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What to watch on Monday, October 22...

Hey you! Yeah, you—the one with the bumpy, grumpy mad-face. Don't be bummed that it's Monday, because tonight brings with it the third and final presidential debate! Which, if you're into politics—hey, you get to watch a presidential debate tonight! And if you're not into politics—hey, after tonight there won't be any more presidential debates to mess with your TV lineup! Of course, baseball might still mess with your TV lineup. But hey, if you're into baseba—what? You just want to know what else is on tonight? Right. Okay:

8pm, The CW
90210
In "It's All Fun and Games," the gals get into some "irresponsible fun"... which appears to involve Adrianna encouraging Silver to do some kind of bungee-cord thing on the beach. Meanwhile, Alec smooches on Naomi. Oh, and there's also some detective asking about Vanessa's whereabouts. Ruh-roh!

SEASON 2 FINALE, 8pm, Syfy
Alphas
Fans of Summer Glau will get another dose of the actress in tonight's Season 2 finale of Alphas, "God's Eye," in which a desperate Dr. Rosen tries to track down Stanton Parish for some final words (intense!), all while suffering vivid hallucinations of his daughter. Meanwhile, the rest of the team members find themselves battling time in order to stop the immortal villain from carrying out his deadly plans (mwaahhahaha!).

SEASON 1 FINALE, 8pm, ABC Family
Switched at Birth
In tonight's season finale, "Street Noises Invade the House," Bay and Zarra find themselves in a dangerous situation. Meanwhile, the big trial with the hospital ends with a shocking conclusion and the relationship between Daphne and Jeff is revealed.

SEASON PREMIERE, 9pm, Logo
RuPaul's All Stars Drag Race
Many of your favorite queens in the history of RuPaul's Drag Race will return for the ultimate drag competition in tonight's premiere of RuPaul's All Stars Drag Race. Who's excited?

LIVE, 9pm Eastern/6pm Pacific, NBC, ABC, CBS, FOX, CNN, MSNBC, C-SPAN, PBS
Presidential Debates
The third and final debate! President Barack Obama and Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney will square off one last time tonight at Lynn University in Boca Raton, Florida, so we can only assume there will be plenty of cringeworthy confrontation between the candidates to cap things off before voters head to the polls in November. "Face the Nation" host Bob Schieffer will moderate.

10:30pm, MTV
The Inbetweeners
In "Reading Gives You Wings," our boy Simon tries to school his girlfriend on her stealing habits. Meanwhile, Will organizes some kind of protest against the school library. And maybe something about Red Bull, if the episode title is any indication?

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS:
Tom Hanks and Tony Bennett on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Halle Berry and Ali Wentworth on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Gerard Butler, Madeleine Stow, and Wu-Tang Clan on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Bryan Cranston on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

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Alphas S02E12: "Need to Know"

Let's face it, Alphas isn't doing anything too out of the ordinary in its second season when you look at it from a certain altitude. We have a team of good guys chasing a bad guy, and a lot of their time is spent trying to figure out exactly what the bad guy's plan is. Since the Stanton Parish storyline exploded, things have been cat-and-mouse, cloak-and-dagger, and intelligence-and-counter-intelligence between Dr. Rosen and his team and Parish, with Parish just slamming a door every time Rosen's team opens a new one. Add a few dudes who can shoot fire out of their hands and a girl who can whisper suicidal thoughts into people's ears, and you have a fairly generic setup with a dash of super-abilities thrown in for spice.

But where Alphas has been able to differentiate itself from other series that've traveled the same general path is in its singular direction toward, for lack of a better term, some really heavy shit. In Season 1 we respected Rosen's word because he wouldn't roll over for authorities, and in Season 2 he's added a splash of personal vendetta to his anti-establishment agenda. I've talked on and on about the darkness that resides in Rosen's soul, and the best thing Alphas has done with it is be relentless with it. Rosen isn't getting any happier or complacent in his search for Parish; he's an obsessed psychopath who won't stop until he's drinking Parish's blood from Parish's skull.

And what's made the recent episodes, particularly last night's "Need to Know," so enjoyable and grown-up is how Alphas has played the spectrum of revenge and justice across all its main characters like a rainbow of blood and violence. Some of the team members are willing to follow Rosen to the edge of humanity and some of them aren't. Hicks, after the death of Dani, couldn't wait to rip out Parish's spine and use it as a xylophone. Bill, more in line with procedure, was left out of the plan because he might interfere with Rosen's mission of swinging the executioner's axe instead of the judge's gavel. And Rachel was right in the middle; totally okay with abducting one of Parish's cronies but not cool when some rad torture came into play.

The best thing about this whole scenario is that all the characters want to achieve the same goal: Stop Parish from killing gazillions of people. But there are different limits as to how far each one will go. And leading the charge on the extreme side of things is Rosen, the man who is supposed to be the most level-headed of the bunch. When Rachel told Rosen that Minorex (spell check?) was a stimulant and it wouldn't lower hostage Scipio's resistance in order to get vital information out of him and Rosen said, "I know," it was a punch to the face. The Minorex was for Nina, who was so exhausted from trying to push Scipio's blocked mind that Rosen was totally okay with drugging her up and risking her well-being to achieve his goal. This is heavy, intense stuff that only the most daring television shows are willing to try.

And it just continued on and on! Hicks had Nina mind-gamed Scipio into thinking his girlfriend was getting the snot beat out of her! Then Rosen pumped Scipio up with adrenaline knowing full well it would activate his Bunsen burner hands so he'd burn himself, and for good measure threw in some psychological kindling when he asked how Scipio thought his family felt when he burned them alive at a young age. This torture scene was not pleasant to watch (in a great way), and solidified this season as the season where Rosen is not to be F'd with. As Kat said, "The glasses, the messy hair, the cardigans, he seemed like such a nice old dude." Well he's not, Kat! He's a super-smart man who won't stop until Parish is skinned alive and turned into a rug for his fireplace. I like this Rosen. This Rosen would kick Professor X's ass.

"Need to Know" also featured more Skylar Adams (guest-star and sci-fi demigod Summer Glau), who has been added to the story not just to exploit her inexplicable popularity (seriously why?) among genre fans but also in a legitimately reasonable fashion. Skylar is the elf to Parish's Santa, and she's been tricked into working on super death machines that are integral to Parish's plot. (That works for me, and if it attracts more viewers to the show and earns it more seasons, I say put her in more episodes.) Parish's plan, if I have this right, is to hook into the power grids of the world and unleash some photic stimulation that amplifies Alpha abilities and fries those who don't have Alpha abilities, which is pretty dire stuff. If Alphas really wants to earn some street cred, it will allow Parish's plan to be successful, but I just don't see that happening.

What is up for debate is the fate of Rosen. At the end of the episode, Rosen took a bullet in the abdomen from Mr. Strong on his way to pursue Parish. I know he's the main character, but there are some serious things to consider here. One, David Strathairn is WAY too good of an established actor to be on a Syfy show (I'm not knocking on the rest of the cast, they're great and on their own upward trajectory), so losing him would free him up to do other things and relax the budget. It would also be very poetic if Rosen lost his life in search of his White Whale, and that would give the rest of the team incentive to finish what he started. But I'm trying hard to imagine Alphas without Strathairn, and it's a scenario I'm not sure I'd be happy about.

I'm really loving how Alphas is pushing things hard with no regard for what its expectations are. The show is paired with the much lighter (at least until recently) Warehouse 13, it's been moved up to 8pm, and it's still going to deep, dark places. I wouldn't say Season 2 has been flawless, and that also applies to "Need to Know," but this is some fearless television here, and that has earned my respect.

– Even with its current descent into darkness, Alphas still retains its humor, mostly through Gary and Kat. The ability to bounce back and forth between the two all comes from the character foundations the series has built.

– Did Mitchell really serve a purpose in this episode? Enough for the show to shell out an episode salary to Sean Astin?

– Zoe to Skylar: "Are you a Terminator?" HARHARHAR 'cuz she was in Fox's Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Actually, that was a good one.

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What to watch on Monday, October 15...

OMG, run! Tonight's TV pickings are about to eat you alive! What? Oh, wait. False alarm. Gotta excuse me, I'm still thinking about zombies. Alright, let's do this again: It's Monday, so let's ease you into the day with tonight's TV pickings because you deserve it.

8pm, ABC
Dancing with the Stars: All-Stars
On tonight's DWTS,the world-famous choreographer Paula Abdul will pull up a seat at the judges' table as a special guest for one special night to critique the remaining All-Star couples. Do you think Kirstie Alley and her partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy will remain in the competition despite their low scores?

8pm, Syfy
Alphas
Two more episodes left until the Season 2 finale, guys! In tonight's "Need To Know," the team is worried about how far Rosen is willing to go to get revenge for his daughter's death when he kidnaps an Alpha prisoner. Meanwhile, Harken and Gary search for Skyler, played by Summer Glau. Summer Glau!

9:30pm, CBS
Mike & Molly
Family planning is in the works! In "Molly and the Middle," Mike and Molly talk about trying to have a baby, and Carl finds out that Molly is still hanging out with Christina after their breakup. Will Christina mess with Mike and Molly's decision to get pregnant? Tune in tonight!

10pm, NBC
Revolution
In "Soul Train," Miles, Charlie, and the rest of the gang continue their search for Danny, however, a shocking discovery will prevent them from ever finding him. Does this shocking discovery have anything to do with Don Cornelius (bad joke)? Meanwhile Nora, who's battling against the militia, connects with a rebel. How many of you think Danny will be saved in tonight's episode?

10pm, Sundance
The Mortified Sessions
Anyone watching this? Hosted by David Nadelberg, the series is centered on discovering the most mortifying stories of some of Hollywood's most creative personalities. Tonight, Community actress Gillian Jacobs and comedian Marc Maron get personal about their childhood years. Here's a sample tidbit from tonight's show, courtesy of Jacobs: "The elementary school called my mom and said, 'Gillian has no friends and she's talking to herself on the playground, so you have to get an extracurricular activity.' So that's how I started acting, because she signed me up for an acting class."

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS...
Kaley Cuoco on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Ben Affleck and Octavia Spenceron Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Aziz Ansari and Alana "Honey Boo Boo" Thompson with June "Mam" Shannon on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Daniel Craig and Archie Panjabi on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Jeff Goldblum and Sarah Paulson on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

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Alphas S02E11: "If Memory Serves"

As expected, Alphas bounced back in a big way this week after the non-events of last week's sluggish "Life After Death," in preparation to knock us upside the head with a three-episode arc to conclude Season 2. "If Memory Serves" was bloated with material to the point where multiple rewinds were necessary to comprehend everything that was going on, and if I have one complaint about it, it's that all the stories didn't feel balanced and necessary. But the stuff that belonged? It was gooooooood.

What did feel absolutely necessary was Kat and Hicks' recon mission to upstate New York to get intel on one of Parish's outposts. And that's where we met not one, but two very interesting Alphas. The brain-and-brawns situation saw Sean Astin guest-starring as an Alpha named Mitchell with the ability to retain and project memories and his keeper, an Alpha I'll refer to as Beefcake, who had the ability to heal himself no matter how his body twisted and turned.

It was convenient and good writing that the two DCIS members sent out on the mission were having memory problems themselves. Kat (heart x 2) couldn't remember anything more than a month old and Hicks couldn't shake his memories of Dani. Mitchell was used well with both of them, delivering memories of Dani to Hicks to the point where Hicks was just frustrated, and revealing that Kat's lone memory her mother was actually an actress in a cleaning product commercial, in a delightfully sick twist. That's just cold, man. But Mitchell's real value was realized later when we learned he was a walking flash drive filled with Stanton Parish's past.

The natural course of action was then to extract Parish's nefarious world-destroying plans from Mitchell's head, but that's when Alphas pulled another fast one on us. The immortal Parish, who might be having plenty of senior moments given the fact that he's centuries old, used Mitchell as a means to not forget his feelings, the most recent of which was terrible guilt over sacrificing Dani two episodes ago. Thank the lord! Stanton's sudden change into a sociopathic nightmare was exactly what I've been complaining about in the last few weeks. Parish works so much better as a sympathetic villain who believes in a cause and feels for his associates, and this week we saw that he's not entirely the monster he was quickly portrayed as two episodes ago. Yes, plotting to kill millions is monster-ish and I still take issue with that decision, but it was the cold-blooded way he went about it that was the big turn-off. That just didn't fit his character. Can't we just forget that he almost murdered a ton of New Yorkers and get him back to the charismatic, smooth bad guy he was before?

Mitchell also showed Rosen another important detail about Parish's feelings. He's emotionally tied to the farmhouse, which he helped build with his dad and raised his first family in. Put yourself in Parish's shoes; the curse of immortality is that while you stay the same, everything else around you changes. Nothing is stable. But the old farmhouse had been a constant for Parish. So what did Rosen do? He played the cruelty card and burned it down with glee, intent on hitting Parish right where it hurts. It was another fantastic display of darkness by Alphas, and it was especially potent given that it was Rosen lighting the match. Rosen is a complicated man driven by vengeance. As he said earlier in the episode, "My team is dangerous, and so am I." Do not F with this man.

That line above was delivered to Senator Burton (guest-star Lauren Holly) in an attempt to wrap up her storyline. With all the other stuff going on in the series, it's hard to care about Senator Burton, and I'd be incredibly happy if we never heard from her again. Maybe Bill can punch her to the moon or something. But Rosen telling her off was one of this episode's highlights.

Gary got the beefy emotional story this week, as his mom was in a car accident. One of the best single-episode stories of this season was Gary's liberation from his mom and her apartment early on; last night, we saw the beginning of Gary's return home. Once again Ryan Cartwright was fantastic as a confused Gary trying to take in the heavy situation, and the moment between Gary and Bill when the latter explained the situation on simpler terms was heartfelt. But even though it was touching, the story did feel out of place with everything else. Kind of like Rachel's sexcapades last week. I guess we just have to remember that Alphas is very much a character-driven show, and that's why these moments resonate.

After all, emotional balance is what's driving the end of Season 2. We see moments of these characters employing compassion and retaining humanity, but the real fire comes from the rage Rosen and Hicks feel toward Parish. They both appear to be reaching their tipping point, and it will be interesting to see whether they go over the edge.

– That opening bit with our team kicking down doors and using various contraptions to render rogue Alphas impotent was great. That was just A-level ass-kicking there. I can't remember why Rosen was so interested in the particular address that led him to the farmhouse, though. I assume that was a detail from an earlier episode?

– Once again there was talk of amplifying Alphas' abilities with Parish's photic stimulators, but until something major happens on that front, the mentions are just there to remind us that the plot still exists. All you need to know is that Parish is looking to make his followers super-duper-powered.

– The decision to make Gary not totally like Kat is really paying off. It keeps them separated, which stretches the comic relief twice as far.

– Kat to Hicks: "Look at you smiling. Don't hurt yourself."

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Alphas S02E09: "The Devil Will Drag You Under"

When a magician is doing a card trick, he'll often do something distracting with his off-hand while the other hand slips out the Ace of Spades or grabs the scruff of a rabbit's neck. When people are caught in a lie, they'll often change the subject. And ladies know that a little cleavage goes a long way in diverting the attention of horny men from whatever shortcomings they're trying to hide. Sleight of hand and diversionary tactics are designed to put the focus somewhere else to create an illusion. Sometimes it works. But when it doesn't, you're just a person with your boobs hanging out.

Last night's episode of Alphas, "The Devil Will Drag You Under," had its boobs out, and while that's always a good time, the reason was mostly to hide minor flaws the show didn't want you to see. Now wait just a second before you throw rocks at your computer screen! It was a riveting episode of Alphas—in fact, one of the most gripping of the season, if not the series. I don't think there's been an episode that was as full-throttle as this one, and several of the action sequences stood out as stellar and exactly what we want from the show. There, you see? I did like it. I just didn't love it because I couldn't help but think of some of the shortcomings it was trying to hide.

There were two very interesting things going on in "The Devil Will Drag You Under." First, the switcheroo with Hicks as a man who'd turned and was working for Stanton Parish dominated the early part of the episode in great fashion. But it was easy to see that Hicks was acting strange, even for a man whose girlfriend was just tossed into a dangerous undercover assignment by her father. Hicks was reduced to a Terminator looking to protect Dani without regard for anything else, and given what we know about this show and its superpowered characters, it didn't take a genius to guess that Nina was somehow involved. So when it was revealed that Hicks was pushed into going after Dani by Nina in order to make him a flawless double agent, it didn't carry the same shock value as it could have. Instead, it became a convoluted bit for the benefit of trickery, without all the trickery. But that's also a side effect of establishing great characters. Because we know Hicks so well, we know he wouldn't do something like switch sides as quickly as he did. Had we seen a few episodes with him stewing, it would be a different story.

Second, we were all being unconsciously prepared to feel the pain of Dani's death through fond flashbacks and the events of the previous episodes. I'm not going to lie, it worked. Dani had been transformed from that chick who was Parish's mole and who emotionally toyed with Hicks into a caring girlfriend and loving daughter in just a few hours. There's a lot of irony here, since Dani's power is essentially the ability to manipulate and manufacture emotions, but I'll give Alphas credit for hitting all the high notes when it mattered. Nina trying to push Dani into not dying might just be one of the most heartbreaking television moments of the year. Silly me actually wondered if it would really work for a second there, but when Dani gave her last breath in Rosen's weepy arms, it was devastating. If you know you're being manipulated and it still works, it's good work on the show's part.

But despite the thrilling action and neck-snapping pace that really carried the episode (I could have down without the thrash soundtrack, though) and turned it into a mini action blockbuster, some of those aspects felt forced in the name of accomplishing greater goals. I had a hard time with Parish's actions in this episode, specifically his overly complicated and nerdy plan to dispatch an electric blast through Manhattan via power wires to kill millions of New Yorkers. Despite being painted as a villain, I've always had respect for the man, and I've even felt sympathetic to his stance as a rebel leader for the oppressed. But Parish pulling this scheme out of his back pocket undid a lot of that in a second. It's important for us to not trust Parish, but we can get that same mistrust from smaller-scale actions such as Parish hurting someone who we and Rosen's team care about, not the attempted murder of millions. I suppose that was accomplished by killing Dani, but the idea of him ready to toast New York takes away a lot of his... what's the word I'm looking for... classiness?

Thankfully, "The Devil Will Drag You Under" won't be remembered for minor beefs. We'll look back on the episode and think of Firehands burning the shit out of things, fights between Bill and Evil White Bill, Dani's death, and the episode's true intention: to send Dr. Rosen and Hicks into a fit of rage so that they'll finally rip Parish's head off. And put it in a box so that it can't rejoin with his body. That's how you kill immortals, right?

– Was there something more to Dani, as she was dying, doing that last emotional transfer to Nina? Or was it just a "her light is fading out" moment? Did Nina just get a peek at what the emotional state of a dying person is like? Whoa, dude.

– It felt bad to laugh at Gary when he was celebrating saving the city and telling Lorenzo the janitor that they won, given that we knew Dani had just been 'sploded to death. But damn, it was funny.

– Ahhhh! Chick from Battlestar Galactica (Kandyse McClure)! Your eyes! YOUR EYES!!! That was like looking into the bottom of a Goldschlager bottle! Absolutely mesmerizing.

– I wish Gary got to be in the field more this season.

– So... Kat's literally off for a few weeks to attend training?

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What to watch on Monday, September 10...

Alright, here we go: It's the beginning of a new week. Time to make some new week's resolutions. What's my new week's resolution, you ask? Easy! I'm giving up junk food and replacing it with reality TV. And I'm also giving up exercise. And the outdoors. And healthy food, too. Wait, did I just give up all food, all together? I think I did. Damnit. Here's what's on TV tonight:

8pm, Syfy
Alphas
In "Gods and Monsters" it becomes readily apparent that Parish's intentions are exceedingly evil when a young Alpha starts to show off some crazily dangerous mind-control skills. Having pretty much no other choice, Rosen realizes the only way to beat Parish is to, well, beat Parish. Will Rosen's efforts pay off?

SEASON FINALE, 8pm, ABC
Bachelor Pad
Oh em gee it's, like, the finale and stuff! Can you guess what's going to go down? I'll give you a hint. It has to do with a winning couple and lot of money. And also challenges. And roses. And bears, oh my! Okay, not really bears. But tonight Bachelor Pad will crown its reigning couple, who managed to survive the Bachelor house either because they're cunning or like-able or flat out lucky—and they may have also fooled themselves that they're in love. Poor chaps.

9pm, Syfy
Warehouse 13
In "Endless Monsters" Myka and Pete come across a drug that can actually make you taller (go ask Alice). In the process they make the acquaintance of a very strange drug company executive. Meanwhile, Steve, Artie, and Claudio sneakily follow Brother Adrian to his hiding place. And it's not a treehouse or a broom closet (which were always the first two places I'd look when seeking).

10pm, NBC
Grimm
In "The Good Shepherd" Monroe takes it upon himself to investigate a Wesen church shortly after a major robbery and all of the church goers become suspects. Nick, in the meantime, is making serious moves to reconnect with Juliette, hoping to spark her memories of him. Unfortunately for him, he's being followed—and that could mean really bad news for Juliette.

10:30pm, MTV
The Inbetweeners
Tonight's episode is called "The Wrong Box." Is that some kind of innuendo or a literal proclamation? I guess we'll have to find out, but I'm leaning toward innuendo: Will falls in love with the girl of his dreams, who happens to love cooking, so he decides to spearhead a cooking club on campus. Simon takes advantage of the plan, hoping his cooking skills will impress Carly. How hard can it be? Probably too hard for these two.

PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
Alphas, 8 p.m., Syfy
Bachelor Pad, SEASON FINALE, 8 p.m., ABC
Basketball Wives LA, 8 p.m., VH1
Hell's Kitchen, SEASON FINALE, 8 p.m., Fox
Switched at Birth, 8 p.m., ABC Family
The L.A. Complex, 8 p.m., The CW
The Voice, SEASON PREMIERE, 8 p.m., NBC
WWE Monday Night Raw, 8 p.m., USA
All on the Line, SEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., Sundance
American Chopper, 9 p.m., Discovery
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, 9 p.m., Travel
Border Wars, 9 p.m., NatGeo
Blood, Lies, & Alibis, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Hoarders, SEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., A&E;
Intervention, 9 p.m., A&E;
Love It or List It, 9 p.m., HGTV
Major Crimes, 9 p.m., TNT
MasterChef, SEASON FINALE, 9 p.m., Fox
T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle, 9 p.m., VH1
The Real Housewives of New York City, 9 p.m., Bravo
Warehouse 13, 9 p.m., Syfy
Bad Girls Club: Mexico, 10 p.m., Oxygen
Fast N' Loud, 10 p.m., Discovery
Gallery Girls, 10 p.m., Bravo
Grimm, 10 p.m., NBC
Perception, 10 p.m., TNT
Ridiculousness, 10 p.m., MTV
Stolen Voices, Buried Secrets, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
The Inbetweeners, 10:30 p.m., MTV
Get To Work, 10:30 p.m., Sundance

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS...
Lea Michele and Simon Bird on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC

What are you watching tonight?

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Alphas S02E07: "Gods and Monsters"

Sometimes I think Alphas has an Alpha power of its own: the ability to read my mind. It wasn't long ago that I wondered when Season 2's "super villain" (and the quotation marks are important to note) would sharpen his claws and give us a reason to truly to fear him.

While Rosen had taken a major interest in Mr. Parish and learned some important details about him—like the fact that shooting him in the head is a waste of a bullet—Parish has still been lurking around on the periphery, showing up to Rosen's solo pool parties or encouraging Danny Rosen to pursue her art career through brainwashing and manipulation. We've gotten the idea that he is a bad man, but one with a sense of purpose. And sometimes when we listen to him talk, we think he might not be bad at all, he's just ahead of the curve and a freedom fighter for his pro-Alpha cause. And while we're at it, we all admire his fashion sense, right?

But no matter how many doubts might be lingering in the back of our minds, Parish is our de facto bad guy, and thus he needs to show us how bad he actually is. Blowing up a train, as he did in the Season 2 premiere, was a step in the right direction, but—and apologies to the locomotive industry—it's pretty passé and the kind of thing that doesn't merit a second look. Big whoop. That's why Parish's escape from the DCIS holding cell was, for lack of a better word, so badass and so essential to defining this important character.

Parish, having been double-crossed by Rosen (more excellent fodder for the "Who is the more proper gentleman?" debate), was put in a holding cell with two armed men guarding him. He made a simple request and got it: a glass of water, in a small plastic cup. Then he told a story about how his own men blew themselves up during World War II by walking into a field despite being ordered not to. And then—and this is the good great part—Parish took his crumpled-up plastic cup and SHANKED HIMSELF IN THE THROAT, committing suicide. For a second at least. It was all a ruse by the immortal, who surprised the guards as they came to his aid. He did it with brains, he did it with class, and he did it with confidence. Stanton Parish, you are now a worthy adversary to Dr. Rosen.

And it seems Rosen is up to the challenge. These two do the good-guy-bad-guy dance so well when they share scenes, and the final showdown during their neural connection with Alpha Jason sort of summed up their stances. Rosen is fine with using Alpha powers for good, but not for gaining popularity and turning others into murderous minions. Parish would rather have his Alphas know the full extent of their powers and regularly visit their potential. However, and maybe this is Parish's charm having an effect on me, I don't think it's quite that black and white with Parish. He's a man who goes to extreme measures to attain his goals (you know, like sticking a cup in his windpipe), but he's also careful and calculating. It's true he didn't really care about Jason's well-being and was treating him like a new toy, but the knowledge gained from tinkering with this new supercharged Alpha would have been worth it in the war. Parish is a veteran of like a bajillion wars, so he knows the value of sacrifice.

I didn't love the story about Jason's mind control as the case of the week, particularly how it turned into the typical "nerdy guy uses powers to become the cool kid" routine. But it did signify a strong direction for the series by giving us an example of these super-Alphas that are created using Parish's photo stims. I'm not sure if this means the show won't be about the DCIS chasing after Building 7 escapees anymore so that it can instead explore the idea of looking out for these super-Alphas, but halfway through Season 2 it's apparent that Alphas has something greater up its sleeve.

– The idea of super-Alphas is a tricky thing. We don't really know the difference between those who have been photo-stimmed and those who haven't right off the bat. For us normal folk, powers are powers! If the series really wanted to use this device well, it would revisit Alphas we've seen before and show us how their powers have evolved. But I don't think that's logistically possible. It'll be interesting to see how photo-stimming works for the less abstract Alpha powers out there. If Bill were to get supercharged, would he just be stronger? Would Gary have faster download speeds? We've seen the effects on Rachel, and they basically make her senses, which were already hyper sensitive, even more sensitive.

– I loved this exchange between Rosen and Parish. Parish: "This was not what we discussed, Lee." Rosen: "We're only beginning to understand who each of us is." These guys are totally super smart, and Rosen's peek into Parish's mind at the end was more ammunition for Rosen. But did Parish also get a look into Rosen's mind, too? He should have, right?

– There's already plenty of story to tell next week now that Rosen knows Danny is somehow involved with Parish. Alphas does a fantastic job with season-long pacing and keeping things interesting. Not much filler this year at all.

– Kat: "What's up, Stan?" Many hearts toward Kat right now, she's great! I also loved the decision to put Parish in front of the whole Alphas team so they can say "Oh s***, that's the guy." It changes everything.

– The Rachel-Nina thing settled down pretty quickly, didn't it?

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Alphas S02E06: "Alphaville"

At the end of Alphas's first season, Dr. Lee Rosen changed the world by loose-lipping the secret of Alphas' existence. Well, we thought he did. His brave speech before congress confirming the presence of people out there with special abilities was transmitted across the world, but before Season 2 the writers decided that was a bit too much, a bit too soon and—let's face it—copped out by having Rosen painted as a loony person. As a result, Season 2 reset the series and things went back to normal, with the only difference being that more people were curious about them and the Weekly World News had more fodder for tabloids. I can't be the only person who was slightly disappointed by that.

That's why it was such a relief to see that Rosen's speech DID have an impact somewhere in last night's Alphas episode, "Alphaville." Normal-powered humans may consider Alphas a thing of folklore from Rosen's speech, but for the Alphas themselves, his blabbermouthing meant more persecution and nagging from regular people. It's a bit confusing the way Alphas is handling the secret; if the secret stayed in, why is there now more persecution? With Alphas Alpha-ing all over the place, why aren't there more eye-witness reports? And are there really no Alphas who want people to know they have powers? If I could shoot fire from my hands, you better believe I'd be joining a live-action Street Fighter II tour and Hadoken-ing all over the place. Whatever, we just have to pretend those questions don't really exist and enjoy the show's kickass fight scenes.

But the relationship between Rosen, who isn't an Alpha (or so he says, though it was seemingly confirmed when he didn't hallucinate last week), and the Alphas who aren't on his team is something that is fun to explore. This episode, Rosen went after Skylar (guest-star Summer Glau), who had holed up in a hippie commune for Alphas somewhere in the woods. The hippies had gone off the grid to live in peace and quiet and to avoid people like Rosen, and his presence wasn't well-received, particularly by Bee Man Claude and Mr. EMP Hands (and yes, I know they're not EMPs because they floored Rosen, but I don't know what else to call him). While Rosen's plan with his Season 1-ending speech was driven by good intentions, the fallout wasn't happy for some. Mr. EMP Hands was thrown out of his house by his wife, who took his kids and ruined his life. He conveniently blamed Rosen for his mess, which actually sounded more like a domestic issue (marry a cooler chick next time, bud), but it's great to see that Rosen's speech did SOMETHING, even if it wasn't what he intended.

But that circle was never really completed in the episode. Rosen and his team entered this utopia of sorts, and his snooping around to figure out the function of the photic stimulator he acquired last week brought some other bad elements with it, in the form of Stanton Parish's henchmen. One thing led to another, and like the ending of all bad parties, the whole community burned to the ground. There was no resolution to the angst toward Rosen from the hippie Alphas, and that's fine. But the notion that some Alphas were really pissed at Rosen was never revisited, even when he was indirectly responsible for turning their vegan village into ash. Rosen got off easy, didn't he? Claude missed a perfect "I told you so!" moment that he may never get back.

We'll excuse that because the long-term implications of Rosen's speech will serve the story well. There's a war for Alphas' allegiances, which was touched on a bit in Season 1, and free-agent Alphas are going to have to pick a side: Team Parish or Team Rosen. The more hurdles that Rosen has to go through to earn the trust of rogue Alphas the better, and showing us that Rosen's speech was not well-received makes the story kick. We trust that Rosen is doing the right thing, but the more we have doubts, the thicker the central mystery gets. There were brilliant moments in Season 1 where we all thought Red Flag might not be so bad after all, and the same might be true for Parish in Season 2. It's a debate that Alphas should make us squabble over for as long as it can.

Before he committed second-degree arson, Rosen did get some research on the photic stim done. Skylar wasn't a whole lot of help, though, as Rachel discovered the unit had been tampered with and then accidentally zapped herself with it (butterfingers!). The stims can amplify Alpha powers greatly, which is obviously of interest to Parish and whatever his plan is. The pieces are coming together slowly, but thankfully the series is interesting enough that it doesn't impede the pacing at all.

This week's Alpha fight involved Hicks taking on the sister of the super-agile chick he previously fought back in Season 1. It seems Alphas doesn't have a problem with settling for "super dexterous person fights super dexterous person" Alpha fights to save on special effects, but given that this is Syfy and Hicks can still look super badass by shooting a gun out of someone's hand while vaulting off of a balcony, I'm okay with it. And I'm even more okay with Bill turning into the Kool-Aid Man and busting through the wall to bear-hug Hicks' attacker. Oooooh yeah!

The obvious attraction in tonight's episode was Glau, but I'm not sure her character was necessary in this one. Rachel did most of the legwork in figuring out the machine, Skylar just kept on saying she needed more time to figure it out. So they went to see her because...? The episode did give her a pretty decent story involving her kid, though, and it's nice to see a recurring character have a lot of depth. And what did you think of Parish approaching her at the end? Is she going dark side, or is she going to remain neutrally evasive?

"Alphaville" was a decent episode of Alphas, but it didn't really further the stories of our characters a whole lot. Consider it a mid-season breather before the second half of the season starts.

– Everyone is still shitting all over Nina! I expected it from Rachel, but not from Bill.

– Where was the Alpha who could shoot water of his butt to put out the fire?

– I'm a big fan of Rosen finally understanding that someone close to them has ties to Parish and is warning him about their actions. That's going to open up the door for some really great stories in the second half of the season.

– Claude, the man who can control bees! It is not a good sign if the show is coming up with powers like that.

– Which Summer do you prefer: Rebel Glau with tattoos and dyed hair, or conservative single-mom Glau?

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Alphas S02E05: "Gaslight"

There were lots of little things to like in last night's episode of Alphas, "Gaslight," mostly related to the show's big picture. But I was less enthused that "Gaslight" was a haunted-hospital episode that departed from the series' regular tone; it was basically an amateur horror movie, complete with plenty of blinking fluorescent bulbs. But in this "take the good with the bad" scenario, we can dismiss the bad (and really, it wasn't all THAT bad) as confined to the episode and not a sign that Alphas as a whole is in trouble. Just don't make it a habit, Alphas.

I'm a bad-news-first kind of guy, so let's start with the case of the week. "Gaslight" started off with an Alpha named Adam identifying his sister's body as she was stuffed into the wall cabinets of a hospital morgue. But as he was walking away, he heard sis call out and then twitched, freaked out a bit, and crawled along the walls trying to escape from some handsy hospital workers. It was immediately distressing as we were all like, "Excuse me, Alphas, but what exactly is going on here?" But what was clear to me was that someone was messing with Adam's mind. And as our team of Alphas investigated the hospital, things started messing with their minds, too.

I'm all for horror and Alphas giving it a shot, but I don't think the payoff (or lack thereof) was worth it. I'm sure that Adam was planted in the story to be a diversion and that we were supposed to believe he was somehow connected to all the mind tricks affecting Rachel, Gary, Bill, and Hicks, but I always saw Adam as another victim. In fact, there was so little forward progress with answers and so much attention on mind-f*ckery that these hallucinations lingered a bit too long. Alphas is normally great at moving things along, but the midsection of "Gaslight" ran in place and was more concerned with maintaining an already loose horror theme. I could have done with less being freaked out over Cameron's visions of his son and Gary locking Rosen out of the room where the real culprit was, and I would have loved more answers or more time spent on the explanation of the infrasound haunting. As far as I could tell, there was a comatose Alpha who was transmitting infrasound messages that scrambled the brains of Alphas, but not regular people. That's a pretty lousy Alpha ability, if you ask me.

However, what was revealed through these "hauntings" was pretty cool, especially with regard to Gary. Our favorite character saw visions of his old flame Anna, and coupled with Gary's visit to her way-too-late tombstone-unveiling, it had a much bigger emotional impact than the visions the others had (like keeping the memory of her alive through a bogus account that pays homage to her). And though it wasn't clearly explained whether these visions were of people the characters needed to confront, be afraid of, or help (Rosen's theory), it was interesting to see how Gary's manifestation of Anna compared to the others. Anna was almost a dream to Gary, while the others were nightmares. Hicks had visions of his son in trouble, Bill had to fight himself, and Rachel saw Nina at the bottom of a pool. That last one carries a lot of weight, given Rachel and Nina's current relationship status. Does Rachel, who shut out Nina, secretly long to save her? It's all open to interpretation, but it feels like that's what was going on because nothing was clearly explained.

What did work for me was the way the episode continued Alphas' commitment to deliver for its fans over the casual viewer. The continuation of Nina's story from last week's very strong episode showed a lot of respect for the character. Sometimes, especially with shows labeled "procedurals," there's a rush to bring things back to normal at the end of every episode, but Nina still has a lot of recovery to do and her relationship with the rest of the team is brittle at best. And it's not just about repairing her fractured friendships. Alphas is finding realistic ways to keep her in the loop, and Rosen has found good uses for her power (helping out Kat, helping him learn more about Stanton Parish) to keep her effectively separated from the more investigative portion of the team. Many shows have a problem with finding uses for all their characters and will sometimes force situations to validate characters, but Alphas doesn't.

The show even gave us a realistic heads-up for the next episode. Rosen discovered that the photic stimulators used in the hospital were made by August Medical, which he traced back to Stanton Parish. It's not clear what these photic stimulators do, but Rosen delighted Summer Glau fans everywhere when he asked Gary to call up Skyler (the machine whiz from last season) in hopes she can figure out why Parish has distributed these devices to 2,700 hospitals across the country.

"Gaslight" did touch on a lot of things Alphas does well and sufficiently took the next step in season-long plotting, but the self-contained case wasn't as sharp as others. Thankfully the cases aren't actually vital to the series, as its strengths are with its characters and the bigger story.

– Rachel's "I'm not a dog" probably got the biggest laugh from me, mostly because it was Rachel saying it, which made it that much funnier. But Hicks talking about black guys in horror movies was a close second.

– I do think the show did a nice job with the mood and atmosphere of horror, but it just went on a bit too long when it felt unnecessary.

– What kind of terrible memories is Kat going to unearth? I'm scared, guys!

– Oh, hi Lauren Holly (she played the senator)! You're looking... kinda old. Was Dumb & Dumber that long ago?

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What to watch on Monday, August 20...

Monday funday, here we come. With the television schedule filling out just a little bit more as we inch into fall, there's just enough to look forward to tonight (and just enough to take your mind off of the fact that it's Monday). Here's what's on TV tonight:

8pm, Syfy
Alphas
Syfy will give us an early showing of Alphas tonight, airing "Gaslight" at 8pm and 10pm. Not too shabby! In it, an Alpha goes nuts and kidnaps Rachel while visiting the hospital. Will the team be able to get to her before it's too late?

SERIES FINALE, 9pm, ABC Family
Bunheads
The surprisingly popular ABC Family show will finsih out its season tonight with "A Nutcracker in Paradise." Michelle and Fanny finally bond as they continue to work together on the summer recital, but something catches them both off guard shortly before the show that could completely destroy their progress. Meanwhile Boo turns her attention to a boy—and how to work up the courage to pursue him.

10pm, NBC
Grimm
In "The Kiss," Nick and his mom team up to take down the newly-arrived Mauvais Dentes while Monroe and Rosalee try to come to Juliette's rescue as information about her comatose state surfaces. Meanwhile, Hank continues to grapple with reality and Captain Renard gets thrown off when he gets a visit from his brother. Wild guess: does "the kiss" have anything to do with what Nick needs to do to wake Juliette?

10pm, TNT
Perception
After taking a week off, Perception comes back with "Lovesick," wherein the FBI enlists Pierce to help find a therapist killer. Also, Moretti gets closer to Professor Hathaway and Haley manipulates Pierce into getting funding for a new building. Will he be perceptive enough to see through her intentions? Har har.

SERIES PREMIERE, 10:30pm, MTV
The Inbetweeners
It's another MTV attempt at a British adaptation! Let's hope this one fairs better than Skins did. In the series premiere, Will Mackenzie is a new kid with high hopes of shedding his previously nerdy persona and starting out fresh as a cool kid. But when the school's vice principal chooses to have three social "inbetweeners" (not cool, not nerdy) show him around on his first day, his hopes of reaching the top of the food chain quickly might be dashed.

PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
Bachelor Pad, 8 p.m., ABC
Hotel Hell, 8 p.m., FOX
Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, 8 p.m., VH1
Tia & Tamera, 8 p.m., Style
The Secret Life of the American Teenager, 8 p.m., ABC Family
Wild Justice, 8 p.m., NatGeo
WWE Monday Night Raw, 8 p.m., USA
American Pickers, 9 p.m., History
Bizarre Foods America, 9 p.m., Travel
Border Wars, 9 p.m., NatGeo
Blood, Lies, & Alibis, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Bunheads, SEASON FINALE, 9 p.m., ABC Family
Chicagolicious, 9 p.m., Style
Hell's Kitchen, 9 p.m., Fox
Intervention, 9 p.m., A&E;
Love It or List It, 9 p.m., HGTV
Opening Act, 9 p.m., E!
Remodeled, 9 p.m., The CW
Single Ladies, 9 p.m., VH1
Stars Earn Stripes, 9 p.m., NBC
The Real Housewives of New York City, 9 p.m., Bravo
United Bates of America, 9 p.m., TLC
Warehouse 13, 9 p.m., Syfy
Bad Girls Club: Mexico, 10 p.m., Oxygen
Beyond Scared Straight, SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., A&E;
Big Tiny, 10 p.m., TLC
Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, 10 p.m., Food
Gallery Girls, 10 p.m., Bravo
Locked Up Abroad, 10 p.m., NatGeo
Major Crimes, 10 p.m., TNT
Pawn Stars, 10 p.m., History
Push Girls, 10 p.m., Sundance
Ridiculousness, 10 p.m., MTV
Stolen Voices, Buried Secrets, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
The Glass House, SEASON FINALE, 10 p.m., ABC
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
Get To Work, 10:30 p.m., Sundance

LATE-NITE HIGHLIGHTS...
Hope Solo on Chelsea Lately, 11 p.m., E!
Maya Rudolph and Jeff Foxworthy on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Tom Arnold and Ashley Greene on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Liv Tyler and Maria Sharapova on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What are you watching tonight?

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