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Revolution S01E12: "Ghosts"

This is my first time reviewing Revolution this season, so this is the first time I've really had to formulate my thoughts about the show. For a long time, Revolution didn't give me much to think about because it was too wrapped up in being dull and dumb. But now that the series has found itself a little bit in the last four episodes, trying to pin down where I stand with the show isn't easy. "Ghost" tells me that Eric Kripke and his team are still trying to figure everything out themselves, but there's a central tension now integral to Revolution's ongoing narrative that is, at least in the short term, going to keep the show from being anywhere close to great. 

Turning on the power happened really, really quickly. 

Now, hear me out: We've seen too many of these post-Lost shows screw around with their primary mystery/question/narrative for too long, resulting in plodding episodes that allude to a larger story but never fully get there. While the novelty of the post-blackout world carried the show in its first few episodes, I think most of us, and Kripke, recognized that "cool, swords!" wasn't going to drive 20 hours' worth of story. From a macro-level storytelling perspective and also for pure entertainment value, powering up some vehicles and tech makes so much sense. Just look at the last few episodes: The number of shootouts, chases, and showdowns has increased quite substantially, but so have the quote-unquote answers. In "Ghosts," we got confirmation that Rachel was working for Randall pre-blackout, and we learned that they were working for the Department of Defense and that Randall, burdened by his son's death in the Middle East, rushed whatever device down the pipeline, and that's probably what messed up all the lights.

Think about that. Even if we learn next week that there's more to the story (and we almost certainly will), Revolution is already answering the biggest question everyone had before the saw the pilot (who turned off the power?). This was Episode 12! Kripke and company clearly have a larger story in mind, but it's also apparent that the writers room knows that the best approach to this kind of story is to keep forcing yourself into situations where you have to tell the audience what's going on. Being overly secretive doesn't work anymore; push the narrative forward. 

HOWEVER, here's the problem with juicing up, overloading on the shootouts, and forcing the characters to move much faster or face more deadly obstacles every 25 minutes: During that slow period, Revolution struggled quite mightily to make many of the characters interesting. Consequently, the story is now up and running and it seems on the surface like the stakes are higher. But characters are still just moving from location to location, picking up stuff or old allies, stopping only to briefly deliver weak dialogue about moving on or rising up. 

Although I sort of appreciated how the show admitted that Danny was nothing more than a MacGuffin, the way "Ghosts" handled the aftermath of his death is telling. The episode gave us one very quick scene with his burial and with Charlie ignoring her mother's tearful pleas (few actresses almost-cry better than Elizabeth Mitchell). From there, the story was off again, with Miles drunkenly deciding that he was going to lead the resistance and kill Monroe, but only with his old crew, and with Charlie completely shutting down and throwing herself into dangerous resistance aids. 

Was Danny really worth remembering? No. But seeing that the show really and truly only saw the character as a plot device—and one that the writers apparently aren't even interested in using to make a dramatic impact—is disheartening. If we see Charlie, Miles, Rachel, and the rest of the gang avoiding hails of bullets every week and death isn't treated like it means something, why should we ever think anyone is in danger? 

To the episode's credit, it made a real effort to tell a series of stories about how people deal with loss and/or trauma. Surprisingly, Charlie's shutdown after Danny's death was the most successful. No shots at Tracy Spiridakos, but she certainly plays Charlie more cold and detached than anything. Spiridakos mostly held her own during Charlie's big blowout with Rachel, and I don't blame Charlie for being angry with her mother—especially in light of Danny's death. The problem is that "Ghosts" was too interested in other things to push Charlie's emotional instability further, and by the end of the episode, she and Rachel had mostly reconciled, cried about their loss, and hugged it out. Apparently Revolution didn't have time to foster a legitimate tension between mother and daughter, because it had a chopper to power up!

The stories of Randall and Jim (the always solid Malik Yoba) were probably more clearly followed throughout the episode, but less interesting than what was going on between Charlie and Rachel. In flashbacks, we learned about the death of Randall's son, and then we saw him holding the dog tags right before he made one of humanity's worst decisions, which skipped a few steps but got the point across that this was a man who so badly wanted to cease the conflict that brought him pain that he'd do anything. That contrasted a little with Randall in the "current" timeline, where he's jaded to the point where he believes only a few people should have power and safely provide it to everyone else. Politics aside, Randall apparently still trusts himself enough to rule this world even though he seemingly destroyed the last one. 

Jim was mostly a means to an end here, despite Yoba's decent work. So much of his story was just so familiar, and we had to hear it in lots of miserable dialogue. Jim mentioned his new life and his family often, which reinforces the idea that he's tried to suppress all the nasty things he did while in the militia. Miles' line about Jim turning into Conan the Librarian was probably the worst thing Billy Burke's ever had to say on camera, and that dude was in five Twilight movies. But yet again, the result is a character who has great reason to hate Miles joining up with him. If the show is going to use flashbacks, I'd really like to see some of Miles and Jim's interactions. Don't give us flashbacks for some stories and then mediocre exposition for other things. 

I resist the urge to say that "Ghosts" was an improvement over last week's episode; the two felt about the same to me. Revolution has certainly picked up the pace and is seemingly ready to start delivering answers and blowing more stuff up. But I'm concerned that the character development is never going to catch up with the narrative's progressions. No matter how much we learn about the blackout and who was involved, until the show does a better job making us care about these people, Revolution will continue to struggle.

NOTES

– Tim will be back next week. He had to go to Culpepper to ruin a librarian's life and will meet us all at the rendezvous point.

– The library had a prominent Stephen King section, and the episode went out of its way to highlight The Stand because that's what episodes of shows like this do.

– The episode made allusions to both Georgia and "Governor Affleck" in California. I like to imagine the show's larger world, so hopefully we keep seeing new corners of it. It'll be interesting to see how Monroe's power fits within the framework of the entire nation. There are what, six republics? I can already imagine stories where Miles is forced to band together with Monroe to take on a larger level.

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Team Coco lives on! TBS has extended Conan O'Brien's contract and renewed Conan through November 2015, proving that the literally red-headed stepchild of network TV's late-night game is doing just fine on cable (and the internet), thank you very much. 

From TBS's perspective, this decision was an easy one; according to the network, Conan's audience boasts a younger median age than any other late-night talk show. Combined with the host's popularity on the internet, that's exactly what TBS wants. Here's the official statement from the network's programming chief, Michael Wright:

When we invited Conan O'Brien to come to TBS, we knew he would bring with him a passionately loyal following of young adults. Conan and his colleagues at Team Coco have gone far beyond that by making CONAN the top late-night brand in the digital arena. We are proud to extend our relationship with Conan as he continues to forge the future of late night. I just wish we didn’t decide to tell him on April Fools' Day.

Personally, I love Conan himself... but I have to admit that I've kind of forgotten about him in the last couple years, outside of watching the occasional clip online, and usually only if one of my friends shares it. What about you? Do you watch Conan regularly? Who's winning the late-night war for your attention span these days?

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Doctor Who S07E06: "The Bells of Saint John"

Doctor Who often presents the viewer with villains in the form of lizard people, soulless robots, creepy toy-like creatures, or hideous monsters. It's can be somewhat childlike or horror movie-ish, sure, but it's part of the fun of Doctor Who. But in this first episode of the second half of Series 7, showrunner Steven Moffat instead evoked a different kind of horror: the fear of what we're giving up by being online all the time. It was a good, disturbing idea for an episode because it taps into our current, adult fears, and not just our childlike ones.

You see, there's something in the Wi-Fi.

You know how when you're in a public space and check to see what Wi-Fi networks are available, you just pick the one that doesn't have a lock on it? Well, this episode warned that whatever you do, don't ever try to connect to a network whose name is just gibberish symbols. Once you've clicked it, they're in your computer and can see you. And if they can see you, they might choose you. And if they choose you, you're dead.

Okay, maybe not actually dead—it seemed that, instead of being killed, the hacked Wi-Fi users were rendered comatose, and their souls/minds/personalities were uploaded to the Cloud. And there was no getting out of the Cloud. The Cloud, with the aid of some sinister henchmen whose personalities were controlled by their even more sinister boss, Miss Kizlet, was being loaded with personalities that functioned as emotional food for "the Client." And we wouldn't know who the Client was until later in the episode.

We were re-re-introduced to our new companion, Clara, on the phone at the home of the family she nannies for in 2013, as she struggled to access the internet. A woman at a shop gaver her a number to call, with the promise that it was "the best helpline in the universe." Where did that number ring? You guessed it: the Doctor's TARDIS. Or, more specifically, the St. John Ambulance sticker on the side of the TARDIS that's been there forever. It turned out to be an emergency phone, and Clara's call reached the Doctor there, even in Cumbria in 1207, where he was hiding out as a monk, tortured by the loss of his twice-dead would-be companion, the aforementioned Clara. This led to an amusing little exchange about tech support always being overseas. When Clara used a mnemonic device that sounded incredibly familiar to the Doctor, he realized who she actually was and rushed to her, banging on her door.

Clara was, understandably, a bit confused. She didn't remember the Doctor in the slightest, and certainly didn't know this weird monk who was acting all familiar. The Doctor went off to change back into his regular Doctor clothes… and now, I will pause for a slightly cynical comment, which you may skip if you so choose.

I am starting to become less entranced with this Doctor's affinity for bowties and fezzes. In the beginning of a series, the Christmas special, the first episode after a series break—I feel like the dapper accoutrements are a bit of a shortcut to having the Doctor charm us. They're supposed to seem inside and adorable, but because they're so expected at this point, I just felt a bit like Moffat and crew were going through the motions here.

But I digress. Clara was almost completely taken by the Cloud, via a Wi-Fi mainstation that looked like a person but with a creepy, swiveling half-head. The Doctor stopped it just in time and sent it a message, which was relayed back to the shadowy Client, who'd been expecting the Doctor to show up all along.

Some flirty scenes between the Doctor and Clara were interrupted when we realized the bad guys (I know it's a clumsy, childish term, but it's all we've got right now) had access, via Wi-Fi, to a large percent of the population, and could bend their will. You'd think that'd be the goal in itself, but it's not—the goal was to provide a steady diet of human minds to the Client. Does it seem inhumane? Not to the staff harvesting the minds. "The abattoir is not a contradiction—no one loves cattle like Burger King."

Clara, with the help of newly uploaded computer genius, ended up figuring out where the bad guys were by hacking into their webcams and then searching Facebook for their pictures—turning the tables and using the same "always connected" qualities that allowed humans to be harvested against the harvesters themselves. They were in the Shard (a massive, 95-story glass skyscraper in London, FYI). Before they could get to the Shard, Clara was taken by the bad guys, in the form of the Doctor as a Wi-Fi mainstation, and uploaded to the Cloud. The only way to save her was to reunite everyone in the Cloud with their bodies. And the Doctor had to make that happen, which he did by uploading Miss Kizlet to the Cloud and then manipulating her henchmen to send the trapped personalities back to their corresponding bodies.

UNIT showed up to shut down the bad guys, but not before Miss Kizlet had one more conversation with the Client, none other than Dr. Simeon (Richard E. Grant) of Great Intelligence, from "The Snowmen" (and beyond). "Don't worry," he assured her—he'd feasted on many minds and grown. She didn't know who she'd be when Dr. Simeon left her side. Sadly, she ended up returning to herself with a small child's mind, wondering where her mom and dad were.

We were treated to a couple more scenes of Clara and the Doctor's flirtation—he asked her to come away with him to see all of time and space, and she called him out on what I agree is getting to be a pretty tired line for a time/space playboy to pick up on a pretty companion. She wants to travel and she clearly likes the Doctor, but she's not that easy. She asked him to come back the next day, and he agreed. Smart girl. If he really likes you, he'll wait.

I really liked this episode when I first finished watching it, but after giving it some time to ricochet around in my head, it started to fall apart a bit for me as a fully executed story. At the beginning, I was literally rubbing my hands together at the idea of a monster living in Wi-Fi and feasting on people's minds, but the plot didn't play out as inventively as it could have, or as darkly. This episode was clearly just setting up larger battles over humanity with Great Intelligence, but I would have liked a bit more teeth in my resolution.

That being said, I think the chemistry between the Doctor and Clara is fantastic. I like the idea of a companion whom the Doctor is clearly smitten with, and any scene with the two of them crackles with electricity. I found myself less interested in the main storyline and more interested in their burgeoning, weird, timey-wimey relationship. Moffat, who isn't always my favorite storyteller, is amazing at writing witty, biting dialogue. 

What will happen in future episodes? Will we find out why Great Intelligence needs all those minds for cattle? What does he get out of them? What's the master plan? Will the Doctor and Clara make out? I'm looking for complex, creepy episodes that see their initial ideas all the way to the end, and I'm looking for more flirtation between the Doctor and Clara.

How about you?

NOTES

– The opening scene was a clear reference to "Blink," and a ballsy reference at that, given that it's one of the best standalone episodes in Doctor Who history. This episode didn't satisfy as a standalone for me, but could be a great foundation for the rest of the series. 

– It seems Great Intelligence should have hired a company that would have known to name its Wi-Fi networks something more innocuous, like "Brad's Wi-Fi!" 

– Did you check out who wrote the book Summer Falls? 

– I kinda wish that this Clara had been good at computers on her own, without having the skills downloaded into her head, Matrix-style (I know Kung Fu!). It added absolutely nothing to the plot to have her suddenly gain all that knowledge—yes, she used it, but she could have used it just the same if she'd been technically apt all on her own, thank you very much. It didn't tell us anything about Great Intelligence's plan, or reveal that she'd been taken into the Wi-Fi, or anything. Also, I thought her Twitter joke was very clever.

– Things we learned about Clara in this episode:

1. She's clever but not great at computers (until now, that is)

2. She really wanted to travel but ended up nannying after she felt the need to help out when a family lost their mom. 

3. Her dad is very anti-government

– I'm glad some Sherlocky "typing on screen" made its way to Doctor Who!

– I still love the running gag of the Doctor doing a million things while he's waiting around for humans on Earth. The Doctor invented the quadracycle!

– "Do we need another Londonwide activation? We can't keep passing them off as a riot." Very sly, Moffat!

– Favorite line from the episode: "I'm the Doctor, I am an alien from outer space, I'm 1,000 years old, I have two hearts, and I can't fly a plane. Can you?"

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The Walking Dead S03E16: "Welcome to the Tombs"

Well, Andrea's curse on Season 3 of The Walking Dead is over. Just in time for everything to be over.

For a character whose sole purpose was ultimately to be blissfully ignorant of the political affairs between Woodbury and the prison, her role was strung out for what felt like an eternity. By the end, the writers were just having her show increasing amounts of skin and trip on stuff like some common, sweater-meated horror-trope harlot. How often can you have someone constantly make decisions the audience knows are the wrong ones?

Even if we didn't have a somewhat-limited but basically omniscient perspective on the story, the fact that she'd turn coat on Michonne so quickly and trust the stranger over her intuition and obviously badass friend doomed her from the beginning. Then, not only was she wrong about The Governor, but she tried to broker some sort of peace deal when she found out that he was intent on destroying Rick and the gang. Rather than choosing a side, she ended up riding the fence right into the jaws of a biter. Her destined demise was the root for one of the major themes of the season.

The Governor, especially after adopting the pirate look, got cheesier and cheesier with his one-liners and any examples of his unchecked power that didn't involve blasting people in their heads. But his big line sums up that theme: "In this life now, you kill or you die. Or you die and you kill." In a world where people are disillusioned of past notions that we may not all be walking meatbags, where the macabre and bestial nature of killing walkers to survive and watching others get eaten as they die is the norm, pacifism loses its place with no one around to respect it. Armies of the undead have no rules against living civilians, and scarce resources mean whoever is mightier will be the one to get what they need. Be prepared to kill or be prepared to die. Because even death can't stop you from being a killer.

Carl spoke with Rick, just before Rick headed to Woodbury, and filled in that sentiment with a little more nuance. Carl wasn't ashamed that he shot the fleeing member of Pip Blake's militia, no matter whether he was surrendering or not. The boy has become disillusioned with his father's white-hat approach to survival. As the enemies become more complicated, and not just the undead are trying to kill them but so are the people who are competing for resources and safety, Carl feels like Rick's sense of "doing the right thing" is an antique. For Carl, it's not Humans vs. Walkers. It's Us vs. Them. If he doesn't know you or feel like you're "one of us," you're just another mouth to feed, another body to protect, another set of hands that can turn on you. Letting people live just because they're people has gotten the group into trouble, according to a suddenly very mature, very talkative Carl. Had they been more ruthless, they might not have to live in fear.

There was also a sense of choosing sides and how necessary it is for survival. It's no surprise that Daryl voiced the concurring opinion as Andrea uttered the platitudes of the dying. Happy to see that Michonne had made it into the in-crowd, she said, "No one can make it alone now." "They never could," Daryl said. That was the fundamental difference between him and Merle, particularly after Daryl had been with Rick's group for a while. Merle thought he could survive on his own, at the most be a soldier-of-fortune, within the walker landscape. Daryl came to realize that people have to stay in a pack, that that's the only way to happiness and safety: numbers. And having to put Zombie Merle down last week only confirmed his perspective. You can't waver. You can't just plug your ears and pretend it's not happening. You have to be active in this life. And you have to choose which side you want to be on: the undead or the living, the White Hat meritocracy or the benevolent dictatorship. You can't be alone anymore, so choose a group and stay loyal to it.

Then, right after Andrea said that, she talked about how she wanted to do "it" herself, meaning she wanted to end it all after she done got bit. Seeing her there with a tearful Michonne and a solemn family almost made us forget how utterly annoying she'd been the entire episode. You could reduce her entire story to: She was handcuffed to a chair, she had to pick up pliers with her toes, she finally did it, but she wasn't able to escape Milton the Walker. That was strung out for AN HOUR. So many pauses just to look at Milton and assess whether he was going to turn. So much time wasted on talking with Milton about whatever when she could've been working at her binds. Maybe her clock was much shorter than the rest of the characters' (we don't know how long Andrea was lying on the floor before the prison group found her), but because so little happened with Andrea over the course of the episode but her story still seemed to be equally weighted with other scenes, it felt like she was just gazing at that doofus for half the day before finally going into panic mode.

Good riddance, I say. A thought crossed my mind when the group was about to head to Woodbury and Glenn said he and Maggie would stick around: Daryl mentioned that it would just be the three of them, meaning Rick, Daryl, and Michonne, who were heading to the Governor's settlement... "That's really all you need," I thought. And, really, you only need Rick so he can do the talking. If it were a fairer fight, like The Governor's men all had compound bows instead of military-grade automatics, those two could've killed three-quarters of Blake's army, scared off the rest, and pantsed The Governor in about twenty minutes.

Putting Andrea back in the mix would've only introduced a "me too" to the dynamic. They have everything covered now; bringing Andrea back to the prison would just bring unnecessary complications to an already-established warrior class. She would've insisted on being a part of that group, though; doesn't matter that whenever she has been in the past, she's been nothing but trouble. Remember when she almost killed Daryl? It's better this way, with Andrea serving as the fountain from which Michonne's consuming desire for revenge springs eternal.

Besides, there are enough people in the prison now anyway. If Carl's reasoning for why he shot that kid and why his dad's gone soft might've sounded a little silly near the beginning of the episode, bringing a busload of strangers into the safety of your home with no real plan to feed, clothe, or protect them from the world and the inevitable attacks by Dread Pirate Captain Blake might make you come around. The White Hat is getting them into another critical situation because Rick lacks the ruthless instinct necessary to keep his family unit together while everybody else rots. In contrast, his son can see how the "open door" policy may lead to their doom. It's too trusting for a world where everyone is, basically, out for themselves. If Rick breaks down while running the lives of ten other people, that's nothing compared to the entire town of Pleasantville.

For a season finale, the cliffhanger wasn't necessarily the mightiest or the gaspiest but it does open up a couple of questions. (1) How is this going to work with so many people (probably all suffering some sort of trust-issues since they were duped by a madman) and (2) How will The Governor strike back and how long until Michonne cleaves his head clean off his body? A good episode full of the post-apocalyptic platitudes but a lot of senseless death, and it tied a ribbon on the season quite nicely.

SURVIVAL NOTES

– The Governor went from charming secret maniac to Mad Max villain right quick. In this episode he swung so far into comic book villain it was almost funny. The grave "thank you" when he presented Tyreese with the rifle, the cheesy line when he closed down the teaser, the senseless killing of his people and those who would turn against him. I didn't know if I was watching The Walking Dead or some prologue to a Joel Schumacher Batman flick.

– At first, I was pretty disappointed with how the prison invasion sequence happened at the top of the episode. Pip had that pep talk, they moved out, they got into the prison and blew up the watchtowers, marched right in, then scurried out, and retreated. Part of me expected there to be a long drawn out battle. When they all left I actually said out loud, "What the eff? That's it?" The AMC promos showcased a war and all we got was barely a skirmish. After watching the entire episode, I can see that the actual battle wasn't the real war but, at the time, I was about to demand my money back.

– Since this episode aired on Easter, I'm curious: Has The Walking Dead ever done a holiday episode? A Very Walker Christmas? The Undead's Thanksgiving Feast? Where's our wedding episode?

– Maybe one of those new people from Woodbury can cut everyone's dang hair.

– Is it too soon to start 'shipping Rick and Michonne?

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Revenge S02E17: "Masquerade"

Happy Halloween! Yes, while we were stuffing our faces with Peeps and jellybeans, Emily Thorne was busy unearthing skeletons (metaphorical and… not) in honor of All Hallow's Eve.

And "Masquerade" was full of tricks (even Jack was playing!) and treats, making it one of Revenge's most satisfying episodes this season.

The writers didn't skip all way to Easter, but the Revenge storyline has wisely jumped ahead six weeks: just enough time for Emily to set the wheels in motion for her latest scheme—and Nolan Ross to fall completely apart.

In his desperate search to crack the Falcon's code and save Padma, his beautiful mind was shattering like Carrie Mathison's before her electric shock treatment. 

But even though he hadn't seen a cravat—or a shower—in weeks, a concerned call from Emily "Start Your Revengines" Thorne was all he needed to clean himself up, head to the Stowaway, and offer his support to Jack the Plumber.

See, while pretending to coach Conrad Grayson about his working-class constituents, the blue-collar barkeep was secretly plotting to sabotage the gubernatorial candidate's town hall Q&A. Nolan helped by spiking Conrad's earpiece with a recording of Conrad and Nate Ryan plotting against Amanda Clarke—just as a townie was posing an unvetted question about her father. Conrad recovered by promising to request a presidential pardon for David Clarke.

It was great to see Nolan using his styling products again, but this seemed like an awful lot of work for an empty campaign promise. Emily wouldn't even uncap a ballpoint pen, much less her Sharpie, for this.

As usual, Emily had much bigger plans. First, she and Aiden would draw out the Initiative by attacking their financial holdings. It worked: After Grayson Global's newest board member "torpedoed" their investments, Trask visited the office to officially sever ties with Daniel—and walked out scoffing at the idea that the Initiative would threaten Daniel's relationship with Emily with a silly photo and a couple of harmless bullets.

But moments later, Trask found himself looking at some very lethal bullets—tucked away inside Aiden's gun. Aiden forced the smarmy Initiative rep to lead him to Padma. Or, to be more precise, her corpse. Trask revealed that he killed not only Nolan's girlfriend—hours before—and her father, but Aiden's sister, too. To make him pay for his crimes and that awful hairstyle, Aiden broke his neck.

Elsewhere, Daniel totally Gossip Girl-ed Mommie Dearest by sending his lunch date photo to Page Six. Then he asked Emily to join him at the Masquerade Ball, after Victoria had deliberately snubbed her.

Although Emily didn't receive an invitation, she RSVP'd anyway—as Victoria's "loving son," in a card postmarked 1973. Victoria's hysteria escalated when Emily sent her an anonymous bouquet of 11 black roses with a card reading: "I'll be wearing the 12th rose. —Your loving son."

Before the masquerade, Victoria admitted to Conrad that she'd starred in 16 and Pregnant—or could have, if the MTV series had existed in 1973—but insisted she'd had an abortion.

Her famous nerves of steel failed her at the ball. To Emily's satisfaction, Victoria scanned the ballroom nervously, in search of the black rose, and finally spotted it in the lapel of a masked man hired by Emily. While he slipped out, Mrs. G mistakenly grabbed Aiden—and dramatically fainted to the floor at his feet.

(I truly believe that the scene in which Charlotte punched a girl was manufactured specifically for this episode's teaser reel, which made it appear like she was knocking out her mother.)

The Grayson matriarch's collapse was a moment the Revengers should have celebrated—but instead, Aiden and Emily broke Nolan's heart instead.

In the wake of Victoria's histrionics, Nolan's quiet collapse at the terrible news was even more poignant. (Gabriel Mann's understated, powerful performance should make Nick Wechsler blush.)

Ems said, "I'm not leaving you alone, Nolan," when her bestie tried to bail, and he replied, "I love you, too."

That was enough to prove that we haven't lost Nolan completely to grief. Whether his freedom will remain intact is another question, however: The detective who fielded his endless calls about Padma's disappearance now seems to suspect he's involved in her homicide! (Please, no. Not another silly storyline to sidetrack the Revengers from their mission!)

In the end, Victoria managed to get herself to a nunnery without bursting into flames on the holy grounds. A flashback confirmed that Victoria did have the baby, and gave him up to the orphanage she was now visiting 40 years later. Reuniting with the nun who took her son, Victoria learned that he did come looking for her once, without learning her identity.

That's about to change, though: Emily—sporting her "I Mean Business" hoody—took Vicky's place on the bench and told the nun that she's pregnant and has nowhere else to go.

QUESTIONS:

– Why would Emily use such an elaborate ruse to get intel on Victoria's firstborn?

– Gabriel Mann: Wow?!

– Does Jack get his swagga back? (Did he have any to start with?)

– What did you like most/least about "Masquerade"?

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Happy Easter! Happy Passover! Happy Game of Thrones Premiere Day! No matter what you're celebrating on this fine Sunday, don't forget to also take a moment to recognize all the awesome (and less-awesome) things that happened on TV this week!

Dalia the packrat

Chatswin's most fashionable teen got a bit defensive (and slightly demonic) this week when faced with the hard truth that she'd begun to exhibit hoarding tendencies. The discovery of long-lost kangaroo Penuche once she'd cleaned up the clutter was a hilarious bit of show continuity, seeing as we'd totally forgotten Dalia even owned a kangaroo. Kind of like the time 30 Rock reminded us that there used to be a guy named Josh on TGS.

The cast of Parks and Recreation as the Justice League

Self-described "illustrator, printmaker, and fun-junkie" Vicky Trochez has reimagined Ron Swanson as Batman, Leslie as Robin, Donna is Wonder Woman, Andy as Superman, and so on; see the whole series at vicktrolaprints.com, and if you really like 'em, you can pick up a print on Etsy.

Shakira and Usher's debut on The Voice

She's all sweet and adorable and sincere. He could talk a blind man into buying a nudie mag. Shakira and Usher—who are now filling in Christina Aguilera and Cee Lo—are a fun change of pace for the series NBC insists on forcing down our throats every ten minutes.

New Girl gets serious. Again.

The sitcom unexpectedly killed off Nick's con-artist father, and his funeral was kooky and weird, but also heartfelt and sincere. We learned a lot about Nick Miller by following him home to Chicago.

Ken Tucker's informative breakdown of the late-night game

Calling late-night talk shows the only genre "whose legacy means more to the on-camera talents than it does to the audience," Tucker made a strong case for the waning impact of the Lenos, Fallons, and Kimmels of the world. Citing how today's viewer essentially "builds his/her own talk show" via curated clips and select DVR recordings, he basically painted a pretty bleak landscape for the format and its fans as a whole. Sorry, talk-show fans!

Anderson Cooper met Grumpy Cat

Grumpy Cat, star of the Grumpy Cat internet meme, made a guest appearance on Anderson Cooper's talk show. It was kind of awkward. But also adorable.

Adventure Time reveals more about Simon and Marcy and more about the aftermath of the Great Mushroom War

It's sort of amazing how Adventure Time has transformed the Ice King from an irritating antagonist to one of the most tragic figures on television, and "Simon and Marcy" only intensified his plight. It was an exciting (slime mutants) and funny ("Clambulance!") episode balanced with incredibly poignant uses of Cheers and that show's iconic theme song. We don't think we're emotionally prepared to see Simon fall further into insanity, Gunter.

The Good Wife celebrates St. Patrick's Day with lies, truths, and Johann Sebastian Bach

While the overall case around Matthew Ashbaugh's (John Noble) murder was something of a wash, the flashback structure of his appearances, his Bach Jambox, his paranoia, and his crush on Alicia created a wonderful vignette of a character. But then there was also Peter punching a wonderfully smug Mike Kristeva (Matthew Perry) and then claiming Kristeva had simply had too much to drink after Kristeva claimed that Alicia was called away to deal with a drug problem regarding Zach. Good times all around.

Raising Hope's musical Mitzvah

Why did an episode about Burt pursuing a newfound Jewish heritage take the form of a musical episode? Maybe Greg Garcia had that hair-metal power ballad about the Torah burning a hole in his pocket. Maybe the writers room just couldn't resist the idea of singing bagels. Even Talmudic scholars may never know, but do we really need an answer?

Elijah resurfaces on The Vampire Diaries

It's no surprise that the quietly honorable Original is a fan-favorite character. Let's face it: Everybody on this show would probably be a lot better off if they just listened to him all the time. He really ought to ditch the Mystic Falls misfits and his own soon-to-be-spun-off siblings for his own series, Elijah Mikaelsen: Vampire Life Coach.

Get ready for Pretty Little Liars: The College Years, plus a spin-off... kinda

Teen ratings and social-media juggernaut Pretty Little Liars was not only awarded a fifth season (Season 4 doesn't even start until this summer), but the show will also get a spin-off about characters we haven't even seen yet. The annual Halloween special will let our Rosewood Liars introduce us to the nearby town of Ravenswood—which apparently is totally cursed (like, by magic).

The Mean Mad Men Tumblr

As far as pop-culture mash-ups go, this Mad Men + Mean Girls combo is pretty spot-on.

Nathan For You continues to impress

One day we'll live in a beautiful world free of phrases like "the funniest show you're NOT watching," (because everything will have screens on it) but lo, that time is a long way off. Enter Comedy Central's Nathan For You, the increasingly hilarious docu-reality series bringing charm, deadpan, and inventive recklessness to the masses. Watch it!

Psych hits the 100-episode mark in style

"100 Clues" was both a fitting celebration of the show's milestone episode and a well-done homage to the cult classic film Clue, and you KNOW that's right!

Justified's Tim gets one of the season's finest stories

By now, it's a known "thing" that Justified struggles to find things for Rachel (lady Marshal) and Tim (sniper Marshal) to do. But in what has at times been an uneven fourth season, the show discovered and developed a great little story for Tim that drew to a close in Tuesday's penultimate episode. Though the strange, compelling respect cultivated between Tim and the strung-out and overwhelmed Colt kept gave Justified a shot in the arm each time the two vets crossed paths this season, their final encounter—in which Colt was simply ready to die and Tim both knew it and was only partially happy to make it happen—was a season highlight.

Disney has come not to praise Star Wars: The Clone Wars (and Lucasfilm Animation) but to bury it

While things didn't look good for the CG-animated animated series about a galaxy far, far away when Lucasfilm decided to cease production on the show to move onto other projects, and that any already completed arcs would become "bonus content" (whatever that means), we learned this week that Lucasfilm Animation was issuing layoffs, and more or less scuttling the team that worked on the series the series. Oh, Darth Iger, do you really want us to focus on the new trilogy that much?

Shameless's Lip realizes an awful truth

We've been rooting for Lip Gallagher to take control of his life out for the better part of three seasons, but just as it seemed he was finally on the right track with semi-steady girlfriend Mandy Milkovich helping him to land a successful interview at MIT, the bottom dropped out. The moment of truth came when he realized his ex-girlfriend, wildly unstable neighbor Karen, was in a coma because Mandy had run her down in the street.

Sheila: "She was so happy when she got that text from you. She knew you were texting to make up. You should have seen her light up." 

Lip: "Text?" 

Sheila: "The night of the accident when she came to meet you. I honestly think that she was so excited, she just forgot to look both ways." 

So now what? Lip is caught between a girl who's ruined his life once already and a loyal girlfriend who's capable of attempted murder. Even though we've named the situation moment a "WTF," we're pretty excited to see how Shameless figures out this mess. 

Greatjon Umber loses part of his ear

Actor Clive Mantle, whose Game of Thrones character lost a couple fingers to Robb Stark's direwolf in Season 1—and laughed about it—had to have his ear surgically repaired last weekend after being attacked by an unruly fellow guest at a Newcastle hotel. Mantle was reportedly pinned to the floor by three men after asking them to quiet down... decidedly NOT a laughing matter.

What's on YOUR list of TV loves and hates this week?

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After 22 years of Headlines, that trademark snicker, and Kardashian jokes, Jay Leno, the very disputed king of late night, will step down from his position as host of NBC's iconic The Tonight Show next spring. Leno and NBC announced the news today via press release after weeks of speculation (and weeks of NBC denying it), confirming that Leno's time as the man who puts America to bed is nearing its end.

Taking over for Leno will be the current vice president of NBC's late-night lineup, Jimmy Fallon, host of the 12:30am Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Fallon has found success by embracing what the young kids call "the power of the internet," using short-form viral videos, memes, and Twitter to transform his late-night program into a fountain of shareable, easy-to-digest tidbits for those of us who have jobs and can't stay up late enough to watch him. (For more info, read this great article by my TV writer crush Laura Bennett on how Fallon has adapted.) Fallon's approach obviously appeals to NBC, who sees this style of late-night entertainment as the future, and in the face of ABC moving the hipper Jimmy Kimmel up to 11:35pm, probably thought, "the sooner the better." 

There has been no announcement of who will replace Fallon as his follow-up, but expect something soon (SNL's Seth Meyers is the rumored frontrunner.)

Leno's departure will take place at the end of his current contract; NBC said, "We are purposefully making this change when Jay is #1, just as Jay replaced Johnny Carson when he was #1." But that's obviously B.S., because it's also time for both sides to move on. NBC and Leno have had a rocky relationship, and the good days the two shared are long gone, as evidenced by Leno's recent jabs at the network in his nightly monologue. 

The thing I find most interesting here is that this should be huge news, but late-night television isn't as important as it used to be, at least in my house. I'd rather spend the hour catching up on my DVR's backlog or watching something on Adult Swim than hearing the today's news filtered through the brains of tired hacks who are desperate to pull out a punchline of any sort. So congratulations to Jimmy Fallon and farewell (or good riddance) to Jay Leno, but I'll be watching last week's Nashville instead. Call me when Louie gets a tryout.

Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter if you want to: @TimAtTVDotCom

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Let the 2013 TV midseason forever be known as the season of the sensitive serial killer, because it seems like everywhere you turn, there's a new show about the joys of slicing victims open for fun (or about learning about those joys). Fox's hollow The Following features a literary-professor-turned-eyeball-collector and a cult of dimwitted followers. A&E's Bates Motel has turned back the clock to tell a passable coming-of-age story of a young Norman "Psycho" Bates. And now NBC has Hannibal, a prequel of the Silence of the Lambs prequel Red Dragon. 

But is Hannibal a killer new series or just a copycat that'll give me a chance to murder a bunch of terrible puns? I've seen the pilot episode and I'm here to answer your questions in another edition of "Hey TV.com, Should I Watch [This Show]?"  

Hannibal? What is this, some sort of Silence of the Lambs prequel? 

Yes! But, as I said above, it's even more prequel-y than that! Hannibal is set before the events of Thomas Harris's novel Red Dragon, and stars Hugh Dancy (The Big C) as socially awkward FBI profiler Will Graham. After taking time off from hunting serial killers to lecture at the academy, he's brought back into the fold by the agency's head of behavioral sciences Jack Crawford (Laurence Fishburne) when a particularly nasty man in Minnesota starts killing young women. Crawford eventually recruits Dr. Hannibal Lecter (Danish actor Mads Mikkelsen, Casino Royale), who *spoiler alert for those of you who were just born three seconds ago* secretly likes to kill people and eat them, to help Graham catch other serial killers, and voila! You have yourself a TV show.

What kind of twisted mind is behind Hannibal? 

One of the best in the business, Bryan Fuller. The Wonderfalls, Pushing Daisies, and Mockingbird Lane creator gets a little more serious here, but his panache for morbid imagery and sharp dialogue is present even when he leaves his normal fancifulness at home.

When does Hannibal serve its first course?

Hannibal debuts on Thursday, April 4 in the 10pm death slot on NBC. The first season is a firm 13 episodes long, and I won't be surprised if NBC has a long leash on this one. You can probably watch it without fear of it being canceled early.

What kind of audience will lap up Hannibal? 

There's a cable sensibility to Hannibal, and that's immediately apparent in the opening scene, which uses half of the episode's fake-blood budget in just a few minutes. But wanton violence isn't the only draw here. Hannibal is for the Hannibal Lecter in all of us, the type of person who embraces gore and violence from an intellectual level. With strong characters and gruesome crime scenes, there's a bit of Sherlock and Dexter rolled into one show.

What makes Hannibal work?

First and foremost, tone. Between Fuller's creepy imagination and director David Slade's (Awake) eye for darkness, Hannibal is total eyeball candy for those of us too old to paint our fingernails black anymore. Hannibal's score—which is mostly effective, buzzy electronic tones and chirps that sound like someone fell asleep on the keyboard—punctuates the schizophrenia of its central characters. But what really makes Hannibal so much better than the aforementioned midseason slaughterhouse shows is its attention to the psychology of killing (rather than just blaming it on Edgar Allen Poe), mostly conveyed through Graham's ability to reenact horrific murder scenes within his supremely empathetic imagination by virtually placing himself in the killers' boots. And acting! These dudes can totally act, particularly Dancy as the hinge-less, angry, and uncooperative Graham. Mikkelsen's Lecter is nicely subdued, too.

What won't we like about Hannibal?

As with all FBI profiler series, things feel reverse-engineered to fit the allotted time of network television, but that's more of an inherent problem with the genre than with this particular show. Sticklers will also question some of the procedures, like how Graham and Lecter end up pursuing killers alone despite the fact that Graham is an unstable agent and Lecter isn't even an agent at all. And of course there's the big question of sustainability, which comes from knowing that Lecter won't be exposed as a serial people-eater despite working directly with one of the FBI's best profilers. 

Well, should I watch it or not?

I'm going to go ahead and say, "Yes sir/ma'am/gaseous cloud of extraterrestrial energy." Hannibal is a much more complete show than The Following, and one of the better new offerings NBC has put out in the past year.

Can I see a trailer?

Sure!

What should I drink with my viewing of Hannibal?

The easy answer is Chianti, but I'm going to say HUMAN BLOOD. With rum.

Hannibal premieres Thursday, April 4 at 10pm on NBC.

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Nashville S01E15: "When You're Tired of Breaking Other Hearts"

We haven't reviewed Nashville since Price took on the pilot episode way back in October and I'd love to tell you that a lot of things have changed since then. But in a lot of ways, Nashville is still the same show we saw in that initial episode—it is just now a better version of that show.

Of course, becoming that better version involved overcoming some obstacles that started almost immediately after the pilot. For reasons that remain a little confusing, Callie Khouri and her writing staff decided to take the pilot's primary thrust, the burgeoning feud between Connie Britton's Rayna and Hayden Panettiere's Juliette, and stall the situation that was going to make that feud even juicier and more complex. So, away went the big tour and in its place came a number of stories for both female leads that, while generally interesting in their own right, kept you wondering why the show wouldn't just let Rayna and Juliette engage in their cross-generational southern diva-off. I understand the desire to not be pigeonholed as Country Strong: The TV Show, but detours like Juliette's dalliance with a Tim Tebow clone and Rayna's weekly crisis about everything that it means to be Rayna James didn't always work (though the performances did: Britton is one of my favorite performers on all of television, but Panettiere has, somewhat surprisingly, been very strong despite occasional overwrought material).

And yet, once the show finally got around to putting Rayna and Juliette (and Deacon) on their anticipated tour together, I started to get a sense of why it took so long. Not only did those additional, separate stories add complexity to what were fairly clear "types" in the pilot, but they really motivated character choices in ways that maybe weren't surprising, yet definitely worked. Those first eight or nine episodes built up the pressure on Rayna, Juliette, and Deacon so much that by the time they were actually out on the road together, the tension was even higher and their individual arcs had become even more intertwined. The journey was a bit bumpy, but Nashville is now delivering on the promise it teased us with in the pilot.

Last night's "When You're Tired of Breaking Other Hearts" simultaneously shrunk and expanded the show's world while managing to progress the season's big stories pretty successfully. As happens so often on this show, characters were troubled by lingering feelings or messy histories but in many cases, the events of the episode suggest that these tortured souls are truly starting to move past some of their fundamental hang-ups or tensions.

With the divorce made public, Rayna and Teddy attempted to co-parent their daughters with a split schedule, resulting in a really jarring turn for the oldest daughter, Maddie, who went from being totally understanding and mature in the past few episodes to calling her mother a bitch in this one. Yes, she is a teen, but the amount of vitriol in that opening scene at the Conrad manor seemed a little out-of-step to me. That bubbling anger extended to Rayna and Teddy's interactions, which are now more spiteful and biting than ever since Rayna knows Teddy's getting his "business consulting" from Peggy in an official capacity. Unfortunately, the show has gone back and forth with regard to whether or not it thinks Teddy is an okay dude or a complete jag, and this week, he was definitely more the latter—unless he was talking about politics and stadiums, but really let's not pretend you care about that.

Juliette, still dealing with her desire to be more in-control and reeling from the blow-up with manager Glenn, continues to push for more agency over her career. Somehow, she's penned enough new music on her own to put out another new album (like the label wouldn't be milking "I'm a Girl" or "Boys in Buses" more) and she's ready to be a real artist, but she doesn't actually know what goes into that process other than "I do what I want." Of course, like most new developments in Juliette's life, this turn toward maturity and control, while interesting musically, still stems both from her damaged relationship with her mother and an apparent yearning to be Rayna 2.0 without ever admitting it. 

Best of all, Deacon has finally freed himself from the middle of Rayna and Juliette's personal dramas by finding comfort in his dog's veterinarian (Susan Misner), who doesn't know who he is or even like country music. Charles Esten has done great work all season, but it's nice to see him get to play a different, less mopey and steely version of the character that isn't so tied to either Rayna or Juliette.

Smartly, all three of these stories convalesced at Juliette's latest show, one that she changed from a small fan club gathering to a full-on public safety hazard with a simple tweet, one that Maddie lied to Teddy about so she could attend. The tween "riot" and Maddie's subsequent injuries were a little silly, but they served useful story purposes: Juliette recognized that bulldozing everyone and doing whatever she feels like doing will only isolate her further and make her feel more alone, which is the thing she hates most. Rayna honed in on how difficult it's going to be for her daughters to deal with this divorce. And Deacon, inspired by a short conversation with Coleman, realized that there's nothing he could need more than time away from his two leading ladies.

Elsewhere in the episode, I felt like Gunnar's descent into drunken despondence over his brother's death made sense, based on what we know about their history. Of course he blames himself for Jason's murder, and when people on TV shows blame themselves for someone's murder, they get drunk and try to take police work (and/or justice) into their own hands. His treatment of Scarlett was a little unnecessary because we all knew they were going to reunite almost immediately (at least temporarily), and so I feel like we got jerked around for 25 minutes just so the show could create the conflict with Scarlett getting a solo deal. But props to Charles Esten, Clare Bowen, and Sam Palladio in that scene outside the bar with Deacon (naturally) providing the sage advice that he couldn't barely take himself.

One of the things I enjoy most about Nashville is how well the characters seem to exist in the same world, whether they're interacting with one another or not. Certain stories like Teddy and Coleman's Mayoral business or Avery's often unsympathetic trials and tribulations in Atlanta have little impact on the really solid stories the show knows how to tell with ease, but I never feel like those characters are unfortunately exiled on their own little islands (though I'm guessing a number of fans would wish that Avery was). Similarly, when characters who don't regularly interact come into contact with one another—I'm looking at you, Deacon and Gunnar—it never feels forced. Whether or not the show actually achieves the spirit of the real Nashville is up for debate, but the version of the city that these particular characters live in feels well-realized.

This episode certainly set up a lot of things for the home stretch of the season—Deacon's new woman, Scarlett's record deal, Avery burning the masters of his recordings because he's nuts, the stadium deal, etc.—that stand to move the show beyond some of the comfortable (and really good) rhythms it's been locked into lately.

B-SIDES

– Did anyone notice the flower-on-the-table motif happening early in the episode? I don't know what that was about exactly, maybe director Paul McCrane just really likes them. They looked nice

– Best line of the night goes to Coleman, who told Deacon that alcohol and pills aren't the problem; he's "strung out on Rayna James." Aren't we all?

– This is the moment where I admit that the reason I so badly want to like Avery is that Avery is the type of character that always sucks on shows like this. He's a tough guy to like, but I think Jonathan Jackson is doing a good job making the character's motivations seem well-intentioned. I'll be curious to see how he fits into the show now that he's not exiled in Atlanta with Wyclef.

– Because we haven't reviewed the show in forever, we also haven't talked about the music, which is obviously pretty darn good. What's your favorite track of the season thus far? Mine has to be either "Casino" or "I Will Fall."

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This summer, Fox will launch an Adult Swim-esque "alternative animated programming block" called Animation Domination Hi-Def (ADHD, har), and featuring several new 15-minute animated series. One of those series will be Axe Cop, based on the popular web comic created in late 2009 by a five-year-old kid named Malachi and his 29-year-old brother, Ethan. As the story goes, Ethan and Malachi were playing pretend one day when Malachi invented the Axe Cop character; Ethan, a graphic artist, decided to transform his little bro's ideas into a web comic as a way of practicing the medium. And so was born an epic tale of an axe-wielding police officer whose adventures involve everything from babysitting to fighting zombies, dinosaurs, and robots.    

Here's the official logline for the show:

Operating on only two minutes of sleep a night and fueled by a diet consisting solely of birthday cake, awesome superhero AXE COP and his loyal partner, FLUTE COP, unleash their unique brand of vigilante justice on bad guys everywhere.

And here's the first official trailer, released this weekend at WonderCon:

Um, Parks and Recreation's Nick Offerman is voicing Axe Cop himself? And Giancarlo Esposito, Jonathan Banks, Ken Marino, Patton Oswalt, and Megan Mullally are also involved in the project? Sign me up. 

Axe Cop premieres as part of Fox's ADHD animation block on Saturday, July 27 at 11pm. 

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The Walking Dead's Season 3 finale airs tonight at 9pm. Game of Thrones' Season 3 premiere airs tonight at... 9pm. And after seeing the internet's latest take on the Syrio Forel "not today" meme, we have a feeling we know where most people's priorities lie. But that won't stop us from asking anyway...

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What to watch on Wednesday, April 3...

8pm, The CW
Arrow
What’s this? Count Vertigo back to menace Starling City with his diabolical designer drugs? Tommy in trouble when a Verdant visitor parties ‘til she drops... dead? Can the Emerald Archer make sure the miscreants responsible get the point? Tune in to “Unfinished Business” tonight—same Arrow-time, same Arrow-channel!

8:30pm, ABC
Suburgatory
As Suburgatory nestles into its new timeslot with “Decemberfold,” George thumbs his nose at the buttoned-down strictures of the “family hour” by participating in a racy “Dads of Chatswin” calendar. Meanwhile, Lisa’s suspicions are aroused when Dalia is unusually friendly to Tessa.

MINISERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, BBC America
Spies of Warsaw
David Tennant stars as a French military attaché (not called simply, “The Attaché,” sadly) who becomes enmeshed in the diplomatic intrigues of interwar Europe in this two-part special based on Alan Furst’s novel series. Part one finds him taken aback by both an alluring Parisian lawyer and a chance discovery of German military preparations.

9pm, The CW
Supernatural
To tackle the Tablet’s second trial, Sam and Dean enlist the services of a reaper in “Taxi Driver.” Dean also realizes that he needs to track down Benny for a huge favor, so his fingers are crossed that today is the day of Benny’s daughter’s wedding.

SERIES PREMIERE, 9:30pm, ABC
How to Live With Your Parents (for the Rest of Your Life)
Straightlaced Polly (Sarah Chalke) must move back in with her flighty mom and stepdad (Elizabeth Perkins and Brad Garrett) after her divorce leaves her overwhelmed by single motherhood. Will her cautiously structured hot front and their freewheeling cold front collide into a thunderstorm of sitcom hilarity?

10pm, NBC
Chicago Fire
Severide endorses Mills’s bid to join Squad, but his colleagues aren’t quite as enthused, probably for fear of disrupting the highly delicate chemistry of their intramural 16-inch softball team. Rounding out “Ambition,” Dawson and Shay are shadowed by a paramedic candidate, Shay lends assistance to a woman facing pregnancy complications, and Casey welcomes a surprise guest.

10pm, FX
The Americans
Philip and Elizabeth are on their heels when a routine mission goes awry in “Safe House,” while the FBI is knocked back by an agent’s disappearance. Claudia, meanwhile, can’t shut up about the quirky Elvis impersonator she met in Chicago last week.

10pm, TNT
Southland
A drug dealer’s funeral incites trouble in the streets, and Lydia and Ruben’s investigation into the murder of Sgt. Hill’s son incites a quandary over police corruption. Elsewhere in “The Felix Paradox,” Ben begins to suspect the truth about Sammy and the tape, and everyone tries not to make rapping-genie jokes when an officer who looks suspiciously like Shaquille O’Neal pops up.

10pm, USA
Psych
Gus stumbles into danger while babysitting Rachel’s son in “Cirque Du Soul.” Their circus visit includes more dead bodies than one generally prefers to encounter on a circus visit, though perhaps the deceased’s orphan son will become the youthful ward and eventual crime-fighting partner of a billionaire playboy.

LATE-NITE:
– From Atlanta, Steven Yeun and Darius Rucker on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Blake Shelton on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Facebook chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Philosopher A.C. Grayling on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Rosario Dawson, Max Greenfield, and Gloriana on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Louis C.K., Rachel Maddow, and Flaming Lips on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Russell Brand, Bob Costas, and Gary Allan on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Sarah Silverman, Hugh Dancy, and Gordon Lightfoot on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC

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UPDATE: MTV has confirmed Gandee's death, according to Deadline.

If this is an April Fool's gag, it's a REALLY dark April Fool's gag (and sadly, I don't think it's an April Fool's gag): TMZ is reporting that 21-year-old Shain Gandee, star of MTV's Buckwild, has been found dead in a vehicle in West Virginia, along with two other bodies.

Suffice it to say, this tragic news going to call into question whether the show will actually return for Season 2.

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It's almost heeeeeeeere. The Vampire Diaries' Klaus-centric spin-off The Originals, that is. The backdoor pilot is set to air as the April 25 episode of TVD, and as of today there's an official synopsis and a handful of episodic photos to peruse! Ahoy:

KLAUS RETURNS TO HIS PAST IN NEW ORLEANS — Acting on a mysterious tip that a plot is brewing against him in New Orleans, Klaus (Joseph Morgan) makes a trip to the town he and his family helped build. Klaus’s questions lead him to a reunion with his former protégé, Marcel (guest-star Charles Michael Davis), a charismatic vampire who has total control over the human and supernatural inhabitants of New Orleans. Determined to help his brother find redemption, Elijah (Daniel Gillies) follows Klaus and soon learns that Hayley (guest-star Phoebe Tonkin) has also come to the French Quarter searching for clues to her family history, and has fallen into the hands of a powerful witch named Sophie (guest star Daniella Pineda). Meanwhile, in Mystic Falls, Damon (Ian Somerhalder) and Stefan (Paul Wesley) continue with their plan for Elena (Nina Dobrev), while Katherine (Nina Dobrev) reveals a surprising vulnerability to Rebekah (Claire Holt) and asks her to deliver a message. Chris Grismer directed the episode written by Julie Plec (#420).

Okay, so there isn't all that much new info to go on. But there seems to be a lot of love out there for Elijah, and Klaus certainly has his moments. So there's definitely potential, right?

Anyway, here are those photos I promised you! Caution: There is a LOT of intent staring ahead.

Photos from The Vampire Diaries: "The Originals"

Alright guys, go nuts. What's your excitement level for this thing?

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Bates Motel S01E03: "What's Wrong with Norman"

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Mother!

Well, not exactly like that, but you get the idea. After Bates Motel spent its first two episodes settings up some "stuff" for the Norms to deal with—rapists, overzealous sheriffs, cute girls, handsome deputies, and estranged family members—"What's Wrong with Norman" moved the plot forward a few steps, potentially answered a couple of questions, and complicated their lives just a bit more.

Since the episode was all about what's wrong with Norma, let's talk about him. Understandably stressed after having to flee from pot field guards last week and feeling sort of mixed up about the fact that the amateur manga notebook from the motel is actually a diary of some sort, Norman found it difficult to focus on his language arts test, imagining his teacher, Miss Watson, tied up like one of the women in the book, clothes all tight and sweaty. Oh, and for one very quick half-second, he saw Norma, too:

It was a really well put together sequence—his test paper kept becoming sketches from the journal, the audio warped and distorted as Miss Watson said Norman's name, and I'm pretty sure we also heard Vera Farmiga say "Norman," a second or so before her quick appearance. The editing and sound mixing were very spot-on here, really selling how much stress and sexual frustration Norman's experienced, and so when he fell out of his chair, it felt really earned. 

Norman ended up in the hospital, as well he should've. Of course, the doctor wanted to know if Norman had a history of blacking out, and Norma got defensive and cagey, replying, "Nope. Never. Not at all." The lady doth protest too much, methinks. And then, it turned out, much later in the episode, as Norman and Dylan chatted after the latter's shift guarding the pot field, that Norman had no memory whatsoever of attempting to take that meat tenderize to Dylan's skull. None. Zilch. Nadda. Nothing. "I hardly think I tried to kill you," he told Dylan. "You were pretty badass." "I'm sure I struck fear into your heart."

And so the icing on this sexually charged angry cake came a few scenes later, when we saw Norman lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, and were given the impression of time passing for Norman as light zoomed by his window. And time had passed, but for Norman it likely also passed into a different state of consciousness as Norma appeared. Except it wasn't really Norma. It was Mother. And Mother wants him to clean up the mess of Shelby having Summers' rape utility belt in his possession because he found it when the police searched the Norms' house.

Last week, I mentioned that when Norman attacked Dylan, he didn't really seem like Norman, at least not the way that Freddie Highmore had been playing him thus far. It was a difference between "pouty teenager" anger and not, well, "take a meat tenderizer to your half-brother's head" anger. Knowing what we do about Norman's future (or at least the future as we can conceive of it, treating the original film as the result of all this), I theorized that it was likely Mother emerging, that murderous, internalized ideal of Norma that Norman carries inside of him, that ends up taking control of him. 

Also last week, a few of you debated in the comments who, exactly, killed Sam, the late Mr. Bates. Was it Norma, or was it Norman? Evidence from the first episode suggested Norma—she was cleaning up in the shower—but what if Norman had first been scrubbed clean by Norma, and put into his bed by her, and only woke up from his fugue state as the episode began? He has no memory of attacking Dylan, and so perhaps he has no memory of killing his own father. After all, Norman and Mother said that they can't allow Shelby to do to them what Sam did.

So, yeah, Shelby. He may've found the belt, and he said he didn't tell Romero about it, interestingly enough. Norma, relying again on her feminine wiles to get what she needed, found out that Shelby is willing to protect her and Norman—you know, in exchange for making out on his couch. And probably other things. Like French-kissing and stuff. While it all came off as pretty lecherous and creepy, it wasn't as downright horrible as Norman finding the sex dungeon in Shelby's basement—complete with a disco ball and not one but two video cameras—where he's keeping a Chinese woman chained up, likely the one we saw at the end of the first episode if the track marks on her arm are any indication. 

So the Norms' supposed white knight isn't as noble as he seems. But then again, what in White Pine Bay is as it as appears?

COMMENTS FROM THE GUESTBOOK

– I really love how appropriately freaked out Emma is by everything. She looked haggard and worried as opposed to playing it cool and collected. Her confession about using the whole "buried sex slave in the woods" situation as an excuse to hang out was sort of perfect, too. At the very least, she's a far more compelling character than Bradley is.

– "Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Bates."

– Ethan has never seen nor heard of Deliverance. I'd likely have spent the rest of my guard duty with him finding out what other classic Burt Reynolds films he hadn't seen. It would likely culminate in me exclaiming, in my best Sterling Archer voice (which is horrible), "HOW HAVE YOU NOT SEEN GATOR?!" 

– "Everyone seems better in old movies. Even bad ones."

– White Pine Bay's city motto: "An Eye for an Eye." Seriously, do they just indoctrinate it into people? 

What'd you think of "What's Wrong with Norman"?

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What to watch on Friday, March 29...

8pm & 8:30pm, ABC
Happy Endings
ABC’s red-headed stepchild sitcom bows on its new night and time, beginning with Brad and the gang striving to rescue his workplace from going under in “In the Heat of the Noche.” That’s followed by “The Straight Dope,” which gives us Max posing as a straight dude to gain access to a woman’s Bulls season tickets, and Alex surprising the group by trying to evolve past her dumb-blonde rep.

8pm, The CW
Nikita
“Inevitability” puts Nikita and Alex at odds when the former recommends Division assassinate the president of Chad while he’s visiting Paris. Couple this episode with that House, M.D. where Chase had to treat a dictator, and I’d guess that TV Tropes gets its “ethical quandaries over killing African heads of state” page together by Monday at the latest.

9pm, The CW
Cult
Skye is much the worse for wear after being drugged at last week’s Cult fan party, and it’s up to Jeff to procure a remedy in “The Good Fight.” Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the synchronicity of Matt Davis, who, though no longer a part of The Vampire Diaries, is still spending some of his 2013 searching for a cure in order to thwart lunatics.

9pm, NBC
Grimm
NBC’s press site bills “Nameless” as a take on the tale of Rumpelstiltskin. Since the plot entails Nick and Hank venturing online to pursue a murderous Wesen, I suppose they’ll have to guess the culprit’s user name to bring him down. Or maybe they’ll have to spin straw into bitcoin.

9pm, Fox
Touch
Martin locates Dr. Teller’s first patient in “Clockwork,” but it’s kind of a good news/bad news situation. The good news is that the man has vital information. The bad news? He’s a few hours away from receiving the death penalty for triple-homicide, and he won’t spill his guts until Martin can reunite him with his estranged daughter.

LATE-NITE:
– Chelsea Handler, 105-year-old Edythe Kirchmaier, and Sky Blu on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC

What to watch on Saturday, March 30...

SPRING PREMIERE, 8pm, BBC America
Doctor Who
“The Bells of Saint John” greets the Doctor with a new adversary in the Spoonheads and a new companion in Clara (Jenna-Louise Coleman). Ironically, while the Spoonheads have completely human-shaped heads, Clara is actually a five-foot-seven sentient spork.

SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, BBC America
Orphan Black
Upon finding out she’s a clone, an orphan named Sarah is soon drawn into a perilous conspiracy in this new supernatural series. The opener finds Sarah escaping into a new identity after she observes the suicide of a woman who looks exactly like her. And yes, it’s all BBC America all the time here at What to Watch Saturday Amalgamated Industries, because...

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, BBC America
The Nerdist
Chris Hardwick’s eponymous podcast gets the small-screen treatment, presumably with fewer zombie discussions than occur during his watch on AMC. (Not no zombie discussions, I’m sure, just... fewer.) The host and his crew of correspondents chat with entertainers, scientists, and other representatives of the ever more ephemerally defined “nerd culture.”

What to watch on Sunday, March 31...

MINISERIES FINALE, 8pm, History
The Bible
“Passion” concludes the miniseries with Peter denying Jesus, who is later betrayed and crucified. (Don’t worry, it doesn’t take.) Meanwhile, Paul ventures out on a road trip to Damascus, which I’m sure will prove entirely routine and inconsequential.

SERIES 2 PREMIERE 8pm, PBS
Call the Midwife
It’s Jenny Lee’s birthday as the second season opens, but she doesn’t have much time to celebrate before meeting a new patient who faces troubling circumstances. Elsewhere, Trixie and Sister Evangelina tend to a young woman who's preparing to give birth aboard a Swedish cargo ship; hopefully the mother-to-be has a name picked out already, lest she scan the surroundings for inspiration and wind up with a kid named after a prefab credenza.

8pm, BBC America
The Doctors Revisited
Third Doctor Jon Pertwee is next in the queue for this monthly special. His selected outing is 1970’s “Spearhead from Space,” in which an alien consciousness threatens to annihilate humanity through the use of plastic replicas, because I guess everything on the air tonight wants to set up Ikea jokes.

SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 9pm, HBO
Game of Thrones
Hodor, Hot Pie, Dagmer Cleftjaw, and the whole gang are back for another fun-filled season of mystical romps and heartwarming life lessons. “Valar Dohaeris” (“all men must serve,” if your High Valyrian is rusty) kicks things off with Jon meeting King-Beyond-the-Wall Mance Rayder, Tyrion seeking his just reward for saving King’s Landing, Littlefinger scheming toward Sansa, and Dany setting sail for Slaver’s Bay.

SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, PBS
Mr. Selfridge
Jeremy Piven stars as the titular department store magnate, a brash American who strikes it big in London, and you have my word that blurbs about this show will not make any jokes about him demanding that everybody “hug it out, wanker.” (Okay, not after that one.) In the first installment, the opening of Selfridges & Co. is stymied when Selfridge's business partner bails.

9pm, CBS
The Good Wife
It’s a pretty crowded slate tonight, and I was all set to bump The Good Wife for a week. But then “The Wheels of Justice” had to go and bring back Dylan Baker AND Gary Cole (AND Gary Cole’s mustache). So. You see the bind I’m in. Though perhaps not as much of a bind as the one Alicia and Will are in re: the prospect of being rid of Colin Sweeney. Or the one Diane is in re: rekindling things with Kurt McVeigh.

9pm, Showtime
Shameless
“Order Room Service” finds Fiona and the brood roughing it on a camping trip, so area squirrels are advised to lock up their acorns. Meanwhile, homeless Frank seeks the minimal creature comforts of a night in the family van and turns to Carl for assistance.

SEASON 3 FINALE, 9pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
With The Governor preparing to go on the offensive, the Penitentiary Pals must decide whether it’s worth defending home sweet prison in “Welcome to the Tombs.” Carl’s been perusing the abandoned base listings just in case, and he thinks he’s found a pretty sweet deal on a fixer-upper water treatment plant that's just up the road a spell.

And now, let’s all vote to crown the What to Watch Tonight Episode Title of the Week!

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Psych S07E06: "Cirque du Soul"

Psych's "Cirque du Soul" was basically a three-ring circus, and it featured a trio of romances: Lassie and Marlowe (up top for the return of Kristy Swanson!), Gus and Rachael, and Gus and Shawn.

The crime of the hour—robberies linked to the death of a trapeze artist—was so ancillary to the storylines that it's hardly worth recounting here.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing. Most Psych-Os tune in not for the whodunit, but for the hilarious situations our crimefighters find themselves in while attempting to solve the mystery.

But I can't help feeling that "Cirque" did a disservice to Lassie and Marlowe's epic love story. "This Episode Sucks," the vampire-themed installment in which the original Buffy star stole Lassie's heart, let us see the tough detective at his most vulnerable—and I fell harder for him than ever before.

So this week, from the moment Lassie welcomed the ex-con into his arms outside the prison gates—and it was a lovely moment—I expected great things. Unfortunately, their story was as frothy as the bubble bath a horrified Juliet found her partner sharing with his "honey bear." (A definite highlight, though something that poor Jules can never unsee.)

A quickie engagement—to circumvent a vindictive probation officer—replaced the badass proposal I was prepared to relish. Not a single Clint Eastwood reference from his diehard fans? The stoic antihero spoke this couple's language of love! 

Speaking of the language of love, It was Gus and Rachael's lovey-dovey appropriation of the BFFs' signature catchphrases that first riled Shawn this week: "Time out! She's doing our 'C'mon sons'?" protested the pretend psychic. (His outrage was legit: "C'mon son" should never be said in a baby voice.)

Through a series of unfortunate events—most of them involving Rachael's son Maximus—Shawn successfully sabotaged Gus's relationship: Rachael broke up with him.  

Now it was Guster's time to call a time out—by breaking up with Shawn.

The strain on their bromance, which is the soul of Psych, was "Cirque's" strongest story, and deftly handled by writer Saladin K. Patterson. In fact, the strength of this season has been the writers' emphasis on finally assigning equal weight to Gus's romantic relationship. He's officially graduated from "sidekick" to "full-fledged partner in crime."

Neither couple was apart for long: Henry reminded Gus that he'd always been the one constant in his son's life, while Shawn called Rachael and persuaded her to give his buddy another chance.

He also called Gus. A lot.

"Gus, this is my tenth message," he said to BFF's voicemail. "It's more than Mikey left for Nikki in Swingers!"

As usual, Gus rescued Shawn—disguised as an Icelandic exterminator with an accent stranger than Balki's—resulting in "some grown-ass men settling their differences."

"I know you're terrified and afraid of change, and that you hate Tito Jackson's birthday," Gus reassured his pal (referencing the date his mom moved out), "but I promise I will always be here." It was a perfect moment that managed to be both heartwarming and hysterical.

Then Shawn delivered another aw-worthy line to Maximus, who was waiting with his mom to reunite with Gus at the station: "You realize that is the coolest dude in the whole wide world?"

You know that's right.

QUOTES

– "My psychic powers generally don't kick in until someone's been missing for 48 hours. Unless that person is Eddie Murphy, from the movie 48 Hours, but sadly I fear he's lost forever." (Shawn to his client)

– "I'm still here, Shawn. And I'm not a leprechaun." (Rachael after Shawn mimicked her when he thought she'd hung up)

– "Quick: Say something to give your mom proof of life." (Gus on another call to Rachael)

– "Sorry, O'Hara, I'm too frustrated to care about what lowlife broke into what sign factory or how the ACLU's going to take all the fun out of catching him." (Lassie)

– "Orenthal James Simpson. My folks were big fans of Hertz rental car." (Shawn, explaining his circus alias.)

– "He better be talking to you." Gus to Shawn, when one of the circus performers said, "OJ, come with me if you want to leave."

– "OMG, WTF, JTT!" "Jonathan Taylor Thomas is not an acronym, Shawn." (Juliet, correcting Shawn after his horrified response to discovering Lassie at his home)

– "I'm tired of your mouth writing checks that my ass has to cash." "Gus, I'm going to need you to lower the volume or at the very least change that metaphor."

– "She went all Halle Berry and Boomerang on a brother." (Gus, on Rachael not returning his calls)

– "Of course I do, that's Tito Jackson's birthday!" (Gus, when Henry asked about the significance of Oct. 15, also the day Shawn's mom moved out)

– "I know, I know. TMI: Tell more information!" (Woody, oversharing about his sex life)

– "I am begging you to share less." (Juliet interrupting Ursula's raving about Lassie's sexual prowess, before realizing she'd be a perfect match for Woody)

QUESTIONS

– Were you disappointed in Lassie and Marlowe's rushed romance, or did you like seeing the severe detective besotted and soppy?

– On a scale of 1 to 10 pineapples, how do you rate "Cirque du Soul"?

– What wisecrack made you laugh the hardest?

– Rachael and Maximus: Annoying?

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