV show that aired from 1982–1987, a 2009 film, and now another TV show. I eagerly await the 2028 film and the 2033 TV show. [Deadline Hollywood]

... The musical chairs (not to be confused with those of The CW's immortal Oh Sit!, of course) of scheduling honchos continues, as ABC has recruited Andrew Kubitz, a CBS programming executive, to join its team. Kubitz replaces Jeff Bader, who left to go do a similar job over at NBC presumably for more money because really, who would want to do scheduling for NBC? [Variety]

... Steve Burton, a longtime fan-favorite on ABC's General Hospital is leaving the show after more than 21 years playing Jason Morgan. I'd love to tell you I had a good quip here, but soaps have taken enough hits over the last few years and I'm more of a The Young and the Restless guy. [TV Guide]

... The comedy-script buying spree continues, as NBC has grabbed hold of pitch from Cathy Yuspa and Josh Goldsmith called Gates. The script is based on a British show of the same name that just debuted a few weeks ago and follows parents dealing with the awkward situations that arise when dropping off and picking up their kids outside of school. [Deadline Hollywood]

CASTING NEWS

... Bunhead Bailey Buntain will guest on an upcoming episode of The Middle as a new student who Sue tries to mentor through the social hierarchies of high school. Shockingly, Buntain's character ends up faring better with the cafeteria's one percent than Sue typically does. [EW]

... It's that time of year when new series begin moving deeper into their initial episode orders and therefore need to fill a bunch of new roles. A slew of people joined new series over the last day or so. Michael Gaston (Damages, Fringe, Unforgettable) is coming to Last Resort for a multi-episode arc as the father of Autumn Reeser's character. He will probably wear a suit and glare at people. Pretty Little Liars' Sterling Sulieman has joined The New Normal as the "Republican EMT brother" of NeNe Leakes' character. Based on the subtle way Ryan Murphy handles things, I can't wait to see his measured approach to Republican ideology. Michael Wiseman (The Closer) and Vinessa Shaw have been cast in recurring roles on CBS's period drama Vegas. Shaw will play the wife of Michael Chiklis's Vincent Savino and Wiseman will play the right-hand man to Jonathan Banks' Chicago gangster character. I'm just happy that Banks is on another show where he gets to argue with more bald guys. [Deadline Hollywood]

... Though not casting per se, Katie Couric has announced the first guests for her aptly named daytime talk show, Katie, and if you had post-baby Jessica Simpson in your office pool then you should probably let me know where you work because it sounds like an awesome place. Simpson will be joined by Sheryl Crow, who apparently wrote and will perform the show's theme song. If you miss the opening show on September 10, it's okay, you can go back to 2003 and it will be just as relevant. Katie's other early guests include: Jennifer Lopez, Hedi Klum, Demi Lovato, 50 Shades of Grey author E.L. James, and a bunch of other women. Literally, there are no men announced to appear on the show thus far. It's like a gender reverse of most everything else on television. [Deadline Hollywood]

MAKING FUN OF JAY LENO IS AS PASSE AS JAY LENO NEWS

... Howard Stern is claiming that NBC reprimanded him for taking a shot at Jay Leno by calling Leno a "spineless maggot" during a rant about Leno's supposed pay cut that could help save jobs over at The Tonight Show. I can't wait until Leno responds to Stern by delivering a nine-minute monologue about Snooki's pregnancy. [The Wrap]

Cory Barker is a co-founder of This Was Television and the founder of TVSurveillance.com. Follow him on Twitter: @corybarker.

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Breaking Bad S05E07: "Say My Name"

There are a few different ways to watch Breaking Bad, all completely legitimate. There's plot-watching, where the main story points are hit and discussed by everyone all week, and "Say My Name" featured one of the biggest events of the series since a wheelchair bomb blew half of Gus Fring's face off. And then there's the show that's full of such beautiful artistic nuance that it should be framed and hung in the Louvre.

"Say My Name" was direct and in-your-face, matching the hubris of Heisenberg, rather than calculated and careful like that wimp Walter White. The episode had to be more brash not only to keep up with Walter's bravado, but because Breaking Bad is feeling the crunch of an 8-episode mini-season, and that means a lot of the drawn-out subtlety was lost.

Something felt off about this episode for the first half (but it did conclude masterfully), and I use this metaphor lightly, but it's almost as if Breaking Bad fans were in charge of this one. It certainly was Breaking Bad; all the characters and trademark cinematography were there. But it lacked the master hand that turns good to great. To put it in Walter's terms, it was like someone else was trying to make Classic Coke. It was 70-percent pure Breaking Bad. "Say My Name" was both jarring and dull at points, hurried and overly-deliberate at others, and put together in a way that reminded me of the ocean of films that copy-catted Pulp Fiction after its release. Those films were concerned with getting the cool shot (lawyer wrist cam in the safe-deposit box?), the tough-guy dialogue, and the shocking scenes, but were never able to tie them together as beautifully as the original.

I'll admit that just might be the point (but I'm not enthused about it). Breaking Bad's tone has always been an extension of the character of Walter White, and his transformation into Heisenberg is accelerating at an increased rate. "Say My Name" was Walter White at his most dickish and dictator-ish, whether he's telling some bitches from Arizona to say his name or trying to guilt trip Jesse into staying in the business by alternating between enthusiastic boss (you deserve it!) and angry father figure (you're wasting your talent on those damn video games!) and juvenile debate-team member (you want this blood money?). That scene, in which Walter was convincing Jesse to stay with him, was Walter at his most unhinged. Though normally so calculated in everything he does, Walter just threw the kitchen sink at Jesse in hopes that something would work. But it backfired, and all Walt accomplished was coming off like a desperate lunatic and pushing Jesse away even further.

But it wasn't just Jesse who was shoved, I also found myself looking for the door as Walt continued to become the monster we all know he's headed for. The hardest and best part of the conceit of Breaking Bad–a nice guy breaks very, very bad over the course of a series–is seeing a man we all rooted for go beyond that point of no return. As I said before, that point happened for me in "Madrigal," the second episode of this season. But after his actions in that episode–manipulating Jesse, terrorizing Skyler–Walter had been relatively tame until now. Heck, I even cheered when he came home with not one, but two new cars, and unleashed all the horses under the hood with some gangsta revs. Last night? He was the worst he's ever been. It's an interesting reaction that creator Vince Gilligan must have known all along. From an artistic standpoint, it's groundbreaking and the end result will be well worth it. But from the week-to-week perspective of the audience, it's incredibly difficult to watch. We don't have loyalty to Walter like we did before, and we don't really have anyone else to root for because Walter is the heavy focal point of the series. As of now, we just want Jesse to survive while Walter goes all Godzilla on everything around him, and we wouldn't mind Walter Jr. to have access to unlimited bacon breakfasts. But Walter is turning everything around him into waste, and Breaking Bad has no intentions of sugarcoating it.

Mike certainly noticed that Walter was in the scorched Earth business, and had been angling to get the F out, and did. Sort of! I don't think anyone was surprised that Mike was killed by Walter, as Mike was the odds-on favorite Breaking Bad character to not make it out of Season 5.1 because he was frequently at odds with Walter, he was still a Fring supporter, had tons of baggage, and he was the most expendable member of the meth-making group. And once he declared himself out of the business and his responsibility of distribution was solved by handing that over to Declan, we were all just waiting for it to happen.

It was obvious Mike was a goner once the DEA fell into pursuit, but it should have been more obvious it would happen in this episode before that. Once Mike stashed a fat stack of cash in a safe deposit box for his granddaughter, it was effectively the end of his character arc. Mike was very conscious of his mortality and knew the sun was fading on his life, and all he wanted at that point was to take care of Kaylee. And when Walt volunteered to deliver Mike's "go bag" to him, that was it. (Other than conveniently setting up a scene where Walter could meet Mike in a private place, why was it okay with Mike that Walter deliver the bag instead of Jesse? He had to have known that his chances of making it out of that scenario weren't that good if crazy-ass Walter was handing over the bag.)

The killing scene was surprisingly not intense because the results were preordained, but it was still gorgeous and, given how he had prepared beforehand, a fitting end to Mike. However, it wasn't even about Mike. With all apologies to him and the wonderful series-long performance by Jonathan Banks, once again that scene belonged to Walter and Bryan Cranston. Walter's faces before (gritted teeth, animalistic) and after (shocked and possibly full of regret) he pulled the trigger summed up the character's past and present perfectly. Taunted and blamed, Walter yielded to Heisenberg who rushed to Mike and pulled the trigger. But pulling a trigger is an act that can never be undone and can change someone forever (just ask Jesse, re: Gale). And in squeezing the trigger and hearing the BLAM, it slapped Walter upside the head and for the first time in a long time we saw the face of the man we met in Season 1. The same pantsless man who was fumbling around with a video camera leaving a goodbye video for his family as sirens approached.

Even Walter seemed to be shocked by his own actions. I'm not sure he regretted killing Mike, after all, Mike was the big connection between the meth operation and him and Mike had outlasted his usefulness to the business. But the sobering instance of killing a one-time partner in the heat of the moment because Mike said this whole mess was Walter's fault definitely woke up a part of him that had been hibernating until the Game of Thrones-long winter of Heisenberg ended.

From the flashforward that opened this season, we know that Walter spends some time across the country for a year, probably waiting for some heat to die down and letting his hair grow back in. Mike's last words of advice to Walter (well, before "Shut the fuck up, and let me die in peace") were to leave town. Could this be the moment that spurs Walter to finally listen to Mike? Could standing there on the tranquil bank of a New Mexico river while his associate dies, by his hand, and the ensuing pressure from the DEA be enough to send Walter away?

There's something in that face that we haven't seen in such a long time. There was Walter still rationalizing his actions to Mike ("I just realized Lydia has the names, I can get them from her.") and saying "this whole situation could have been avoided if..." because he still couldn't swallow his pride. But his face, a full 180-degree turn from the opening scene, was saying something different. His face said he went too far, and that's something Walter hasn't thought about for a long time.

– Unfortunately, I have a previous engagement (emphasis on "engagement") to take care of this weekend so I won't be available to write up next Sunday's season finale immediately. Price Peterson will step in, and I'll share my thoughts later that week. Sorry!

– Breaking Bad loves to mount cameras on things, but lawyer wrist-cam in the safe deposit box area was overkill. This was the first directing stint for writer Thomas Schnauz, and I wasn't too happy with a lot of his choices. But again, I think a lot of it had to do with the episode needing to do too much from a lack of time.

– If there's one thing I'm concerned about, it's a lack of focus for the "finale" next week. After this penultimate episode, what exactly are we looking forward to? How Jesse reacts to Mike's death? Will there be pressure from the DEA? Declan and the Arizona peeps don't appear to be a problem any more. There's not a lot to hold onto as we move towards the final episode. It's completely open, which can be good and bad.

– The scene with Walter and Todd cooking was particularly interesting. It was, in a sense, the second half a two-parter with the scene of Jesse and Walter cooking meth in a fumigated house from a few episodes ago the first part. But I think the tone was all wrong, and that goes along with what I said early in this article about something feeling off. The "Hazard Pay" scene was romanticized as a triumphant return to business and gorgeously shot. This episode's attempted a similar tone, with an upbeat ditty providing the soundtrack, but Walter cooking with Todd couldn't be more depressing. It signals the end of so many things that I think the scene would have been better served shot differently and with a more somber music selection. This was practically a funeral, but instead it soullessly replicated the feeling of the first. Sorry! I love these meth-making scenes so I'm extra picky!

– Another part that seemed out of place was the scene at the carwash where Walt hid the methylamine. Was that included just to give Skyler some screen time, and if so, what did it accomplish?

– Bacon cookies! Bacon cookies! BACON COOKIES!

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Breaking Bad S05E06: "Buyout"

The best at everything get to the top because they have a gear others don't. Natural talent is great and fun for parlor tricks, but drive, sacrifice, and an insatiable desire to be the best are what really separate the good from the great. Walter White no longer has any interest in second place or getting by, he's CEO of Blue Rocks Inc. and he wants to be the Michael Jordan, the Steve Jobs, and the Oprah Winfrey of getting people whacked out of their gourds through chemistry.

And if a little kid named Drew Sharp gets in his way, so be it.

Lines were drawn during tonight's Breaking Bad, the relatively tame yet critical "Buyout," and all alone on one side—the side that doesn't want to quit until he's wiping his ass with hundred-dollar bills—was Walter. Part of his drive for more, more, more comes from his previous bonehead decision to sell out for five grand and relinquish his stake in Gray Matter, the billion-dollar corporation he co-founded, and it's a great story for Walter to tell anyone who will listen to sway them to his side. But I don't think Walter is willing to turn down an easy five million just because he made an oopsie decades ago.

It's a perfectly good cover story and there's certainly some truth in it, but the real reason Walter wants his meth trade to continue is that he's worked so hard for it and, more importantly, that he has nothing to lose. He's living life the same way he likes his magnets, dial turned all the way up to the max. The same way he likes his cars, fast and loud. The same way he likes his breakfast. Extra bacon! Drive and natural talent separate the great from the good, but drive, natural talent, and a willingness to lose everything separates the greatest from the great. In case it wasn't clear before, Walter wants an empire now, and he's willing to do anything and deal with anything to get it.

Mike and Jesse aren't ready to follow Walter to the edge, and when the opportunity to put everything in the rearview mirror (the dead kids, the DEA interrupting time with the grandchildren) came up with a nice $5 million tip, Jesse and Mike jumped on it and said they were out. Jesse loves kids, but I think Walter's attitude on the matter (Walter was whistling a jolly tune while Jesse rotted on the inside after the news report about Drew) was just as much cause for Jesse to agree to sell out. As for Mike, well, I wouldn't have been surprised if he channeled Roger Murtaugh and said, "I'm too old for this shit."

But Walt knows three-way business partnerships are all about being on the side with two, and since Mike is a hardheaded mule whose stubborn wisdom was forged over the course of a long life of doing things his way, Walter again turned to Jesse, his malleable plaything. Because Jesse runs on emotion, Walter set him up by inviting him over and telling him sob story (re: Gray Matter), then giving him a sad peek into his broken domestic life.

That—Jesse Pinkman eating dinner at the White household—was a scene I felt like I'd been waiting for for five years, and it was so hilarious and awkward that it was totally worth it. Watching Jesse struggle to drag the dinner into some sort of normalcy by talking about scabby frozen lasagna while Skyler guzzled wine and murdered Walter with her eyes and Walter sat there quiet as his plan was perfectly executed was right up there with The Talking Pillow as one of the series' exquisitely difficult scenes to watch. It's also one of the funniest scenes Breaking Bad has ever done, and I think only the second time Aaron Paul and Anna Gunn have shared the screen (the first being in Season 1 when Skyler went to Jesse's house to ask about Walter's pot).

"My wife is waiting for me to die," Walter said. "This business is all I have left now. It's all I have. And you want to take it away from me." It's a bit of a repeat from last season when Walter was fighting for Jesse's loyalty with Gus, but once a pushover, always a pushover. And it worked. A softened Jesse gave Walter one more chance, and when you give Walter a chance, he runs with it. Walter, the man with infinite plans, has a new one. One that will allow Walter to keep all the methylamine and Jesse and Mike to get their $5 million paydays. "Everybody wins," Walter said. Except for all the people that will lose.

– Ominous opening scene in this one, but beautifully put together. Drew's bike was meticulously deconstructed and dissolved in vats of acid. Its 50cc heart removed, skeletal structure cut down, and tires peeled off to make it all fit in the buckets. But that was all set-up for what the scene was really trying to convey: getting us to imagine the similar things the guys had to do to Drew.

– "Jesse, you asked me if I was in the meth business or the money business. Neither. I'm in the empire business."

– Do we have a new villain in Declan, the dealer from Arizona? And does Walter's everybody-wins plan involve ripping Declan off?

– It was pretty awesome to hear Walter, Jesse, Todd, and Mike talk about Todd's decision to shoot Drew after I focused last week's review on that very thing.

– Walter's escape from Mike's binds was this week's edition of Mr. Science Gets Out Of a Pickle, and it was incredibly badass. I loved the close-up shot of Walter gnawing through the wire like a rat. At one point I wasn't sure of whether he was going to pull a Merle from The Walking Dead and lose the hand or a Riggs from Lethal Weapon (second reference!) and pop his shoulder out and stretch to grab a tool. But the fact that those ideas were in the back of my head shows how far I think Walter is willing to go now.

– Hank is 100-percent correct: Miracle Whip is disgusting. Team Mayonnaise!

– Mike's dead-drop of the note that read "F*ck You" was okay. But nothing will top Tio Salamanca's bell-ringing rendition of "Suck my..." R.I.P., Tio!

– I'm still trying to piece together why Todd kept Drew's tarantula, but I'm leaning toward the theory that Todd is just as immature and inexperienced as Drew... as opposed to Todd feeling some sort of compassion for Drew and wanting to hold on to what was his.

– I don't want to sadden anyone, but there are only two episodes left this season. And don't believe anything about split seasons, these are Seasons 5 and 6, not 5 and 5.5.

Breaking Bad: "Buyout"

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