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King of the Summer USA Network made some big decisions today regarding three of its top warm-weather performers. Royal Pains, White Collar, and Covert Affairs have all been renewed for additional seasons today.

The most confidence went to Royal Pains, which was renewed for two seasons, a fifth and a sixth, for a total of 26 episodes. White Collar and Cover Affairs both received 16-episode orders. That will be Season 5 for White Collar and Season 4 for Covert Affairs.

Elsewhere at USA, Burn Notice is still awaiting word on a seventh season (it has yet to air the second half of Season 6, which begins in November), but the series is looking good for renewal. But as we've said before, Common Law is almost certainly getting canceled, and Necessary Roughness and Fairly Legal are looking boned, too.

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White Collar S04E09: "Gloves Off"

I figured it out! White Collar isn't simply the story of a con man gone good. It's actually an examination of a friendship between two grown men, but the joke is that it's the sort of friendship the rest of us experienced in elementary school. Despite the decidedly grown-up plotlines related to art theft, FBI protocols, and tropical extradition laws, the subtext of almost every scene is involves Neal and Peter being Best Friends Times Infinity Blackout Forever Jinx U Owe Me a Coke Let's Hug We Are Besties!!!!!1 And this week's episode, "Gloves Off," not only explored what happens a person has TWO besties, it devolved into essentially a playground tussle over the matter!

Honestly, this childish dynamic makes tons of sense in the world of White Collar: Much like the FBI, friendships often entail several levels of security clearance depending on your place on the totem pole. Like, if your second-best friend tells you a secret, you can only share that secret with your first-best friend, as your first-best friend has the highest level of security clearance possible. But major conflicts arise when the second-best friend believes that he or she is actually your first-best friend: THEN what are the proper clearance levels of secrets disclosure? This conflict is bound to happen when you weight relationships like this, but often your two best friends will TEST their security clearances by forbidding you to disclose information to the other, which is always the first step toward a huge friendship meltdown. That's basically what "Gloves Off" was all about: Neal found himself caught between TWO parties who each demanded best-friend status, and it did NOT end well for anybody.

We began where last week's episode left off: Neal, in dressy-casual, popping in an old Betamax tape for an exposition viewing party at Peter's house. Though the video was recorded so long ago that Ellen looked like a different person entirely, the quality of the picture was darn-near HD. (Dang, maybe Beta shouldn't have lost the videotape format war?) Anyway, Young Ellen didn't say too much that we didn't already know: Neal's father had confessed to a crime he probably didn't commit, his department was filled to the brim with dirty cops, Young Ellen wanted to devote her life to keeping Neal safe, he should trust Sam, blah blah blah. Honestly, the lack of new intel was borderline annoying, but the important thing was, somewhere out there was a lockbox containing MORE information. So, you know, just another thing that needed to be tracked down—oh, and also they'd need THE KEY to the lockbox. So I guess TWO things to track down. After viewing the video, Peter told Neal he'd help him figure out this whole thing, but they each made the other swear that neither of them would involve anybody else—not Sam, not Diana, not Diana's ponytail—NOBODY. They even shook on it! That they didn't pinkie-swear was a big sign that betrayal was probably in the cards later.

Unfortunately a (perceived) betrayal arrived basically right away. After Sam dropped by Neal's place for an afternoon session of dancing around answers, Elizabeth popped in to bring Neal some homemade gelato (Elizabeth is the best). But because Neal didn't want Peter finding out that he'd been hanging out with his NBF Sam, he made Sam go hide in the bedroom and even went so far as to rattle his ice cube tray real loud every time Elizabeth mentioned something incriminating. Elizabeth ain't no dunce, so she immediately knew Neal had company. Minutes later, after a really long car commercial in which Elizabeth enjoyed her self-parking car, she ended up spotting Sam leaving Neal's and snapped a photo. Needless to say, Peter was totes butt-hurt about Neal cheating on him with Sam. Bestie drama!

This all led to the case of the week which involved insider trading between wealthy Wall Street jocks. "Jocks" isn't just a pejorative here—these guys were seriously sharing insider trading tips at secret boxing matches. Neal went undercover using one of his old Wall Street aliases and scored a job at the financial firm of the main suspect Eric Dunham (guest-star Victor Webster in a rare, fully clothed role), but when he attempted to feed the guy some "inside info" about some supposed sexual shenanigans at a coffee bean company, Dunham demanded to meet Neal's source. And that's how we got another delightful moment in which PETER had to go undercover also. Peter ended up being a terrific wealthy Wall Street jerk, but he was so steamed at Neal for continually overstepping his undercover boundaries that he himself entered into a Wall Street boxing match AGAINST Neal. And that's how THE shirtless beefcake boxing battle of 2012 came to fruition!

Needless to say, the boxing match between Peter and Neal was glorious, and not just because it followed a TRAINING MONTAGE. Because the closer this show gets to an '80s movie, the better it is, in my opinion. But yeah, originally the match was going to be choreographed so that Peter would win (an informal poll of the entire FBI white collar crimes division revealed that Peter was the more credible winner) and would be the one to receive Dunham's insider trading info. But just before the boxing match began Neal learned that Peter had confronted Sam personally ("Neal is MY bestie, Sam!" (paraphrasing)) and now Neal was SO MAD at Peter. So the boxing match took on this unpleasant edge wherein Neal was legit trying to knock Peter out and Peter looked all scared and sad, trying to explain between punches why he'd gone behind Neal's back. This bummer of a fight between two good friends was almost too upsetting to properly ogle them in their boxing shorts. ALMOST.

[I don't know why I did this.]

Anyway, Peter pretty convincingly knocked Neal out and moments later found himself on the receiving end of some HOT insider trading action. At this point Eric Dunham was arrested and taken away, but rather than feel the warm glow of a double-victory, Peter had a lingering sense of guilt over having sorta-betrayed his friend and also punched him out in public. He quickly tracked Neal down and they yelled at each other in the street about the semantics of their original agreement and about whether Neal is allowed to have a private life outside of their friendship and whatnot. THEN they learned that Sam's apartment had been ransacked, probably because of Peter's meddling ways. In a final, slightly devastating moment, Neal coldly informed Peter that he'd continue being an FBI ward of the state but that their friendship was effectively over 4-EVA. [Sadface emoji]

I made a crack last week about how this season has been solid if not particularly electrifying, but I think this episode was much closer to the electrifying side of things. The drama was fast and enjoyable and in the end felt serious enough as to be meaningful in the long run. I mean, honestly, how many times can these two besties have a friendship-threatening squabble and still reset to the norm? I'm guessing they'll be thick as thieves-and-FBI-agents again soon, but still. This friendship drama is getting intense!

Finally—and I HAD to point this out—this episode was directed by the one and only Renny Harlin! I'm a HUGE fan of his oeuvre, but especially of one of his earliest works, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master. I mean, out of all the Freddy movies, Part 4 is at LEAST in the Top 3 (depending on how you feel about New Nightmare). The cockroach scene alone!

I really hope you enjoyed that.

Next Week: The midseason finale!

QUESTIONS:

... Will Neal find that lockbox and/or key?

... Will Neal and Peter hug it out?

... Should Neal and Peter have a boxing rematch?

... What is better: Pistachio gelato or Elizabeth as a person?

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White Collar S04E08: "Ancient History"

Few things are as awkward as running into an ex, but in the world of White Collar it's basically the opposite: It's straight-up thrilling! See, in real life we tend to run into our exes in unglamorous places, like at grocery store, and we're probably dressed in sweatpants. But in this show Neal runs into exes while wearing three-piece suits in five star hotels or swanky social events and usually the exes are international art thieves looking to ensnare him into elaborate double-cross cons. You know? Meanwhile WE would just be awkwardly explaining to our exes why we were staring at sheet cakes in a grocery store at 1 a.m. Anyway, this whole insanely-hot-criminal-mastermind-ex element is just one more reason why this is the best show through which to live vicariously!

So which gorgeous criminal mastermind from Neal's past showed up in "Ancient History"? None other than Alex, the Greek femme fatale last seen in the Season 2 finale who'd basically been thrown under the bus, crime-wise, after the whole U-boat treasure thing first went down. She'd evidently been chilling in a Greek prison for a year and a half for attempting to steal ancient antiquities (do NOT call them antiques), but only days after her release had already become embroiled in some heavy-duty ancient artifact purloining. Not only did a heist Neal had infiltrated feel like Alex was somehow involved, she explicitly sought him out afterward using her ol' yellow-origami-flower trick. It turned out she was indeed in town, which meant that the FBI now needed Neal to figure out her involvement in the new scheme. Or something. Did it matter? Neal and Alex were suddenly hanging out again!

Meanwhile Mozzie had grown ultra-jealous after Neal received a secret Beta videotape which had been posthumously sent to him by Ellen on the occasion of her death. Neal decided that he only wanted to watch the tape with Sam, and not Mozzie, even though Mozzie owned A LOT of Beta players! I mean, that's just rude right there. So that's when Mozzie resorted to desperate measures: He contacted Peter to help him spy on Neal. (But only after generously bestowing upon Peter the gift of a 2-ton stone coin from his travels.) So yeah, our favorite odd couple teamed up to somehow infiltrate Sam and Neal's relationship, as a couple of jealous, jilted besties are wont to do. But this led to a situation in which Mozzie got the wrong address for Sam's apartment and ended up snooping around ALEX's apartment. Which was being staked out by Peter and led to HIM joining Mozzie in Alex's bathroom just before Alex and Neal arrived back from one of their high-chemistry banter-dates. It was all as farcical as it was HANDSOME.

After Alex discovered that Neal had been infiltrating her goings-on, they understandably had a falling out. As did Neal, Peter, and Mozzie when Neal found out what they'd been doing. Seriously, Neal looked SO MAD at them. (Aw, I hate it when they fight.) But eventually Neal came around a bit after it became clear that he'd been unnecessarily keeping secrets also, and he agreed to help Peter continue with the Alex case. In their ruse, Neal would pretend to win back Alex's trust by helping her knock over a local museum (the FBI agreed to this because it would lead them to Alex's shadowy boss). And, in one of the broader schemes ever featured on White Collar, Neal impersonated BANKSY and got the museum to not only allow him to spray paint their walls, but also close it to the public AND shut off its security cameras. All that without even attempting a British accent. And you know what? It sounded plausible to me! Seriously, the art world is nuts. I wouldn't put it past that gallery owner to be so gullible.

The twist was that ONCE AGAIN the heist was interrupted by the NYPD, meaning that someone aside from the undercover participants wanted the thieves to be caught. As it turned out Alex herself wanted the heists to be thwarted so that the police would confiscate all the valuables into their storage locker and she could just bust in and take them all at once! (Which, haha, okay show.) So yeah, it did appear that Alex was using Neal just as much as he'd used her. And because this was White Collar, just because someone is on the run doesn't mean she won't sneak into your apartment for one last farewell conversation. Sure beats an awkward goodbye in the grocery store dessert aisle, am I right?

Finally, because we can only progress the over-arching story with the tiniest of baby-steps, the episode ended with Neal agreeing to watch his Beta tape with Mozzie and Peter after all. So he pressed play, and... CREDITS! Oh, White Collar, you big tease. Another solid episode in what's turning out to be a solid season. ("Solid" is the correct term here, right? Nothing mind-blowing, just super dependable.) Only two more episodes until hiatus!

And now some pictorial observations for you guys:

... Do we like Diana's ponytail?

... Who WAS this guy? Can he be a new character please?

... Whoa, it actually RAINS in New York?

... Y'all gonna tune in next week for THIS?:

Thought so!

What did YOU think of this episode?

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Welcome back, Kotter captioners! What a great bevy of submissions we racked up over the weekend! I'm supremely impressed. Here are the winners from Friday's contest:

From JT_Kirk:

Doctor: "Ok, ok, let's stop and ask ourselves: WWDTD—What Would David Tennant Do?"

From Daniel-Jackson:

Doctor: "I saw the fall of Troy. World War V. I pushed boxes at the Boston Tea Party. Now I'm going to get killed by plumbers. In Cardiff."

From Simonuela:

Doctor: "But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is Amy and Rory come to kick you in the ..."

Well, I can't say it's the best night of television for photo captioning, but I did my best to find something scripted and wound up with yet another nugget from White Collar. In tonight's "Ancient History" Neal and his team try to track down a thief who's been stealing rare artifacts from multiple museums. In the still below, Neal inspects the museum glass with Alexandra. Post your best caption ideas in the comments!

Check out all of our recent winners on TV.com's Open Caption Pinterest Board.

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White Collar S04E07: "Compromising Positions"

I am not a professor of law, nor am I a policeman, nor even a celebrated gentleman detective. Don't come to me with your legal questions, is what I'm saying, because I don't know everything about the law! I DO know that things that are against the law aren't legal. You can't just go and do something totally illegal and be like, "I didn't break the law just now," because you'd be wrong. You did. Go to jail. White Collar is ostensibly a show about the FBI attempting to stop high-class criminals from always getting away with everything all the time. Except, for a show about fighting crime it sure does feature our heroes doing A LOT of crime-breaking. We're talking nonstop breaking and entering, theft, document forgeries, you name it. The main loophole White Collar uses to excuse our heroes' behavior is that Neal isn't technically in the FBI, so as long as his methods yield an arrest, everything's cool. But "Compromising Positions" basically presented a funhouse mirror version of this show that, while insanely entertaining, raised some troubling questions about the FBI's ethics. Questions, by the way, that need no answers, because who really cares? Peter and Sara had a FAKE AFFAIR! And Elizabeth choreographed it! Yeah, this episode was awesome.

Mythology-wise one important thing happened in this episode: We met Sam! During one of his jaunty crosstown walks/fashion-shows, Neal suddenly found himself tailed by a mysterious SUV and then quickly jumped aboard at the first opportunity. Sitting behind the wheel was none other than the secret informant whom Ellen had assured Neal he could trust. I don't know about you guys, but I thought we'd get a gender switcheroo and Sam would end up being some hot lady that Neal would shirtless-hug a ton, but nope. It was Treat Williams. He'd received Neal's secret email a few days earlier and took the meeting as an opportunity to boss Neal around all kinds. Apparently he too wanted to find Ellen's killer but did not yet trust Neal to do the job, particularly due to Neal's FBI associations (the creeps responsible for the murder were likely on the inside). They argued about this for a while and then and parted ways. Undercover bro drama.

The episode's primary case involved the trial of a known low-life owner of a high rise. The man's guilt came down to Peter giving expert testimony in response to the expert questioning of the District Attorney. Unfortunately the District Attorney became so rattled by a woman in the courtroom that he borderline LOST THE CASE right then and there. As it turned out, she was a woman he'd had a one-night stand with a week prior and turned out to be the defendant's girlfriend. So when she showed up in the courtroom with her wry smiles and bodacious cleavage, the D.A. had no choice but to blow the whole thing. It happens! That's the legal system for you.

As the FBI came to discover, the entire one-night-stand and ensuing courtroom flirtation were all arranged by an "Executive Consultant" by the name of Ms. Shepherd. She was a Jill-of-all-Trades type woman, a Miss Fix-It, if you will, a Lady MacGyver, a Blackmailin' Madame, a Tricky Vixen, a Crafty Patty, a Ruiner of Lives and Destroyer of Dreams. Basically she was some lady who could accomplish anything she set out to do, usually through extortion, blackmail, and wry put-downs. She was kind of amazing, in other words, and not least because her high-powered roster of clients included our beloved Sara! That's right, Sara's company regularly paid this woman to go break the law a bunch in order to secure their valuables. But since this evil genius was the only thing standing between a conviction of the low-life landlord and his getting off Scot-free (are Scots free?), the team set out to dismantle her working relationship with the guy.

Fortunately, because Sara <3s Neal and Peter SO MUCH, she totally agreed to help ensnare Shephard in her own web of deceit. After Sara "hired" Ms. Shepherd to blackmail Neal into returning some sexy photos of Sara, Ms. Shepherd revealed that she was WAY smarter than anyone thought and instead blackmailed Neal with the knowledge that Mozzie had been snooping around in some illegal places. (Mozzie had actually been helping Neal track down Sam's home address. A rubber baby was involved. Long story.) So Neal called off the sting and Peter got super mad at him. This would be the first of a number of conversations in which Peter objected to someone doing illegal things (in this case Mozzie) only to then explicitly condone illegal things so long as he didn't know the particulars.

So that's when a particularly sexy Plan B kicked into gear. Because the gang knew that Ms. Shepherd would rather quit than have anybody tell her how to do her job (GET IT GURL) they conspired to get her to quit working for the landlord low-life by arranging for her to have to possibly betray Sara, her favorite client. Shephard chose not to, of course, which displeased her other boss, which caused Ms. Shepherd to quit in protest. The plan worked! But I didn't even tell you the best part... The thing she was supposed to blackmail Sara over? Pictures of Sara and PETER getting it on. Because LOL. For real, the scene in which Neal and Peter pitched this idea to Elizabeth and Sara had to have been one of my favorite White Collar scenes in a long time. Obviously the ladies were SKEPTICAL of this idea, but even Elizabeth came to see the logic. And it all lead to the most awkward and tense photo shoot of all time? Elizabeth swilled champagne while Neal took photos of Peter and Sara awkwardly rubbing on each other, but then Elizabeth jumped into the fray and directed them to be more believable. Oh man, so strange. So good.

So anyway, while all these shenanigans were going on, the original trial was just about to finish up and things were NOT looking good for the FBI. In a sort of hail mary move, Peter and Neal decided that Ms. Shepherd was probably still in possession of the smoking-gun bit of evidence needed to put her former boss behind bars. So Peter happily turned a blind eye while Mozzie used tons of illegal tricks (all magical, of course, seeing as he was the product of a paradox and an enigma that shared a special hug 45 years ago) to trap Ms. Shepherd into turning over the contraband. She did, it was lodged as evidence at the very last minute, and a thrilled-to-be-testifying Neal provided the last bit of expert testimony needed to put the criminal away once and for all. Victories all around! (P.S. Speaking of victories, the judge was the same actress who played Bibi from The Apple! A select few of you know what I'm talking about: Amazing, right?)

But it wouldn't be White Collar without Peter having misgivings about Neal, so right at the end Ms. Shepherd even explicitly warned Peter that Neal was up to no good (Sam-related stuff) and that when Neal got caught, Peter would get dragged down with him. Old news, lady! We've been through this before! Anyway, at the very end Neal DID track down Sam once again and Sam reluctantly agreed to help Neal find Ellen's murderers. Because what kind of monster would refuse Neal a second time? Cut to: Peter staking out the meeting and snapping photos and generally looking super butt-hurt that Neal tracked down Sam in secret. Oh, get over it, Peter. FIFTEEN laws were broken to track Sam down, and you're not into law-breaking right? RIGHT? Haha right.

Good episode. No complaints here.

QUESTIONS:

... Do you hope Ms. Shepherd will be a recurring character?

... Were you disappointed that Sam wasn't a foxy lady?

... Was the photo shoot super sexy or very awkward?

... Do you wish you had a power drill/USB drive in the shape of a baby?

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What to watch on Tuesday, August 28...

Whoa now, what's going on in TV tonight, right? Isn't that the question on everybody's mind? Let's cut to the chase real cool-like. Here's your TV line-up for tonight:

8pm, ABC Family
Pretty Little Liars
In "The Lady Killer" (wooOOo, saucy title) someone very close to Aria, Hanna, Emily, and Spencer is revealed to have been working with "A." Line up the list of suspects, folks. Also, Rosewood will turn into a cesspool for media activity thanks to the commencement of Garrett's murder trial.

9pm, USA
White Collar
Oh em gee, it's judicial sabotage. In tonight's "Compromising Positions" a crafty political fixer attempts to undermine a trial for a criminal that Peter originally put behind bars. Clearly, this criminal has something against Peter (the jail thing, you know) but it's up to Peter to make sure he doesn't get the "freedom" to take his vendetta any further.

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, TLC
Abby & Brittany
TLC is ramping up their reality show coverage with this new series, Abby & Brittany, about a pair of conjoined twins. Though not a particularly comfortable topic for many to tune-in for, it's certainly a glance into a lifestyle most of us aren't exposed to on a daily basis—and that might just be all you need to peak your interest. In "22nd Birthday Bash" Abby and Brittany celebrate their ...um, 22nd birthday.

10pm, USA
Covert Affairs
The award for weirdest episode title goes to tonight's "Loving the Alien." In it Annie will agree to take a trip to Cuba with Simon in order to learn more about him and any of the potentially illegal business matters he's involved in—the only problem is she has to swing this one solo because backup from the CIA can't tag along.

SEASON 4 FINALE, 10pm, MTV
Teen Mom
In the season finale of everyone's favorite glorification of the malpractice of safe sex, a whole season's worth of conflict will come to a head (as it tends to do during a finale). In "Wake Up" Ryan will confront Maci about his custody over their child, Tyler and Catelynn discuss their decision surrounding the adoption, Farrah pines for Sophia, and Amber has second thoughts about Gary's full custody over Leah. Hopefully the moral of this season is, "Man, it's tough being a teen mom" and not "man, I wish I could be a teen mom." We'll have to see!

PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
America's Got Talent, 8 p.m., NBC
Republican National Convention, 8 p.m., PBS, CNN, MSNBC
Pretty Little Liars, 8 p.m., ABC Family
19 Kings and Counting, SEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., TLC
Beverly Hills Nannies, 9 p.m., ABC Family
Dance Moms, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Face Off, 9 p.m., Syfy
Hard Time, 9 p.m., NatGeo
MasterChef, 9 p.m., Fox
Mobsters, 9 p.m., Bio
Mysteries at the Museum, 9 p.m., Travel
Property Virgins, 9 p.m., HGTV
Shipping Wars, 9 p.m., A&E;
Top Gear, 9 p.m., BBC America
White Collar, 9 p.m., USA
Abby & Brittany, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., TLC
Addicted, 10 p.m., Discovery Fitness & Health
All the Right Moves, 10 p.m., Oxygen
Chopped, 10 p.m., Food Network
Counting Cars, 10 p.m., BBC America
Covert Affairs, 10 p.m., USA
Gangsters: America's Most Evil, 10 p.m., Bio
Hard Knocks: Training Camp With the Miami Dolphins, 10 p.m., HBO
Secret Brain, 10 p.m., Science
Storage Wars, 10 p.m., A&E;
Teen Mom, SEASON 4 FINALE, 10 p.m., MTV
The Week the Women Went, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Collection Intervention, 10:30 p.m., Syfy
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
The Burn With Jeff Ross, 10:30 p.m., Comedy Central

LATE-NITE PICKS:
Alanis Morissette on Chelsea Lately, 11 p.m., E!
Amy Adams, Paul Teutul Sr., and Paul Teutul Jr. on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Lisa Kudrow on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Larry King on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What are you watching tonight?

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White Collar S04E06: "Identity Crisis"

Last week's episode of White Collar was a fairly standard art heist plotline but represented something of a watershed for this show: Diana has an inner life too! Most procedurals tend to suffer from a lack of character work, so it can be a breath of fresh air to see formerly stoic or mysterious team members thrust into highly dramatic situations. Speaking of breaths of fresh air: How about that steamy kiss between Marsha Thomason and guest-star Rebecca Mader? I know it's 2012 and that moment shouldn't have been that big a deal, it still sort of was! Credit where credit's due: USA is not necessarily the stodgy, safe network I once chalked it up to be.

This week's episode "Identity Crisis" continued the trend of fleshing out secondary characters (Aw, Mozzie!) but did it with arguably one of the silliest plotlines this show has featured in a while. That's not necessarily a burn; I'm a total sucker for spy stories, hidden passageways, ancient letters, and clues hidden in plain sight. But come on, modern day Revolutionary War-descended spies? Anyway, the episode began with an awkward acknowledgment that Neal was still looking for Ellen's murderer, but his thumb-drive of evidence hadn't yet borne fruit. It did contain one possible lead: A mysterious e-mailer had used multiple IP addresses near Ellen before she died, so Neal suspected that it was probably "Sam," the contact Ellen urged Neal to trust. To me the biggest hint that this person was Sam was that the email address in question was "CitizenSam1@airstream.org". I don't know, I'm not an expert.

So the low-stakes adventure got off to a rousing start when Mozzie ran into Neal's apartment and breathlessly recounted how he'd purchased a storage locker (think Storage Wars but with June as a wingman instead of a frowned-up wife) that contained a fully furnished apartment setup. That's where he discovered a leather-bound journal with encrypted messages, an address, and a pair of antique keys. So of course he then found the apartment, let himself in, dusted, tried on the monogrammed robe, and helped himself to the stash of bourbon. And just as he'd discovered a secret passageway behind a bookcase, a masked gunman entered and began shouting code names and questions at Mozzie. Clearly the man thought Mozzie was someone else and looked ready to murder him, but Mozzie escaped through the secret passage and now needed Neal and Peter's help to figure out what was going on.

Fortunately it was a slow day at the office, so the entire team assembled to get to the bottom of this. Right off the bat, Peter put his historical geek skills to use and we learned all about the Culper spies, a ring of citizens who'd once helped George Washington in the days leading up to the revolution. Apparently they had modern day ancestors and it seemed likely that they (or someone else in the know) were after the priceless original American flag that Washington himself had once bandied about to annoy the lobsterbacks. But for Mozzie, this situation was about much more than just figuring out who had pointed a gun at him while he was illegally squatting in an apartment. In a truly enchanting and emotional sequence involving shadow puppets (seriously!), we learned that much of Mozzie's worldview had been shaped by his parents giving him up for adoption as a baby. He'd long believed (or hoped) that they'd given him up because they were actually spies, and therefore if he could prove that the Culper spies were still active it would give him hope that his parents might still be active somewhere out there as well.

After tracking down several modern-day descendants of the Culper ring—including a foxy blonde professor (who, fun fact, was played by the same actress who played Matt Bomer's wife in Magic Mike) and the now-institutionalized owner of Mozzie's storage space—the team focused on one particularly suspicious man: The author of a critically panned book all about the Culper spies. As it turned out, he definitely was the man who'd pointed a gun at Mozzie, and not only that but he'd straight-up murdered one of the other spies recently. So yeah, a bad guy. After Neal impersonated George Washington's ancestor (and Jones impersonated Thomas Jefferson's!), it looked like the bad guy was all but ensnared. But because Mozzie still wanted to know how to find that antique flag, he interfered with the sting in order to get the last piece of the puzzle: Coordinates to a peephole that, when uncovered, would shine a picture of the entire city onto an old painting and... You know what? Nevermind. It was ludicrous.

Anyway, pretty soon Mozzie and the foxy professor lady were being held at gunpoint by the bad author dude and together they uncovered an "empty" box where the flag was supposed to have been. But just as Peter arrived to arrest him, the foxy professor lady had disappeared and Mozzie was pretty sure she'd probably pocketed the flag. Which meant that the Culper spy ring definitely DID still operate. Which confirmed to Mozzie that spies ARE real and anything is possible if he believes in himself. Or something like that. It was nice though.

Not the most gritty or even logical plotline I've ever seen, but it was downright grounded compared to the movie National Treasure, which I also love. It was all pretty fun, and Mozzie's moment in the spotlight helped continue to flesh out his character beyond the likable punchline-machine we already know and love.

Speaking of know and love... Neal's face!

White Collar

QUESTIONS:

... Who's the bigger geek: Peter or Mozzie?

... How many secret passageways do you have in your house?

... Have you ever whipped a gun out of somebody's hand using a decorative belt?

... Are you Sam?

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